Inchcock’s Diary, with Memories and an Ode

What happened to Inchcock on this day, in 1953?

On his way home from the getting some cows heel and tripe for his Dad. As he was crossing the canal on the bridge on Wilford Street. A gang of teenage Herberts lifted him and unceremoniously threw him off the bridge into the canal! Being about six years of age, scared to death of water, and unable to swim (His fear was life-long, he still can’t). He struggled to grab hold of a barge rope hanging over the side of the boat but lost his grip, he got cold, and his fingers were not big enough to hold on… As he sank into the water, a pair of strong hands from a bloke in a rowing boat dragged him out and took him home. Where his father knocked the hell out of him for losing the tripe and cow heel, pointing out that the 2/6d (12.5p) cost would come out of his pocket money! Which baffled the lad a bit cause he never did get any pocket money from his Dad in his life?

SUNDAY 15th MAY 2022

05:15hrs, I begrudgingly woke and awaited the brain to join me. Which it did, with the message that I needed a wee-wee. I freed my cumbersomely large bellied body from the £300 second-hand, c1968, charity shop-bought, eyesorely-horrendously grungy coloured, haemorrhoid-testing, easily-falloutable, unfit-for-use, not working recliner. NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) took me a while due to the vast amount of  PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).

Dizzy Dennis kept going at me all morning long in short bursts. I got the waste bag sorted out and started prepping the veg to go in with Josies Chilli meal. Chopped leeks, carrots and peas.

Opened the can of Chilli and started adding the cooked vegetables. Put them in the saucepan and add squid vinegar (liquid salt), chilli powder, Worcester sauce, and malt vinegar. After testing the flavour, I can add gravy salts and tomato puree with basil.

Herbert is noisy again. Bloody Sundays and weekends, he’s always the same!

I visited the Porcelain Throne. A good job that the carer was so late because I must have been in the half-an-hour at least. Most of the time was spent cleaning and clearing up. Trotsky Terence was in charge again. You wouldn’t believe the amount of loo roll used! Tsk!

Got a good wash and showering done, I felt a bit better then. Coming out of the wet room, I got through the door, and by the fairer without a knock, shoulder slamming or toe stubbing.

A new carer came in without ringing the buzzer-chime, and of course, I didn’t hear her coming. Sarah, she’s not been before. Nice gal, but she didn’t take the waste bag with her, no problem. I can do that later with the next one to go. No problemo! Well, as long as Vascular Dementia Doreen lets me remember. Hehehe!

The photos went on through the card reader!!!! So I got the old ones on. Yesterday one here first. The state of the ankles as I came out from the shower yesterday. Not painful nor itchy, although they did later.

These on the right are what they looked like after this morning’s session at ablutioning. Not any different, really. Or are they, and Cataract Kathleen has missed something?

A morning photographicalisation from the kitchenette next. The bright sunshine on my face made it impossible to take a good one.

My evening, well, was the only meal of the day. Potato slices baked, tomatoes, crap tasting sugar snap peas. And gorgeous mushroom pate on a couple of baps. Taste Rating: 8.8/10!

These two were taken with a sort of foggy haze in the air. After seeing them, I thought they had a kind of gentle quality to them. That’s not what I mean, but as close to what I can explain. Peaceful, tranquil, they made me feel free from strife… of course, that didn’t last for long. But a good sensation while it lasted… I’m now awaiting the arrival of the next Whoopsiedangleplop. I pressed on with updating and posting the Saturday bog to WordPress. The Facebooking, WP Reader, and some WP comments are to read and reply to.

Herbert’s cacophony of banging, clanging and grinding noises continues.

A wee-wee, and back to the photos. I took this shot from the balcony. RVD (Red-Van-Man) is back, but the small red car has taken up his beloved parking spot on the yellow no-parking lines. Hahaha!

Time to start checking on and serving up Josie’s nosh now. On my way to the kitchen, ♫Oh, Susan♫ chimed out from the doorbell? Josie came to tell me that she was going out to a restaurant with her sister and didn’t need the meal! Well, blow me, fancy letting me know half an hour before I deliver the meal! But let’s face it, it’s much better than five minutes. Hehehe!

She said she could collect it tonight on her way home. So, I said I’ll put it in a big jar to let it cool, then you can place the container into your fridge; that’ll be two chillies to use later on. Josie added, “She’s (Her sister) has only just called me to let me know”.

Herbert just dropped something this time; it sounded heavy. I gave him a gentle tap on the piping with my walking stick. Not that it will do anything to help me get some peace. He is the most equanimous, unforthcoming, stand-offish person I’ve ever met. Superior Shithouse!

“Clunk, thud, ratattattatat!” That serves me right for getting annoyed. Then I kept getting scratching-like and knocking noises. I’m so sorry, Sir Herbert!

Two chilli meals in the container and some treats for Josie when she gets back from the meal with her Sister at the restaurant. I’ll get mine (meal) started now, then see if owt is on the TV cause the computer problems are driving me mad! (Of course, there are many other reasons, Haha!)

I put the potatoes and vegetarian burger in the oven, peas in the pan, chopped some mini tomatoes and got the TV on for half an hour while the burger and spuds baked. And put the TV on. To find the Ladies Cup Final was showing, and I got deeply into it, so interested that I forgot all about the cooking!

I fumbled out of the £300 second-hand, decrepit, c1968 recliner, got Walter the Wooden Walking Stick, and into the kitchenette. I nervously opened the oven door… The ‘bake for 30 minutes’ food had been in for nearly an hour!

The breadcrumbed veggie burger did not look appealing at all. It felt very hard. As expected, the potatoes were overdone; some of them, the smaller ones, were inedible and had to be thrown. Yet I ate all of it! Enjoyed it too! The burgers left in the fridge will get overcooked; it was firm and delicious! The spuds were tough to eat, and no doubt damaged a few of my remaining teeth, but it all tasted grand! Flavour Rating: 8/10! I hope Duodenal Donald and Harold’s Haemmorhoids can cope with it, and I get no toothache! Hahaha!

Cara Sara arrived, again not ringing the chime and giving me a shock when she entered the room. But a lovely surprise, she is tall, young, beautiful and charming. (Dang to old age! Har-har!)

Sweet Morpheus was again resistant to my requests for shut-eye! But, when he permitted me to nod off, I slept through without any jolting awakes for just under six hours! Great!

Friends Comments when I got shot (First-Time)

“Oh, yer?” An old schoolmate by the name of Elgin,
“Could ‘ave been anyone!” fellow security officer Kathryn,
“Tell me another!” My neighbour in Sherwood, Glyn,
“Shit!” I forget his name, Welsh lad from Abergynolwyn,
“Serves yer right!” The supervisor at control called Kelvin,
“Why?” An old passion of mine, a big gal named Roslyn,
“I wunt du yoor job!” Traffic Warden, called Edwin,
“Tommy rot, yer tit!” Richard, but we called him Dick Turpin,
“Will yer be off work?” Manager, we all called him Fagin!
From the hospital, they sent me back to the site again…
“Can yer drive yersen there, course you can!”… Fagin!
“You can’t claim off of us!” Site manager, on arriving…

Evening All!

8 thoughts on “Inchcock’s Diary, with Memories and an Ode

  1. 1953 was quite the year for me as well, also my introduction to the world as commanded by bullies who owned the very paths I walked upon. There was no recourse to any adults who would step in and help those of us who were bullied; in fact, one of the teachers (a formidable and severe nun) actually supported the bullies. Bullies will be bullies, as they may as well say.
    Cow heel (at first I typed Cow hell) and tripe were things I did not know about.
    You have some nice colors on the nosh plates, Sir. They say that it represents the presence of essential minerals. So my theory: use food coloring liberally when preparing a meal. 🙂
    Good to hear that you are meeting some new Carers, ones who are both helpful and easy on the old eyeballs.
    Good also to see that the card reader can once again read files and upload them accordingly. That’s been a vexing problem of late.
    When it’s not a red van that covers the chevrons, it’s a red car. That color keeps showing up in photomagraphicals, do it not.
    So Herbert is as self-involved as he is a world-class arsehole when it comes to making noises that clang metal. Heavy-Metal Herbert Music? (HMHM)
    I filled the room with many a larf upon reading those reactions to shot number one. A rollicking list that deserves many rereadings, kind Sir!
    May good memories dismiss bad memories, and as often as possible.
    Proclaimeth Billum

    • We share yet another memory, Sir, avoiding the bullies, sadly.
      PLease belive me, mate, you do not ant to know about Cow hells and tripe, EURGH! Dad loved ’em!
      Ah, the carers, may never see many of them again, they (Meridian Care) are struggling to cover for the Carers taking holidays, hence I got missed yet again. But t’was a delight – seeing pulchritude call morning and night – but it’s alright, though Valerie said, I was looking pale and white!
      Thanks for the thoughts on the card-reader, it’s fingers crossed for this morning, a feeling the guts tells me not to get my hopes up too much – which if it works this time, will make my appreciation higher… methinks. Hehe!
      Heavy-Metal Herbert Music? (HMHM)
      Hmm… brought forth a verbal laugh that did, I fang you.
      Kindest regards to all at the Manor Labs. ♥

      • Cow heels and tripe probably appear in what is termed “beef byproducts” which could be from anywhere between the head and the tail. One thing I do not worry about as a vegan, vegetable byproducts do not scare me as much. 🙂
        Employers are in as desperate straits as the employees. The worldwide shortages of basic foodstuffs, such as baby formula (only four producing plants in the world).
        Perhaps one looks pale and white when exposed to so much pulchritude?
        Herbert does seem to lean toward the materials that make the most noise.
        All workers in each lab send you their kind regards in return, Sir!

      • Dad demanded these treatrs every Saturday, Billum. I was lucky, I got tinned beans or an Oxo cube, empty metal basin, and bread, but that did me. Hehehe!
        Ah, the right Carer can be the difference twixt depression and Yahoo!
        I’ve noticed that Billum, about Herbert, I don’t know how you knew though? Ah! Gorrit, you came on your time machine and had a listen? Haha!
        Merci Mon Ami, and may the Manor Mangerie… (hang on I’ll check that. mate)… menagerie, sweet rest, happy scoffing and good health as far as possible for all. ♥ 💚 💜 🧡!


      • This explains why I have not seen a stack of Oxo cubes and a pile of beans on a meal tray.
        Quite the spectrum there, mate. The span between depression and Yahoo is wide.
        Herbert’s object: make as much noise as possible. I will compare this with the famous John Cage piano piece 4′ 33″, where Cage sits at the piano, makes some gestures, but otherwise produces nothing but silence. The only sound arrives at the end, when the audience gives him thunderous applause.
        Having a time machine is better than having access to Google.
        All the bestest from us at the manor, matey!

      • John Cage, what a performance… Erm…
        I couldn’t hear it of course. Haha! The applause woke me up.
        Thanks fer the wishes mate! X

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