Inchy’s Ode: Monday 30th June 2025

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I escaped my flat, my three-roomed home,
First, I took my morphine and prednisolone,
An adventure to get out, though all alone,
Tried to identify each smell, each pheromone,
The tree copse, cooking food and cannabis,
I smelt the gloom, & people’s armpits,
Watched the dogs sniffing out bitches oestrone,
Sick on the pavement, looking like zabaglione,
In the distance, I thought I heard an altoist…
Then, I lost grip of my walking stick,
Took a tumble, realised I was not autarkic,
The Warden came over, and that did the trick.
She got me up again, back in the flat in a tick,
I sat and thought about Starmer…
Not a pleasant pondering on a wanker,
The PM, a backhander-taking free banqueter,
I, a tea & biscuit-dunker, he? Drunker!

He is an oligarch, I am a robbed pensioner,
But I didn’t get any angrier…
Cause the valve dropped off my catheter,
These things have happened before,
Anne Gyna, the ever-leaking oedema,
The nurse will be calling. Bless her,
Today, or the day after,
Clean, cream the legs, and replaster.
All the best to Starmer, the bloodsucker,
I’ve an appointment; Doctor of Neurology,
But that’s not until next November, you see,
My Doctor told them it was an emergency,
I’ve another urgent one waiting for me…
Glaucoma, been waiting since 2023,
I suppose this sounds as if I’m sorry?

Sorry for myself, pathetically?
I guess I may be anti-aristocracy?
They can afford private treatment, medically,
Murderers in jail get treated quicker than Inchy!
I put it down to jealousy, basically,
Worst of all, No Carer Joe, to look after Gerry!
Boosting my ego, caring carefully…
Always a smile, ever helpingly…
My depression depths now? Acceleratingly!
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I feel so low today
Sorry, it is how I feel
Help is not easy to find
Losing Carer Joe stinks
An infected brain rules how I think
I have to question my mind.
Confused most of the time
Now, depressed, all the time.
If there are any prospects of help…
I can’t see them. Sorry.

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Better

Morning view

Legs on waking were looking much calmer.
This would not last, of course.

Erm… can’t remember taking this, or why?

Carer Elaz snapped the top of my head.

Then the hand injury. He put cream on both of them and then on my feet for me.
Not too bad later.

Food arrived.
No-butter butter spreadable.
Regular tomatoes, Milk Roll loaf, Silesian sausages, Polish sausages, cheesy topped bread rolls.
Fish sticks, and three Tiger Tomatoes.
These might taste good.

Fridge not overfull!
Nurses & Carer shelves.

Carer Joe made his last ever call.
What a Priceless Man. He sorted out the online banking again. Bless his cotton socks!

Green/brown tomato sliced and put in the no-butter buttered wholemeal rolls. Two Sileasian sausages, red spring onions, beetroot and some beans. I seem to have run out of peas.
Gorgeous flavour!

Sorry, but tomorrow will be a busy day for me, and I’ll have to cope with more than one caller at the same time. I fear most of them.

British Gas is installing a Smart Meter and will need to turn off the power. Doing so will kill the emergency Panic Alarm, landlines, internet and TV. Plus the fridge and freezer. I have no idea how to get them back on. A genuine worry. So, a blog for tomorrow is doubtful in terms of time. The chances are that I won’t be able to use the phones, alarms, computer, stove, hot water, door, or intercom after they’ve been cut off to fit the Smart Meter, which I’ve never wanted anyway due to my arithmaphobia. Do I seem worried? That’s because I am, and with no Carer Joe to help me sort things.

UPS: Sent an email about a parcel being delivered tomorrow between 09:15 and 12:05 hours.

The nurse is due to clean and remediate, and replaster Lymphoedema Leslie’s bloated, leaking feet and legs.

The Neurology Surgeon’s assistant is to contact me on the landline to discuss the chosen procedure. Twixt 09:30 & 11:00hrs.

Precious is calling to fetch the Kaftans for hand washing, bless her.

There is a chance that the DVT Nurse will be taking blood for the Warfarin INR level testing.

The Community Nurses are due to take out the Cathy Catheter Contraption and replace it. (Shudder!)

How many will arrive at the same time is anyone’s guess, but with my luck, I’ll get all confused and forget all that people tell me.

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See Ya Later Alligator…
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Inchy’s Ode: Today: Sunday 29th June 2025

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AS I TYPED INSTANT MEMORIES…

Starting with Nelson Cigarettes,
I stopped smoking when they went up to 3/6!
Packs of ten, up to 1/9d, I went to the chemist,
To get something, to stem my baccy addiction,
Lozenges & tablets cost me a fortune!
I’d run out of them by later that afternoon,
Polo mints were cheaper, so I bought a carton,
A week later, off to the dentist in Carlton,
I still needed to stop my baccie attraction…
I overate and increased my aggression,
For unknown reasons, I suffered constipation,
Alcohol was not an acceptable substitution,

I tried nibbling carrots, dipped in vinegar,
My skin went Orange, the doc called it carotenemia,
It took me yonks to beat my addiction,
I could take months was the Doctor’s prediction,
Offering me  tablets, a sort of antidepressant,

The pangs eventually lessened,
I was again feeling benignant,
Regained control, became again complaisant,
But it cost me my body, growing so corpulent!

STUCK IN THE LIFT ON A SUNDAY!
It could happen to anyone, any day,
This day it was the turn of Inchy…
He pressed the alarm button quickly,
Noticed his catheter bag filling promptly,
He hoped the engineer would get there speedily,
His innards rumbled; his bowels may self-empty!
The lift cage shook as it inched up, jerkily…
T’was the fire Brigade, his mobile did tinkle
The voice sounded like he was using a swozzle,
His hearing aid batteries died. What a muddle!
Heard nothing, but thought I might be in trouble,
Instructions being given were inscrutable,
And his catheter bag was now so very, very full!
The inching the lift up, at this rate, it would be April…
Before I’d be rescued, thinking irrationally, silly,

Hours later came the shaming… it was terrible,
They got the lift door open, 2ft of space available,
To physically pull my mass up, all they could do,
Then leant in, and dragged me up and through…
To the flat I almost flew,
Emptied the catheter, what a phoo!
Trotsky Terence’s evacuation, which was well overdue
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Needed to thank whoever lifted me out of the lift, though,
Nice chap, his name was Angelino.
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I was busier overnight than I’ve been in years.
I think I addressed this in the last blog; I nearly bored you with more of the same. Phew! The amount of sleep I got is easy-peasy to work out.
Zilch, None, Zero, Ninguno, Keiner, Dim, Nessuno! 

Falling to sleep now! Huh!

Decent colour

What an ablutioning and medicalisationing visitation this morning. Go wrongable? It did! Huh!
I got some soapy, disinfected water in the bowl without any . Then the need for the Porcelain Throne arrived in a bit of a hurry… !!!
A controlled evacuation, which exited at the speed of a torpedo, followed by the usual splurty detritus. Cleaning it up with all the bending needed gave new life & vigour to and . It also took me that long to clean up, so that the water in the bowl had gone cold. No problem, you say? Just empty it and refill it, you say? Well, it was for me! I made a right mess dropping the bowl as I was tipping it into the sink. I didn’t clean it up; my EQ told me not to bother. As I was refilling it with a jug from the sink tap, the jug shot out of my neurotic grip and joined the cold, disinfected water on the floor! Of course, I just laughed this off and tucked into the painful job of mopping up and drying the floor and mats. (Huh!) 
Then, refilled the bowl with the same things and started to have a shave. (Yes, the blood flowed freely, but not voraciously!) Then, the door chime rang out, and Carer Manpreet came in. There I was, starkus, with blood streaming down my head… I had to ask Manpreet to pass me a pair of PPs as I’d run out of them in the wet room. Which she did. I was given the medications, and Manpreet cleaned the wound on my right hand where I’d trapped it in a kitchen drawer the other day. The feet seemed a lot less filled with oemeba fluids, but they soon refilled again as the day went on… and on, and on. I may not sound happy this morning, there are a few reasons for that. Losing Carer Joe, being the main one. As soon as Manpreet departed, I scurried back into the wet room to continue finishing the shaving.
Of course , the water for washing the feet had gone cold again!
As is my way, I carefully emptied the bowl and refilled it without incident.
I knew I shouldn’t have fallen into a state of smugness. As I began to finish shaving, I’d forgotten about the cuts earlier and swiftly added to the total. Which, as Carer Manpreet had said earlier, added to about twelve. Not now, it’s now sixteen, as far as I can gather. These, along with the three in gash from the other day, make me want to take the advice of Tim Price, and go ‘caveman!’

To the medication of the body’s various departments in need. I started with what I would usually leave till last. Little Inchies fungal lesion ointmentating. I was trying to be careful with the dropper… but dropped it! What a Plonker! It is only a tiny bottle, but all the liquid flowed away on the floor before I could get down to retrieve it… Banging my hand wound on the corner of the floor cabinet! I wiped it and put some Germolene on the thenar space this time, with a plaster. A good job; I keep some medications in stock for emergencies, just in case of any accidental injuries, falls, or walking into a door. Tsk!
Then they were cleaned, creamed and treated.

As far as here, and could do nothing for hours. Made infinitely worse because each bout from brought me back to semi-reality. And I couldn’t concentrate enough to do anything!
It was nearly going bonkers. I may have had a few times when returning to life, recovery took longer each time. Late in the night, the Seizures faded.

I made a meal ASAP in case the seizures returned.

MEAT FEAST TONIGHT

Carer Mizra came as I was washing the pots.
This evening view caught his eye.

I settled in after washing the pots and sat in the second-hand, charity shop-bought recliner that was £300, broken down, with a catheter tube crunching, dried blood-covered, grotty, dirty, and creaking frame, and fell asleep while watching the box. I stayed in it, as the Seizures and Colin Cramps had not bothered me, and might do if I got up to climb into the bed: Cunning, eh?

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May your Woes Weaken, & your Mojo Grow!
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