Inchcock’s Politicians Dictionary Updated

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Permission was granted for Inchcock to blog this dictionary to prevent him from sulking, going off and feeding the pigeons and catching Histoplasmosis and getting himself all depressed again

Amarulence: (Bitterness, spite)

How politicians think of the voters.

Aphnology: (The study of wealth)

What Politicians are preoccupied and obsessed with.

Dic0001Back-hander: (A bribe or illegal inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s already in Parliament would not know what this means.

Bank: (Depository, Investment firm, trust company, A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.)

Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts.

Barclay’s Bank:

The company who has 35 paid advisor’s from within the ranks of MPs and their family members. (Like Ffion Hague, William Hague’s wife) amongst our MP’s and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be – Barclay’s is made up of two ‘Clusters’: Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official’s of the Government with ease.)

Bifurcated: (Divided into two branches, paths)

Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party

Bribery: (An illegal or underhand inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s in Parliament would not know what this means, or be an active participant in bribery.

Businesses: (Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings)

What Britain used to own and run in the UK.

Chrematomania: (Obsession with money)

A disease that grips MP’s the instant they make their first expense fiddling claim. It is considered one of the essential components of the psyche of anyone applying to become a candidate for election in the UK.

Cimmerian: (Very dark; gloomy)

The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power, it is even darker now for the proletariat, but the Etonites and rich are doing well.

Dic0001aCommendaces: (Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead)

Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party

Compassion: (Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it)

Conservative MP’s need not concern themselves with this word or its interpretation; they’ll never need or understand it. Labour members do use this emotion, although of course they are not genuine feelings. One person backs up  this theory: Tony Blair.

Decency: (Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty)

Coalition MP’s need not concern themselves with this word either, they’ll never need or understand it.

Deleterious: (Harmful effect, injurious to others)

The effect that Coalition MP’s lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat. MPs enjoy being deleterious.

Empleomania: (Insatiable urge to hold public office)

A disease that all future MP’s are born with, a more common word for it is Greed.

Europe: (The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has not been to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco. The sixth largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, and Ural Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian land mass)

Rolls-Royce was bought by Germany’s Volkswagen Group in 1998 as part of a £430million deal.


This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP’s and their bank balances – Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.

Foreigners: (Persons born in or coming from a country other than one’s own)

MPs like these people, and help them by selling off the UKs assets to them. Here are a few: The UK’s most prestigious marquees, Rolls Royce and Bentley, have been respectively owned by BMW and Volkswagen since 1998. – Ford bought Land Rover while MG Rover was sold first to the Phoenix Consortium for a tenner before being rescued from administration by the Chinese Nanjing Automobile Group in 2005. – Ford had purchased Jaguar in 1990, but sold it along with Land Rover to India’s Tata Motors in 2008. – Last year, a survey conducted by the trade magazine The Grocer and the research firm Nielsen found that of the biggest 180 biggest grocery brands in the UK, just 44 are home-owned. – HP brown sauce was the inspiration of Frederick Gibson Garton, a Nottingham grocer in the late 19th Century. In June 2005 the brand became part of the Heinz empire. Heinz itself was purchased earlier this year by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway and the Brazilian global investment fund 3G Capital. – Japanese firm Mizkan who, by the way, already owned Sarsons Vinegar and Hayward’s Pickled Onions, purchased Branston Pickle. – Britain’s other large confectioner Rowntree Mackintosh, founded in York in 1862, was bought by the Swiss conglomerate Nestle in 1988. – Scottish & Newcastle Brewery was jointly purchased by Heineken of The Netherlands and Carlsberg of Denmark. – Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC – the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation. – There is nothing more British than Tetley Tea, which is owned by Indian conglomerate Tata. – Selfridges, the Oxford Street department store was purchase by the Canadian Weston family. – British Gas and British Telecom were flogged too, followed by British Airways, British Rail and British Steel. It was a signal that the UK was open for business, and we’ve never looked back. Soon our big companies were also being auctioned to the highest bidders, and that meant that it was often foreigners doing the s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g. ICI, Rolls-Royce and P&O were among the crown jewels that went into overseas hands. The list goes on and on. Now more than 48% of the UK’s listed firms are foreign owned.

But this does not seem to bother the MPs of the UK?

Hamartithia: (Being likely to make a mistake)

A word that the existence of was denied by Margaret Thatcher, then Tony Blair, and every MP since!

Dic0001bHonour: (Personal integrity)

Absolute mystery to MP’s.

Honesty: (Truthfulness, sincerity)

An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all.

Imperturbation: (Freedom from agitation of mind – calmness – quietude)

Over the years the MPs have cunningly covered their tracks and protected themselves from prosecution for their wrong-doings and lying. So this word is a perfect word to describe the MPs themselves.

Industry: (Refers to the production of an economic good [either material or a service] within an economy)

Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! (See Foreigners)

Lying: (Telling fibs)

Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than many other countries representatives.

Dic0001gMorals: (Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct)

The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now – not in Parliament of course, it’s been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey’s years!

Mumpsimus: (A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong)

This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since!

Nepotism: (Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit)

A natural instinct inbred into politicians over the years.

Nonentity: (A person regarded as being of no importance or significance)

An unemployed voter, a member of the proletariat, an NHS patient, an elderly mugged person.

Occulcation: (Act of treading on or trampling underfoot)

A treatment so enjoyed being dished out to the uneducated masses from MP’s

Offshore Accounts:

An essential requirement for all MP’s, even those two who are not on the fiddle. (An investment/ savings bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction or tax haven] that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation [i.e. tax havens] easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability.

For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, George (‘orrible) Osborne, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!)

Parliament: (A legislature)

A place where MP’s can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money.

Personal Assistant: (A well paid slave)

MP’s can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP’s with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilised the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them. I’ll miss Hague’s affairs.

DicMickCamPugnacious: (Argumentative)

MPs will argue black is blue with the most placid of people.

Quiescent: (Inactive or still, dormant)

The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party

Slubberdegullion: (An unemployed person – Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob)

Any MP.

Tatterdemalion: (Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year – Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others)

Impecunious voters.

Tyrannicide: (Killing of a tyrant)

A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers.

Dic0001Venality: (The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain)

An unavoidable and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP’s.

Voter: (One who casts a vote for or against something)

In the view of the politicians: An idiot.

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