Early December 2021: Local News Snippets – With Sarcastic comments

With Sarcastic Comments

This semi-political Local News Snippets Report,
Is unsuitable for any laughter-unliking spoilsport,
But suitable for anyone liking jolly fun and rapport!
With comments that offer humour in their retort…
This way, cause Inchies taking Morphine and Ocu-Cort®,
With Prednisone® and Methylprednisolone in support…
I must remind him of his next visit to court!

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Local News Snippets…

Well, not good news to view,
Wearing a face mask… are you?
We’ve been told that we should do!
No? Well, then you bloody-well ought to!

New cases in Nottingham. The last 7 days is 1305!
How many of them in a week will still be alive?
Not wearing a mask? How many lives will you deprive?
By permitting the new Omicron bug to thrive?
Anti-maskers?… Time for firmer punishments to arrive!

Seems to me that Tories defunding the Constabulary,
And increasing the pretend policemen auxiliary…
Has increased the amounts of muggings and burglary,
And their success in convictions has dropped, similarly,
By their softly-softly approach and being conciliary,
And poor Ethsham Ul Hag Ghafoor’s heartbroken family

Has owt gone more warped, diseased than Joe Public?
Shoplifting, driving with no insurance, licence, dogmatic?
More murders, stabbings, muggins, they go at it,
Youngsters mope around, cunningly looking apathetic,
More morons on, than off drugs, and antisemitic,
Yet ready to fight anyone else who’s anti-Islamic?
Gobby, and leery to the point of being semantic,
Yet they unhappily don’t stop acting demagogic?
No desires to learn and be semasiologic,
They take any drug they can steal, but just a tick…
They could get from, say, mushrooms a similar kick?
And get them free from the wood – the type that is magic!

I know I don’t get out much nowadays,
And when I do, I get the shakes and mind haze,
Or fall over and put me in a daze…
For months now, and this may amaze…
I’ve not seen a uniformed policeman in over 120 days!


The gal was just going for some milk & bread,
But she had to meet with this druggy instead!
Who bashed her about her head…
Threatened her with a knife, it’s been accredited…
Said he’d burn her face, that already bled…
He should be taken quietly to an allotment shed…
And hopefully, they’ll find his mangled body later – Dead!

I thought wearing a mask was to prevent you from passing it on?
But who knows with this new Corona strain, Omicron?
To me, it’s sensible to put a facemask on?
Has all compassion and caring now gone?
It matters not where it came from, China, Africa or Saigon…
Proof again, humans have less compassion than a Klingon!

This one (Statement) must have taken a lot of working out,
I imagined they would come up with some cringing words…
Two days it took the get it out…
This is what they said…

Shit, I can’t find it now! That wasn’t the statement, Hehehe!

Well, well, well!

Did you see that they used a photo of two Police Officers…
In Nottingham? Note he is wearing short sleeves? It must have been summer when they took this photograph. Cause, apart from when the Muslims, Black Lives Matter, Anti-Face maskers, National Front (UK), Student Demands, and any other protest group are protesting in Nottingham. I have not seen any officers for months now in the City Centre. Plenty of shoplifters, muggers, beggars, rough sleepers and the likes, though.

And I’ve got appointments not to be missed…
The Doctors, I mustn’t get a brain-fog, for the phlebotomist,
Then I’ve to go for my virus booster at the local chemist,
Got some forms to fill in with the Doctors receptionist…
Ah, and the scary, gonna hurt a lot visit to the Dentist!
Make an appointment about the Saccades at the optometrist,
January, the Deep Vein Thrombosis, and the cardiologist!…

The Nottingham Lads News Snippets in Ode Series

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Late Extra! Read All Abarght it!

This could happen to anyone…
Shaving and getting bloody kneed,
Peripheral Pete’s fault; Is that agreed?
Well, I dropped a razor, grabbed at it…
Never mind, you wouldn’t have believed…
The mess I got in, bloody indeed…
It’s a new body and brain that I need!

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13 thoughts on “Early December 2021: Local News Snippets – With Sarcastic comments

  1. Windthorpe has become the news center for all things Nottinghamish. A cast of fell and loathsome characters are crawling, creeping, and conniving to set new records in the annals of criminology. Where is a modern-day Holmes when of use to yer were. Were you to have a John Watson for a personal physician there would be no trying to find a marginally competent man of medicine in the entire North of England.
    Owen Scumball Bush likely thinks himself a piece of good work. A piece of work he is, but only of the rotten sort. What variety of brute would carry about a can of deodorant and think himself a gentleman and well-armed. Perhaps it is his armpits that are questionable here. A 25-year old idiot and ne’er-do-well of a sadsack.
    Where is a vacant Australia when you need it? That be my question for today, mate.

  2. You would think that a town known for its SHERRIF would know how to deal with ruffians such as are reported here. Excepting Robin of the Hood of course. In the town of Fort Thomas, we have a department of police that show up to keep the Owen Scumball Bush out of circulation. But, it may have something to do with this being the official home and manor of HRH Lisa. That makes a difference, it do.

    • The current Sheriff has not the powers of the French mastered Sheriffs of yore. Nice looking lady though, arrived from Jamaica with her family, and has taken to us. She still has a few months of her tenure left. I was particularly pleased to see the Council appoint a coloured lady in the role – it really annoyed the racist Nottinghamians! Hahaha!
      If we had popped over to official home and manor of HRH Lisa, the role would have suited her down to the ground. ♥

      • Those French-mastered Sheriffs of yore were lost in the Winterish mists of a Sherwood that surely would.
        Omar the Sheriff comes to mind, and then leaves through a back door.
        The Council wisely chose a coloured gal to vex the racist Nottinghamians who dream of an earlier Century whilst fashioning fake farthings from poker chips. Yep, that breed of chaps.
        Pop on over to the highly official home and manor of that certain HRH Lisa for hospitality of no mean character. Fake farthings not accepted.

      • Yee gaddeths! Wordings of worth willingly offerred freely, Sire. I shall ahve to do a blog of of the current Sheriff. Fact-finding I must now delve into. I will do my bestest.

      • I always emjoy exploring wordages and their transformations into the least expected things. Thanks for keeping up with those Sherrifs, they are curios creatures. And interesting too.

      • Argh! I cringe when I think of the undependable, dishonourable, duplicitous, unprincipled, unreliable, corrupt, devious, lying swine! I’m surprised his ambiguous ways have reached the US, Billum. Well picked up by the BZ Gazette News Team.

      • We are a crack team here at the BZ Gazette and call a hog a swine and the dishonest the corrupt. It is good to have our two publications to take ’em on. It was easier in the Robin Hood days.
        So sayeth Billum: muckraker.

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