Local News Snippets – With Odeing

An ode in comment for every snippet,
Not all pleasant, I have to admit,
I’d sooner have written of the error, Brexit…
But nowt in the news at all about that!
Any murders, I do write implicit,
Lots of stories of those acting illicit…
Violence, hatred, drugs I cannot omit…
Most items were chosen as a posit…
Good news? I’ll try to find a tidbit!

There we go…

Danielle De Carpentier

Scum-riiden solicitor Danielle De Carpentier,
Stealing from an 80-year-old woman with dementia…
Solicitor? Surely she’d make a better gangster!
Richard Gibbs, solicitor, in efforts to defend her…
Because of this, she has lost her career… Oh, poor dear!
Sentenced her to 18 months, she pled guilty…
The term should definitely have been heftier!

Albanian Gangs, and we house them too!
Polish, Latvian, Czech, Bulgaria, to name a few,
Hungary Estonia… are all coming through…
Legal, illegal, murderers, sex offenders, any’ll do!
Brexiteers now want an immigration revue…
But that’s something that I wouldn’t do…
Turning away Ukrainians? That would be taboo!

Suspended sentencing, leniency rampant?

Suspended sentencing, leniency, I’m told?
Not his fault for the drug stranglehold?
Let him off lightly? I suppose that’s bold!
A rare bit of common sense, pure gold!.

Another Nottingham murder, catastrophic!
Jealousy the cause, was it romantic?
Or prompted by something phycological?
Maybe drug addiction? or alcholohlical?
A mistake in treating someone psychiatrical?
A noisy neighbour, mayhaps psychoacoustic?
A disagreement twixt Muslim and Catholic?
A chance return of the black death, or bubonic?
Did someone spill their gin and tonic?
Lust, money, or something more mystagogic?
Did drugs drive someone to get tsunamic?
Or was the poor lady just agammaglobulinemic?
Either way, mankind’s violence to each other makes me sick!.

Immigrants seem to be unhappy here?

Opening a takeaway in Nottingham was their intention…
If they thought they’d get custom and socialisation…
Local youths will rob places, at times through inebriation,
Although this happens throughout our beleaguered nation,
There’s Skunk, Acid, PCP, etc. They have an addiction,
Yet many were too scared to have the Virus Vaccination?
They tell me Heroin brings on dreams and delusion?
Today’s youths come with their own pollution…
The drugs the use brings on self- zombification?.


Woman battering, according to the police cataloguing…
In Nottingham, is per-capita, ever-increasing!
As is murder, anti-social behaviour and mugging,
Blaggings are down; that’s encouraging…
But no use to the lady with her head bashed in!.

First-time offence, no suspended sentence like woman-batterers and drug gangsters get then? Huh!

The poor old coppers keep on getting hit.
The population couldn’t give a shit!
The judges care even less, Gawdamit!
The police continue playing at whodunnit?
Nottingham’s becoming a crime-ridden cesspit!
Judges look after, care more for the criminal culprit…
No thoughts at all for the bloodied-bobbies haematocrit!


Daily Free Competition – I got one! – My best effort for weeks!


3 thoughts on “Local News Snippets – With Odeing

  1. Those criminal elements have at least added a bit of originality to their chosen vocation and lifestyle.The economics student was simply doing a little research that will help him upon graduation, a thoughtful bloke then. Taking from the meager alms designed for the poor, we have them calling themselves stricken with a poverty that has brought them back to the church. Isn’t that what the vicars wish at this time of the year? Taking a hammer to someone is supposed to allow others to compare you to Christ the carpenter, or something? Then, you have something similar enough to a hammer, an axe. What is wrong in joining with others in a round of dance. He was just borrowing the purse so he could find out her name before asking her to a dance. Where is the crime there? Even the coppers are not safe, but their crime might be accepting a salary while doing nowt.
    Covid seems to have been somewhat forgotten with all the stir caused by the Ukrainian’s new curse word: Putin. But not here on this beneficent journal of record, a source for finding truth among misinformation and news of the cretin Putin. I have it on good authority (ahem…) that Putin himself reads this news source daily with his Wheaties. Did you know that the Ruble is now valued below a square of bathroom tissue? Any respect for their fearless guide is disappearing rapidly, even if very belatedly.
    May the Easter Rabbit bring you gorgeous treats, kind Sir!

    Addendum: The Ukrainians have brought a more excellent expression to their Russian curse phrases. a variation of Go f yourself, Sit on my dick! Used by children with nods of approval from their parents.A little levity never hurt anyone.

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