What a day this was. Not a good one at all.
Out of the £300 second-hand recliner chair, on its last legs creaking and struggling to move, (exactly how I felt and was [Hehe]) and to the porcelain, the innards rumbling, knees, ankles, elbows, hip and fingers all being attacked with venom by Arthur Itis, with Anne Gyna letting me know that she was not pleased with going to and on the 
Nottingham Eye Wheel yesterday. The effects of Walking to the Doctors and the climb into and out of the Wheel/Eye had taken its toll and Anne Gyna was not happy with me at all.
I perched there, on the porcelain, battling with the tireless strenuous eventual movements of the morning, no bleeding from Little Inchy and only a few specks from Haemorrhoid Harry; The mind turned to depression, self-loathing and self-pity. Many many minutes of moroseness filled thoughts, filled the brain all unascertainable, unanswerable and without any validity or clarity… not pin-downable? My own personal imbroglio. Despair, dejection and despondency irresistibly overcame me. These feelings gave me little elbow-room or latitude for any common sense or logicality to be adopted or acquired.
Eventually, I dismounted the porcelain, without any solutions to my dilemma of sudden depression, or any idea how to solve it. Tried to perform the regular activities. I did the blood-pressure, pulse, temperature, weighed myself, took the medication and applied the creams and lotions – but like an automaton, no drive, interest, get-up-and-go or enthusiasm at all. This worries me.
I decided next to get the photographs I’d taken while on the Nottingham Wheel/Eye thingy yesterday, posted off to my Facebook page and put some on the TFZ pages. (Troll Free Zone).
My spirits seemed to raise a little while I was doing this and creating some graphics on CorelDraw and Paint and commented on the TFZer Site.
If you like, more photographicalisations are to be found here: Nottingham Eye/Wheel Pics
A sudden hunger arrived, and I got the nosh so early today.
The self-loathing depression had eased, but the lethargy, hebetude and apathy remained.
Yesterday’s planned jobs to do today did not materialise at all, and I was withing an hour of washing the pots – back into the depths of self-indulgent dwelling on one’s own sorrows or misfortunes. Pathetic!
I literally settled and watched TV for hours, not even aware if what I was watching? No efforts to get up and do anything were possible, I was in the pits.
Not surprisingly, as I had done very little constructive thinking or any actual work done, when it came to bedtime, I couldn’t even nod off at all.
I got up and tried to read a book, but for some reason, it had lost its appeal to me. I put the TV on, that normally ensure I nod off, no, that failed, so I got the computer on again and fluffed about with Facebooking. Eventually, I got the head down very late.
I woke around 0245hrs and lay there in the £300 second-hand recliner, depressed, full of self-loathing, confused and considered the dreams, or rather nightmares, that were still largely in my brain, spinning around and fading fast. I had the pen and pad at the side of the chair, (unused for months of having dreams and not being able to recall any that I’d had).
Events from my youth came distortedly into the dream, happenings I’m ashamed of, but none of the few successes or happy times… Getting thrown into the Canal when I was about five was so real to me, although the timing of the incident was way out of sync with the reality, I woke up ringing with sweat.
Had to have a shower, so I shaved at the same time. Feeling a little foolish that the dream had got to me, I had a glass of spring water and got back down into the chair – I was off in seconds and the nightmares returned – I’m not even sure now that I didn’t dream having a shower and shave, but could smell the Lemon shower gel and was in some other pyjamas, having put the others in the laundry bag, so I must have?
The past times, some even pleasurable started in the dream. Many incidents from my Security Guard days where mused over I’m sure, my first romance and being bullied by the yobboes in Carrington mingles with so many odd bits interposing and all mixed up together from the long gone days, I even tried to shoot myself but could not find the 303 clip and bullets and recall I searched for them in this flat, the house I lived in 1949, the Bed Breakfast and Evening meal boarding house 1964, Nairobi in a blood wagon and other places I cannot recall clearly? Lynton Cox, befriended on Facebook, who came to visit me a couple of years ago and saved my sanity, was chasing me waving a yellow duster?
Not a good day.
Caught the bus to the clinic. Where the investigating medical team, as they got me laying down and they examined the lesion on Little Inchy through this gigantic electric magnifying glass contraption, with a new control apparently I heard them say. As usual, I had to remove my hearing aids so as not to interfere with the thing.
I carried out the BP tests as instructed. All over the place lately, up and down. I’m recording them on Excel so I can take a screenshot and email it to the doctors at the end of the week.
Another hour or so and I thought it rang again… then I realised that it was the doorbell chiming. The cleaning ladies had, as they usually do, altered the tune on the bell when they used the socket. By the time I got to the door, whoever it was that had tried at least twice to contact me, had long gone. Humph!
Still feeling nervous.
Computerising on and off all day.
Down again half an hour later and moved the things into the dryer.
An hour later, I nipped down to collect the laundry.
As I went through the inner door on my way back to the flat with the bag of clothing, I noted that the stolen Santa Teddy Bear had been replaced with a much smaller one. Can’t blame em can yer, Tsk!
Sorted out next weeks medication pots, think I got them right first effort this week. Of course, I may fond out differently later… Tsk!
Did some Facebooking on the TFZers site. Posted the diary and some photographs.
Did some shopping at Lidl.
Got the meal ready. Uncle Ben’s Mushroom Rissoto with some crock-pot vegetables and a sliced boiled then roast potato.
I had an idea to do something with this photo for the TFZ site later, given time that is.
Ablutionised in record time ad down to the bus stop. Where I proceeded to get carried away again with nattering to some tenants and… hard to believe, but I got on the wrong bus again!
Walked into Arnold proper and purchased twp cans of fabric freshener.
Got the meal cooking and watched some of a DVD film.
Back down to move the clothes into the dryer. Popped out the foyer door to see if I could get a photograph on the Copse in the dark.
Off to the Social Hour.
Foolishly I got on the wrong bus, muggins here got on the inbound L9 in error for the outbound one.
My alternative plan was to go in the Victoria Centre Mall and go into Tesco and have a wander around. The intended Sainsbury expedition will have to be done tomorrow. Tsk!
Got some bits and wandered out of the centre by the shortest route, as it was getting a bit dangerous with the crowds so large, to walk safely.
I had a further poddle around and then Anne Gyna started playing me up, so I made my way to the bus stop to catch an L9 bus back to the welcoming ‘So glad I live here now’ flat.
Caught the bus back to the flats at the bus stop just out of view at the end of the side road in this photographicalisation above.
The meal I’d placed in foil to try and keep it warm. It wasn’t too bad actually.
Then another for a bit of fun about TFZer pets in my wetroom. Hehe!
the £35 broken second-hand comfy, cuddly chair that I got from the Sue Ryder charity shop and paid £30 for delivery of.
on the ‘Big C’. It was identified as Globus Hystericus and was treatable.
I gave them their pressies and nibbles in different bags, Red for the girl Jane and Blue for Boy Pete. Hehehe!
Went into the kitchen to turn over the two ginormous Wilja potatoes that I was boiling in the biggest saucepan I own, on the lowest setting.
ted them very slowly for about 40 minutes or so.
Into the kitchen to take the medications then made a cuppa. Got the computer on and diaries tended to.Bash on Facebook.
At the bus shelter, I noticed damage to the little seating area as I rested the bags on the bench.
Then it started raining.
Got the fodder all prepared and served up.
Sorted me out and got the computer on, a fresh cuppa and took the morning medications.
I poddled into the kitchen again to replace the gotten-cold mug of tea.
All ready and wrapped up, a quick check on the weather from the kitchen window, and I set off on the walk to the Nottingham Haematology for the Warfarin INR Level Blood Test.
Up into Sherwood, and right down Edwards Lane to the ring road.
Went to the bus stop to find a number 40 was due in four minutes, so caught it back and thankfully, up Winchester Street Hill. 
Made a meal with eyes far too ginormous and big for my stomach. Tsk!
Computer on. Did a graphic for Sir Martin Shuttlecock for his birthday. A grand chap.
Carried on updating the diaries.
Went to make another cup of tea and the view from the kitchen window was nice now the mist had cleared somewhat.