Depression – Page 130

Inchcock Today: Friday 8th August 2014

It might have been dream filled, but the bit of sleep I managed was most welcome after so long without any. A plus here.

Up around 0500hrs. Me first WC visit, but blood from the back passage. A minus levelling me earlier plus there.

I put laptop on. Made cuppa, no breakfast yet, feeling a tad queasy. WC.

Set out to catch up on emails and blogs, to give meself time to get ready later to meet brother-in-law Pete in town. He’s agreed to take some photo’s of me that I can manipulate (manipulate… another word I like, don’t know why though) for later use on the blogs. This saves me repeating too many on posts.

WC. I blogged away to my heart’s content.

Got ready things for my walk to town to meet Pete – put camera in bag first, then nibbles and medications.

Off up to the bathroom for me ablutions, WC and cleansing of the teggies and body. Changed togs and off I went… after a quick visit to the WC.

I started to walk to town, nibbling me seaweed, banana and pecan nuts as I trundled along.

Near the cemetery on Mansfield road, I saw an old Rolls Royce driving towards me. I hastily got out me camera and took a shot of it – well I tried to… but a bus belted past from behind just as I was shooting it and made me jump. The Rolls Royce is located behind the bus on the photo here. Tsk!

I pressed on, and as I got near to the centre of town, I saw an ambulance with its lights flashing. I thought maybe some poor devil had been knocked down. As I drew level with the altercation on the opposite side of the road, I saw two pretend police ‘womanesses’ (CPOs) with the medics, and the bloke who had been mugged was still on the floor? Welcome to Nottingham.

Wandered to where I’d arranged to meet Pete, and there he was.

We had a wander around town, and I tried out some of what I thought were a few punch-lines on him, that I might put in a blog-post. He didn’t laugh. But as we are both a bit on the deaf side… never mind.

We went to the bus station, and Pete took some photo’s I might get me face of for a bit of graphicastionalistical fun with.

Pete gorron his bus home, and I wandered back through town to me bus stop, taking some photos while passing through the city centre.

Being late Friday afternoon, as expected the bus was very full – but no one sat next to me in the spare seat, they stood instead? Mmmm… And I’d put me ‘Brut’ on when I had me wash… Mmmm?

Got in me street, no yobs about thank heavens.

Had several cups of tea, well I made several cups of tea. Most of em went cold cause I was deep in concentration making graphics to use later.

Made me nosh of leftover bits of ham, instant cheese mash and a tin of sweet corn, naturally I had me seaweed with it, followed by an orange lolly.

Inchcock’s Letter to Agony Aunt: 01

Dear Auntie,

I’ve still not got over the best put-down line offered to me from a member of the opposite sex, to date. (And there has been hundreds over the years).

I was working at Tesco at the time, and this new girl Wilhelmina had started there, and she soon got my heart, foibles and desires all of a flutter.

Eventually I plucked up enough courage to offer to take her on a date, to the pictures (to the Elite cinema) in Nottingham.

Her response, hit me hard, and I’ve never forgotten how she leant her head to one side, adopted a radiant sympathetic smile, and looked down at me and said: “No thanks titch, I only date men!”

As it came over, I was uncertain if she was referring to my height or length. Although I agree, both measurements are extremely short, incommensurate, and remarkably insufficient.

I feel I am not responsible for either of these miniscule measurements. Can’t understand it, my Dad was more than well equipped.

It isn’t fair!

I once visited a psychologist, a Dr Damien Gropeworthy for help with my phobia. He just said “It is a darling little thing that should be cherished and massaged regularly.”

I didn’t go back to see him again.

But you can see my problem… can’t you? (Well not see my shortage as such, but the difficulties it presents to me).

Any good advice would be welcome, as I have a date next week, and need to be prepared you see.

Yours: Juan Inchcock Chambers

Grane plot 34 (Next to the fire bombed police car) The Nottingham Ex Gas Lamp Lighters Benefit Support Association Accommodation, Central Cemetery, Nottingham.

Inchy’s Letter begging support for David Cameron

**The magnanimous, pulchritudinous personage of our beloved David William Donald (The Wonder-man) Cameron**

Dear Reader,

I have been perturbed lately about the state of health of our beloved unelected Prime Minister, The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron. Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Minister for the Civil Service and First Lord of the Treasury, Leader of the Conservative Party, Member of the Cabinet Privy, Council European Council.Salary £148,000 (annual, including £67,060 MP’s salary)

Mail on Sunday’s disclosure that he paid off the £75,000 mortgage on the £1.5 million home in North Kensington, London that he owns with his wife Samantha, after they took out a £350,000 taxpayer-funded HSBC mortgage on his designated Oxfordshire constituency second home. For his part, Cameron claimed he was able to pay off the mortgage on his London home by selling shares. While within the rules, this is precisely the kind of financial jiggery-pokery for which other MPs have been criticised in recent weeks.

**Gossip… just gossip – It’s only been badly mauled that’s all!**

But he is still open to the charge that someone who’s clearly worth a few bob was ‘playing’ the system by claiming more than £21,200 from taxpayers in 2005-6, for the mortgage interest paid on his constituency home.

It has been suggested that he could have saved the taxpayer thousands of pounds if he had put the money from the sale of his shares towards his constituency property – a large and comfortable country house – which he bought eight years ago for £650,000. Especially as it is now worth in the region of £1.8million, giving him a substantial paper profit.

Imagine his delight when his eldest son, Arthur, a stockbroker, married Steffie Cooper, a cousin of the Royal Family. This union provides Cameron’s link to the ‘Mad’ King George III, an ancestor he shares with the Queen (his fifth cousin once removed).

The line of ancestors down from these wealthy figures continues through the City. Both Cameron’s grandfather, also called Ewen, who died in 1958 leaving £57,000 (around £1.6million in today’s money), and his father Ian, a former High Sheriff of Berkshire, were stockbrokers.

**Odd how some of the troops are given him odd looks innit?**

Now he has the added problem of who to send our troops to attack next.

All this must be causing him concern.

Therefore, I think the nice gentleman would appreciate a little support from the electorate who didn’t vote him into office.

So last month, I started an appeal for gifts and support for him.

I’ve had to cancel the appeal due to ill health.

**Cyanide capsules – are you the donor?**

I’ve managed to send back to the donors, the gas canisters, crossbow, letter-bombs, pipe-bombs, the poisonous ball point hypodermic pen, the exploding cigar, the handkerchief gift box teeming with deadly bacteria, and the poisoned bottle of Cameron’s Whisky.

Unfortunately, the trained assassination budgerigar escaped.

If the people/person who sent in the C4 could kindly contact me with his/her/their address, I can return it along with the Cyanide capsules sent in.

Nottingham’s next ‘Support for David Cameron is Essential’ association meeting, will take place at in the old BT Telephone box outside the Savoy Hotel, next Wednesday at 1755 hrs.

Thank you.

Bunter Forsythe-Weatheringstone OBE,

Nottingham Castle.

Inchcock Today: Wed 6th Aug 2014

**Good job he didn’t have his glasses on… poor sod!**

Inchcock Today: Wednesday 6^th August

No sleep through the night as such, feeling tired and weak.

0500hrs: WC, started laptop, WC, made a cuppa and pot of porridge (added a spot of honey, ah the good life), WC.

Did graphics for this blog, WC, Made another cuppa, Asda delivery arrived 0630 hrs. WC.

Now I can’t get into me Emails? What next… oh, it’s come up now.

I posted blog posts and started writing and graphics for me next one.

Several visits to the WC.

Got meself sorted a bit, still not feeling very great, but managed to get meself around to the doctors to pick up me extra prescriptions. Didn’t actually get there though… I remembered it was Wednesday and not Thursday, the day I was to pick up the prescription.

Wearily back to the hovel.

Visit to the WC.

Saw a policeman on foot on the street when I got back – yes an actual policeman (Well, a CPO) on our street, never been known for ages.

Couldn’t muster up any energy today. Angina playing up too, I feel so tired.

**No foodstuff were purchased from Lidl**

But I’m eating, boy am I eating. Made some instant mash with onions, added cheese granules, some cooked ham, seaweed, peas, and bread. Followed by two suckers and an ice-cream.

Followed later as I lay there praying for sleep – by bags of Marmite crisps and walnuts.

Visit to the WC.

Drained, I lay there still waiting for sleep, as I listened to the radio, read me book, watched a DVD… oh oh and several visits to the porcelain.

TTFN all…