Ageing humour

Sat 25.4.15 Inchcock Today – Incredibly tired

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Saturday 25th April 2015

Woke up tired and weary? Why? – no idea!

Perhaps it was the shock of having a good day yesterday?

The haemarrhoids are bleeding again, Anne Gyna is back and I had an early dizzy spell! Tsk!

Did me BP tests and that: Sys 140 Dia 82 Pulse 78 Temp 30c.

IMG_0125Huh… another dizzy spell – oh dear.

WC’d.

Went down to make a cuppa and porridge to nibble.

The sky looked a bit threatening when I took this photograph, but it soon brightened up a bit later.

IMG_0124Made me cup of good strong Thompsons Punjana tea and a pot of cheapo porridge that I added a tiny bit of lemon honey to and returned to the laptop and gobbled em up.

Took me medications, then when I moved to visit the porcelain again I spotted a beta-blocker tablet on the mat… unsure if I’d dropped it this morning or not – but took a chance and wiped it un took it. These Bisoprolol tablets are so small, a bit like my… well never mind that now.

I feel I could fall asleep again now?

Did some Facebooking and a post on WordPress about Nottingham Pavement Cyclists – well, it’s just a gallery of about 30 photographicalisations that I’ve taken of the scallywags on me walks.

Nowt much else happened fer rest of the day I’m afraid – I just felt shattered, so tired and listless.

I kept trying to concentrate – tried learning a bit more about Corel Paint Pro but gave up in the end – fell asleep – tried watching a DVD but the drive kept sticking, did some graphics of sorts – fell asleep – eventually gave up and actually got me head down and slept some more…

So tired.

Hey-ho.

Mon 6/4/15 – Inchcock Today: Papplewick Pumping Station

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Monday 6th April 2015

0100h2

Didn’t get to sleep until around 0400hrs. Slept through until 0830hrs. Took medications and applied gels and lotions.

Started prep for this diary – checked emails, Facebook between visitations to the porcelain.

Spit and polished myself changed and got ready to wait for BJ’s arrival for out trip to Papplewick Pumping Station.

Looking forward to the trip out and seeing Young David and BJ again.

BJ arrived with David in the car and we were off to Papplewick Pumping Station.

The sun was out today, but of course muggins here had to keep the sun off me head and skin so everyone there kept giving me odd looks – most folk in tee-shirts or summer wear, me wrapped up like Scott of the North. Tsk!

0106David was excited and him and I went on a wander around, David as usual wanting to eat at the cafe, a big lad David who despite his problems is a happy sort and I usually enjoy being in his company.

Today we walked around happily for a while chin-wagging to some of the volunteers on site.

They had some new engines working today.

I took some photographs of the Mini-Train that David likes to go on. this time I was not up to going on it with him though – the boil on me 0102bum and haemorrhoids made sure of that.

Note they were in shirtsleeves – looking at me as I took the photo here on the left – no doubt wondering why this old chap had his hat and a big coat on?

Eventually I chanced taking me hat off and kept in the shade as much as possible.

The steam engine chap had his daughter and a large dog with him today on his tractor.

0105I noticed the dog was chained to the tractor trailer and a large grip collar was on him. So reading into this I didn’t go close to it – oh no.

I took the shot from a distance using the zoom facility.

The animal didn’t look too friendly to me like.

We were now at the pond where there were many model boating enthusiasts including 0104some with model lifeboats, QE2, etc.

We walked around the circumference of the lake.

With so many people around today, the Carp in the lake were keeping out of view and deep within the depths.

0107I had to wait for a while for the folk to pass before taking this shot of the lakeside.

David and I walked to the rear where there were just two vintage cars there today.

This Morris 10 I think car stole me heart.

0103It brought back memories for me and as I looked closely to take the photo, the lady in the passenger seat hid her face behind the pillar. That brought back memories too Hehe!

David wanted to go on the trip to the reservoir but I was in no state to go with him and he was little sad about that bless him.

We met BJ as we walked around and as we were talking to him, the dizzies started and I felt unwell with them.

0108David and BJ went on a walk and I found myself sat rather comically in an uncouth position on a slated bench – to avoid catching me boil and piles taking a rest – I can’t really remember going there though.

I put me hat back on then fell asleep after taking this photo and woke feeling not too good but better than I was – if you know what I mean?

BJ rang me to see where I was, and we all met up and nattered with staff at the gatehouse before departing – me feeling a lot better now. Worried about losing memory of had happened for a while though.

Must make note of this for the doctor tomorrow.

BJ ran us home and I thanked him and David seemed happy as I got out of the car and waved them goodbye as they drove off.

0109I got in the dump and WC’d then made a nosh of BBQ beans a beef slice and some bread thins. Followed by an ice-lolly and a pot of ice-cream – I thought I was feeling a bit better now.

I think I enjoyed this nosh, cause afterwards I nodded off… for 11 hours! When I woke up and put the light on I found the dirty dish bereft of food and well wiped.

Inchcock Questions His Life: In rhyme?

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Sad and depressed Inchcock thought with Venom and Zest about his life – In Rhyme!

Q02

Why when born his mother wanted to him disown?

Why so ugly, and doesn’t he know the meaning of homophone?

Why at five into the canal he was intimidatingly thrown?

Why is he so naturally accident-prone?

Why Mummy ran away leaving him and Dad alone?

Why his bother went into the army, his sister went off to Rome?

Why in later years he never tried methadone?

Why his Dad always refused to buy him a gramophone?

Why he didn’t what was a pheromone?

Why his deafness made other folk tut and groan?

Why did like the sound of the clarinet and saxophone?

Despite his musical ignorance he seemed to like the tone,

Why he never got fed food that was home grown?

Why he didn’t realise he’d no garden just grey stones?

Why his falling in love Cupid had to postpone?

Why he did he not understand this thing about the the ozone?

Why didn’t he like tripe, cow-heel and any currant scone?

Why was it him that always grazed his shin-bone?

Why did he look like a weasel and not Stallone?

Why others used him as a stepping stone?

Why was he short on testosterone?

Why for misery he’d make a perfect cicerone?

Why he had no cash, pounds dollars or krone?

Why for morbidity and depression he’d become best-known?

Why, how had he become the perfect boring drone?

Why he had become pathetic and he hadn’t known?

Why was he no longer the girl-pulling cyclone?

Why is he in pain from knees fingers shoulders & hipbone?

Why could he not have realised and foreknown?

Why can he not resist a chunter and miserable groan?

Why doesn’t he swear like others instead he says, I’ll be blown?

Why self-survival skills the idiot couldn’t hone?

Why when deaf does he have an old basic mobile phone?

Why does he live a solitary zombie like life alone?

Why has his maturity just never grown?

Why in an aeroplane has he never flown?

Why is he a wimp without any back-bone?

Why does he think he’ll one day be well known?

Like Galileo, but Inchy will remain forever unknown,

Why he isn’t destined to fame or to sit on the throne,

Why has he never tried and tasted zabaglione?

Why his emissions of wind are so very well known?

Why for his passed failures he cannot atone?

Why confidence and ability he does not own?

Why he fears reincarnation or someone making of him a clone?

Why he lacks social skills and has no backbone?

Why he seeks a social outlet microphone?

Why he wants someone to adopt him or take him on loan?

Why they keep attaching him to an osteophone?

Why cyclist on pavements he just cannot condone?

Why he’s cheered up now is not known…

Yes it is, BT Internet’s back working & he’s on his WordPress Zone!!!

Inchcock Interview planned by Radio Nottingham’s Shirley Blamey!

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Nottingham pensioner Juan Inchcock (69) retired Sanitary Towel machine oiler and filler-upperer , well known locally for his hatred and ridiculing of cyclist on pavements, mad mobility scooter drivers and soggy chips has been invited by Radio Nottingham to be interviewed and have a chance to answer questions phoned in directly from Nottingham cyclists and mobility scooter drivers on the air.

Station Obergruppenfurher Mike Steeden had originally objected to the BBC management at having to include Inchcock on the show.

BBC0001

Marissa Bergen (Left) interviews studio Obergruppenfurher Mike Steeden. 

Mr Steeden explained when our reporter Marissa Bergen interviewed him: “Due to the well known flatulence problems the old chap suffers with, his temperamental bladder, his uncouth appearance and lack of social skills, his falling asleep when one is talking to him, I can’t understand a word of his thick Nottingham accent…”

He paused to get his breath a moment and continued “If he falls down he can’t get up again – and he does a lot of that… falling down. A health and safety risk he is… He can’t hear what one is saying even with his hearing-aids in, he’s blind as a bat, wonders off at a whim, if he sees a pigeon we’ve lost him…”

Marissa squirmed and said: “You don’t like him do you?”

“Not a lot” Mike replied “He’s as thick as two-planks, uneducated and limps about Nottingham taking photos of pigeons, mallard ducks on the canal, cyclists on the pavement, what he thinks are dangerous mobility scooter drivers… in fact the twit is trying to get up a movement to get Government to bring in driving tests, insurance requirements, alcohol content tests for the drivers and is currently designing a ‘Stinger’ for them that he can and says he will use? He’s potty…”

At this point an assistant came into the room and handed Mr Steeden a note, which he read and pondered on for a short while, then told the assistant: “Tell the boss I agree.”

He turned to face Marissa and quipped: “Of course it takes all sort to make a rich colourful mix of citizens in Nottingham and I have to show a magnanimous side in the job – so I’ve decided to allow Shirley to do the interview with Inchcock, but we must get Inchcock in for a ‘Set-the-rules’ meeting. Any other questions Ms Bergen?

“Er… no.. I…” Mike left the room rapidly calling for his assistant as he left?

BBC02aA confused Marissa put her things back in her bag and noticed Mike had left the note brought in my his assistant on the table, so took a BBC001peep at it.

It seemed that Inchcock had promised goodies for Mr Steeden if he did the interview, including his collection of ‘Parade Magazines’ 1958 > 1962.

BBC02Mr Steeden and Ms Blamey arranged to meet Inchcock for the ‘set-the-rules-meeting and they took publicity photographs outside a strangers house for the press, because they didn’t want to show Inchcock’s house and him getting letters of sympathy from the public.

The discussion didn’t go well at all – Inchcock was so besotted with Shirley and passing wind continuously his concentration was non-existent. They has to hope for the best and arranged for Inchy to come to the Nottingham Radio station at a BBC01specific time for the interview.

Plans had to be made protect the staff there during the interview and they all met to agree on the best defence and Shirley came with a mock-up of a Swedish Anit-Germ Containment unit with a cardboard cut out of Inchcock in it to show her idea off.

They all willingly agreed to hire one on the day, nervously…

BBC03On the morning of the interview Inchcock arrived in plenty of time, but was unfortunately still wearing his pyjamas when he came into the office.

Much to the horror of Shirley and started his hands wandering where they should not be wandering, being unable to control his passion and desire for her.

Being the ultimate professional Ms Blamey belted him on the back of his head and threw him out, telling him to get back home and change into some normal day wear clothes. She arranged transport for him there and back to the studios. Kindly making sure he had his bus-pass with him first.

BBC04Inchcock looked a little hurt and sad as he wiped the blood from his wounds and left the building, head down to catch a bus home to his flea-pit.

As he alighted from his bus a mobility scooter very nearly had him over and an uncontrollable hatred raged as he dragged the driver from the scooter to give him a jolly good belting around his head and admonish him for his careless driving…

BBC05The man head-butted Inchcock, threw him over his shoulder onto the pavement and kicked him in the head a few times then hit him on his forehead with one of the two dozen bottles of 8.4 proof Apple cider from his mobility scooter shopping basket while cursing loudly.

The paramedics attending Inchy told the press that Inchcock would not be in any fit state to do any radio interviews for quite a while yet.

Shirley and Mike were cheered-up no end when they heard.

Inchcock Today: Thurs 15th Jan 15

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Up around 0235hrs in urgent need of painkillers and the WC.

Tended to both, then I set about thinking about the possibility and practicability of giving thought to the eventual workability of giving consideration to the probability of actually getting up and the hazards and attainableness along with the plausibility and validity along with the health risks of moving within the next hour…

Bits of the dreams were milling about in my phyche but by the time I’d started the laptop to record them here, they had drifted into the ether again.

I got up after 4 hours on the laptop facebook blog and bog.

Took medications and repeatedly passed wind to the point that I think I changed colour?

0401LyntDid graphic for Lynton Cox as it’s his birthday – he tells me he is 24 now?

Got missen washed and brushed up and got the things ready for a walk into town – but changed me mind as soon as I opened the door and the wind blew the rain in!

I put a scarf on and me shoes that did not leak and poddled to the bus-stop in the rain and caught one into town.

0402MiltonDropped off at Victoria Centre and walked along Milton Street.

Looking a bit murky I thought.

That was until a few minutes later when I got to the end of the road and the darkness loomed.

Then a bit of sunshine came through and it stayed like that spot of sun in the gloom then overcast and down came the rain all day!

I walked over to Clinton Street and made my way to Primark where I hoped to get a couple of the thermal shirts and a hat from. My current hat is coming unstitched. Tsk!

0404Prim01I managed to just avoid a twat in a mobility scooter running me over as I turned the corner. One of those that the council hire out for free.

I went into Primark and took a photo from near the rear-entrance where I entered the shop from because it is higher and the ladies section was below.

I made my way down and got the escalator up to the gents clothing department.

Had a good roam around and managed to get the last three shirts in stock!

I had look at their shoes but was not impressed, and while doing so remembered my slippers are falling to pieces at home so took a gander at their selection. They were all the slip-on type so I decided to go look at what the Shoe Zone store had to offer.

On my way out I took some photo’s of what the TFZ gals call ‘Bling’ – jewellery to post on Facebook! Nobody seemed to take any notice of my photographicalisationing today.

0405USAOut into the weather and walked along Bridlesmith Gate in the shoe shops direction.

As I passed the American Apparel store the sky suddenly lit up as the sun was allowed through – for a short while anyway.

Mind you, by the time I’d reached the end of Bridlesmith Gate the darkness 0403Clintonhad descended again as I turned right down to Chapel Bar.

I couldn’t help but feel sorry for a Big Issue seller at the bottom of Regent Street, wet and cold he was doing his best to sound cheerful bless him, so I slipped him a couple of quid and a bit of loose change.

Then turned right and down to the Shoe Zone shop. They have such a wide range of interesting and young style shoes WPliefor gents I always go there for my shoes… ooh er… Alright then… their cheap!

I had a wander around and sneaked some more photographs of ladies boots and children’s footwear for the TFZ gals. Again, nobody seemed to notice me?

0408SlippI found some men’s slippers with Velcro fasteners on offer at £6 ($9.11) a pair 0r Two pairs for £8 ($12.14)(AUD$11.05)! So I grabbed two pairs and went to pay for them.

As I got outside I realised I’d been charged £12 ($18.22)! So I went to wet bench although the rain had stopped and checked out the slippers, the only difference was the colour – one blue and one brown pair?

I returned to the store and the chap said that only one pair of the slippers was on the offer with the pink tag?

I inquired why that was… nicely like. He shrugged and informed me he didn’t make decisions like that.

0409slabA tad dejected I made my way to the Slab Square, where I noticed they had cleared all the stalls and ice-rink etc completely now.

I took my midday medications a little late like but still.

The sky had brightened up a bit, but the clouds were perceivably moving at a good rate of knots.

By the time I’d reached the top of King Street the darkness had returned.

0410artI visited the jewellery store where the moving polar bear display was last week but they had gone – bought possibly?

In Trinity Square I spotted my first bit of Nottingham Street Art of the day.

Can you make out what food is (or was) from this photograph?

Doesn’t say a lot for Nottingham food outlets when even the pigeons wont go near it!

I caught the bus back to Carrington and called in the Co-op shop to get some cobs.

Back to the flea-pit WC’d and read the mail that had been delivered. One from the bank, one from the dentist and one from the hospital.

Put me things away and got the laptop going… slowly, but going.

BingShoesSister Jane email received. Told me she was not feeling too well and decided to go to bed and have a cuppa and a good read of the paper.

She sent me a photo of why she did not!. Hehe

Took me medications with me meal – Last of the pork loin in me cobs and some fries.

The “Zimmer Frame Squeak’s” Pop Group formed by Inchcock

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Nottingham Pensioner inspired by Englebert Humperdink’s comeback!

EH02Arnold George Dorsey was born in Madras one of ten children to British Army NCO Mervyn Dorsey, who was of Irish descent, and his wife Olive, who was of German descent.

His impression of Jerry Lewis prompted friends to begin calling him “Gerry Dorsey”, a name he worked under for almost a decade. A name-change to the more arresting Engelbert Humperdinck, borrowed from the German 19th-century composer of operas such as Hansel and Gretel. Dorsey adopted the name professionally.

On 1 March 2012, the BBC announced that Humperdinck would represent the United Kingdom in the final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2012.

Juan found out about this in 2014 during one of his rare moments of awareness.

Henglebert Eumperdink’s return to sing in the Euro-vision Song Contest for England, has inspired the Nottingham pensioner and former Bottle Cork Tester Juan Inchcock to form a musical group from within his Nottingham City Hospital Rehabilitation Group members.

EH01

Manager and lead singer of the group Inchcock (69) commented on the forming of the group to our reporter Lint Onitt:

“The group currently consists of Arthur Itis (71), Cis Titus (60), Anne Gina (67), Con Genital (59), Ed Imma (82), Dee Zees (63), and Harry Thmia (63), but of course any one could pop their clogs at any-time, so we have a few reserves to replace them as and when we do drop off like.”

We waited while Mr Inchcock coughed up some blood-laced black gooey phlegm, limped to the WC to pass water, returned looking pale and shaky, smiled, adjusted his hearing aids and then continued:

“Our first recording is a mix of Bernard Bresslaw’s ‘They were making mad passionate love’, Bernard Cribbin’s ‘Right said Fred’, and Morecome & Wises ‘Boom Oooh Yatatata’, with a backing sounding similar to ‘Your a Pink toothbrush, I’m a blue toothbrush’ from Max Bygraves.”

EH03

I was flabbergasted, Juan had caught my attention with that statement.

Mr Inchcock scratched at his impetigo, and picked at the welts on his hands for a while, hobbled to the WC again, and returning muttering to himself about the Outer Mongolian Gungo bean crop being down by 2.6% in 1969, rubbed his arthritic knees then added:

“Although some parts of the recording were originally made in 1959, we think this song will impress the younger generation – when we first played it to the Rehabilitation staff here at the centre, they were speechless!”

He struggled to the WC, continuing when he returned covering his flies area with his welt covered finger bent crooked hands:

“And the sound is original too, not many songs out there that are recorded using a bazooka, comb and paper, and live recordings from the operating theatre!

We call our group ‘The Zimmer Frame Squeak’s’…”

At this point Mr Inchcock coughed, went white, passed wind and collapsed in a flabby heap on the floor, and was collected by the porters, carried to the WC and then taken out through the back doors.

Group member Arthur Itis (71) called out “Right I’ll take over now, we’ll do Bill Hayleys ‘Rock around the clock instead now Juan’s clocked out!”

If he survives, we will try to bring you more on this new old genre in music!

Inchcock Today: Wednesday 17th December 2014

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0301thermWednesday 17th December

Sprang awake at 0250hrs.

Angina still bothersome too.

WC.

0302dream

Graphic wot I dun to explain the only bit of the dream I could remember

Again I could remember wanting to remember a dream but could not remember much – only corridors and passages with me being lost with my shopping bags. I’m sure there was much more to the nightmare but… no real memory?

Made a cuppa and started laptop.

No internet connection again, so I restarted the laptop… got message 32Fat is unstable – checking. Or something like that, went through and opened alright with internet connection back on?

WC.

Did some blogging and Facebooking.

Another cuppa and took me medications.

Got myself ready to go out with the intention of going to Derby and feeding the dicky-birds…

However…

Putting me glasses (Spectacles) on and the left lense fell out! It took me an hour to find it. Kept it safe in glasses box with the damaged frame – then spent another hour looking for me old glasses to wear on me journey.

So, rearranged me plans for the day and set off on me walk into town… that turned into a bus ride into town on account of the wet rain like.

Another interesting bus ride it was too.

The single decker bus was crammed with passengers like sardines in a can. There was hardly room to move let alone any seats. And when the poor devils who wanted to get off at stops the poor devils who were stood hanging on for life to the bars had to shuffle off and back on the bus to allow them to get off!

I laughed on about the third time this happened and a woman asked me “If I thought it was funny?” I replied “Well it’s certainly an interesting ride isn’t it?” She was not impressed and grumpft at me.

Ah-well.

0303town

Depressing view I thought

When I got off the bus in town and walked down towards the City centre, the view demanded a photo from me.

Most suitable I thought for how I felt at that moment… Sparse, barren, dark, dank, wet and depressed. Tsk!

 Hey-ho.

0303atown

View of Nottingham Slab Square today

I pressed on and down into the slab square, where the lights on the Winter-Wonderland Festival showed up brightly in the dark wet weather.

It would have been about 1100hrs I imagine then, but still the light of day did not appear – the gloom won in more than one way to me.

I walked up Friar Lane to the Boots 0303bootsOpticians shop and explained my problem to the lady there.

She took the glasses off of me and said she’s be a few minutes, take a seat. I preferred to stand in case me knees froze up and took a look through the frames on display on the walls.

A few minutes later she returned and explained: As she was taking the spectacles out of the case – one of the nose supports dropped off! Have you any shopping to do?

I’m got to go to the bank?

See you later then.

Thank you.

As I left the shop and wandered down towards the bank I pondered, what next?

In two days I’ve broken a tooth, cut me tongue, the Angina is bad, me dizzy-spells are back, lost me glasses lense and now had to get a new nose thingy replacement?

The dentists next month, my slippers have split, my picker has broken…

As I said before, Hey-ho!.

So I sorted things at the bank and returned to the opticians. Collected me repaired spec’s and made an appointment to 1100hrs in the morning to have me eyes tested.

I was getting more depressed although I couldn’t figure out why as the day went on.

0305

More spending by Inchcock – Tsk!

I poddled up into Victoria Centre to the cheapo shop and got another 4 for a pound Lion Bars – fatal again for me wallet that. Because the shop was opposite the HMV shop and I veered across to foolishly look at the DVDs on offer. They had an interesting looking film with Stallone and  Schwarzenegger called ‘Escape Plan’ It was in the 2 for a pound display so I got another ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’ with Ben Stiller.

Then I went into Tesco to get some Cream Horns that I’m addicted to… but they didn’t have any…. Sob! Boo!. I asked an assistant and he went to have a look if they had any in stock and came back with a negative answer. But it was nice of someone to try innit?

I should have just left… well I did… but not until I purchased two different cream cakes to take with me – No Willpower at all me! Tsk, huh and blabberpinkles!

0304Sherb

Anti-social Scum-free Street today! Yippee!

Ashamed of spending too much again, I made my way to the bus-stop and dropped off on Hucknall Road.

Walked up the hill and turned right into my road and it hit me: (Pleasantly) There were no apprentice yobs in view! Perhaps the rain had put them off?

Who knows…

Got in, made a cuppa and updated this Diary.

Tried to watch a DVD… gave up when I kept falling asleep.

Must remember the opticians appointment in the morning!

Inchcock Today: Friday 12th December 2014

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05F03thermFriday 12th December 2014

I stirred into imitation life at around 0400hrs and laid there thinking about all sorts of things in a disguised effort not to get up I think.

Raining this morning, but quiet decently warm, just hope the wind lessens a touch in case I have to go out later.

After a while I had to use the WC and that spurred into activity of a sort.

I started the laptop then went down and made a good tasty cuppa.

While doing so, I noticed the sleeve from last night’s Meal-for-two cottage pie that I had devoured with great greed and pleasure.

Foolishly I read the details on that sleeve written in traffic lights warning colours:

05F02meal

Fat 20.4g Saturates 48g Sugars 2.0g Salt 1.7g

Not the healthiest of choices was it? But I did enjoy it, but not the guilt now. Took the photo of the sleeve as a warning to any blogger who wants to eat healthily to recognise and avoid.

Still feeling a tad annoyed about the lack of listening and help from Asda yesterday.

Internet and Coreldraw9 going alright this morning – up to now.

Updated this diary to here… hello the stomach’s rumbling… not surprised really because last night when I demolished the Cottage Pie meal for two, I then ate a packet of Marmite bread sticks then the gigantic fresh cream horn. Naughty…Tsk!

I’m scared of belching or passing wind now. Hehe.

Whoops… WC’d

Made up a lot of graphics and facebooked… then the BT Internet connections was lost.

So much for the lying turds at BT getting me to upgrade to Fibre Infinity with their hogwash about “Up to three times faster, more reliable and at the same cost”… Huh!

Two weeks later the cost went up, it ain’t no faster and has let me down more than the old one landline one ever did!

When it comes back on, I feel the need to do a graphic about them…

Some time later, after many rests, closures an opening, and resting of the laptop it came back on.

HogwashHumpf!

I set about me daily preparing for me little walk:

I stripped off (Sorry about that… it must be an horrendous thought to you all, it is to me!) and stood in a bowl of hot washing up liquided and antiseptic disinfectanted water to wash me tooties while I had a shave at the same time. Then did me teggies and oiled me ear-holes.

Dried me feet and set about putting me clean socks on – not an easy task with me arthritis, accompanied by me usual verbal’s “Oooh, argh… acht… shit… Ohohohooo, Christus! Ohh!… ha,ha,ha,  ohahooahoo, acht, hoohoo, ernyagamunnn owww, oh ah gorrit!

Then similar when I put the other sock on.

05F001bI cut me toe nails, but do not want to repeat what I voiced while endeavouring to do this as it did involve some rather crude and offensive words being uttered I’m afraid.

Then I rubbed in the newly prescribed Capsalcin cream I’m trying in place of the Phorpain Iboprufain cream, although the GP told me I can go back onto using the Phorpain 05F001Gel if this is has no better pain relief.

I’ll see how it goes for a few day methinks.

Face-towelled all over with warm water and Dettol.

05F001aThen I rubbed the Cetraben emollient cream well in all over decaying flabby body apart from the head and face.

Then took me midday medications, Trental pentoxifyllines, Paracetamol, Nicorandil tablets and Codeine Phosphates a little earlier so I would not have to worry about taking them while out and about.

05F05skyYou what I have to endure just to go out? Hehehe, you get used to it yer know. (Fib mode adopted)

Adorned myself and wrapped up well, nice thick thermal long sleeve t-shirt, hat etc and set off on me walk to take some bits to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood. (Not far to go)

As I turned the corner at the end of the road, the sky looked beautiful. I took a picture of it.

It was not as cold as I thought it would be either, although the wind still blew up me trouser legs.

05F04carI chose a scenic route to walk on me trip, and noticed two very old carsmin a very bad state of repair. An old Robin Reliant three wheeler, that ooked like it hadn’t been moved for yonks and yonks. And I think what was a Triumph sports car that looked like it hadn’t been moved for even longer than the Reliant! I took a photograph of ‘em to post here. 

05F06shopI plodded on and into Sherwood and called at the second hand computer shop again and asked how much and what spec could he do me a laptop running on Vista for, sufficiently powerful enough to cope with Coreldraw9.

He’s going to call me later. (He didn’t say what name he was going to call me though. Hehehe)

I pressed on and up to the Nottingham Hospice shop and gave em me donations.

05F07aNHCSI had a look see if they had any good books in while I was there. I observed a bloke examining the ornaments in a close scrutinising manner while I was perusing the books and my EQ told me he was an antique shop owner looking for a bargain. My EQ is very rarely wrong about these things yer know.

I took a photo of him. I haven’t the slightest idea why I did… but I did? Weird is it not? Or is it just me that’s weird? Who knows?

Said me farewells to the staff and limped out (Knees getting a tad painful now) to walk down the hill back toward Carrington.

05F08skyBy the time I’d hobbled half a mile the sky started to look decidedly threatening, and yet even more beautiful to me.

Then the rain started spitting.

I called in the Polish delicatessen shop and got two slices of their tasty belly pork, and a small sliced continental loaf of bread and a jar of pickled beetroot.

Even had a nice natter with the chap who owns it.

05F09leakI came out and continued on me hobble home.

As I passed on of the pubs, there was a leak coming up through the pavement slabs at the corner of the building and slowly filling up the recess on the pavement – I assumed it was water because I couldn’t smell any hops! Hehe.

05F07skyBy the time I’d gone a few hundred yards further on up the hill, the sky began to brighten a tad and the sun blazed through the dark dank clouds.

Accident weather this yer know, some driver will get blinded with the sun and run up someone’s backside.

When  say that… I mean run his vehicle into the back of another! Not… well never mind…

Me feet were aching too by now, so I pressed on again back to the hovel.

A letter had been delivered informing me my house insurance was due for payment again – has it really been a year since last time I paid? I’ll have to nip into town tomorrow and pay it then…  risk injury amid the Big Issue sellers, mobility scooter crazies, Christmas shoppers and shoplifters I suppose. Hey-ho!

Of course, when I tried to get to update this Diary of Woe BT internet was not letting me in – well fancy that!

After a few tries it decided to allow me access – Tsk! Tsk! and double Tsk!

Got me nosh ready and took me evening medications.

It’s a good life innit?

Inchcock Today: Monday 8th December 2014

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01M01Monday 8th December 2014

Woke around 0450hrs.

WC.

Laptop on and working, did posts for the League of Mental Men and Inchcock blog sites.

Checked ‘Little Inchy’ when I scrubbed him up, no blood! I think it is moderately safe now to say after 9 weeks, he’s healing up is almost complete… or should I have said that? Oh dear…

Washed and titivated meself and assembled things for me trip to the Queens Medical Centre Haematology for INR Warfarin level tests.

Card, bus-pass, camera, specs, long-johns on, gloves, hearing-aids in etc.

01M03Set off on my hobble into town and the sky that was so threatening yesterday morning was less daunting, although obviously holding some rain I thought.

Cold wind again but not so strong.

As I approached the Hucknall Road junction, I was taking out my camera to film the sky from the same angle as yesterday when a very loud bang was hear.

I could see passengers in the buses and car drivers looking around – but I could not find what caused the noise.

It sounded very close to me… but with my hearing who knows? A clear bang if that is the word to use?

01M02Another mystery of Nottingham life? I didn’t hear owt about it on the news later.

I carried on me walk up Mansfield Road (0940hrs approx) and the traffic was queuing already on its slow way into town.

A walked through ic bus station and into Victoria Centre to get some Lion bars from the cheapo shop. Four for a pound yer know…

01M04Caught the bus out to the hospital… what a driver I’m sure his intention was to cripple as many passengers as possible… or the brakes had just been serviced?

Still, we free bus-pass merchants mustn’t complain.

As I entered the frontage, I noticed a Christmas tree had been placed in the centre spot in the middle of the road so all those ward windows would allow the patients to see it?

Big queue at the Haematology Dep’t, but I’d took me crossword book so it didn’t matter.

Next time I’ll take a pen as well!

01M03aWhen I got in and I got done I gave the nurses their nibbles to which I’d added a few chocolate liqueurs to cheer em up and thank em for Christmas.

On my way out I noticed the rain had started to fall and stayed under cover a few minutes until it lessened a tad… a good job I did.

Cause I’d left one of me bags behind in the waiting area at the haematology, so limped as quickly as I could back there to find this man and woman going through the contents. They were looking for some identification they said, and handed over me bag when I told them the contents.

01M05I can’t take myself anywhere nowadays… Tsk!

As I came out of the hospital again, I looked down at the lower level and noticed the queue of cars for the car park was not moving, and some cars had been parked on the chevrons and double yellow lines. I should imagine this would be overlooked while all the tram works were hampering things.

01M01bThe new tram bridge into the compound was being inched into place in this photo from the Nottingham Post paper.

I caught a bus to town but it was a Broad Marsh bus, not the city centre – lethal for me finances that – I had to hobble passed three DVD shops… oh dear… Ans Lorna from the Troll Free Zone had recommended a film called UP – so naturally I called in to see if they had it in stock…

01M06I came put of the shopping centre with ‘The Expendables 3’, ‘All Creatures Great and Small full series’ and ‘Grudge Match’.

Then walked to Marks and Sparks to see if they had any headphones. They didn’t.

I continued on me walk to town in the drizzle, and noticed outside the 24hour McDonald’s was a street artists looking rather glum poor devil. He’d been working making a dog and cat entwined representation in sand and the rain had ruined it. Felt so sorry for him I gave him a quid anyway.

01M07I poddled up exchange walk, not easy with the crowds motorbility scooters, Big issue sellers and people on pushbikes… and got to the top eventually without injury and took a photo of the Winter Wonderland stalls, with all the happy cheerful friendly people (Lie detected!)

The background of the old Prudential building looked grand against the skyline.

I limped up and caught a bus back to Carrington and the flea-pit.

WC.

01M08Had to sort me medication dose pots anew.

All colour coded mind… good stuff yer know. Took me flipping ages to do.

Laptop started, had me nosh while I waited for it to start…

Blow me no internet connection again… bloody BT! So much for them convincing me to go on fibre and how it will be faster more reliable… and they said no extra cost, then the prices went up after I’d been on it for 1 week! It’s the French yer know, they own it… I think?

It came on after a few resets and rebooting the latop… Huh!

Set about finishing this Diary, then did some facebooking and blog reading.

TTFN all…

Inchcock Today: Monday 3rd October 2014

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01M01

Monday 3rd October 2014

I was up at 0145hrs wide awake, mind you I did get me head down early.

Down to the fridge for the Inchy cream – now this morning it didn’t bleed much at all? But I’m still going to visit the G.U.M. clinic to see if I can or indeed need any more of the Daktacort cream, especially after it bled so much yesterday. (The ‘Inch’ not the cream like)

Got my LOMM posts all done, and was pleased with some of the graphics.

Did some Facebooking before getting ready for the long walk to the Clinic.

I set off and got as far as the end of the road and realised I’d not got me mobile phone with me, so returned and collected it… after a little search proved fruitful. Tsk!

Set off again on the trudge to the G.U.M. clinic.

Only had to wait about 20 minutes, and a young strapping lass came and called my name out. She took me into a little office and I explained everything to her about me bleeding tender little ‘Inch’.

We went into the examination room and she had a look with the magnifying tool and showed concern saying she would fetch a doctor to have a look at it. Despite all I’d explained to her about the bleeding, this surprised her.

A female doctor returned with her and had a good decker and grope at the ‘Inch’. Painfully at times.

She declared that she was going to consult with someone else and left, covering up the ‘Inch’ with a paper towel.

She returned and had  prod about again, the declared she was going to prescribe some cream with steroid in it. To be applied thinly once a day. I was to use it for 3 weeks then return for a check up. If things had not improved I’d be referred to a doctor for consideration for further investigation and even the snip.

01M02When they left the room this time as I waited for the Betamethasone corticosteroid cream to arrive – I definitely heard much laughter from the other side of the door! Never mind eh.

The cream arrived and I left and caught the free bus to the QMC for me INR level tests to be done. I got a bit of reading done en route. (Blood Red Snow).

When I arrived at the QMC I went up to floor D and the Anticoagulation therapy Department to explain why I wanted it doing today on the Doctors instructions. They said it would be alright, and sent me back down to the ground floor where I took a ticket and joined the queue.

Only two nurses on duty, but I managed to have a little natter with them.

Then caught the bus back to town and another out to Carrington, where I dropped off at Lidl to get some bread. I joined the queue at the till and waited as my beard grew and paid for the bread, again getting 4x1p pieces in the change.

As I walked home I thought I’d save all these 1p pieces and spend them at Lidl in one go, if they moan I’ll tell not to give em me in me change then!

Saw Big John going to the launderette instead of Tuesday. He said he’s got to go to a funeral tomorrow.

Got back to the dump, WC and laptop started passed wind and felt the blood from me piles running.

Went up and cleaned myself up – Gawd I’m getting through some clothes this last week. Bloodied underpants, pyjama bottoms, bedding etc.

Another traipse to the launderette tomorrow then.

Ah well!