“It’s amazing how a stubbed toe can turn everything around!”

I awoke, feeling blood coming from my proboscis,

The tummy rumbling and grumbling with cryptosporidiosis,

Anne Gyna pangs, Duodenal Donald stabbing away,

Hernia Harry giving grief, a new boil on my bum, oh, alack a day,

The blood so thin, I anticipate another growth of Sepsis,

Standing up was hampered by Arthur Itis.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The Trotskies sent me to the Porcelain Throne,

A messy session had to clean up the bile,

Don’t want to snuff it here, all alone,

Felt depressed after struggling for a while,

To clean the room up, painfully I did groan,

So many tablets to take, made me revile,

My mind confused, on and on it did drone.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Was I going bonkers, losing my grip?

Would I ever get my new hip?

Things annoyed me, the tap did drip,

Hit my head on cupboard door, just another blip,

Putting the trousers on, and I broke the zip,

Then I laughed, seeing the funny side, and took a trip,

Stubbed my toe, painful, but no hardship.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

For this made me forget the ailments that were present,

As I laughed aloud, and to massage it, I bent,

But Hilda Hips, didn’t give her assent,

So down to the floor I tumbled and went,

Getting back up, a lot of energy was spent,

Th result was very munificent.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

All the ailments, apart from the stubbed toe,

Departed, left me for a while, off they did go,

Want to be free of several pains, now you know,

Want to be free, of all ailments, and impetigo?

Cheer yourself up, your heart again to glow?

You just have to stub your poor big toe!

 

Written in support of ‘The Old Fogeys with too Many Pains’ Association

Inspired by a comment from:

Orbbs Fashion

By Inchie

78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!

4 comments

  1. Timothy Price – I specialize in daily art, documentary and promotional photography. If you have a special event such as a musical production, play, concert, etc. or have a product or fashion that you need photographed, or you are a performer, musician and artist in need of promotional photos please email me or call.
    Timothy Price says:

    Excellent Ode to a stubbed toe. Getting on with the black and blues is usually a good way of turning those down trodden feelings upward.

    Reply
  2. Inchy – Nottingham. UK. – 78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!
    Inchcock says:

    Cheers, Sir.
    So very true, actually. It really did work.
    By the way, I spotted a grey cat while in the park yesterday. A spitten image of Silver! I wondered how Silver had got over here? Hehehe!
    TTFN.

    Reply
  3. Doug Thomas – Alliance, NE – I retired from nearly 36 years in a factory that produces hydraulic and industrial hoses. That is the short of it. The most interesting thing I've done is serve in the US Army as a motion picture photographer. I was stationed in then-West Germany in Kaiserslautern, Kleber Kaserne, in the 69th Signal Company (Photo). I was sent all over western Europe filming military exercises and other less interesting things. This enabled me to become a "bier kenner", someone knowledgeable about beer. Haw! I was much younger then, and could handle the wear and tear. The most interesting thing that happened to me happened in 1980, the first day of the new year: I spotted a rara avis in my backyard. A phainopepla, a member of the silky flycatcher family! It stayed around for two months, long enough for me to photograph it through a garage window not more than 2m from a birdbath to which it came each day. The photos, sent to the state ornithological organization and their rare bird report committee, established me as the first and only person to have seen this particular bird in my state. Records for my state go back to Lewis and Clarke's western expedition, so that gives you the context and perspective through which other birders view my record. You should too! It was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. It lead to a decade of uninterrupted bliss, tracking down birds in the field with other people of a feather. The worst thing that happened to me is called Wegener's granulomatosis. Oh dear! This is where it becomes difficult! WG is a form of vasculitis that you have for life once it develops. It has no known cause, though scientists work as I write to try to determine why it occurs. My story is long and I am tired: More details later! It is a fatal disease without proper care. With proper care, people still can die! One last detail: a weggie (pronounced "wegg-ee"), is a person with Wegener's granulomatosis. It is an Australian construction, to the best of my knowledge, and suits me better than being known in perpetuity as a "WG patient". In 2016, a Wegener's flare mostly wiped out what kidney function I still had, and I went through a two month process of hospitalization and rehabilitation before I could return home to my two cats, Andy and Dougy. My neighbors across the lane took care of them while i was gone, with a childhood friend who substituted for my neighbors when they had to be out of town. The major change brought about by the flare: I now am on dialysis three times a week. Fortunately for me, my local general hospital has a very modern, well staffed dialysis unit. With a nurse-to-patient ratio of nearly one-one, it is the best of five dialysis sites I've been in. The recliners are even heated! Since these units are typically kept ice berg cold, you can see I feel like I am in heaven! (Well, not yet, but you get the idea!)
    weggieboy says:

    When cats go missing, one wonders where they’ve been for all those days, months, years. Accidentally boarding a plane from the USA to UK isn’t beyond the possibilities of a cat! LOL! “Hi ho, Silver!”

    Reply
  4. Orbb Spider – Long time reader, turned book blogger. Come with me on a journey through the literary cosmos as I wander through diverse genres. Let's talk story and take a deep dive into plot points.
    orbb80 says:

    Life is sure full of ups & downs, luckily some moment help to ground us, even if those moments are sharply painful 😉 <3

    Reply

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