Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Part 1245⅓

Sherwood & postcode Local News

This morning, I’d like to start with the worst of YourArea news items. To get it out of my system; So maddening!

Double child killer Colin Pitchfork could be cleared for a move to open prison within months after being returned to jail because he was approaching young women.

  • Murderer Colin Pitchfork, 61, was arrested and recalled to prison.
  • The convicted killer had allegedly been ‘approaching young women’ while on walks.
  • But Parole Board is now considering moving him to an open prison setting 
  • Pitchfork was jailed for life in 1988 for the rape and murder of 15-year-old girls
  • He was released from Leyhill prison, near Tortworth, Gloucester., two months ago

What sort of demented, do-gooder idiots sit on Parole Boards? How often have we heard of released scum killing and committing the same crimes again? How can the panels be fooled so often into releasing people to kill again?

What is the solution? Is there one? Well, yes! But it would probably not be considered practical. The Civil Rightists would think my idea too reactive for the libertarians, namby-pambies, egalitarians and guilty themselves of the crimes that people they have freed, committed, members of the Parole Boards!

Above all, they would consider the costs of keeping criminal sleazebags long term in prison. No doubt encouraged to be lenient, or even bribed; threatened or maybe, instructed, by the Government of days Justice Minister and Home Secretary?

Justice Department Wasted Money

Dominic Raab’s department wasted a ‘staggering’ £238m on an array of botched projects last year; Electronic tagging systems that were never used and software so bad it is causing industrial disputes are among sources of waste at the Ministry of Justice! The biggest-ticket item driving up the level of waste was £98.2m on a new case management system for electronic tagging of criminals – which was then scrapped before it could be used.

The department also had to pay an extra £72.1m HMRC because it had incorrectly reported the employment status of some of its workers, being hit with a further £15m penalty for breaching the rules. Then, £14m was paid to private contractors running probation services for the department breaking their contracts early, even though those companies had failed to hit their targets to reduce re-offending! This part of the cash was returned to the Treasury.

So, a Governmental decision was made to free prisoners early on parole. Boy, have they got guilt on their hands now! Fungleturds! The accountableness for their complicity with the powers that be, to me, means they should be punished themselves.

Are these living-in-another-world enfants-terribles even aware of their blame, but the effects that their moronic namby-pamby, spineless, effete decisions have had on the innocents involved? The parents and relations of these two daughters, the other family members, schoolmates, friends. It’s ruined their lives too! Two wrongs don’t make a right, but it would have levelled the field if the animal Pitchfork had been executed.

So, how can we save money in and on prisons? We stop supplying Gym equipment, computers, telephones etc. then, stop giving them free medications. Mental and physical. Cut back to the type of food that I manage on, no luxuries. Baths or shower only once every six months. When they escape, it should be easier for the dogs to trace them. I am not proposing this for all prisoners, of course. Only the violent ones. And if possible, which it won’t be, bring back executions. But offer them a choice first, of which way they would prefer to go. Hanging will be out, though; that is cruel. Beheading, poisoning or being tied up securely and left in a cellar for three days with relatives and family of the murdered victims. I feel this would be more of a deterrent than the current system. Oh, and no visitors!

I got a bit carried away there! Ah, well, I’ll press on!

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Another murder in Nottingham. Stabbings, druggies, shoplifting, gangs galore. I don’t think I can take anymore!

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It sounds like another lost cause for the police.

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Firearms, drugs, organised slave trade, burglaries… I think we had a poisoning last week?.

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That’s the spirit, Your Honour; Nip this violence in the bud while they’re young. Scare them to death with your nerve-wracking punishments… Oh, tagging him? Fine!

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A little too close for comfort?.

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Blimey, £9.35 per prescription. Hand on, I’ll utilise the calculator to find out how much it might cost me… Strewth! Blimey and heckithump; £149.60 a month!

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Oh!

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LATE SNIPPETS

READ ALL ABARGHT IT!

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Naughty, nasty lady!

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 Inchcock’s Local News Snippets

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Haveth a great Day!

Local News Snippets – Mark 4⅝th

Cunningly put together by the regurgitational Inchcock!
Just back from holiday, he went to his sweetheart, Ceindrych, in,
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch!
But she turned him away, hit him and called him a wazzok!
Which came over him with an aftershock…
And he’s now got writers’ block…
He fell over putting on a sock…
Gave Little Inchies fungal lesion a nasty knock…
His self-pity just ran amok!
So he had a drink of dandelion and burdock,
Watched an old film about the Morlock…
Put the kettle on and got an electric shock…
Harolds Haemorrhoids bled, on his buttock,
He really felt depressed and schlock…
He felt stupid, a fool, and a laughingstock,
So he started this blog and took off his frock!

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LOCAL NEWS SNIPPETS

WITH COMMENTS FROM INCHCOCK

Bearing in mind that I have not seen a policeman in my last three visits to the City Centre, where will they get them from?

There’ll be even fewer police officers available now that some more have been attacked and injured. Mayhap we could call on the Boy Scouts to help out? Or not!

The poor boys in blue have got it all on in the fair City of Nottingham, have they not?

I hope all the policemen have had their ‘Boosters’. The poor downtrodden, spat upon and attacked tiny mites, have obviously been very busy, you know!

It’s not looking good, is it? I delved further into this matter, visiting the BBC News site. (Well, someone has to!)

Well, that cheered me up, no end!

Hope this link works to a clip taken on a door camera!

Postman leaves elderly lady lying in snow after fall

Swine!

“She was not physically hurt”? Oh, well, she won’t be bothered at all then. She is not scared to death each time she goes to sleep or is worried about going out and coming back for ages. Maybe you could arrange for some drugs to be got the offending scumball, on a monthly basis… that’s one way of stopping them robbing to get money to pay for their habit? Why not throw in some fags and booze as well? Perhaps pay for their rent?

Blimey O’Riley, what next!

Corona Virus mark four, five on the way, bloody hell!
Omicron symptoms flu-like, and losing your sense of smell,
Food shortages, Parties at number ten: alarm bell!
Government confused giving out flannel…
Anti-maskers, shoplifters, rising prices; gloom to dispel?
Folks depressed, the honest ones only, just as well!
Hope we don’t see the return of the pterodactyl!

Thought you might like to recognise their faces,
A multitude of criminals of different races…
Muggers, con-artist, shoplifters and drug-embracers?
Pickpockets, burglars, killers and indifferent protesters?
Gunmen, knifers, they should all be made into lifers!.

Part of The Nottingham Lads News Snippets in Ode

December 2021: Local News – With Inchie comments

Local News

With Inchies comments in Ode.
Crap Ode, fair enough!

Here we go…

Inchy: I wrote upon this news, a comment what I thought,
Needed saying, about my views on this report,
About dangerous bike riders and Escooterists,
If I was young enough, I’d give them some fist!
Not that I’m a spoilsport…
Pavements are not there for their sport…
They should use the road, was my retort!
This will be perfect planning for those who snort,
Muggers, pickpockets shoplifters, should go to court!
But they rarely, some never get caught…
That’s the end of this verbal jaunt!

Not looking good, these figures, are they tommyrot?
I don’t know, but I do think not…
The anti-maskers, I disagree with this lot…
Being careful is best in the longshot…
Maybe each one of them is a barnpot?
They show aggression, wanting to form a protest riot?
Hah… I’ll just get me dinner made, chips and a carrot!

Well, the above new, will give normality a jerk though,,
Coronavirus has limited the number of people at work,
Working from home is back, I see,
Not that that is relative to me…
At last, from that pressure, I’m free…
I don’t miss it to any degree!

It’s the few who have to go to work, get my simpatico!
I know words can’t really help them; they seem shallow…
But in a few years, they will feel a warm glow…
Yes, retirement… it may be a shock, though?
There’ll be little rest; they should know…
So, I give advising a little go…

Things You May Find When Retired:
Of course, it depends if you’ve retired or been sacked…
Made redundant, nowadays that’s more of a fact,
70% of over 60’s get heart attacks…
80% will get cataracts,
Brittle limbs get broken or cracked,
If you did work, did you check your pension contract?
An area in which I sadly lacked…
The Government wants to know your finances; use tact…
People over 65 more often get hacked…
HM taxation will rarely use the word subtract…
It’ll help to see the Doctor, to get Prozacked…
Dementia, memory loss will ensure you get sidetracked…
HM Inspector of taxes checks, you are honest, in fact…
Oh, 90% of passengers were killed when getting highjacked…
Still, we’ll leave off that fact…

The truth is, you won’t be fit or rich enough to own a car,
Thus avoiding the floods, stay home using your camera…
Snap the poor devils, sell them photos later, from afar…
Then get ready for Arthur Itis, ulcers, and likely, oedema!

If they did ban them all, one day, to my amazement,
There’d be so many more unlicensed drivers prevalent!
Untaxed too, so what can we do?
What other form of punishment, a thumbscrew?
Too expensive to consider imprisonment,
The problem’s likely, beyond reconcilement!

I’ll tell yers while, Mr Magistrate,
He’s got you weighed up, straight!
Send him to prison, and you capitulate,
His laundry is done, free food, he can sleep in late,
No rent to pay, free medical care, to appreciate…
From the next peter, he’ll get his barbiturate…
Have time to read, watch telly, and cogitate,
To hand, will be a different way to cohabitate?
He can buy a knocked off phone to confabulate…
Oh, yes, he’s got it worked out, mate!.

A life sentence? Huh!, Rubbish!
No time for Odeing on this one…
Kenneth McDuff:
killed three teenagers, a life sentence, released after 11 years. Three days after his release, he killed again!
David Edward Maust:
While stationed in Germany, Maust killed a boy and was ultimately convicted of manslaughter. After being released, Maust stabbed a friend in his sleep, drowned a 15-year-old in a quarry, and slew three teens and attempted to bury them under his home.
Steven Pratt:
Two days after being released from prison for shooting and killing his next-door neighbour in 1984, Steven Pratt beat his mother to death during an argument.
Arthur J. Bomar Jr:
is a repeat offender who was in and out of the justice system multiple times. After being paroled from a Nevada prison in 1990, following a second-degree murder conviction, he may have been involved in three murders in Pennsylvania. Then, a few years later, he used a fake police badge to stop a female college athlete on the interstate and brutally murdered her. After he was finally caught in 1997, Bomar was charged with first-degree murder, kidnappings, aggravated assault, rape and abuse of corpses, and he was formally sentenced to death by legal injection. Hurrah! In the UK: Andrew Dawson, George Johnson, Ernest Wright, David Cook and Desmond Lee were all allowed out on licence despite getting life sentences; All killed again!

Another set too!

Why?
Gangs?
Fear… weapons…
Intimidation…
Drugs…
Booze…
Gambling?

Part of the Inchcock Local News in Ode Series

Early December 2021: Local News Snippets – With Sarcastic comments

With Sarcastic Comments

This semi-political Local News Snippets Report,
Is unsuitable for any laughter-unliking spoilsport,
But suitable for anyone liking jolly fun and rapport!
With comments that offer humour in their retort…
This way, cause Inchies taking Morphine and Ocu-Cort®,
With Prednisone® and Methylprednisolone in support…
I must remind him of his next visit to court!

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Local News Snippets…

Well, not good news to view,
Wearing a face mask… are you?
We’ve been told that we should do!
No? Well, then you bloody-well ought to!

New cases in Nottingham. The last 7 days is 1305!
How many of them in a week will still be alive?
Not wearing a mask? How many lives will you deprive?
By permitting the new Omicron bug to thrive?
Anti-maskers?… Time for firmer punishments to arrive!

Seems to me that Tories defunding the Constabulary,
And increasing the pretend policemen auxiliary…
Has increased the amounts of muggings and burglary,
And their success in convictions has dropped, similarly,
By their softly-softly approach and being conciliary,
And poor Ethsham Ul Hag Ghafoor’s heartbroken family

Has owt gone more warped, diseased than Joe Public?
Shoplifting, driving with no insurance, licence, dogmatic?
More murders, stabbings, muggins, they go at it,
Youngsters mope around, cunningly looking apathetic,
More morons on, than off drugs, and antisemitic,
Yet ready to fight anyone else who’s anti-Islamic?
Gobby, and leery to the point of being semantic,
Yet they unhappily don’t stop acting demagogic?
No desires to learn and be semasiologic,
They take any drug they can steal, but just a tick…
They could get from, say, mushrooms a similar kick?
And get them free from the wood – the type that is magic!

I know I don’t get out much nowadays,
And when I do, I get the shakes and mind haze,
Or fall over and put me in a daze…
For months now, and this may amaze…
I’ve not seen a uniformed policeman in over 120 days!

Shithead!

The gal was just going for some milk & bread,
But she had to meet with this druggy instead!
Who bashed her about her head…
Threatened her with a knife, it’s been accredited…
Said he’d burn her face, that already bled…
He should be taken quietly to an allotment shed…
And hopefully, they’ll find his mangled body later – Dead!

I thought wearing a mask was to prevent you from passing it on?
But who knows with this new Corona strain, Omicron?
To me, it’s sensible to put a facemask on?
Has all compassion and caring now gone?
It matters not where it came from, China, Africa or Saigon…
Proof again, humans have less compassion than a Klingon!

This one (Statement) must have taken a lot of working out,
I imagined they would come up with some cringing words…
Two days it took the get it out…
This is what they said…

Shit, I can’t find it now! That wasn’t the statement, Hehehe!

Well, well, well!

Did you see that they used a photo of two Police Officers…
In Nottingham? Note he is wearing short sleeves? It must have been summer when they took this photograph. Cause, apart from when the Muslims, Black Lives Matter, Anti-Face maskers, National Front (UK), Student Demands, and any other protest group are protesting in Nottingham. I have not seen any officers for months now in the City Centre. Plenty of shoplifters, muggers, beggars, rough sleepers and the likes, though.

And I’ve got appointments not to be missed…
The Doctors, I mustn’t get a brain-fog, for the phlebotomist,
Then I’ve to go for my virus booster at the local chemist,
Got some forms to fill in with the Doctors receptionist…
Ah, and the scary, gonna hurt a lot visit to the Dentist!
Make an appointment about the Saccades at the optometrist,
January, the Deep Vein Thrombosis, and the cardiologist!…

The Nottingham Lads News Snippets in Ode Series

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Late Extra! Read All Abarght it!

This could happen to anyone…
Shaving and getting bloody kneed,
Peripheral Pete’s fault; Is that agreed?
Well, I dropped a razor, grabbed at it…
Never mind, you wouldn’t have believed…
The mess I got in, bloody indeed…
It’s a new body and brain that I need!

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November 2021: Local News Snippets

Comments from the Nottingham Proletariats, Photographs, bad grammar and punctuation, and other sundry rubbish!

Starting with the serious stuff. I’ve placed a picture, with the report of the Doctor who is responsible for so many deaths. Hopefully, if anyone is going in for surgery, and recognize the Doctor, can refuse to be treated by him.

Mr X, Nottingham resident (84), suggested that the return of hanging would be more of a deterrent.

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Mr X, Nottingham resident (84), quoted; Most likely a drugs gang killing. See the watch the youth has on? And the tattoos, are they a gang thing or what? Bring back hanging, and they won’t do it again, now will they?

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Mrs Y (82), a sweet-natured local resident, is all for starting a Nottingham Mafia, to control the crime waves that the non-existent police force can’t cope with. Adding; It’s the judges and the legal system I blame as much as the crude scum we’ve let into the country. A well-armed Nottingham Mafia can keep an eye on the rare odd police officer when they see them, and noble the offenders on the spot. Scumbags!

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Wilberforce Hutherswaite (73), a local resident, commented on the rising prices that are getting out of hand. It’s the bloody Tories again! They are the buggers that own or have shares in the rob-dogging, European owned greedy companies, purrin’ the prices up agen! It’s the Chinese who started off the Coronavirus, but yer cun rest assured that the other crooked politicians and shareholders have played a part in it… all designed to put prices and profit up! I towed ’em thurrit’d happen! Farsounds of illegals to feed too!

Still, yer doesn’t like to complain does yer. ‘ave yer gorrany weed on yer to spare, Inchcock?

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Wilhelmina Thunderthighs (77), a retired RMN nurse from Huddersfield originally, a Nottingham Resident since she got out of prison in 1975, offered her views on the Coronavirus situation, with figures spiking again:  “I blame the anti-masker shitheads. Likely unemployed benefit-claiming morons. You know, those with several different fathered ankle-snappers, and on their fifth live-in partner! One living rent-free in Sherwood, I read it in the Evening Post, so it has to be true… claiming child benefit of £690 a week, get their electricity and gas paid for. They’ve just had their Universal Credit reduced to £650 a week, so they will not be happy… But will they wear a facemask? No! Erm… what was the question?

The new Coronavirus variant found in Nottingham is of concern.

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Comment from Ecclisiastclese Edwards (67). That’s the fourth fire this year on the industrial park in Lenton. Obviously, brought Abarght by the illegal immigrants they employ. I don’t blame the incomers, who can blame ’em for gerrin’ away from Lithuania, Poland etc., not me! If any other country would house and feed me if I got away, I’d take it too! Them who are escaping wars who I feel sorry for. Cause, there are bound to be some murderers, paedophiles and terrorists among ’em, that’s to be expected. I reckon some arsonists have sneaked and got underpaid jobs ‘ere?

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Comment from Blanche Bloomerworthy (78), an ex Prison Warden, living in Sherwood, Nottingham. I’ve been watching this happen every day for months. It dawned on this morning, can you eat these ducks? They could be a solution to the food shortages?

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Not a made-up name! All true!

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Unfortunately, Inchcock got his walker-guide wheels stuck in the snow this morning. Over he went, landing in a blubbery mass of flesh onto the wet grass and gravel. He’d like to thank the youth passing by for not stopping to help, and calling  Inchy a f___cking old idiot, as he carried on his way on his Escooter!

I’m losing faith in humanity!

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Part of the ‘Inchcock’s Local News Series’

Inchcock’s Local Pictorial News Report

Created in the furtherance of Inchcock’s desire to entertain and amuse others, with his rather ultracrepidarian style of reportage. Nottingham Local News Snippets gleaned from his ‘YourArea’ Emagazine. He couldn’t resist adding a few comments himself… in his desire to test out his non-existent newslettering, editing skills.

Why do they use this photo? Defeats me?

Scumballs!

Well, they seem happy enough here?

So sad that this is happening!

Oh, dearie me!

Ex-Street-sleeper chap. Now a disc jockey. His ideas are reasonable, it seems to me… but not in the middle of the road on a traffic island, not safe that. Still, if it gets him some publicity, it won’t do any harm to him. No fine ensued.

It read that he was also done for Blackmailing.

Poor old chap. I’m so glad they have found him and sorted him out. But why was he allowed to get this bad? Cheery news that he’s getting assistance.

Not too good!


The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippet Series