I only wanted a shave and shower! – How hard can that be?

Having a Shave and Shower…

I wanted to be presentable, to visit Olive in flat eighty-two,

Thought: I’ll take a shower and shave, that’s what I’ll do,

Then I had to have a session on the loo,

Good job I’d used the lemon scented Toilet-Bloo,

Readied for the best shave a man can get, it must be true,

The Gillette razor, two blades and Hydration Moisturiser mark two!

Moments later, I felt like Victor Meldrew, too

Much blood was drawn, a scar left my ear-lobe all askew,

 But I got the after-shave & TCP on it, it’d stop soon I knew.

I went to move the shower chair – a dizzy and before I knew,

I was entangled in it and to the fall I flew,

Hit the wall with my head, now all bestrew,

Some doctoring I had to do,

TCP applied to the, that made me say Ooh!

Luckily, no blood was drew (Bad English bit it’ll do for you),

Moved the chair and back in the showering to do,

My language was rather I admit, rather blue,

The pump gurgled, why it does this I never knew,

Applied the carbolic soap and honeydew,

Scrubbed away singing, the words of which I knew few,

The lump on my head swelled and grew,

A headache bad, but no hiatus or issue,

Soon I would be at Olives, so from the shower, I withdrew.

Citrus underarm sprayed, the Brut lid I couldn’t unscrew,

The toothpaste top was a bit hard to undo,

Sit-ups, press-ups and squats, each one hundred and twenty-two,

Shadow boxed and handstands like daily I do,

Changed into me best togs, mainly in Sky-blue,

Rushed off to see Olive, for who my love is true!

Doctors say at our ages, passions, we should subdue?

I say, thanks and but from this advice we just may Eschew!

I fank you!