Wednesday 20th February 2019
Welsh: Dydd Mercher 20 Chwefror 2019
00:30hrs. I woke up with the mind back in its ‘Confusion-Mode.’ I lay there, worrying, fretting, getting sad then angry, losing willpower, then feeling almost confident, next, admitting that failure and defeat are a natural part of my existence. Then, I delved into the world of delusions, eccentricity, weirdness, fears, and disorientation. Eventually returning to the state of recognising the untenability of life and readiness to meekly plod on in my born-loser, incompetent, non-achieving, trying life: embracing my lack of education, social skills, lackadaisicalness, and lethargic languorousness.
No singing to myself this morning, no chirpiness. Just a gloom; a cloud that followed me around from the moment I’d freed my horrendously stomach-heavy body from the Circa 1968, second-hand £300 recliner. This gloom, remained for a while today, it took me ages to release myself from it.
I almost robotically answered the call to the Porcelain Throne. Where I was knocked down another peg or two when I found that Little Inchies fungal lesion had been bleeding overnight. The evacuation was alright, though. Then I did the Health Checks.
I got the computer on, and I don’t know why, but I made a blog about ‘Cides’ and the human race. This took me hours and hours, but from somewhere the determination to get it finished and posted was paramount to me. It’s not even a smart or witty post, but I persisted and got it done and sent off.
This may have represented my state of mind at the time, I suppose?
I have to say that after posting it off, it was a relief to me, and my outlook warmed a little, and Adam Faith’s ♫ ‘The Time has Come’ ♫ flowed quietly from my lips. Being a fool comes easy to me, you know!
I updated the Tuesday blog, and this took me another four hours to get finished. I was ready to get my head down now. I’d gone through the mental torment, medicationalised certain areas with great discomfort, spent eight hours or more computerising what didn’t need doing, cheered up a tad and now the day was almost over! I need help I think? Hehehe!
I made some brekkers, Marmite based I must admit. The Vegemite I bought, is as good as Marmite and I love them both.
It always makes me think of Marie Young in Australia when I have any of the Vegemite. Such a wonderfully witty woman, who loves animals too. Hello Marie? Hope all is well over there with you and the pets? Give fatigued a bit of fuss from me, please. And have an ether-cuddle! ♥
Went to wash the mug and make another brew. And noticed a bit of smoke far away?
I was now very tired, but not feeling so down.
I went for another Porcelain Throne visit, and for the second time this week, I nodded off on the seat! Luckily, this time, I did not fall over when I woke up. Tsk!
Thought I’d better get the Health Checks and nosh sorted out while I was conscious. Hahaha!
Did some bacon in the oven, when ready I added the cooked rashers to the saucepan with the tomatoes with basil and oregano seasoning on the hot plate. Then put the part-baked cobs in the hot oven, while the bacon marinated with the tom’s a little longer.
Bootiful! A Taste-Rating of 9/10!
I went through the usual routine with the TV. Repeatedly nodding and waking. I soon gave up and turned off the television. Did the last Health Checks and settled down to sleep.
Which I did for over six hours, which was welcome.