Inchcock’s thoughts on George Gideon Oliver Osborne

Ode01George Gideon Oliver Osborne born 23 May 1971. 

Sir Richard Osborne, founder of the Osborne dynasty, was an MP and a high-ranking official in Ireland, and was made a hereditary baronet by King Charles I in 1629, in recognition of his public service. The seventh baronet, Sir John Osborne, great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of today’s Chancellor, was also an MP. So was Sir William, the eighth baronet, and Sir Henry, the 11th baronet. But the real glamour in Osborne’s ancestry is on his mother’s side. His maternal grandmother was the Hungarian-born painter Clarisse Loxton Peacock, who married an Englishman, Grantley Loxton Peacock. There is politics also in his wife Frances’s family. She is the daughter of David Howell, now Lord Howell of Guildford, a minister of Margaret Thatcher’s original Cabinet in 1979.

He was educated at St Paul’s School, London, and at Magdalen College , Oxford , where he read modern history. At Oxford he was a demy (scholar) and joint editor of the University magazine Isis . After a short spell as a freelance journalist, George joined the Conservative Research Department in 1994 and became Head of the Political Section. From 1995-7 he was the Special Adviser at the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food and worked in the Political Office at 10 Downing Street. From 1997-2001 George was Political Secretary to the Leader of the Opposition and Secretary to the Shadow Cabinet.

He has never held a proper job in his life.

Osborne married The Hon Frances Victoria Howell (b. 18 February 1969), author and elder daughter of the Conservative politician and Government Minister Lord Howell of Guildford, on 4 April 1998. The couple have two children, Luke Benedict, born at Westminster on 15 June 2001, and Liberty Kate, born at Westminster, London, on 27 June 2003. He has an estimated personal fortune of around £4 million, as the beneficiary of a trust fund that owns a 15 per cent stake in Osborne & Little, the wallpaper-and-fabrics company co-founded by his father, Sir Peter Osborne.

Ode02Chancellor makes £450,000 profit selling his taxpayer-funded second home

Included the mortgage for a paddock on his taxpayer-funded expenses, Land Registry documents disclose.

The chancellor and his wife Frances bought a Cheshire farmhouse and the neighbouring land in his constituency for £455,000 in 2000, before he became an MP.

Between 2003 and 2009, he claimed up to £100,000 in expenses to cover mortgage interest payments on both the land and the property at Harrop Fold farm near Macclesfield.

The chancellor’s farmhouse featured in the MPs’ expenses scandal of 2009. It emerged that he had “flipped” his second home allowance on to the property and increased the mortgage. Throughout the lengthy parliamentary inquiry into Osborne’s expense claims that followed, there was no mention of the separate land.

But it has emerged that the expenses payments were not only for a house but also for the neighbouring paddock, which is registered separately with the Land Registry.

HMRC boss admits to more data losses Author: Andrew Porter

Summary: HMRC has admitted there have been seven other significant data losses in recent years. … Last night shadow Chancellor George Osborne said: “These admissions blow a hole in Alistair Darling’s defence. As the acting head of HMRC admits, far from being a mistake by a single junior official, the data security breaches at HMRC are the result of serious systemic failures.” “The public will now expect the Chancellor to come clean and explain exactly when and how these previous losses of personal information took place. Alistair Darling’s credibility is hanging by a thread. He is running out of time to reassure the British public that he’s capable of getting a grip.”

Osb01

Chancellor George Osborne blew nearly £1,000 of taxpayers’ cash on a trip to Germany that let him watch his team win the ­Champions League.

The multi-millionaire Chelsea fan held brief talks on the eurozone crisis with his German counterpart Wolfgang Schaeuble, which meant the jaunt was classed as an official visit.

But he later grinned and clapped wildly as Chelsea won 4-3 against Bayern Munich after a penalty shoot-out.

According to figures slipped out on the Treasury website, the trip cost taxpayers £949.

But the total bill will have been higher because officials travelled with him to attend the formal talks.

The revelation comes just weeks after the wallpaper heir, who has a £4million trust fund, claimed “we are all in this together” as the Tory axeman hammered millions of hard-up families in his recent mini-budget.Chancellor George Osborne blew nearly £1,000 of taxpayers’ cash on a trip to Germany that let him watch his team win the ­Champions League.

The multi-millionaire Chelsea fan held brief talks on the eurozone crisis with his German counterpart Wolfgang Schaeuble, which meant the jaunt was classed as an official visit.

Osb03But he later grinned and clapped wildly as Chelsea won 4-3 against Bayern Munich after a penalty shoot-out.

According to figures slipped out on the Treasury website, the trip cost taxpayers £949.

But the total bill will have been higher because officials travelled with him to attend the formal talks.

George Osborne accused of breaking his promise not to fiddle figures

George Osborne has been accused of wasting public money by “massaging” spending plans to avoid the embarrassment of a rising deficit.

The Institute for Fiscal Studies, an independent think tank, suggested that the Chancellor had engaged in the same sort of economic manipulation he criticised Gordon Brown for.

Budget figures showed the Government borrowed £121 billion last year. This year borrowing will be £120.9 billion.

Ministers have admitted that the tiny fall was only possible because of emergency cuts in departmental budgets this year, and delaying payments to bodies like the European Union and World Bank.

The Treasury has described that process as sensible use of public money, saying it would prevent wasteful spending at the end of the financial year.

Osb04Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander claims Mr Osborne has a family-sized fridge at work full of snacks, treats and milk – but doesn’t share

But he said the multi-millionaire Tory refuses to share the contents with loyal staff.

George Osborne attends as the Dallas Cowboys play the Jacksonville Jaguars in an NFL match at Wembley Stadium Snack Time: George Osborne reportedly padlocked the treasury fridge so he didn’t have to share  However, tonight Mr Osborne’s aides hit back – saying the fridge is communal and his comments show how rarely Mr Alexander makes a tea round.

Speaking to Westminster journalists about working with Mr Osborne, Lib Dem axe-man Mr Alexander said first: “We do share things – but not the milk.

“To my amusement, he still keeps it under lock and key. His fridge in the Treasury kitchen is replete with a padlock.”

George Osborne was embarrassed by a SEVEN-YEAR-OLD today when he failed to answer a basic maths question.

pcs-Raddings-chanc-23q.jpgThe Chancellor was being interviewed by a panel of children on Sky News about the economy.

But he was left flummoxed when seven-year-old Sam Raddings asked him what seven times eight is.

Flustered, Mr Osborne eventually replied: “I’ve made it a rule in life not to answer a whole load of maths questions.”

Many were quick to ridicule the Chancellor for dodging the question.

“It’s a little worrying that the Chancellor George Osborne doesn’t seem to know simple maths,” wrote one.

It isn’t the first time Osborne has been lampooned on social media recently.

He also found himself at the figure of fun after trying to take credit for the next Star Wars movie being filmed in UK.

Earlier, Mr Osborne admitted he wishes he had done more to help Britain’s economy when the coalition first came to power.

Osb05George Osborne parks in disabled bay: Tory Chancellor causes outrage by ignoring restrictions

He’s snatched millions of pounds in benefits from those in most need – and it seems that George Osborne could not care less about anyone else.

Tonight he was branded selfish and arrogant after allowing his chauffeur to park his £50,000 Land Rover in a space reserved for the disabled.

There were plenty of other places available just a few yards away as the Tory Chancellor was dropped off for a burger at an M4 service station.

But Mr Osborne was obviously far too important to waste valuable seconds – and the bright-yellow markings on the restricted bay were brazenly ignored.

Richard Hawkes, chief executive of the disability charity Scope claimed the incident “shows how wildly out of touch the Chancellor is with disabled people in the UK”.

He said: “They will see this as rubbing salt in their wounds.

“Many are already struggling to make ends meet, yet the Chancellor’s response has been to cut vital financial support and squeeze local care budgets.”

Ten things you might not know about Osborne

There are a few things you may not know about the man with his hands on the nation’s purse-strings.

  1. He was originally called “Gideon Oliver Osborne” (nicknamed “Giddy” by schoolmates), before changing his first name to George by deed poll at the age of 13.
  2. While working for John Major, Osborne was “perky” in his delight about Tony Blair’s election as Prime Minister – dubbing him “The Master”. Meanwhile, when Iain Duncan Smith was leader of the Tory party, Osborne used to refer to Blair as “our real leader”.
  3. Before the 2010 election, Osborne used to be “dismissive” of LibDem leader Nick Clegg – partly as Clegg refused a dinner invitation from him and David Cameron. He also thought Clegg was “politically clueless”, but would later “have to revise this view during the general election campaign”.
  4. He loathed Gordon Brown. In his office, he would refer to Brown as a “bast**d” and delighted in impersonating him as a lurching monster. Brown’s impact on Osborne left him behaving like an “abused puppy” according to an adviser, who was “mentally trapped” by a man he professed to hate.
  5. Osborne was “far from distraught” when David Willetts, as Tory education spokesman, was embroiled in a controversial debate over grammar schools. After Willetts’ demotion, Osborne was said to have laughed that “he’ll never have my job then!”
  6. Despite ruling it out at Tory conference last week, Osborne agreed with Nick Clegg last year to bring in a mansion tax in exchange for slashing the 50p tax rate for top earners. However, it was vetoed by David Cameron.
  7. Osborne “fell into” the Conservative Party, with his biographer remarking that “had he been born a decade later and grown up in the mid-1990s, he might be a Blairite Labour MP striving to catch Ed Miliband’s eye for a frontbench promotion”.
  8. He was a “fervent fan” of Madonna.
  9. George Osborne once challenged a fellow student at Oxford to a wasabi eating contest and won, but he was left “doubled over in agony”.
  10. That our chancellor played a naughty “pass the ice cube” game with Spice Girl Geri Halliwell in 2009 while at a wedding.

It’d seem there is more to Giddy than meets the eye…

Osb06a“Pasty tax” was a popular phrase used by the British press to describe a proposal made by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Conservative MP George Osborne, in the 2012 United Kingdom budget to simplify the tax treatment of “hot takeaway food” so that Value Added Tax (VAT) would be charged at 20% in all cases. The change would have increased the sale price of hot snacks such as sausage rolls and Cornish pasties sold on the premises where they were baked.

The issue became a political controversy, described by at least one newspaper as a political scandal, dubbed Pastygate in March 2012.

The outcome: After the public opposition, Osborne significantly altered the plans in late May, which was characterised as a “U-turn”.

Personally I love this entry on: Uncyclopedia 

Osb09

Gideon “Slash’n’Burn” Osborne (born 23 May 1971), better known as Boy George, Bum Nose or Georgie Porgie, is a British aristocrat, Conservative Party politician, ponce, forthcoming baronet, prospective inheritor a vast fortune and, as of May 2010, Chief Lord Chancer of the Exchequer. He is all of these things and more; but more than anything, however, he is a Monumentally Colossal Twat. Indeed, being a twat has proved his lifelong vocation – an occupation which he self-avowedly places above all others in terms of the time, care and devotion he applies to it. He has spoke of his vast fortune in being able to combine his occupation as full-time twat with that of Chancellor to an incredible degree.

On a personal level, Osborne is a self-obsessed, smarmy, stuck-up, arse-faced country gentleman whose sickening, unappealing demeanour encapsulated in his voice, appearance, personality – and indeed his entire life story – is completely uninspiring to the vast majority in British society. Call him ignorant if you want, but he won’t be listening; call him an arse if you like, but for him the arse is just that bit at the bottom of your body that you spend most of your life sitting on, and which other people wipe for you. Dark clouds gather around his person, causing dismay to all who surround him – until he pays them to go and hover over a poorer person.

It has been noted by many that his nose bears an uncanny resemblance to a posterior, which is interesting because he is also noted for talking out of his arse and he does have something of a nasal twang, sometimes referred to as a posh speech impediment.

Osborne at Eton and Oxford

Osb06bThe boy, George, was sent away to Eton College when he was small. When he was bigger he left. Well actually, he didn’t go to Eton at all, but everyone thinks he did because it’s just such a bloody juicy story. He rose to the top of the all-male, white, upper class culture of this grand public school until a pauper actually had to build an extension so he could rise even higher. Osborne imposed his dominant personality on the school. He did gain a respectable 9 A*-C GCSE grades, but he only managed an F in Economics – a fact which the country now feels the bane of.

His school report noted that he did not pass with many flying colours, but rather, only one flying colour – and needless to say, it was white and always flew first class. Nevertheless, his father secured an excellent place at Oxford for his dear boy, mostly through intense fellatio, in a course other than economics. Before sending him to his top university, his father had told George to get high grades, though he also warned him not to trip over the balls at the Croquet game. Certainly some words in that sentence proved more influential than the general premise of the sentence itself.

George’s first course choice upon arrival at Oxford, was the legendary Politics, Philosophy & Economics (more commonly known as PPE). PPE, is a course designed to allow anybody and his dog to gain a first (similarly President of the Oxford Union) and present themselves as clever bugger, when fact getting a first in PPE is akin to getting clap. However George mistook the common element of PPE, as meaning or referring to common people. Exclaiming that he don’t do common and signed up instead to do modern history. George struggled at his chosen degree, until he realised that essays could be purchased from the web, thus blowing his entire trust fund in one term, as he struggled to understand that Modern, as in modern history did not refer to the Victorian period.

At Oxford University he was a member of the Bullingdon Club with ‘Call Me Dave’ Cameron and Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, where they engaged in drunken debauchery, criminal vandalism, up-it-to-the-oiks-snobbery, capers and sodomy (Osborne being the ‘bottom’). These initial rumours were confirmed the week before the 2010 UK general election when footage of Osborne exhibiting considerable gastrointestinal capacity surfaced online. The two-hour-long viral video, entitled ‘Of Os-Borne’, which circulated through sneezing and nurses not washing their hands, was credited with swinging the polls 946mV in the Conservative party’s favour. It is perhaps testament to the sheer failure and ineptitude of the shitty conservative campaign that even despite all this, they failed to win the bloody election…

Inchcock: there is much much more at this link, satire par de excellence!

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/George_Osborne

Osb08Osborne gave me my biggest none-satirical political laugh in years!

The Olympic Stadium has been filled with the cheers and applause of 80,000 people.

But for a few moments last night boos rang out from the arena in East London.

The boos were for government minister George Osborne, who was there to present a gold medal to Tunisia’s T38 400m champion Mohamed Farhat Chida.

He seemed to handle the occasion OK though, laughing when his face was shown on the big screen.

The prime minister, David Cameron, was made to feel more welcome when presenting swimming star Ellie Simmonds with her second swimming gold medal of the Games.

While there was some booing, the cheers from the crowd were reported to have drowned them out.

Cameron’s Letter to Agony Aunt (Updated)

Gertrude

Agony Aunt for the ‘Lesser Endowed Gentlemen’s Weekly Gazette’

Dear Gertrude,

The constant voices in my head are forever chattering away, it’s driving me decidedly crazy.

I even questioned my own brilliance, cunning and competency last week. A rare lapse in my usual superlatively confident personality.

I prefer not to mention this to my Harley Street Doctor, as I hold a rather important position. Perhaps I am concerned because I got the job through skulduggery illegal and unethical means?

EM01Luckily my only genuine competitor for the job, is unfit and far too lacking in spirit, ideas and gusto.

Perhaps I have lost a little edge though lack of genuine competition?

Although UKIP seem to be doing well and starting to cause me a slight cause for concern.

But my overseas investment and offshore accounts have increased exponentially due to the backhanders from my lodge member friends who I am slowly and stealthily selling off the NHS to. No problems there.

I would prefer it of you did not mention or reveal the contents of this letter.

If you can help me with my problem Gertrude, I can assure you of a liaison of a physical nature with any of the members of my cabinet, a handsome cash reward via their expense claims, and a new caravan in Chelsea.

Yours Unfaithfully:

Cameron01The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron

Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

First Lord of the Treasury

Minister for the Civil Service

Leader of the Conservative Party

Member of Parliament for Witney

Descendant of King William IV

Raised in Peasemore, Berkshire by father Ian, a stockbroker, and mother Mary Fleur, a retired Justice of the Peace.

Eton College at the age of 13

First class degree in Philosophy, Politics & Economics (PPE) at Oxford

Brasenose College, Oxford, from which I graduated in 1988 with a first-class honours degree.

Git with Distinction

10 Downing Street, London SW1A 2AA

Nottingham Police Granted Special Status

Nottingham Police Granted Special Status

NP01

Juan questions Ashgar

It was disclosed this morning by Ashgar Tyson a City Council litter and Big Issue seller to our ace, unpaid, senile WordPress reporter Juan Inchcock that the Nottingham City Police are to be awarded a Special Preservation Order from the Nottingham City Council.

Inchcock contacted the City Council leader Con Jollins (Expenses so far this year £46,814.48) who had just returned from a fact finding mission to see how the Miami Council deals with their Gay Lithuanian Support Groups. He met him as he was being woken up at a Council meeting on spending cuts and asked him about this rumour of the Nottingham City Police being awarded a Special Status.

Mr Jollins replied; Now the Coalition Government has dramatically cut the number of officers, and their having asked for a further 2000 voluntary applications from officers for early redundancy, and their having actually received over 6,200 application, we are considering placing a ‘Protected Species’ classification on them as well. But this is being dealt with by our Social Services leader Nugget Khan (Expenses to date this year £4,646.45) He is currently in Luxembourg  assessing the Social needs of immigrants from Luxembourg within Nottingham society.

He added; However, you might like to speak with his secretaries third assistant cleaners support worker, Shirley (Wage £9.37 hourly). She will be available every second Wednesday between ten and ten past ten at the Job Centre plus offices on Upper Parliament Street where she gives support and advice to the masses of Nottingham… as part of the City Council’s support group for the underprivileged.

Unsure if it was worth following up this rumour, Juan left and took his medications.

NP02

Commissioner Steedenski

Inchcock eventually did catch up with Shirley by chance, when he was on his way to apply for a new bus-pass, Shirley’s chauffeur driven Jaguar swerved to avoid a skateboarder who had collided with a mobility scooter, and they knocked Inchcock over.

Commissioner Mike Steedenski, who was in the vehicle groping Shirley at the time bore witness that Juan had caused the accident by running away from the skateboarder and mobility scooter in the first place.

When he was released from hospital, he decided to chase the story about the Nottingham police, and ensconced at the Job Centre plus offices on the Wednesday at ten a.m. and awaited the arrival of Shirley.

He saw her arrive and put her bottle of Gin in the glove compartment, she entered the Job Centre Plus premises. Where Juan cornered her and asked for her views on the Granting of Special Status for the Nottingham Police Force.

She was very calm and collected and explained: “Any rare species is entitled to our protection to save their becoming totally extinct. Look what happened to the Dodo and Simon Dee! Do we want this to happen to our Policemen as they become more and more scarce?”

NP03

Offensive weapon caution

At that she walked off into the back offices with a hiccup and staggered waddle.

Juan was still not sure if he should continue with the story to press, as there seemed little interest shown by the Big issue sellers, street artists, muggers and Pay-Day loan customers he had interviewed so far that week.

As he left the premises, he was approached by an armed police officer who wished to be advised as to why Juan was in possession of an offensive weapon?

His walking stick.

NP04

Police requesting an interview with Inchy about his walking stick & his attack on Commissioner Mike Steedenski’s vehicle

Juan gave the man short change, questioned his parentage put his cap on and limped off disgusted with his treatment.

He caught the bus home to his flea-pit house, and immediately (Well, after he’d taken his medications) drafted a letter of resignation as an unpaid WordPress reporter.

As he set off on a hobble to post it off, the police arrived and conducted an interview with him about his dangerous walking stick he left the Job Centre Plus office.

Advertisements we can expect to see in 2064

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If there are any trees left to produce newspapers by then

If prices go up at the same rate as they have done for the last 50 years?…..

Adverts in 2064: This weeks offers!

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Take care each…

Inchcock’s Politicians Dictionary Updated

Dic top

Permission was granted for Inchcock to blog this dictionary to prevent him from sulking, going off and feeding the pigeons and catching Histoplasmosis and getting himself all depressed again

Amarulence: (Bitterness, spite)

How politicians think of the voters.

Aphnology: (The study of wealth)

What Politicians are preoccupied and obsessed with.

Dic0001Back-hander: (A bribe or illegal inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s already in Parliament would not know what this means.

Bank: (Depository, Investment firm, trust company, A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.)

Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts.

Barclay’s Bank:

The company who has 35 paid advisor’s from within the ranks of MPs and their family members. (Like Ffion Hague, William Hague’s wife) amongst our MP’s and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be – Barclay’s is made up of two ‘Clusters’: Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official’s of the Government with ease.)

Bifurcated: (Divided into two branches, paths)

Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party

Bribery: (An illegal or underhand inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s in Parliament would not know what this means, or be an active participant in bribery.

Businesses: (Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings)

What Britain used to own and run in the UK.

Chrematomania: (Obsession with money)

A disease that grips MP’s the instant they make their first expense fiddling claim. It is considered one of the essential components of the psyche of anyone applying to become a candidate for election in the UK.

Cimmerian: (Very dark; gloomy)

The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power, it is even darker now for the proletariat, but the Etonites and rich are doing well.

Dic0001aCommendaces: (Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead)

Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party

Compassion: (Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it)

Conservative MP’s need not concern themselves with this word or its interpretation; they’ll never need or understand it. Labour members do use this emotion, although of course they are not genuine feelings. One person backs up  this theory: Tony Blair.

Decency: (Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty)

Coalition MP’s need not concern themselves with this word either, they’ll never need or understand it.

Deleterious: (Harmful effect, injurious to others)

The effect that Coalition MP’s lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat. MPs enjoy being deleterious.

Empleomania: (Insatiable urge to hold public office)

A disease that all future MP’s are born with, a more common word for it is Greed.

Europe: (The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has not been to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco. The sixth largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, and Ural Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian land mass)

Rolls-Royce was bought by Germany’s Volkswagen Group in 1998 as part of a £430million deal.

Expenses:

This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP’s and their bank balances – Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.

Foreigners: (Persons born in or coming from a country other than one’s own)

MPs like these people, and help them by selling off the UKs assets to them. Here are a few: The UK’s most prestigious marquees, Rolls Royce and Bentley, have been respectively owned by BMW and Volkswagen since 1998. – Ford bought Land Rover while MG Rover was sold first to the Phoenix Consortium for a tenner before being rescued from administration by the Chinese Nanjing Automobile Group in 2005. – Ford had purchased Jaguar in 1990, but sold it along with Land Rover to India’s Tata Motors in 2008. – Last year, a survey conducted by the trade magazine The Grocer and the research firm Nielsen found that of the biggest 180 biggest grocery brands in the UK, just 44 are home-owned. – HP brown sauce was the inspiration of Frederick Gibson Garton, a Nottingham grocer in the late 19th Century. In June 2005 the brand became part of the Heinz empire. Heinz itself was purchased earlier this year by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway and the Brazilian global investment fund 3G Capital. – Japanese firm Mizkan who, by the way, already owned Sarsons Vinegar and Hayward’s Pickled Onions, purchased Branston Pickle. – Britain’s other large confectioner Rowntree Mackintosh, founded in York in 1862, was bought by the Swiss conglomerate Nestle in 1988. – Scottish & Newcastle Brewery was jointly purchased by Heineken of The Netherlands and Carlsberg of Denmark. – Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC – the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation. – There is nothing more British than Tetley Tea, which is owned by Indian conglomerate Tata. – Selfridges, the Oxford Street department store was purchase by the Canadian Weston family. – British Gas and British Telecom were flogged too, followed by British Airways, British Rail and British Steel. It was a signal that the UK was open for business, and we’ve never looked back. Soon our big companies were also being auctioned to the highest bidders, and that meant that it was often foreigners doing the s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g. ICI, Rolls-Royce and P&O were among the crown jewels that went into overseas hands. The list goes on and on. Now more than 48% of the UK’s listed firms are foreign owned.

But this does not seem to bother the MPs of the UK?

Hamartithia: (Being likely to make a mistake)

A word that the existence of was denied by Margaret Thatcher, then Tony Blair, and every MP since!

Dic0001bHonour: (Personal integrity)

Absolute mystery to MP’s.

Honesty: (Truthfulness, sincerity)

An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all.

Imperturbation: (Freedom from agitation of mind – calmness – quietude)

Over the years the MPs have cunningly covered their tracks and protected themselves from prosecution for their wrong-doings and lying. So this word is a perfect word to describe the MPs themselves.

Industry: (Refers to the production of an economic good [either material or a service] within an economy)

Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! (See Foreigners)

Lying: (Telling fibs)

Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than many other countries representatives.

Dic0001gMorals: (Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct)

The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now – not in Parliament of course, it’s been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey’s years!

Mumpsimus: (A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong)

This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since!

Nepotism: (Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit)

A natural instinct inbred into politicians over the years.

Nonentity: (A person regarded as being of no importance or significance)

An unemployed voter, a member of the proletariat, an NHS patient, an elderly mugged person.

Occulcation: (Act of treading on or trampling underfoot)

A treatment so enjoyed being dished out to the uneducated masses from MP’s

Offshore Accounts:

An essential requirement for all MP’s, even those two who are not on the fiddle. (An investment/ savings bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction or tax haven] that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation [i.e. tax havens] easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability.

For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, George (‘orrible) Osborne, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!)

Parliament: (A legislature)

A place where MP’s can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money.

Personal Assistant: (A well paid slave)

MP’s can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP’s with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilised the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them. I’ll miss Hague’s affairs.

DicMickCamPugnacious: (Argumentative)

MPs will argue black is blue with the most placid of people.

Quiescent: (Inactive or still, dormant)

The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party

Slubberdegullion: (An unemployed person – Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob)

Any MP.

Tatterdemalion: (Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year – Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others)

Impecunious voters.

Tyrannicide: (Killing of a tyrant)

A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers.

Dic0001Venality: (The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain)

An unavoidable and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP’s.

Voter: (One who casts a vote for or against something)

In the view of the politicians: An idiot.

Letter in Support of the Conservative Party: From Claudia Cuthberstone-Featherstonehaugh (née Fontleberry)

Dearly beloved David Cameron,

 I am a lifelong member and active supporter of the Conservative party, is indeed Mater, Pater and Nanny Amelia were.

I envisage the only way for us to gain a foothold in the Socialist untermensch voting areas, is the bourgeoisification of the lower order of the species.

I am aware that this concept may seem revolutionary in certain quarters. Please allow me to annotate my ideas further with appurtenance.

As we are all apprehend, the apathetic unindustrious benefit seeking majority of the Labour voters, are quiet content as long as they can obtain their Child Benefits, their pints and afford the odd bet at the bookmakers, these things go as said naturally.

What the gorgeously delicious Mr Cameron is failing to do, is to recognise the importance of these factors. It is essential that new false promises are advanced and presented to the proletariat with great extemporaneousness.

Suggestions compiled, I agree with a certain captiousness, by my local Conservative Appreciation Society here in East London:

* At the voting booths, we could offer vouchers for anyone voting Tory, for a free pint of lager, ale whatever it’s called. (Nothing to do with the delectable and Honourable George Gideon Oliver Osborne, having shares in three brewery’s).

W22 7 sheep

* Hand-out a ‘Join Barclays Bank now, and get a free £1.50 voucher to use against any future mortgage applied for though Barclays.’ (Nothing to do with eleven MPs or their family members being paid ‘Advisors’ to Barclays whatever).

We appreciate that the kind Mr Cameron is already in the process of dismantling the police force and the NHS, and agree that both are a luxury that the plebians do not appreciate. But are we as a party making this plain to the scum masses? We really ought to be putting advertisements in the Daily Mirror, informing the unemployed and illegal immigrants that by our reducing the size of the police service can only be to their benefit. They can now steal, mug, rob and riot etc with so much more ease and far less risk of ever being caught! Thus encouraging those with a vote, to vote Conservative?

I hope these suggestions are adopted and they encourage many of the educationally lesser endowed morons to use their vote for their own benefit.

W22 05 theatreYours

Claudia Cuthberstone-Featherstonehaugh (née Fontleberry)

Inchy’s Letter begging support for David Cameron

Campoint

The magnanimous, pulchritudinous personage of our beloved David William Donald (The Wonder-man) Cameron

Dear Reader,

I have been perturbed lately about the state of health of our beloved unelected Prime Minister, The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron. Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Minister for the Civil Service and First Lord of the Treasury, Leader of the Conservative Party, Member of the Cabinet Privy, Council European Council.Salary £148,000 (annual, including £67,060 MP’s salary)

CamOxfordhome

One of his modest homes in Oxford

Mail on Sunday’s disclosure that he paid off the £75,000 mortgage on the £1.5 million home in North Kensington, London that he owns with his wife Samantha, after they took out a £350,000 taxpayer-funded HSBC mortgage on his designated Oxfordshire constituency second home. For his part, Cameron claimed he was able to pay off the mortgage on his London home by selling shares. While within the rules, this is precisely the kind of financial jiggery-pokery for which other MPs have been criticised in recent weeks.

CamMirror

Gossip… just gossip – It’s only been badly mauled that’s all!

But he is still open to the charge that someone who’s clearly worth a few bob was ‘playing’ the system by claiming more than £21,200 from taxpayers in 2005-6, for the mortgage interest paid on his constituency home.

It has been suggested that he could have saved the taxpayer thousands of pounds if he had put the money from the sale of his shares towards his constituency property – a large and comfortable country house – which he bought eight years ago for £650,000. Especially as it is now worth in the region of £1.8million, giving him a substantial paper profit.

Imagine his delight when his eldest son, Arthur, a stockbroker, married Steffie Cooper, a cousin of the Royal Family. This union provides Cameron’s link to the ‘Mad’ King George III, an ancestor he shares with the Queen (his fifth cousin once removed).

The line of ancestors down from these wealthy figures continues through the City. Both Cameron’s grandfather, also called Ewen, who died in 1958 leaving £57,000 (around £1.6million in today’s money), and his father Ian, a former High Sheriff of Berkshire, were stockbrokers.

CamC4

Odd how some of the troops are given him odd looks innit?

Now he has the added problem of who to send our troops to attack next.

All this must be causing him concern.

Therefore, I think the nice gentleman would appreciate a little support from the electorate who didn’t vote him into office.

So last month, I started an appeal for gifts and support for him.

I’ve had to cancel the appeal due to ill health.

Camcyanide

Cyanide capsules – are you the donor?

I’ve managed to send back to the donors, the gas canisters, crossbow, letter-bombs, pipe-bombs, the poisonous ball point hypodermic pen, the exploding cigar, the handkerchief gift box teeming with deadly bacteria, and the poisoned bottle of Cameron’s Whisky.

Unfortunately, the trained assassination budgerigar escaped.

CamC4

Address of donor required please

If the people/person who sent in the C4 could kindly contact me with his/her/their address, I can return it along with the Cyanide capsules sent in.

Nottingham’s next ‘Support for David Cameron is Essential’ association meeting, will take place at in the old BT Telephone box outside the Savoy Hotel, next Wednesday at 1755 hrs.

Thank you.

Bunter Forsythe-Weatheringstone OBE,

Nottingham Castle.

Inchcock’s (Unanswered) Letter to David William Donald Cameron

L2Cam 01

Dear excuse for a human being,

I understand that you are of a superior class, intellect and magnificence, with an ostentatious streak that must be the envy of many a politician throughout the world.

I also appreciate that your rise to become the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom – without a majority vote, First Lord of the Treasury, Minister for the Civil Service and Leader of the Conservative Party, representing Witney as its Member of Parliament, has been gained through your troubled upbringing by your millionaire stockbroker father Ian Donald Cameron, your mater Mary Fleur-Cameron, second daughter of Sir William Mount, 2nd Baronet, and your Nanny who tenderly cared for you.

I also appreciate that your early childhood was one of nannies, matrons and tennis courts

In further acknowledgement of your standing worth and praiseworthiness, you are a great-great-great-great-great grandson of King William IV and his mistress Dorothea Jordan. This illegitimate line consists of five generations of women on your father’s maternal side starting with Elizabeth Hay, Countess of Erroll née FitzClarence, William and Jordan’s sixth child, your father’s maternal grandmother, Stephanie Levita, daughter of Sir Alfred Cooper and Lady Agnes Duff (sister of Alexander Duff, 1st Duke of Fife) and was a sister of Duff Cooper, 1st Viscount Norwich, GCMG, DSO, PC, a Liberal democrat statesman and author.

Your paternal grandmother, Enid Levita, who married secondly in 1961 a younger son of 1st Baron Manton was the niece of Sir Cecil Levita, KCVO CBE, Chairman of London County Council in 1928. Through the Mantons, Cameron also has kinship with Alexander Fermor-Hesketh, 3rd Baron Hesketh, KBE, PC, and Conservative Chief Whip in the House of Lords-93.

Your maternal grandfather was Sir William Mount, 2nd Baronet, an army officer and the High Sheriff of Berkshire, and your maternal great-grandfather was Sir William Mount, 1st Baronet, CBE, Labour MP for Newbury 1918-1922. Lady Ida Matilde Alice Fielding, Your great-great grandmother, was the daughter of William Feilding, 7th Earl of Denbigh, GCH, PC, a courtier and Gentleman of the Bedchamber.

You are also a great great-nephew of Admiral Sir James Hanway Plumridge KCB MP (c. 1788 – 29 November 1863) who was a British naval officer whose career extended from Trafalgar to the Crimean War, and a Liberal Party Member of Parliament.

Your forebears have a long history in finance, which in turn should naturally make you wise and learned in such matters. (Hehehe!… sorry)

Your father Ian was senior partner of the stockbrokers Panmure Gordon, in which firm partnerships had long been held by Cameron’s ancestors, including your grandfather and great-grandfather.

Your great-great grandfather Emil Levita, a German-Jewish financier who obtained British citizenship in 1871, was the director of the Chartered Bank of India, Australia and China which became Standard Chartered Bank in 1969. (No surprise then that you are involved in banking yourself and letting them get away with murder is it?)

Your wife’s great-great grandmother was a descendant of the wealthy Danish Jewish Rée family, whose ancestors originated from Altona, Hamburg, Germany and Głogów, Poland. (Another reason perhaps that you fail to get to grips with the mass immigration?) One of Emile’s sons, Arthur Francis Levita (d.1910) (brother of Sir Cecil Levita), of Panmure Gordon stockbrokers, together with great-great-grandfather Sir Ewen Cameron, London head of the Hongkong and Shanghai Bank, played key roles in arranging loans supplied by the Rothschilds to the Japanese central banker (later Prime Minister) Takahashi Korekiyo for the financing of the Japanese Government in the Russo-Japanese war. (No surprise then that you are involved in banking yourself and letting them get away with murder is it?)

Another great-grandfather, Ewen Allan Cameron, was senior partner of Panmure Gordon stockbrokers and served on the Council for Foreign Bondholders, and the Committee for Chinese Bondholders (set up by the then-Governor of the Bank of England Montagu Norman in November 1935).

Add to this wonderful history, your own contributions to the country and your excellent missing leadership qualities, no doubt gained in your years being pampered by nanny, and your upper class prancing about learning to be superior at Eton, and it becomes plain for all to see, that you are probably the one man in the country to understand about Cornish pasties, bus-passes, turning off heating because one cannot afford to run it, being made redundant, sick patients who cannot afford private medical bills, being unemployed, and living in comparative poverty! Innit?

In the highly unlikely event that this letter should reach your eyes, I’ll add that the venom with which I hate you has no match!

Your unblinking ability to lie and fail on your promises also has no match, and would currently be of a superior quality, and more frequent than those of Herr Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Tony Blair! At least Blair was voted into office!

If (although highly unlikely in your case) you were wondering how you have managed to get your party through the last few years, the answer might be; A YouGov poll for the Sunday Times found that two-thirds of people think Miliband isn’t providing an effective opposition. And this is very true.

On a lighter note, you can’t live forever despite your inherited wealth and plutomania, your aloof presumptuousness, nihilism and superior conceit, you will croak out one day. I hope to be there to welcome you through the gates… without your privileges’.

I wish you a harrowing uncomfortable remainder of your life. And to those suffering through your monitory actions, I pray for.

 Yours

Juan Inchcock Chambers

Political Musings in Rhyme over Breakfast

Rare Unprompted Thoughts from Inchcock

Musings02

This morning, after he’d filed away the just delivered overdue Gas Bill red letter, took his medications and applied his antiseptic creams, he had another attack of bemusing mental meanderings, which came to him while he was picking his nose, having his breakfast, short dated B&M porridge, eight cups of strong tea. This is the outcome; I hope you can understand where the nitwit intended it to come from, and what he intended to imply and indicate, what his mental musings might have meant. 

If so please us know. Please post your comments to Sheridan Chygrynsky SRN, C/O Nottingham’s Ex-Gaslamplighters Asylum Shed, Oil Leak Lane, Nottingham.

His breakfast musings… 

Musings 01I sat in my decaying hovel, tea and porridge for breakfast,

I thought of Politicians, and I felt so aghast,

They seem to have had their compassion genes bypassed,

They avoid punishment for fiddling like mental gymnasts,

They’ve become a superior, pampered, political caste,

Their pay, compared to my £120 weekly pension, what a contrast,

No wonder I sometimes get feeling somewhat downcast,

Their ability to lie and cheat continues to flabbergast,

So many pulling nepotistic strings, and not being unmasked,

They’ll continue to look after themselves first, I forecast,

Even new ones learn how to fiddle very fast,

How long can their cheating and lying last?,

Their greed, and ego, cannot be surpassed!

For the extraordinary phenomenal situation of one finding a Politician who does not have any of the following traits: Nepotism, Greed, Aloofness, Indifference, Covetousness, Insensitivity, or being Self-centred – Please offer him or her, your sympathy, for they must feel so very isolated and lonely in Parliament.

Juan Inchcock’s Confessions

PenningWe thought it was time to explain the reasons behind the lack of  literacy skills, social skills, and demented views of WordPress’s Juan Inchcock Chambers. He’s Thick! He originally realised what rubbish this sad effort was and intended not to post it.

We convinced him to. (Easy how the bribe of promising to send him an email each day for a week so he can imagine he has some friends, can soon influence his mind.)

This ode is now produced with the full permission of the bald headed nincompoop.

 

Explanations to my Friends (Both of them)

Life once seemed party-like, a happy celebration,

Then came the moral decline of our once great Nation,

Greed, jealousy, hatred, spite, bullying and manipulation,

Joined by lying politicians and their de-industrialisation,

Malpractice, unfairness, cheating and deprivation,

Along with narcissism, and spiritual motivation,

Talking down to us moron’s with great obnubilation.

Politicians with no truth, trust, compassion or clarification,

Offering no genuine prospects, only vilification,

They draw from me no praise, just condemnation,

For their treatment of subjects, and their dehumanisation,

Fiddling, to our MP’s is their right and intoxication,

Offering we scum no thought, concern or remediation,

Then I started to suffer from deeper demoralisation.

Like others, I did nothing about it in my pauperisation,

My options remained in the minimisation,

No opportunities arose for revitalisation,

No hopes of any reinvigoration,

My sanity came under confusing disorientation,

My confidence suffered from a mammoth devaluation,

Then I started on the non-prescription medication.

I lost my job, and it’s no exaggeration,

I suffered many a testing trying tribulation,

I Searched for a job, and with underestimation,

Thought getting a job would be in the equation,

Not getting a job through my own ignoration,

Then realised it meant further spiritual annihilation.

Then the medical problems required more tranquillisation,

Now I Suffer from underutilisation,

Now I Suffer from misclassification,

Now I Suffer from criminalisation,

Now I Suffer from oversimplification,

Now I Suffer from proletarianisation,

Now I Suffer from transmogrification,

Now I Suffer from capitalisation,

Now I Suffer from institutionalisation,

Now I Suffer from retardation,

Now I Suffer from trepidation,

Now I Suffer from brutalisation,

Now I Suffer from contamination,

Now I Suffer from suffocation,

Now I Suffer from desperation,

Now I Suffer from many an hallucination,

Now I Suffer from age discrimination,

Now I Suffer from victimisation,

Now I Suffer from pressurisation,

Now I Suffer from verbalisation,

Now I Suffer from lack of materialisation,

Now I’m too sick to consider an occupation!

Doing me blog helps, if I can avoid any aggravation!