Coronavirus Calypso

A spur of the moment, impulse, load of drivel, created, as Inchcock woke up. He asked me to pass on his apologies, as he was temporarily in Defcon 2 mode, mentally.


Remember These? Of course, the hoarders will!

Coronavirus Calypso

Going into self-isolation,
As is most of the nation,
To get the toilet rolls in?
The chances? None to thin,
Coronavirus, payment for our sin?

Tellurians, you must not bump into,
Tatterdemalion or the well-to-do,
Urges to touch, you must subdue,
Cut your hair in a basin cut hair-do,
Having sex is still under review!
But pigeons can still bill and coo?

No food in the shops,
Bread, milk, you might find a few,
You’ll have to fight and argue,
Battle with the determined queue,
Then blood and insults will spew,
The language was very blue!

You might try home delivery for food,
To sustain you and your brood,
If you do try home delivery food!
To the delivery man, do not be rude,

Self-isolation; is wrong, some folk argue,
But I’ll not be involved over this, thank-you,
HMG responses seem so impromptu,
Certainly going to cost us revenue,

Self-isolation, so many folk rue,
A bit of good news is overdue,
Confusion over what we must do,
We mustn’t shake hands too!
Is mankind’s end really in view?

Stuck at home, what do we do?
Clean shelves and dust that statue,
Pen some extra veins to your tattoo,
No food in, so no chocolate to chew,
Can’t get out to buy, so no making stew,
Your plans and orientation, gone askew!

Sit, read a book, perhaps of Fu Manchu,
Back of the fridge, mouldy Danish blue?
You’re starving now, crumbs for tea, that’ll do!
Dig around the sofa, for crisp-crumbs residue!
The nurse’s visit cancelled too,
Mind froze, stagnated, what will ensue?

Where is the spirit of World War Two?
Is it the end, will you ever again hear a cuckoo?
Is it to be, that you’ll not see another cup of tea?
Farewell, to your beloved tasty Glengettie brew?
Your mind gets depressed, whatever can you do?
Finally, you get a plan made and worked through!

Escape! Find food, and hopefully, a toilet roll too!
Your plan to go shopping, sanctioned by the Tenant’s escape crew,
How to get out though, whatever can you do?
They don you with a wig, to hide your bald head from view,
You know you may not return, but offer your neighbours, a thank-you,
Creep out, staying in the shadows, your walking stick oiled too,
Arrive at the store, but what a sight greets you…


But it’s the future, your deja vu, hitherto!

Empty shelves, fighting, greed, at Sainsbury’s too!
Little fresh food, no toilet rolls, not even a tissue!
This is now a serious issue,
You give an Achoo – but ominously, nobody blesses you!

WDP 003a

Published in Support of the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society

2 thoughts on “Coronavirus Calypso

  1. Nice Calypso. You live in isolation most of the time, but getting goods can be a problem for you now. But you normally have quite a bit of food on hand. We always have a lot of food on hand. It’s getting the kitty food I normally get that’s proving difficult. I had to buy a different brand of dry food the other day because Costco has been out of the Kirtland brand for a couple of weeks now. They keep getting dog food in but not cat food. It’s an anti-cat conspiracy. We also live in self Isolation most of the time. That’s normal life out here.

  2. Spot-on again there, Tim!
    Amazon apologised for the late deliveries, cancelled the TRs, not that it is urgent now at all, but it might be later. Then told me this morning that the ear-wax removal spare inserts would not be coming Sunday, but Mon or Tuesday. Then the Hi Tempra seaweed will be a week late, but I can cancel the order, it’s coming from China. I wanted to get out today for some fresh veg, but that’s kiboshed that idea! But I’ll not starve, cans and a full freezer to hand (Hehe!), as you observed.

    The belly weight and flab are increasing! The chinwags are desperately missed.
    Now, the serious stuff: Poor pussies, having to eat strange unfancied food, while the woof-woofs continue to have their usual treats! It’s not on! Swine!
    I did notice last week when I got in Asda, the cat food had many gaps on the shelves, at least ten, and the dogs just one, a dried food. Tsk! A canine conspiracy!
    I looked up Kirkland pet food on Google, and gave them an ether-curse!

    My Grammarly indicator tell me I am writing sounds ‘Objective’, the yare right, I think! Word Hippo tells me that this means, ‘Marked by justice, honesty, and freedom from bias’!

    The Hum this morning, is so loud, and I swear has a purring tone to it?

    TTFNski, Sir!

Leave a Reply