Inchcock Addresses meeting of Brexit Remain Citizens


The meeting took place at the closed down after the arson attacked Sewer Lane Sports Arena in Nottingham.

Inchcock told reporters before the event: I felt so sorry about the outcome of the Brexit Vote, and particularly for the supporters of the Remain campaign. I felt it my duty to cheer the up as best I could. I asked the Nottingham City Council if they would allow us to use the Sewer Lane stadium for my encouraging lecture.

Micheal Steedenski offered to become my campaign manager. Well, he understands things like this, and he only asked me to buy him one bottle of Claret in payment. I thought this was so generous. Mr Steedenski asked if it could be a bottle of Henri Jayer Cros Parantoux, Vosne-Romanee Premier Cru, adding, it is produced from grapes grown on a 2.5-acre site, this Burgundy and said to be full-bodied and rich”.

WD01ShirlNot knowing much about wines, I agreed and send out my part-time carer, Grizelda to buy a bottle. She returned three weeks later with the aforesaid bottle of Claret.

Had I known this bottle of French Burgundy is collector’s item and cost £4,894, I would not be living in Council emergency accommodation now, although I have always like camping in tents.

I thought the lecture went well.

d02WD04dannyA youthful looking Duncan Robertson (94-left) was designated to report on the meeting.

He also took a job as a paid in whisky  temporary bouncer when offered him by Danny Soz, the local gang leader and Treasurer for the closed sports arena and Lager Addiction Support Group of South London.

Full Report from Mr Robertson follows:

As Inchcock rose to address the depressed crowds, his arthritis twinged ad he fell back into the chair. Shirley Blamey (Claret pourer-outerer to Mr Steedenski) rushed forward to make sure the chair wasn’t damaged and asked the crowd please not to laugh so loud, as she had a hangover.

Amidst the laughter, Inchcock involuntarily passed wind violently and started his lecture.

“Friends Romans, Countrymen, is it… No, that’s not right” he muttered to himself, he regained his composure and continued, despite the catcalls, jeers and demands for him to Go Forth & Multiply from his audience.

“We, the Remain supporting voters, the logical ones, the compassionate ones, need not have feelings of defeat, although of course we have been defeated, I know, but we got a bigger percentage than any Government in Ireland has ever been elected with…” Ms Blamey called out above the other hecklers “This is England yer pillock!”

“I know it is” he replied.

“Well, you said Ireland!”

“Did I, perhaps I meant Island?”

“Yer what?”

The well lubricated Mr Steedenski burst into song “♫ Oh Island in the Sun, born to me by my father’s hand…♫”

“Ah”… declared Inchcock, “Now yer talking, Harry Belafonte great stuff he made and sang mate!”

xDunc02A natty-hatted good looking young (19¼) Frank Sinatra fan in the crowd took offence at this and charged the stage to try and get at Inchcock as Mr Steedenski slipped off his chair in a heap on the floor.

This pleased the crowd, and much cheering took place. They gave up trying to revive Mr Steedenski, stopped Inchcock’s bleeding nose and lips, and he continued once again with his lecture:

“The presence of naughty not nice innuendos is not to be tolerated within our Remain armoury – instead everytime something rises in price, taxes increase, immigration goes up, pensions get pegged, free bus passes are eliminated or when the Outer Mongolian Tugrik is devalued, we can blame the Vote Leave shower for them!”

At this, a mob of Remainers who had sneaked in at the back of the hall through where the door once was, lurched forward, and mayhem ensued. Fighting, spitting, kicking and scratching, the blood flowed, people panicked and just as Shirly was lighting a spliff too, this caused her to drop her S.T. Dupont Paris Lighter – Ligne 2, Yellow Gold Diamond Headed lighter and the flames made things worse.


The Bouncer’s were having a great time.

A mad rush for the exits followed, and the fighting lessened, much to the chagrin of Danny Soz, Duncan Robertson and Shirley, who were enjoying it.

WD02mikeOutside the police fire brigade and ambulance crews were there in number, they soon had the culprit under arrest, thanks to the evidence of the many eyewitnesses who fingered Inchcock as the aggressor and instigator of the riot.

When Inchcock was released 5 months later, Mr Steedenski told him of an excellent idea to promote himself again – he should become a lecturer for the Remain Voters, and he had already booked a hall in advance and had checked it Wartabs with Shirley, but would need another bottle of the Henri Jayer Cros Parantoux, Vosne-Romanee Premier Cru, as payment.

He had hired the Olympic Stadium in Athens.

Inchcock is currently taking stock of his situation, as he has a Cardiac procedure, Knee replacement operation, Duodenal Ulcer treatment, Haematology assessments, bladder problems and he’s fell in love with a lady at his flat complex, Olive.

Leave a Reply