A Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe – Part Three

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 Created by once Britain’s highest EQ content of any other applicant for a job with UPS – he didn’t get the job, and is still wondering what exactly is EQ?

Aged Approx. 5:
* Learning from the midwife that Mother said “Throw it in the Trent (river)” when she delivered me, brushed away the cigarette ash, and handed me to her.
* Realising it is not nice to get thrown in a canal.
Being looked after by a fictional Auntie, who used to take hours to give me a bath, and threw in massages and tuition for free. (Ah… memories)
* The head (and the smell) of the escaped elephant as it rampaged past my open bedroom window.
Aged Approx. 6
* Mother popping out to the bookies, not to return for 4 years.
Aged Approx. 7
* Seeing the neighbours first toilet roll (Izal), but still preferring to cut up the Evening Post, (or Evening News if I could get it as it was softer) into squares to use.
Aged Approx. 8
* Seeing the neighbours massive, wood encased television set.
* Seeing the neighbours daughter Jane’s (name changed) nether regions.
Aged Approx. 9
* Finding out that the hot ashes and soot from the trains above the back yard on the viaduct at the station, could set fire to my hair.
Aged Approx. 9
* Going scrumping can get you locked in a police station cell for the day, then taken home by the bobby, then belted all over the place by your father.
Aged Approx. 10
* The first washing-up liquid (Squeezy) made great bubbles.
* Getting six of the best from the headmaster for fighting in the school playground – when all I did was to get beat up!
Aged Approx. 12
* Hearing of the Manchester United F.C. team plane crashing on take-off, and 21 of the 44 people on board are killed.
Aged Approx. 13
* Mother coming home again!
Aged 14
* Starting work – what a shock!

 

Coming soon – Part Four – Christmas 1955 

5 thoughts on “A Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe – Part Three

  1. Seems to me you were living a posh life – our bog (the only one we had) was at the bottom of the so called ‘garden’ and had no power or heat save for that produced by bodily emissions. We had to search for road kill in the golden age of trams or starve Sir.

  2. When I was a boy my father got on his bicycle and he looked for work. When will you people ever realise that the hard working people of Surrey shall not tolerate ever larger handouts squandered by all accounts, in Midland energy parks, on fast foot and alcohol. As for UPS, are they not a modern dynamic logistics operation going forward. There is absolutely no requirement for the work shy in their laboratories, indeed. I can tell you that for free. Furthermore – property investment management does not run itself. Furious, bloody furious. Good day, GSTQ.

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