Nostagia

Inchcock’s Diary, with Memories and an Ode

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

What happened to Inchcock on this day, in 1953?

On his way home from the getting some cows heel and tripe for his Dad. As he was crossing the canal on the bridge on Wilford Street. A gang of teenage Herberts lifted him and unceremoniously threw him off the bridge into the canal! Being about six years of age, scared to death of water, and unable to swim (His fear was life-long, he still can’t). He struggled to grab hold of a barge rope hanging over the side of the boat but lost his grip, he got cold, and his fingers were not big enough to hold on… As he sank into the water, a pair of strong hands from a bloke in a rowing boat dragged him out and took him home. Where his father knocked the hell out of him for losing the tripe and cow heel, pointing out that the 2/6d (12.5p) cost would come out of his pocket money! Which baffled the lad a bit cause he never did get any pocket money from his Dad in his life?

SUNDAY 15th MAY 2022

05:15hrs, I begrudgingly woke and awaited the brain to join me. Which it did, with the message that I needed a wee-wee. I freed my cumbersomely large bellied body from the £300 second-hand, c1968, charity shop-bought, eyesorely-horrendously grungy coloured, haemorrhoid-testing, easily-falloutable, unfit-for-use, not working recliner. NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) took me a while due to the vast amount of  PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).

Dizzy Dennis kept going at me all morning long in short bursts. I got the waste bag sorted out and started prepping the veg to go in with Josies Chilli meal. Chopped leeks, carrots and peas.

Opened the can of Chilli and started adding the cooked vegetables. Put them in the saucepan and add squid vinegar (liquid salt), chilli powder, Worcester sauce, and malt vinegar. After testing the flavour, I can add gravy salts and tomato puree with basil.

Herbert is noisy again. Bloody Sundays and weekends, he’s always the same!

I visited the Porcelain Throne. A good job that the carer was so late because I must have been in the half-an-hour at least. Most of the time was spent cleaning and clearing up. Trotsky Terence was in charge again. You wouldn’t believe the amount of loo roll used! Tsk!

Got a good wash and showering done, I felt a bit better then. Coming out of the wet room, I got through the door, and by the fairer without a knock, shoulder slamming or toe stubbing.

A new carer came in without ringing the buzzer-chime, and of course, I didn’t hear her coming. Sarah, she’s not been before. Nice gal, but she didn’t take the waste bag with her, no problem. I can do that later with the next one to go. No problemo! Well, as long as Vascular Dementia Doreen lets me remember. Hehehe!

The photos went on through the card reader!!!! So I got the old ones on. Yesterday one here first. The state of the ankles as I came out from the shower yesterday. Not painful nor itchy, although they did later.

These on the right are what they looked like after this morning’s session at ablutioning. Not any different, really. Or are they, and Cataract Kathleen has missed something?

A morning photographicalisation from the kitchenette next. The bright sunshine on my face made it impossible to take a good one.

My evening, well, was the only meal of the day. Potato slices baked, tomatoes, crap tasting sugar snap peas. And gorgeous mushroom pate on a couple of baps. Taste Rating: 8.8/10!

These two were taken with a sort of foggy haze in the air. After seeing them, I thought they had a kind of gentle quality to them. That’s not what I mean, but as close to what I can explain. Peaceful, tranquil, they made me feel free from strife… of course, that didn’t last for long. But a good sensation while it lasted… I’m now awaiting the arrival of the next Whoopsiedangleplop. I pressed on with updating and posting the Saturday bog to WordPress. The Facebooking, WP Reader, and some WP comments are to read and reply to.

Herbert’s cacophony of banging, clanging and grinding noises continues.

A wee-wee, and back to the photos. I took this shot from the balcony. RVD (Red-Van-Man) is back, but the small red car has taken up his beloved parking spot on the yellow no-parking lines. Hahaha!

Time to start checking on and serving up Josie’s nosh now. On my way to the kitchen, ♫Oh, Susan♫ chimed out from the doorbell? Josie came to tell me that she was going out to a restaurant with her sister and didn’t need the meal! Well, blow me, fancy letting me know half an hour before I deliver the meal! But let’s face it, it’s much better than five minutes. Hehehe!

She said she could collect it tonight on her way home. So, I said I’ll put it in a big jar to let it cool, then you can place the container into your fridge; that’ll be two chillies to use later on. Josie added, “She’s (Her sister) has only just called me to let me know”.

Herbert just dropped something this time; it sounded heavy. I gave him a gentle tap on the piping with my walking stick. Not that it will do anything to help me get some peace. He is the most equanimous, unforthcoming, stand-offish person I’ve ever met. Superior Shithouse!

“Clunk, thud, ratattattatat!” That serves me right for getting annoyed. Then I kept getting scratching-like and knocking noises. I’m so sorry, Sir Herbert!

Two chilli meals in the container and some treats for Josie when she gets back from the meal with her Sister at the restaurant. I’ll get mine (meal) started now, then see if owt is on the TV cause the computer problems are driving me mad! (Of course, there are many other reasons, Haha!)

I put the potatoes and vegetarian burger in the oven, peas in the pan, chopped some mini tomatoes and got the TV on for half an hour while the burger and spuds baked. And put the TV on. To find the Ladies Cup Final was showing, and I got deeply into it, so interested that I forgot all about the cooking!

I fumbled out of the £300 second-hand, decrepit, c1968 recliner, got Walter the Wooden Walking Stick, and into the kitchenette. I nervously opened the oven door… The ‘bake for 30 minutes’ food had been in for nearly an hour!

The breadcrumbed veggie burger did not look appealing at all. It felt very hard. As expected, the potatoes were overdone; some of them, the smaller ones, were inedible and had to be thrown. Yet I ate all of it! Enjoyed it too! The burgers left in the fridge will get overcooked; it was firm and delicious! The spuds were tough to eat, and no doubt damaged a few of my remaining teeth, but it all tasted grand! Flavour Rating: 8/10! I hope Duodenal Donald and Harold’s Haemmorhoids can cope with it, and I get no toothache! Hahaha!

Cara Sara arrived, again not ringing the chime and giving me a shock when she entered the room. But a lovely surprise, she is tall, young, beautiful and charming. (Dang to old age! Har-har!)

Sweet Morpheus was again resistant to my requests for shut-eye! But, when he permitted me to nod off, I slept through without any jolting awakes for just under six hours! Great!

Friends Comments when I got shot (First-Time)

“Oh, yer?” An old schoolmate by the name of Elgin,
“Could ‘ave been anyone!” fellow security officer Kathryn,
“Tell me another!” My neighbour in Sherwood, Glyn,
“Shit!” I forget his name, Welsh lad from Abergynolwyn,
“Serves yer right!” The supervisor at control called Kelvin,
“Why?” An old passion of mine, a big gal named Roslyn,
“I wunt du yoor job!” Traffic Warden, called Edwin,
“Tommy rot, yer tit!” Richard, but we called him Dick Turpin,
“Will yer be off work?” Manager, we all called him Fagin!
From the hospital, they sent me back to the site again…
“Can yer drive yersen there, course you can!”… Fagin!
“You can’t claim off of us!” Site manager, on arriving…

Evening All!

Inchcocks first solo visit to the Slab Square: In 1955

/ Inchie / 7 Comments

Inchcock then & now Haha!

Despite the poverty, I was at my happiest…
In my younger years, and almost positive!
Full of vigour and at my determinest…
I set out one Sunday to slab Square, looking my nattiest!
First time alone on a trolleybus, at my swankiest!

43 Trolleybus in town

The bus ticket cost all of 3d,
Today that would be about ½ a new penny,
I wanted to get a Sunday paper, you see…
Take it to Dad; make him proud of me!
But the newsvendor asked, where’s your Daddy?
I didn’t realise he knew my Dad, Harry!
He told me to take myself home and hurry!
But he did give me a newspaper for Dad, for free!

West Bridgford (WBUDC) bus

So, I did, on a posh, pretty coloured WBUDC,
West Bridgford Urban District Council, you see?
We didn’t argue with adults back then, tactfully…
Agreeing with grown-ups, had desirability…
Cause of their clipping you around the earhole, ability!

I hastened home…

I hurried home, in hope of a visit from Auntie Kerry…
She liked to bath me, which always affected my psychoactivity,
I think she had some habits, mayhaps, eccentricity?
She scrubbed me up well, with dexterity, not dignity!
I always greeted her arrival with emotional glee!
Not understandingly, but happy… and expectantly…
Knowing (praying for) what she was about to do to me! ♥
I longed for her visits, and was her greatest devotee,
And to think that people said we were an odd family? Hehe!

Well, perhaps we were…

How things change… Hehehe!

Good Morning, all!

Inchcock Today: Life In Ode

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

Mind Control… or lack of…

What my mind is conjuring, and weirdly producing,
Has a new idiosyncratic strain that needs introducing…
A previously unknown worrying sense of doom-accepting?
You know, a sort of go with the flow, with no coercing,
This new deliberation of mental compliance is almost piercing!
It’s still a new thing, so I’m not going to start whingeing…
No moaning, cursing, complaining or penancing…
But, the control of my thoughts is indeed decreasing!

Kentucky Dream…

A dream only last night, I was in a house, tippytoeing…
Floating, searching, smiling, and happily singing!
It was where my cyber-friends Lisa & Billum were living…
Although they couldn’t hear me, to them, I started chatting…
I was aware this could just not be happening…
I cooked them a chilli stew and started the garnishing…
Left them a note with the meal, and started going…
Outside I was suddenly solid again and segueing…
Along a pathway… the dream started subsiding,
I found myself in my wet room… wee-weeing!

The justice system, I can’t help renouncing…
Criminals, murders freed early, to rob and kill again!
No thoughts of family members or victims; disgusting!
No realisation that they have given anguish and pain…
Pathetic parole board, free killers again, mind shuddering!
Is it the judges, parole board or murderers that are insane?

True Love Lost…

In 1964, I visited Grizelda, hoping she was in the mood for servicing,
She was very good to me, in fact, she was astounding!
For hours we were in heaven, sweating, exhilarating!
For the next session, I was already praying and waiting…
Then shattering news! Grizelda was departing…
But she gave me one last amazing trouncing…
Thus, the end of our fantastic romancing…
Gawd, how I loved our coupling and connecting!
She went home to München… bloody sickening!
One day I might find an affaire du Coeur again?

Confusions…

I ordered two-blade razors for shaving,
I used Morrisons. What should I have been expecting?
I got 5-blade razors for my shaving…
So, did my teeth, de-nasaling and washing…
Started shaving, I found it challenging…

The results were a smidge discouraging,
I’d already got bleeding molars from teeth-brushing,
The razor? I cut my finger on the plastic sheathing,
A tiny cut near the ear hole. Didn’t half sting…
Applying the aftershave to stop the bleeding,
Shuddering Shoulder Shirley started twitching…
Blood in the chest, floor and clothing…
As the Brute, I kept on sploshing…
I dropped the bottle on my foot; I was seething!
Farting about, I was very self-scathing…
But heroically carried on with my bathing!
Then walked into the doorframe, leaving…

 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Advice Received this Week

The Ophthalmologist: Take this leaflet and read it. The print was too small to read it!

The Ophthalmologist: Remember to phone the Doctor in two weeks to ensure that the Cataract operations application papers have gone through and the process started. No mention of what to do if they hadn’t – And does she really expect me to remember to do this?

Carer: (On me losing the TV remote control, I’ve never found it) You should put it in the same place every time! Well, I actually do try to, so good advice. It’s not clear cut, but falling asleep with the regular nocturnal somnambulant activity almost every night. I often find I wake and turn on the TV, get the crossword book, or, judging by the crumbs found in the folds of my stomach fat, indulge in nocturnal nibbling. But only discover this in the morning after waking. At first, I blamed the mysteries of Winwood Heights, the ghosts, wraiths, spectres, cacodemons, apparitions, and other grotesqueries haunting the hallways and lobbies searching for Inchcock. To create ambiguities, abstrucities, perplexities, misfortunes and botherations, scare, worry and confuse me! Sometimes, the furniture has been moved too. Shame! So, as sound as the advice was, it wasn’t practical for Vascular Dementia Doreen or me.

Carers – Warden Dean & the Nottingham City Council Commercial Debt and Revenue Recovery lady, and Bank Clerk: (Re the hundreds of pounds 3 months unpaid carer Bills to Meridian). “Don’t worry!”?

Dentist: (On being asked for the umpteenth time to take all my remaining teeth out) “I might be able to save the top front one…” After three have fallen out, the two previous ones she could save having been filled twice, then pulled. My confidence is low!

LookAfterYourEyes.org: The operation usually takes from 15 to 45 minutes. It is carried out under local anaesthetic, so you will be awake but not have any sensation in the area around your eye. Throughout surgery, you will hear the ophthalmologist explaining what they are doing, and you may see some vague movements around your eye. The ophthalmologist will make a tiny cut in your eye to remove the cataract and insert a plastic replacement lens. You will not usually need stitches, but your eyes will be covered to protect it from knocks after the operation.

You will be allowed to go home the same day, but you should have someone to go with you and look after you for 24 hours after surgery. Who?

If this means a Meridian carer, it would cost me a minimum of £440 for the 24 hours! Arghhh!

Just how does one go about declaring bankruptcy? Is it easy?

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh In Odes Series

Fings I read, that triggered the memory!

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

Wednesday 8th December 2021

Fings I read, sometimes those I view…
Glaringly show a change in my milieu,
Viciousness, cruelty and lack of virtue,
Growing greed, drugs, alcohol, always in need,
I do some little Odes to go with each preview,
I’ll have to set myself a curfew…

For I’ve a lot of things, I have to do…
I don’t want to run late, causing a hullabaloo!
Shortly to the dentist, I’ll have to go…
I’m not scared or nervous, oh, no. No…
No sweat or nervousness from me does flow…
I shall keep calm, steady as I go…
Any falling of tears, I’ll stop; I know,
Ah, now I’ll have to stop in mid-flow…
For wandering off the topic, I did go!
I sense brewing up within me, a foggy mind fiasco!

Spotted on BBC Site!

Where they got the forty times from, I know not,
It was now more than a dozen, but that’s enough, what?
After clarificationing, the women officers were rather hot…
I thought, on one occasion, a taser would be shot!
Each raid increased my usage of the chamber pot,
But they did give me a food parcel, quite a lot,
Gin, biscuits, steak, turkey, crisps and whatnot,
For my not being a moaning fusspot?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Sense of Humours Demise!

This brought back into my damaged mind…
A time when folks were more pleasant and kind,
Jokes at others expense… but no one gained?
Our sense of humour still remained…
Now the PC brigade is unrestrained…
The worlds do righters; are they all unsained?
It’s easier in this world to be scatterbrained,
As the compassion and empathy are slowly drained!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Opticians

Like Doctors and dentists alike,
They now wish patients would take a hike!
Coronavirus, now Omicron with its recent spike…
People out without masks on, buying up the Nike,
Christmas contact, so virus spreading – Crikey

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

NHS Maintain Some Humour!

The standard or garden employees of the NHS,
Well, I thank them all, Heaven thank them, and bless!
Mistreated, the Politician pay them a rise, a pittance!
These expense-fiddlers live in several houses, all chandeliered!
Well, it’s time that the righteous mutineered…
Then strikers would be genuinely feared…
But the NHS staff will not – though their hopes are withered…
Will the MPS stop fiddling if they are ever sobered?
Will Nurses etc., continue to get backstabbed?
Will the NHS staff stop getting clobbered?
Will MP’s ever stop getting bribed?
Do they still get free drinks, thus get imbibed?
The Virus … Has anyone checked…
With whom the MPs are necking!
No Expense Form Claim checking!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Law

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Laughter!

The old folk, most of them have still got the oomph!
To laugh at themselves and be a little pottymouth,
Edinborough, Manchester and Portsmouth…
To Weymouth, Nottingham and Yarmouth…
Political Correctness? They’ve had enough!
Try telling them what to do – they’re pretty tough!.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Nottingham!

Not a lot of folk in Nottingham are aristocratic,
They are famed for being somewhat autocratic!
Shoplifters, druggies, muggers, old uns arthritic…
ATM con artists, a few have jobs, some even autistic…
Alcoholics, Methodists, Atheists, and Catholic,
Muslims aplenty, we house them after taking them in…
But no complaints from me, for me it’s a win-win!
Apart from the Escooterers, they are a danger and chaotic,
Students from afar, all corners of the globe, some are Balearic!
Without them, life would be quiet, not hectic,

I’ll stop now; I’ve got to take my diuretic,
Got carers coming to dose me? It’s pathetic!
But, that’s me, the human Guinea pig, innit?
Then I have to shower, change of clothes, be contortionistic,
Frustrating, but I don’t get apoplectic or dramatic…
If I shave without cutting myself, I think that’s cosmic,
Lousy Ode today… the whole this is diabolic…
I’m off then, radio, later on, the Barnsley philharmonic.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Well, I got that wrong, but happily so,
It was Brass Band music, great, kiddo!
Blidworth Welfare Brass Band, too,
They were good, credit where it’s due…
They played absolutely excellent. Yahoo!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Life’s Essentials I’ve failed to grasp!

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

So often, I’ve been beggared, challenged and confounded by these beautiful, cannot live without, creatures.

My first awareness of their desires, demands and wily ways came early in life for me. I’ll explain what happened to get my message across correctly and unsmuttily.

I think I was around five or six years old at the time. Mother dear had just conned Dad to take her back in after the police chased her down.  She’d been on the run from the police again. Of course, I was not au faux with the situation at the time. I’d been told she had gone to look after Auntie Betty while she was ill. Never had an Auntie Betty before? A few unknown Aunties were visiting me in later years. But none had the attraction of the next Auntie I was to be introduced to, Auntie Kerry!

Mummykins had been back for several weeks. She was on probation). Out of the blue one weekend, I was told that I would have to stay with Auntie Kerry for a few days, and she would collect me in her car and drop me back after a week or so. I just took it that Mummy would have been going to court or prison for this time. All matter of factly, I was used to it by then.

Sure enough, this largish, plumpish ‘Auntie Kerry arrived in the afternoon, a Player’s full Strength in her lips, deep red lipstick, make-up caked on her face, but she did smell nice. She introduced herself and made a bit of fuss over me, asking what foods I like – I’d never been asked that before by anyone! She was not impressed with the clothes Mother handed to her for me to wear but was pleasant enough about it. “We’ll set of early then Francis; I’m going to get him some new clothes from Fords on the way home, my treat!”

This was all baffling to me? What had I done to deserve this? Sure enough, we left and drove into town, parking her Austin A40 in the ice stadium car park, and we walked over to the Fords shop.

I liked how she kept handling me now and then while driving there. As if to put me at ease. (Little did I realise her intentions then, but I soon learnt and appreciated them that night!) She spent a fortune (to me anyway) on clothes and asked me if I liked this or that one before buying – Had I died and gone to heaven?

We took the clothes back to the car, and Auntie Kerry told me it was roast pork, green beans, and baked potatoes for the meal. I was Gobsmacked! Indeed, this put Mothers usual bacon rinds and tinned tomatoes to shame!

We got to her massive gardened house, somewhere (I now know to have been in the Rutland Road area, in West Bridgford) carried the goodies and food into the mansion. Auntie’ said, “Firstly, we’ll give a bath and get you in the new pyjamas” A bath… an indoors bath, with running hot water, no dragging the tin bath indoors, it was warm in there… I think I checked to see that I wasn’t gone to heaven again.

Boy, was I looked after! Bubble bath, proper soap (although I did and still crave the no longer available carbolic soap) and the sole attention of Auntie Kelly, especially in the area below the belly! Of course, I was in my eye-holes. I just knew that I was lapping it up!! I had no idea what was going on. After the extraordinarily long time in the bath, being pampered, massaged and excited, I was taken downstairs and fed like a King!

Blimey! She had a TV too, central heating, curtains, tablecloths instead of the Nottingham Evening Newspaper… luxury this was!

She turned on the TV set and sat me on her knee, well, knee to start with… I lost any interest in watching whatever was on the goggle-box.

“Another bath then?” declared Kerry. Who was I to disagree! Gawd, it was good – I innocently went along with every idea, suggestion or manoeuvrings my mysterious Aunt came up with. Physical jerks of a sort, I still didn’t know what we were doing or why… other than on my behalf, it gave me such great pleasure! And, there was plenty to enjoy.

But, I can assure you that what time we had left together was not wasted. Even in the car driving me home, we pulled up on Meadow Lane, and we re-entangled ourselves, sadly, sickenly for the last time.

No, that’s not true, actually. A couple of years or so later, while Mother was off on the run again, Auntie Kerry turned up at the house many times, and she made sure it was on a Saturday – my bath night, so all was not lost. Just not the same in a tin bath in front of the fire.

I was disgusted (but happily worn-out) four days later, reinvigorated with the kindness and indulgent pampering when she told me I had to return home!

I realise it is now safe to tell this tale, for the mysterious, inestimable, plump, aged Auntie Kerry (whoever she was) will by now be in heaven – awaiting my arrival, I hope!

A heartfelt Thank-You to Auntie Kerry! ♥

Wot Me Worried?

/ Inchie / Leave a comment

Wot, Me? Worried?

I recall that my school imitational educating…
It was, well, a survival course; it was nerve-wracking!
A beating up, or a teacher’s desires, ever-lurking…
The fear, anxiety, never perpetuating, eradicating…
Not allowed, any anti-gang nitpicking or narking,
Always got caught doing wrong and got a rollicking!
There was very little joy or merrymaking!

I tried to avoid the gangs and did no twocking,
But Mum found things to go in my Christmas stocking,
Mostly it was shop-lifted, stolen or Godforsaken,
I would have liked to have gone backpacking…
But the police kept bringing Mother back in,
Thank heavens she was not into stockbroking!
Police bought me food at Christmas – Gobsmacking!

My youth? Complicated; Mam, if at home and Dad fighting,
No pennies to put in the meter for lighting…
When Mam ran away, with the police pursuing,
I made the breakfast and evening meal, no fricasseeing…
Nor fondueing! A frying pan or saucepan was all I was using!
No baking cakes or meat stew, but I was good at brewing!
Any desserts were a jelly, soft, no fridge, or a can of rice pudding,
The washing and cleaning, getting the bath sorted, I was doing.

No complaints from me felt I was wanted, that was rewarding,
Proud I was; I thought that bit was worth recording,
No time for rollerskating, trolley-boarding, or reading!
And no point in my moping, moaning or memory eroding,
Brush and dustpan, no machine, so no vacuuming!
I just pressed on, no time to worry about anything…
That came later; looking back, my good luck was very thin!
But at the time, it had to be done, so I took it on the chin…
Dad had a decent left hook when he’d been on the gin!
If guzzling Shipstone Strong, it could be a bullwhipping!

I did later get to go with the Army Cadets, out camping…
For three days, the weather was wet and worsening…
I enjoyed it, it was great mate… I lie; I was witwantoning!
Everyone was was pissed-off and whining…
I got back, soaked, weary and had food poisoning!
Dad: About time, get the cleaning up done, then luncheoning!

Wrote fur the Inchcocks True Tales of Woe Series

1950-60s Tin Bath Uses – In Ode

/ Inchie / 18 Comments

A short odeing session. My memories of the unexpected usages of the ‘Tin Bath’ that resided most of the time, in the soot-covered viaduct wall out in the back yard of Brookfield Place, Nottingham.

Traditional Usage

The tin bath hung on the viaduct wall for ages; why?
Used for bathing once a week, oh, my…
Unless Dad was working that Saturday, this I can ratify
It was occasionally used for other purposes, I’ll identify…

Coal Moving?

Twice a year, we’d get a ton of coal delivered for free,
Mostly slack, very few actual lumps in it, you see,
Someone had to sort and sift through it; that would be me!
So, I was allowed to get black and dirty, temporarily…
The coal was tipped into the bath on delivery…
The bath got all bent out of shape, a pity…
I’d start with the sieving, somewhat tetchily!
Move any lumps into the coal house, repeatedly,
But it was, of course, a necessity,
It took me hours, Dad would pay me 3d, haughtily!

♥ Auntie Kerry… the fondler ♥

Cleaning the bath hurt terribly…
Dust in the eyes, throat made me feel sickly,
The thought of bathing next was lovely,
As long as it was conducted, by my Auntie Kerry!
I was too young to know of things as nookie!

The Hartleys Arrive – Bloodbath!

It really surprised me, she bought a live turkey,
She fed it up and had to kill it, you see…
She chopped off its head, it still ran around running free…
Such a culture shock for me…
The yard was covered, slimy innards, and very bloody!

Tin Bath To The Rescue!

Dad came up with a solution for next years bloodbath,
They could use our galvanized tin bath…
To contain the turkey, thus less backyard backsplash?
As I recall, they used the leftovers to make goulash?

Gawd, I miss these neighbours!

I thought I’d miss seeing the first manned spaceflight,
Yuri Gagarin, I heard it on the radio, in the papers, alright…
Leslie called; Mrs Hartley sent me a remarkable invite…
Watch it on our TV; they even gave me sarnie, of Marmite!

Part Of Inchcock’s Memories In Ode Series.

Inchcock’s Weekly Bath – In Ode

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Inchock’s Memories Series

Ah, Good evening!

I’d love to tell of my one bath a week, even if it’s not too poetic,
It’s just for fun; nothing meant didactic…
Dad would decide when the bath was needed, I was like a lunatic,
Got the pans and kettles on the fire, all rushing and frantic!

Worra Life It Wor!

It wasn’t easy getting it from the backyard wall,
I struggled with only being 3ft something tall,
Then clean it with a leather ball…
Dragging it in through the back hall…
Filling it with hot water, there wasn’t much at all…

Carbolic soap, Dad’d get in, having a soak,
He could not be rushed; he was that sort of bloke,
I refilled the pots and kettles, back on the boil,
Gawd, it was an arduous task, all sweat and toil!

I used to hope that the Dad would rush his frolic,
But no chance, once he smelt the carbolic!
He’d lay back and sing, drink something alcoholic,
I had to be patient and wait, be stoic!

Just Thinking Back… Hehe!

He’d call for more hot water; I dare not offer rhetoric…
I’d top up the water, boy, was I young and omnific!
He’d sing another song and say something prophetic,
I’m late with hot water top-up; he calls me a schmendrick!
He’d clip me round the ear hole; at that, he was slick!
Well over an hour, he’d soak, giving me the odd backhanded flick,

“Get me clothes!” At last… I don’t want to be a critic…
The water was dirty and cold, but my being a workaholic,
Got his togs while he cut his cowlick…
At long last, it was time for a cold bath for me!

He’ll get out eventually and go into the kitchen to shave,
Reminding me not to make a mess and behave…
He’d splashed dirty water all over, another job he gave…
“Clean the bath properly, the carpet, and the fireplace you!”
So after my five minutes, I was so cold and blue!
Emptying the bath, then to get it outside too!
Embarrassingly, my skinny body still smelt mephitic!

But Dad had an urgent job to do,
“So no hot water added for you!”
He was off for a pint at the Barley Moo!

The bath back on the wall outside,
Both rooms were all cleaned and dried,
His meal next, no proper cooking, only summat fried…
Bacon and eggs, some beans, and his Mothers Pride…
That was his favourite bread,
It was a penny cheaper, that being said…

♫ Happiness, happiness ♫

When will he return, six o’clock or ten?
The long wait to be suffered then…
His return was usually undramatic,
Drunk, he’d often fall over – he was pretty acrobatic!

Sozzled suited me cause he couldn’t taste the food,
And was generally in a decent mood,
If he’d done well at Snooker, a good attitude!
If he’d guzzled Guinness or a more potent brew!
Me keeping out of the way is what I’d do!
Still, thanks for reading, kind of you!

Do we, Don’t We Get a TV?

/ Inchie / 5 Comments

The Tale Of TV Debate!

Mother wanted a TV set, I wanted a TV set, but Dad was content with the radio

Dear Mother as a domineering, bullying and intimidating woman, who usually got her way, via, violence, superbly applied intimidation, and if all else failed, would turn on the waterworks. But on the issue of us buying a TV, and I believe it is the only time, Dad stood his ground, and refused to buy or rent one!

Dad was content with his ‘Archers’,  ‘Billy Cotton Band Show’, ‘Take it from here,’ ‘Many Bindings In The Marsh’ and the ‘Navy Lark’. I tried to listen to the ‘Journey Into Space’ serial whenever I could, which fascinated me. But Dad wasn’t having, ‘Such rubbish to listen to, a man in space, Humph!’ Of course, it was almost comical if you listen to it today. Good news, though, for anyone interested; Occasionally, Radio Four Extra broadcast some episodes! ♥

Cast for The World in Peril & Operation Luna episodes

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Days Of Debates (Fights)

After days of arguments, fights, bad language, threats and utter pandemonium, we were no nearer to convincing Dad. Mother, not a Royalist in any sense, even tried to tempt Dad by telling him the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth 11 was being shown in two days time… He did hesitate for a moment, and inquired as to how much a TV would cost to buy or rent? Mum got the local paper with the adverts on it: A Ferguson TV, she told Dad, would only cost us £39, Wigfall’s rental is 6/11d (35p) a week. Then we need a license, that’ll be £5… Dad was speechless, started gagging, and refused point-blank to us having a TV in the house! That was the end of that, for want of a better word, discussion!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

A Stroke Of Good Luck!

That day, we had new next-door neighbours arrive, the Hartleys. Mother (Name unknown), Father Leslie, and son Jack. I soon took to liking Jack, a little younger than I by a year or so. A tall lad, cheeky and cheerful most of the time, e had some great times as pair of vagabonds roaming the streets. Haha! They had just arrived from Kingston.

But, the highlight of the day was that they had to unload things and I gave them a hand, and I and spotted in the back of the van… A TV SET! And, Jack said it had both channels, BBC and ITV on it! Yes! By the time things were all in, I was given a condensed cream sandwich and mug of coffee for my helping. Then we watched some telly. The set was a combined one they had just bought last week, with a radio in it.

I thought, well this could be something to tell Dad about, then we might get a TV of our own… But when Leslie told me how much it cost them, I then realised there was not even a cat-in-hells chance of Dad spending £95 on a set! I was often invited by Jack, to go watch the TV when something was on that he thought I might enjoy. I vaguely recall seeing The Quatermass Experiment, which started my passion for the series. The daily screening time was very limited as I recall back then; 16:00 to 22:30hrs or thereabout. So little choice on the BBC.

One programme on the BBC Jack and I liked, was The Magic Circle. A magicians show, Magicians: George Grimmond, David Nixon and Col-Ling Soo on it as regulars. ITV on the other hand had a more varied choice by 1955. Including Lassie, Colonel March of Scotland Yard, and Hopalong Cassidy.

Not the actual Hartleys TV, but similar.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

As I mentioned earlier, the Quatermass series was the top for me on TV! Here are some photos found that stirred my memory box. So much so, that I’ve just sillily ordered some DVD’s from Amazon, three episodes of TV series and two films! Ah, well, hope I live long enough to view them! Hahaha!

The earlier versions of Quatermass film and TV series were not a disappointment, at all. They were very close to how I imagined it to be when I read the books!

Quatermass Photos, TV and Films DVD

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

1953 Coronation On Someone’s TV

We moved from that unhappy home, after Mother had been on the run from the police for a couple of years, and after Brother Pete left to join the army, Dad & I moved to Sneinton Dale. Which turned out to be an even more horrendous place to live; Mother was caught and came home.

However, we did get a TV at last. Mother got it from Wigfalls,  they intention was that Wiggies call to empty the box, and anything over the 3/10p rental, is returned tohe client, in this case Mother! Whch meant a load of foreign coins and suitably-sized washers were in the box!

Anyway, she scarpered again, after another bout of conning people out of their cash, this time it was for three years before they got caught up with her, six months, into court. Ah well!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

That’s it folks!

More Later! Alligator.