In Excruciatingly Bad Ode
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TIPS and ADVICE
It is essential, from your every waking moment, daily,
To assess the ailments, for any possibly acting bolshy,
That gets the brain going, fretting, and panicking too!
On the physical side; don’t expect things with spectacularity,
More concentrate, on dogged hopes and sustainability,
At all times, anticipate and expect, constant impeachability!
No doubt the wee-wees will start then, with tenacity,
Sometimes persistent, more usually of aperiodically,
The first slash you take will be with a certain trepidity!
They’ll be blood, orange urine, this’ll confirm your panic ability!
Apply the Daktacort Hydrocortisone, you’ll scream!
To ease the agony, just think of it, as being a dream!
And count slowly to yourself, up to a thousand and thirteen!
You’ll get letters, forms, threats and emails from authorities,
Along with phone calls, texts, these are not abnormalities,
How much pension and total cash are in your bank?
They raised the total allowed, in reply I was frank!
An hour a week for shopping, laundry, will cost me £280 a week!
It’s best at this time, not to freak!
Nottingham Revenue and Benefits called me on the phone…
The 2½hr form-filling left me in an ether world zone!
My concentration had departed, off it had flown…
I thanked him, with a verbal groan!
He said he’d sent the paperwork to sign & return,
Of course, no help was given, I soon did learn,
Result in today, on a downer now, scowled and had a gurn!
Excuse me, off to for a wee-wee, I must adjourn…
Ah, I’ve made beef stew for later, my hunger does grow…
Hello, it’s already made… Carer due, Doctors tomorrow,
I’m still angry with myself, there is a self-pitying sorrow,
Life at the moment, is annoying, no zest… hollow!
It’s me that is annoying me… that what I’ll have to forego…
The secret costs of the carers costs rise… Oh, blow!
At times like this, try not to get neurotic,
You’ll only get worse if you get all frenetic!
Change your mood to romantic or quixotic,
Think of happy times, when life was sybaritic!
Of course, I write mostly conceptualistic,
You might try changing your mood to eucharistic?
Or change to using heliotrope coloured lipstick?
Cause it won’t help, people’ll think you’re a dipstick!
But a different set of worries, even anti-humanistic…
Maybe enough to stop your brain from going ballistic?
There’ll be daily Whoopsies, Accifauxpas and many a quarrel,
Several times daily, to be insulted, and get a bombshell,
At times these may overpower your one brain cell…
Not to worry, you’ll have forgotten your previous natter,
Diagnosed last week, I’m aneurysmatic, but it doesn’t matter,
You’ll have enough ailments in the body, no hopes to shatter!
Your hero may be Hawking, Newton, mine is Albert Einstein,
Whichever, it matters not, for you must worry not,
Peoples choices whatever they are, are fine…
Cause you’ll only forget tomorrow, and feel a clot!
Usual things to get Arthur Itis, and become annuhilistic,
And your Willy will shrink, change its colour to pink,
You need do nothing about these, they are automatic,
Oh, and you’ll leave the hot water tap running in the sink!
Of the young, you’ll become an inpatient critic!
Your loss of memory will make you forget to think!
You’ll lose your egoisticness, no longer be artistic,
You’ll find yourself on depressions very brink…
I’m only trying to help – just giving you the wink!
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There are times when one realizes that one had not got it right, forgotten something, missed something, lost something…
Very good tips and advice.
I like to help, Tim. Har-har!
Sometimes excrutiating odes are just the right way to write about a wrong or 13. This one imparted advice most helpful and proper, the tone fits the spirit of the moment in a way that perfect style and wit can never equal. There should be a word to distinguish this kind of ode from the standard model, whatever that is. I think of this unnamed type of ode to be a “savage yawp” to borrow a couple words from Walt Whitman, an important poem whoe wrote his stuff around the time of the American Civil War, a rather savage episode most certain. Meanwhile, I am grasping for a new term that describes a particular ode written by England’s poet laureate, Gerry Chambers, you have have heard of this chap, mate.
So, my working term for this kind of poignant ode becomes an “EDO” ODE. Ode spelled backwards.
Here is a find for edo ode on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/edo613
I hopes that this helps.
Merci, Billum.
I’ll have to look at the link laterer – prob;ems with the computer with videos. Fancy that… and messages galre telling me its about to die in me, and I must make free various things, that I do not understand to free space?
Doing on ode about the WEEKLY bath night me and Dad had. Now I have been advised of things I missed off o n the original.
Thanks, mate. Love to all. ♥