Inchcock Today: Monday 27th Febuary 2017


Monday 27th February 2017

Icelandic – Mánudagur 27. febrúar 2017

Didn’t nod off until well gone midnight again, woke with a start around 0200hrs in urgent need to utilise the porcelain, scrambled out of the £300 second-hand rickety recliner chair and made it to the throne, and amazingly the trots were replaced with rock cement! How one can go from eight hours of the trots to the opposite so quickly I have no idea. Tsk!

While waiting for the action, bits of the dream I’d been having came to mind. The muddy fields were there again, but other people were with me and instructing me how to get out of a muddy crater they had thrown me into, each time I got out they told my I’d done it wrong and lobbed me back in to get it right?

Up properly at 0400hrs. I rubbed some pain-gel in the knees and made a cuppa, carried out the health checks and made a nice cuppa as I got the computer going, then took the medications.

I’d got messages in reply to yesterday’s diary from Duncan and Tim, both helping me with the Excel Health spreadsheet formatting on how to add different cells together 1mon05and divide them into an average. Tried it and it worked! Many thanks, lads, cheered me up a bit this did.

1mon06Then, the stomach started rumbling and I had a dizzy at the same time, this confused me a bit. Don’t want any physical bother today with all the jobs I’ve got to do. Got to go to a new bank to sort out the fiscal difficulties, the Dentist to check on the appointment day and time… checked in the Google calendar, now I’ve found out how to access it in G Suite. Sad innit, Hehe?

Core blimus, so much to get done, I bet I’ll be catching up still on Tuesday.

1mon09The weather forecast on the web looked not too nice.

I carried out the ablutions, shave, teggies shower etc, medicated the areas in with a requirement of the same (Hehe!).

Sorted the waste bins out, bagged them and took them disposed of them down the rubbish chute.

Got my list of jobs wanting to be done, wrapped myself up and got as far as the lifts when I realised I had the wrong glasses on. Back to the flat and changed them.

Out again and got as far again, when I realised I had not taken the bank details, so back once again and collected them.

Outside and walked to the glass recycle bin with the bottles and jars. Then to the Winwood Centre Shed to try and talk with Warden Deans about the TV Licence letter and advice on the Bank problems. She was helping a resident so I sat waiting and had a go at the crossword book. OBegruppenfureress Julie came in and asked “What do you want? Come on hurry up I’m busy…” I showed her the TV Licence letter, she said forget it. Told her about the banking problems, she said for me to go to the Co-op Bank and ask them – the Deana was temporarily free, although waiting on the phone for someone and said no need to go to the bank and I was to let her know if and when I get any TV licence money rebate.


Community Shed

Then to the Winwood Centre Shed to try and talk with Warden Deans about the TV Licence letter and advice on the Bank problems. She was helping a resident so I sat waiting and had a go at the crossword book.


Obegruppenfureress Julie came in and asked “What do you want? Come on hurry up I’m busy…” I showed her the TV Licence letter, she said forget it. Told her about the banking problems, she said for me to go to the Co-op Bank and ask them – then Deana became temporarily free, although waiting on the phone for someone and said no need to go to the bank and I was to let her know if and when I get any TV licence money rebate. Confused again… Hehe!

1mon08This is the route and calls/stops made on my morning hobble:

I got some nice Polish bread and belly pork with peppers from the Continental Food Shop. Then to the Bank across the road and asked the cashier if I could talk with someone about moving all my cash and accounts to their bank. She disappeared a few moments and returned telling me to take a seat. I met a lady tenant of the flats and as we nattered a chap appeared, shook my hand and with pound-signs spinning and twinkling in his eyes, led me into a little room for a talk. After asking me to bring in my current UK driving Licence and Passport, and my telling him I own neither nowadays, he was not put-out, and asked me to bring a current Council Tax Bill and a State Pension Letter that gives details of the pension for this year. He arranged the meeting for this Thursday at 1000hrs. He said he would show me their internet banking and how to use it and get things sorted with me, it should, he say’s take only 2 and half hours to arrange, then, seven complete days later it should all be in place up and running. I felt the chap looked and sounded like a used car salesman, bless him.

Out of the bank (Confused a tad), and up to the Post Office and asked them if they could read the senders name and address on a package I wish to send something back to in return, they could not.

I left there and crossed over the road and called in the Co-op store and got some Pork & Liver Pate, Shortcake biscuits, tomatoes and apples.

Up the hill to the Dentists to confirm the date of my next appointment. The young rather attractive lady on the reception printed it out for me Wednesday 8th March 2017 09:00hrs. A different dentist this time, Dr Vitish Patel. (When I got back later I Googled the name and got: About 82,900,000 results [0.79 seconds])

As I came ou1mon17t to continue up and over the Mansfield Road hill to go through Woodthorpe Park back to the flats, an elderly lady had taken a tumble at the bus stop. Already several people tending to her thankfully. I felt so sorry for her.

At least I’d got some things that needed doing started today, and felt a little lifted in spirits and less frustrated with life now.

Turned right and up the footpath towards the turn off to the flats. So many dogs walking their owners about today, I spent a while watching them.

1mon16As I went right to go down the gravel footpath to the flats, I took a photographicalisation of my favourite little copse with the blocks of flats in the background. The grass was thickening I think a little.

Looking forward so much to when it gets overgrown and full of plant life and animal life for me to walk through and hope to see.

As I hobbled down the pathway, Anne Gyna started to give me some hassle along with Roger Reflux and Arthur Itis, they all seemed to start off at the same time after all being so kind to me earlier. Humph! This put an end to my plans to go out again and get more jobs done today! Shame!

Got in and gave Olive a ring, I hope she is alright she sounded it and said she was feeling better… but she didn’t tell me off about anything. Hehehe!

Cleaned the kitchen floor, then onto the Computer to update this twaddle.

Pondered on what to have for nosh, def the pate and pork

Made the salad and took a photograph of it without the card in the camera. Tsk!

Carried out a messy search for the items needed for the bank on Thursday, I think I have them all now.

Feeling drained now, but in better spirits, I settled to watch some DVD then TV.

I lasted about an hour or so before nodding off into a dream filled sleep.

Inchcock Today: Sun 26th Feb 2017:

Sunday 26th February 2017

Esperanto: Dimanĉo 26 februaro 2017


Up at 0300hrs, some good news for once in the wet-room. Little Inchy not bleeding or sore either. Duodenal Daniel giving me a nice rest, even Anne Gyna was in a calm mood. Arthur Itis his usual self. Just this sniffling and sneezing at the moment. So no complaints medication-wise.


Got the health checks done, the (2nd) Dia reading was worryingly high at 101, but later on, the second check showed it was back down again?

Can anyone please tell me how to Format Excel to get the total of cells C9 H9 & M9 divided by three? I wanted to get the average reading for the week for Dia, Sys, Pulse & Temperature, but seem unable to find a way, and when I look up advice on the net there are may symbols and things I don’t understand.

Doing well with these lately despite the Whoopsiedangleplops. Hehe!

cropped-7sun03a.jpgTook the medications and sorted out the week’s dosage pots.

001I don’t think I got anything mixed up this week… but, we’ll find out later. Haha!

Got on with finishing and doing some more graphicalisationing for the TFZer site.

This one was my favourite, took a few hours, but I do enjoy doing them if they like them.

Finished another two, and will post them on Facebook later.

Hope they all like em, I love it when they do.

When it began to get light this morning, I nipped into the kitchen to make another cup of nice strong Thompson’s tea and saw how pretty but foreboding the cloud formations were and I took a photo to the left and right through the window.


Whats look at first glance like a bird in the first one, turned out when I zoomed in, to be a gnat or midge close to the glass! Hehehe!

Got on with updating this diary after I’d finished yesterday’s one.

Sister Jane rang. Got told off. Hehe!

Did some searching for the notes of jobs I made yesterday. No luck at all, huh!

Spent more time doing Facebook and CorelDrawing. During which the trots returned with a vengeance, so the porcelain is in heavy use, not productive use, but heavy use. Hehe! Humph! Rang Olive, to say I dare not go round to see her for fear of passing on the bug, which had come on a bit quick? Oh, ‘eck!

My flipping luck continues dunnit: I put the highly priced Quorn Vegetable lasagne in the oven, to find that the plastic tray has a tiny hole in it – another mess and burnt finger cleaning it up – Argh! Had to rescue what I could and put it in a foil tray, added some cheese slices on top and back into the oven… then I went back to the porcelain on another false alarm!

6sat07The meal came out alright, though.

The cheese was nicely burnt a bit and Quorn Lasagne was very nice indeed.

I even managed to use the apple slicer without cutting myself.

Took ages and ages to get to sleep, far too long for me to get caught up on any, but still.

Inchcock Today: Sat 25th February 2017

 Saturday 25 February 2017

Luxembourgish: Samschdeg 25 Februar 2017


An almost 6 hour, dream-free (At least I think so) sleep ended when I sparked into life with an urgent mission to get to the porcelain… and only just got out of the £300 second-hand shudderingly refusing to lower me down so I had to climb out of it recliner and onto the throne in time! Phew!

6sat01Laundry room duties to perform today, so I gathered the requirements needed and headed down and got the clobber into the washer on short mode. Had to sweep up a bit, cause someone had been eating a takeaway and bits of food were scattered around the floor, the smell from the bin where they had dumped the box, offered no help in my trying to work out what it was they had – the odour seemed a mixture of stale fish and curry to me. Still, it took my mind off of the depression and boredom for a while.

Up to the flat, where I got the health readings done and recorded on my new Excel sheet where I’ve now got the three daily checks in a single line… and have at last worked out how to get an average of certain cells to record automatically. And it only took me five hours to find how to do, yesterday. (Sad innit?)


I think the Average cells will give a reading that is correct for the week for each of the three readings when I’ve completed the week in full. I still can’t yet work out how to get an average for the full week yet, but I’m working on it. (Not easy being a thick psittacism ridden ultracrepidarian yer know. Huh!)

Back down with some more washing, towels, dressing gown and jammies, but them in the washer on short mode after I’d moved the others stuff into the dryer, back again up to the flat and got on with finishing yesterday’s diary off with a nice cup of tea.

Down again and moved the clothes from the washer into the dryer with the first load… clever stuff eh? And I remembered to keep them separate to prevent the bits of fluff sticking to the other clobber?

6sat02Yet again back to number 72 where I started this diary off and going.

Note the timer thingamajig on the printer, I felt I was well organised this morning – being aware that thinking confident things like this usually forebodes Whoopsiedanglplops, failures or defeat that is in the air and imminently coming my way! Oh dear!

Down yet once again to collect the washing – all seemed dried, sorted and folded them in order and departed the laundry room – actually trapping just one finger in the heavy fire-door, it had to be the finger that I cut yesterday didn’t it? And trapped exactly where the cut was. Nice little bruise coming now. That feeling of foreboding didn’t take long to materialise did it… Humph!

Back up into my miniature window leaking, burnt saucepan containing flat, put the stuff away, made another cuppa, took the medications and applied the creams and lotions and back onto the computer to update this tosh.

Checked the note of things to do:

  1. Go to a new bank and see how to transfer money to new account from old bank that is going broke.
  2. Call at Dentist to check appointment because I’ve downloaded G Suite which has deleted all my calendar and YouTube history and settings?
  3. To Post Office get package and details of how to send a parcel to Australia.
  4. See Warden Deana for help over TV Licencing letter: Also, the window repairs after waiting in on the day I reported it (Not been out since) and being told they would come within four hours and they came ten hours later at midnight, did nothing and told me they would send someone Friday morning twixt 0800 > 1200hrs and I didn’t move out of the flat, lost sleep and no one arrived.
  5. Check with clinic due to item 3
  6. Check with surgery and Warfarin list due to item 3
  7. Commit Hagi Kari (Optional)  Hehe!

I thought at one time, I’d become omniscient, but realised I was a fainéant, at best.

I phoned Olive see how she was going, she sounded good. She said I could call to see her before lunch as she was being picked up to go to afternoon tea with the family. (But I was back from the shopping too late.)

7sun01I hobbled up through the park and into Sherwood, called in the shop that is closing down and got some bargains. Caramel Chocolate Peanuts, Black Bean sauce, Soap capsules, Chocolate Almonds, Mr Muscle cleaner each with 50% off.

I felt a bit sorry for the staff, but they all seemed cheerful enough. I imagine they will be relocated at another branch or they will be taken on by the buyers, which is Tesco, I believe.


Sorry aboutSorry about the face in this one.

Wandered down to Wilko’s and got a replacement saucepan at a good price, £3. A washing brush and two replacement pads for £2.50, a small Citrus deodorant spray for only 50p too.

Got some pork & mushroom pate for tonight’s planned salad of sorts.

The maroon and white box on the lower left of the above photograph… I suppose there will be some doubting personages who think it might 6sat07contain two iced strawberry and cream buns?

You are right, Hehehe!

I was hoping to give one to Olive, but I got back to the flat too late to visit her.

I’ll just have to eat them both.

Caught the bus back up the hill and had a natter with some other residents on it.

Got in and put the things away and took the photos. Arthur Itis and Anne Gyna were being nice to me today, Reflux Roger and Duodenal Donald were too. Only Haemorrhoid Harry and Dizzy Dennis were playing up at this stage.

I was appreciating this relief when I remembered all the jobs I had to get done on Monday and or Tuesday, Tsk!

Did some graphicationalisationing on CorelDraw/Paint.

Had me nosh and settled to watch TV, fell asleep at first commercials, woke up a 0300hrs and got up.


Inchcock today: Friday 24th Feb 2017:

Friday 24th February 2017

Mongolian: 24 Хоёрдугаар сарын 2017

After the maintenance men came and woke me up last night at 1125hrs, they were gone by midnight after telling me they could do nothing, but they would send someone around in the morning to look at the leaking kitchen window and screw if closed. How I clean the outside after that I don’t know. They are very good at this, getting out of doing anything and sounding knowledgeable at the same time, you know. So I stayed up on the computer all night.

So I stayed up on the computer all night. I tried to use the WordPress G-Suite but ended up having to contact their helpline again, and after a few hours was no closer to a solution than I was before. Tsk!

I tried around 0340hrs to clean up the mess still left from the floods and realised about 0430hrs what a Plonka, I am… They will only make another mess when they come won’t they? I felt a little like a Punchinello, physically and mentally.

Made a note to remind me to call BJ to tell him about my nor being able to attend the Tenant’s Social Hour again and why. Must ask him if he can call on me, so I can give him the nibbles to hand out, and show him the message about a trip out from the Papplewick Pumping Station.

gc-01dThen, around 0555hrs, I got on with finishing yesterday’s post and then started this one off. Had to limp to the porcelain and was well pleased that the bleeding from Little inchy had stopped – but Haemorrhoid Harry had started. Cleaned my lower regions and the bowl up medicated the rear end and proceeded to feel a little sorry for myself again.

I loathe myself for self-pitying, but even I find it hard to take so many Whoopsiedangleplops so often and continuously as of the last few days. I pondered on what had occurred over the last two day: Crippled myself going to and getting onto and off of the Nottingham Wheel, cut my finger, burnt my hand, flooded the wetroom, lost my notepad, got the day wrong for the cleaners and the clinic on the same day, Little Inchy bleeds started again after weeks of no bother, new pains in the hip, rain coming in through the kitchen window and flooding that, had to turn off the heater cause it got in that too. the batteries ran out on the same day to toothbrush and radio, got overcharged at the shop, got on the wrong bus, sleep has become an impossibility, broke the thermometer, the repairmen arrived at nearly midnight to wake me up to look at the leaking kitchen window that they could do nothing with but arranged for others to call today to ‘screw it in place’? Got demand for a second TV licence, got told off eight times by Olive, No one told me the Tenant’s Meeting had changed from Thur to Fri – and now I can’t get to that! (Well I might if they come really early?) Hobbled painfully up into Mapperley to get some vegetables and lost a tenner somehow… there’s probably more, but these just came to mind yer know.

Took my medications, made a cuppa and just had to sigh and smile to myself when I dropped the milk as I had a dizzy spell, bent to pick up the handily placed mop from the bucket I’m left ready for the rain to come in again and the mop broke in half!!! These Whoopsiedangleplops are getting beyond a joke now, surely they must ease off soon?

Oh, and a letter from the Bank arrived yesterday, it is in the process of being sold off, so I have to consider moving the cash to another one to be on the safe side, Olive advises me. Another job to get done… Will it never end! I beseech the Lord to save my sanity before I become unhinged, and to please save my rationale… oh that sounded good didn’t it? Cheered missen up a bit now. Hehehe!

Another cup of strong tea and then did the health checks. The pulse has gone back down nicely.

Carried out the ablutions, made anther cuppa and rang BJ, no answer, though.

Worked on a new Excel sheet for the Health Checks for an hour or two, hard work when you’re not sure what you’re doing. Haha! Got it done in a fashion.

I rang BJ again, still no answer.

Tried to do some work on a poem, but the concentration wasn’t there.

Once more I rang BJ, he was at the Social meeting. I explained the situation and asked him to inform the others.

Got the vegetables in the slow cooker.

Felt a bit frustrated still, I can’t go out to take the rubbish bins out, go to the shop, visit Olive or anything because the maintenance men who said they would arrive between 0800 > 1200hrs and who came at midnight on their last visit to tend to the kitchen window may arrive at any time? (They didn’t though)

Got the meal going, battered sausages, veg, an apple and a potato. Took a photograph of it, but once again the unfathomable Photo Genie Gremlin removed it from the SD card??? Humph!

Cleaning up after the meal, the Whoopsiedangleplops returned – I’d left the saucepan on the heat while eating and the pan was burnt beyond salvation, I tried to clean it along with the other accoutrements and managed with great ease to cut my Arthur Itis ridden finger end while cleaning the apple divider. But it was a poor effort, hardly bled at all: Perhaps the Whoopsies are easing up in severity? I do hope so.


Companionless and feeling uncherished (although understandably so, hehe!) I WordPressed and did some graphicalisationing for hours, waiting, hoping the maintenance men would not arrive late at night. I needn’t have worried, they didn’t come at all.

TV on, dare not use the headphones in case I didn’t hear the door chime if anyone arrived, so had to watch programmes that had subtitles… not that it mattered, I’d been up for over 20 hours by then, and needed sleep and fell off into the land of nod quickly.

Inchcock Today: Thursday 23rd Feb 17: Muddles and Whoopsiedangleplops strike again Humph!

Up at around 0300hrs, dreams were of my being in a field of thick gooey mud, sinking down and drowning, and finding myself back on the surface and doing it all again? A feeling of doom, maybe even a catastrophe 

A feeling of doom, maybe even a catastrophe lurked and infested my poor disjointed low IQ but high EQ brain – and there was no moving this conviction, that one or the other would strike me today.

Dismounted the rickety £300 second-hand recliner chair and tended to the porcelain needs, and got on and finished a graphicalisation for the TFZer site.

foodA bit pleased with the outcome, I’ll post it to Facebook later.

Then I tried to open the WordPress and got into all sorts of messes and eventually had to contact their helpline. Hours later they had helped me sort tings out but I had to wait for the site to be activated. Helpful chap, he was patient with this old codger, he was.

Carried out the readings chart record.

Then did a bit of Facebooking


It was mighty wet and windy still, just like it was when I got up, but lighter now, and the wind was getting much worse. Humph!

Into the wetroom, turned on the radio and the batteries dies. To the kitchen and got replacements and put them in. Started to do the teggies with the brand new battery operated brush, and the batteries died! Replaced them as well. Cut myself shaving. Had a good long carbolicalised shower and scrub-up.

Dressed missen and got the vegetables cooking for later. Red spuds with balsamic vinegar in the saucepan, and red carrots, white carrots, orange carrots, parsnips, red onions, mushrooms and leeks in the crock-pot. Cut my finger slicing the leeks… don’t laugh! Oh, go on then! Tsk! 

I was beginning to feel sorry for myself again with all these damned Whoopsiedangleplops!

Phoned Olive to see if it was okay to visit her, and it was! That cheered me up somewhat!

Off I went, in4thur11 better spirits to Olive’s flat and had a good natter for a while and accepted my telling off’s from her with aplomb.

Back to the flat.

Did third Health Check – obviously, the angst is getting to me, see the latest reading for today for the pulse?

By gum, that pulse is going at a fair rate innit? I think it is going to get worse: When I went into the kitchen… The rain had been intruding through the window and soaked the ledge, camera, mirror, clock, flask and spread down onto the storage heater too!4thur06Another mess to clean up, this did Arthur Itis no good at all. I called Warden Deans to inform her, she was not on site but said she would ring someone to come have a look at it.

Not finished yet with the Whoopsiedangleplops… Went into the wetroom for a wee-wee and found I’d left the tap running and flooded the place as well as losing all the hot water. Had a tinkle and found that Little Inchy was bleeding! Grr! Frustration! The bending down to mop up the water caused this I suppose.

Got it sorted eventually, cleaned and creamed Inchy’s lesion. Made a cup of tea, and got this computer on to do this post.

4thur07A couple of hours later, Warden Deana rang back, someone was coming to look at the kitchen window. If it is anything like the last time they came to seal the leak, it’ll be worse when they leave – Bitter? Me? Yes!

The rain suddenly stopped and for a while, the sun came out to play – I was not in the mood, though. Hehehe!

Waiting for the maintenance personages still.

4thur111735hrs: Not much chance of any maintenance people calling I think at this time of day, so feeling very drained, I did the ablutions and got the fodder ready.

Another vegetarian effort. Tried the Asda (Walmart) own label Hot Dog Style Sausages for the first time. These were done in a saucepan of boiling water for four minutes as opposed to the usual ones I often have, that are done in the oven for 25 minutes. They looked pale and insipid; but were very nice and tasty, I must say. Two red potatoes with balsamic vinegar in the water. And the Crock-Pot vegetables, tomatoes, yellow, red and purple carrots, last of the parsnips and turnips, leeks, red onions and cooked with a little soy sauce, tomato puree, basil and oregano. Also very tasty! I’ll try these again methinks.

Took the readings and medications, applied the lotions and potions then tried to watch some TV – off I nodded without any bother… other than the dreams again, but this time I had no memories, just a feeling that they were not nice.

2325hrs: As I woke and felt the warm wet sensation from ‘Little Inchies’ lower zone and realised I needed to extract myself from the rickety £300 second-hand recliner and get the porcelain to clean things up and medicated – and it dawned on me the phone (landline) was ringing. It was the maintenance men came to look at the window!?!?!

Let them in, of course, they did nothing. They went through their usual looking, grunting and scratching of chins, played with the window catch that we know didn’t work, and declared they would get someone to come and look at it tomorrow sometime. Bless ’em! By 2335hrs (Ten minutes) they had gone. Thus, once again I shall miss the Tenants Social Hour! This week, they changed it to Friday cause the organiser had to go to a funeral on Thursday, and still I miss it again!

Worra rotten week this is!

4thur12Took this photograph around midnight after the blokes had departed.

Stayed up, no point in trying to get back to kip now.w

Eventually managed to get ‘Little Inchy’ cleaned and medicated.

Made a cuppa and updated this diary.

Life suddenly felt aphotic.

As I said earlier; Worra Day!


Inchcock Today: Tue 21st Feb 2017: Terrible day, terrible dreams!

What a day this was. Not a good one at all.

Out of the £300 second-hand recliner chair, on its last legs creaking and struggling to move, (exactly how I felt and was [Hehe]) and to the porcelain, the innards rumbling, knees, ankles, elbows, hip and fingers all being attacked with venom by Arthur Itis, with Anne Gyna letting me know that she was not pleased with going to and on the wheel001Nottingham Eye Wheel yesterday. The effects of Walking to the Doctors and the climb into and out of the Wheel/Eye had taken its toll and Anne Gyna was not happy with me at all.

I perched there, on the porcelain, battling with the tireless strenuous eventual movements of the morning, no bleeding from Little Inchy and only a few specks from Haemorrhoid Harry; The mind turned to depression, self-loathing and self-pity. Many many minutes of moroseness filled thoughts, filled the brain all unascertainable, unanswerable and without any validity or clarity… not pin-downable? My own personal imbroglio. Despair, dejection and despondency irresistibly overcame me. These feelings gave me little elbow-room or latitude for any common sense or logicality to be adopted or acquired.

Eventually, I dismounted the porcelain, without any solutions to my dilemma of sudden depression, or any idea how to solve it. Tried to perform the regular activities. I did the blood-pressure, pulse, temperature, weighed myself, took the medication and applied the creams and lotions – but like an automaton, no drive, interest, get-up-and-go or enthusiasm at all. This worries me.

wheel19I decided next to get the photographs I’d taken while on the Nottingham Wheel/Eye thingy yesterday, posted off to my Facebook page and put some on the TFZ pages. (Troll Free Zone).

My spirits seemed to raise a little while I was doing this and creating some graphics on CorelDraw and Paint and commented on the TFZer Site.

If you like, more photographicalisations are to be found here: Nottingham Eye/Wheel Pics


1mon09A sudden hunger arrived, and I got the nosh so early today.

The self-loathing depression had eased, but the lethargy, hebetude and apathy remained.

Yesterday’s planned jobs to do today did not materialise at all, and I was withing an hour of washing the pots – back into the depths of self-indulgent dwelling on one’s own sorrows or misfortunes. Pathetic! 

I literally settled and watched TV for hours, not even aware if what I was watching? No efforts to get up and do anything were possible, I was in the pits.

Not surprisingly, as I had done very little constructive thinking or any actual work done, when it came to bedtime, I couldn’t even nod off at all.

I got up and tried to read a book, but for some reason, it had lost its appeal to me. I put the TV on, that normally ensure I nod off, no, that failed, so I got the computer on again and fluffed about with Facebooking. Eventually, I got the head down very late.

I woke around 0245hrs and lay there in the £300 second-hand recliner, depressed, full of self-loathing, confused and considered the dreams, or rather nightmares, that were still largely in my brain, spinning around and fading fast. I had the pen and pad at the side of the chair, (unused for months of having dreams and not being able to recall any that I’d had).

Events from my youth came distortedly into the dream, happenings I’m ashamed of, but none of the few successes or happy times… Getting thrown into the Canal when I was about five was so real to me, although the timing of the incident was way out of sync with the reality, I woke up ringing with sweat.

Had to have a shower, so I shaved at the same time. Feeling a little foolish that the dream had got to me, I had a glass of spring water and got back down into the chair – I was off in seconds and the nightmares returned – I’m not even sure now that I didn’t dream having a shower and shave, but could smell the Lemon shower gel and was in some other pyjamas, having put the others in the laundry bag, so I must have?

The past times, some even pleasurable started in the dream. Many incidents from my Security Guard days where mused over I’m sure, my first romance and being bullied by the yobboes in Carrington mingles with so many odd bits interposing and all mixed up together from the long gone days, I even tried to shoot myself but could not find the 303 clip and bullets and recall I searched for them in this flat, the house I lived in 1949, the Bed Breakfast and Evening meal boarding house 1964, Nairobi in a blood wagon and other places I cannot recall clearly? Lynton Cox, befriended on Facebook, who came to visit me a couple of years ago and saved my sanity, was chasing me waving a yellow duster?

Not a good day.