Ageing humour

Inchcock Today Sat 7 Nov 15: The best laid plans…

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

Saturday 7th November 2015

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Took a good while to get to sleep last night. I suppose ’cause I got no walking in staying in the flat all day waiting for Steve Age UK to arrive, of course he didn’t.

When I stir, I was amazed with how I felt. Anne Gyna had absconded, only a little blood from ‘Little Inchy’ and H Ernia was calm. Bleeding from the rear end was a bit bad, but I’m not complaining. the head was a bit sore from me Whoopsiedangleplop yesterday. Hehe!

WC’d.

000lIDaCuppa and medications taken, then laptop on to start this off. Got carried away with delving into the complexities of using the smudge facility in Coreldraw 7 and lost a couple of hours there. Still can’t master it now! Huh!

I found me graphic wot I dun and aged for the TFZ site and posted that off.

Another cuppa and some brekkers then P1020377ingested.

No time for Facebooking this morning, got to get missen ready to go into town and visit the NHS drop-in centre on Upper Parliament Street.

Got me bus-pass, camera and money safe in me coat pockets.

Got the bath running and perfumed it with lavender antiseptic disinfectant – hoping this will help and not hinder the healing of ‘Little Inchies lesion’.

By the time I’d had me shave afterwards, I realised this would not help the healing of ‘Little Inchies lesion! Whoa, talk about sting!

Hello, it’s raining and blowing something rotten out there now. Should I have another days hibernation or not? Oh no, must get to the drop-in centre.

P1020378Rubbish down the chute of the way down and had a natter in reception with a couple of tenants. Then to the bus-stop and caught the L9 into town.

Bit of a problem when the bus got onto Gordon Road – it got blocked by parked cars and vans and the driver pipped his horn. He called his control centre, who we heard tell him to give it a few minutes and call back if no solution and they would call the police to move the offending vehicle.

After five minutes or so, a chap came out of his house and moved his car to allow the bus to get through. Not the offending parker though. The lever driver manoeuvred the bus through with great skill and inches to spare and we were off.

P1020379In town it was wet dreary and busy.

I went up on the walk-over and took some photographicalisations of the traffic on view below.

Plenty of buses and shoplifters in sight on Upper Parliament Street.

Had a dizzy-spell while doing this, but soon alright again.

Lots of Christmas shopper I suppose after P1020380nicking some early presents for the family.

The usual sight of Nottingham Shoplift.. Shoppers, muggers, benefit recipients, bullies, pickpockets, Big Issue sellers, immigrants and winos as they crossed the lights as if the traffic was none-existent!

I plodded on towards the NHS Drop-in Centre at the other end of the street through…

The NHS Drop-in Centre at the other end of the street had been closed down! Tsk!

P1020383Walked back to Victoria centre and had a walk through and down to Tesco – where amazingly I found that a tw0-pack of those fresh cream French horn thingamabobs jumped into me basket again? Also got a tiny little shop baked loaf with cheese chutney, very costly I thought at £1.50, more like a cob than a loaf.

 Had a wander around window shopping in the rain.

Walked for ages as according to the time-table in P1020384me pocket, there were only four L9 buses on a Saturday and the last one to leave or should leave at 5 past the  hour.

As I meandered through the slab square there was a wedding taking place in the Council house and they were using (hiring) an old London AEC Routemaster Bus for transport.Nice touch the name on the destination board, but why I thought only one name?

P1020385As I walked up King Street there was a Fire Tender on the corner tending to a fire in one of the restaurants.

I got to the bus stop and the electronic timetable informed me that the L9 leaves at 55 past the hour?

I waited just in case me paper timetable P1020386was right for 5 past the hour, but no L9 bus came.

Walked down to another bus stop and waited 20 minutes in the rain for the 40 bus to arrive that takes me onto Winchester Street from where a little walk in the rain and I’d be back at the flats – that was the idea and plan.

The bus arrived no problem and I squashed missen in with the weary shoplifters and was soon on our way.

P1020387Dropped off the bus, over the road, round the corner, up the road and over into Chestnut Walk.

Took a photo in the gloom of the flats in the rain, well drizzle.

As I ascended in the lift, many plans and ideas came to me… make a start on sorting the paperwork, or maybe sort out the trays ready to use when I get the book-case sorted out and screwed to the wall. None of these came to fruition though…

P1020391Got in, WC’d warmed some chilli and had it with me expensive bread and cream cakes and a mini-pot of ice cream.

Literally fell asleep while eating it.

Well gone, I woke up any hours later in the dark and cleaned up the carpet of the remnants of the tray that had fell onto it as I drifted off.

‘Little Inchy’ bleeding bad, so I did me best to clean him up. Tsk!

Made a cuppa, and drifted off again before drinking it.

Inchcock Today Fri 6 Nov 15: An even more frustrating day today… Humph!

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Friday 6th November 2015

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Didn’t stir until 0530hrs – me book on the carpet at the foot of the chair.

Blood had congealed in me jammies from ‘Little Inchy’, and on the leg from me Whoopsiedangleplop last night.

To the bathroom, used the porcelain and then cleaned up the blood – more washing to do again now Tsk!

Cleaned me teggies and found they had joined in with me other departments, bloodied nose, left leg, Little Inchy etc, and were bleeding as well now. Huh!

Dispirited a tad, I made a cuppa and took me medications.

P1020370As I returned into the front room I felt even worse seeing the state it was in – mid-sorting state like.

Laptop on. Finished yesterdays and got the graphics done for this issue.

WC’d, more bleeding cleaned up again… Humph!

01topj3Made another cuppa and took a photographicalisation of the view from the kitchen window.

Did some Facebooking, a little longer than planned, but I was communicating with Kentucky Angel, my cyber-soul-mate and got carried away and forgot the time.

Must get me bath and treat me ailments before Steve arrives…

Painful sorting ‘Little Inchy’ out in the bath. Also becoming a bit harder getting in and out of it. But I enjoyed a decent soak.

Still, gorrit all done, put kettle on. Steve should be here soon, so better not start sorting or doing owt on computer. Toyed with Spider Solitaire for a bit.

Hour later, no Steve yet.

Another hours, no Steve yet.

Missed a phone call didn’t recognise the number – I assumed that somewhere in me Windows Lumia phone would be a list of missed calls… if there was, I couldn’t find it to ring back.

Another hours gone by, no Steve yet.

Five minutes later another call came in – it only rang twice? This time the Lumia asked me if I wanted to text or ring this number. So I wrote down the number and pressed text – Told presumably it was Steve from Age UK, that I am in the flat and have been all day if he still wants to come, cause it’s getting late now. Then rang the numbers got answer-phone so told him the same message.

Got me nosh cooking – beef pasties and sweet potatoes chips.

P1020374Forty minutes later it rang again (The phone not the nosh… hehe!)

It was Steve, he was not coming as he had some emergency on with someone else, another client like wot I am.

He said the solicitors had sent me some paperwork that had parts that needed to be signed and returned before any advancement in the sale could be made. I said the only letter I’ve had from the solicitors was last Friday, the one I gave you and asked if I needed to respond and you said no!

More flaming delay in getting the house sold now. Crapknots!

Steve said he might have missed the need to return section when he looked at them???

He booked an  appointment to see me at 1000hrs on Monday to look at the problem along with someone from the solicitor’s office. I still have a dread that this sale will not go through yer know – I seem doomed – just my luck to snuff it just before the completion of the sale. Better not though, cause Angie from the USA told me not to croak out yet today in a comment.

Hey-ho, watch this space. Haha!

Made a cuppa and took me medications and laptop on update this twollup!

And I have now been waiting for the book-case to be built and in use for two-weeks now!

Not in a good mood now.

Did the washing up brooding… and banged me head when I went in the cleaning cupboard.

What a rotten day of failures!

Really Pee’d off now!

Still… you’ve got to laugh methinks… or try to!

Wed 4 Nov 15: Feeling a bit perkier now… despite the snot-bag at the bank!

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

01topj0101aWednesday 4th November 2015

After a rough nights sleeping I could recall some bits of me dreams: I was up in a gigantic crane cabin that had ladders leading from it to buildings around it… someone was at the other end of each ladder and shouting at me but I couldn’t hear what they were saying as I juggled the cranes grabber controls to try to pick up me hearing aids that were 30 odd floors below laying on bed of salad on a dish, that was on top of a Rolls Royce?… found myself in an office being interrogated by American policemen about something…?

When I got up to go to the porcelain I was well pleased with the lack of hassle from Reflux valve and Arthur Itis, although Anne Gyna was a bit niggling and I was coughing summat rotten.

After last nights dizzies and weariness, I was in good form this morning comparatively speaking like.

I thought I’d get me diaries done, emails, WordPress and then make a start sorting me newly discovered in a box in the bedroom paperwork again.

Cuppa, medications and started the laptop.

Got missen in the bath and freshened up nicely.

Had a chin-wag with some of the gal tenants in the reception area, then caught the L9 bus into town.

P1020357As I got off the bus the pigeons were high up on top of the newly renovated ‘Intu’ Victoria shopping Centre. I used me new Panasonic camera to zoom in on em!

The weather was the odd drizzle and periodic periods of extreme darkness – dank and gloomy it were!

P1020358I decided to walk further up Upper Parliament Street then down King Street, over the slab square down through Exchange Walk, along Albert Street, Lister Gate, through Broad Marsh Centre and out over Colin Street down Carrington Street and down to the Nottingham Canal to feed the ducks P1020360and pigeons.

Caught  a Pavement Cyclist trying to get back on the road. Hehe!

I called into Tesco and got two cream cakes, one for me and one for Steve from Age UK later. Also got a couple of cheap sliced loaves to add to the seeds  P1020363for feeding the dickies with on the canal.

Took me a while to get to the canal, but I was feeling a bit better and moving well for me I thought.

As I got the camera out to shoot the dickies one of the P1020362periodic period of gloom descended. Tsk! Ruined me photographicalisationing completely!

Most disappointing!

I spotted that one of the canal barges moored near the bridge was up for sale.

P1020361An older one, but I’ve often dreamt of winning a fortune and would be tempted to get something like this so I could feed the birds and do some fishing again?

If I won a few million, a grand to buy one of these, then getting it licensed and insured would be on the cards for me methinks?

Enjoyed feeding the animals.

I decided to go back through Broad Marsh centre proper and have enjoy a bit of window shopping like.

On my way through the centre I got a call – it was from Age UK’s Steve. The payment to the Derbyshire company that was doing the conveyancing or summat involved in selling the house had not gone through for the third time?

Steve sad to go to the bank and get them to make a cheque for the company. So I made me way to the bank and had to call Steve to get the name etc for the snotty nosed bank advisor.

Handed the phone to the superior git so he could talk with Steve who knew what is was all about.

Steve rang back with the required numbers and I gave them to the young turd over the table from me – who looked remarkably like a young David Cameron.

Eventually overconfident arrogant sod told me it had gone through okay this time.

I wandered into the slab square and had missed me bus due to pillock in the bank. So I had a wander around Primark Deadly for the finances that to me!

Ended up getting two, as the receipt said ‘Full zip fleeces’ Thin cardigans with pockets they were.

P1020365They had a selection of Christmas themed woolly hats and I took a photo of the for me American TFZ friends on Facebook.

Then I wandered up to the bus stop and caught the L9 back to the flats.

Surprisingly I fought off the falling to sleep syndrome today – although it was close. Hehe!

Back at the flats I then WC’d and put one of me cardigans on to keep warm, it was getting nippy now.

Made a cuppa and took me evening medications, then updated this twoddle while a waited for Steve Age UK to arrive. He’s kindly going to finally finish putting the book-case he built for me onto brackets on the wall to make it safe and not fall on me causing a Whoopsiedangleplop!

Did some Facebooking then, as I till awaited Steve coming.

Still waiting…

No he’s not coming.

Mopped the kitchen floor and made me nosh.

No picture – as I took the photo without the card in it – left it in the laptop again and don’t know how to get the piccy back from the internal memory? Shame cause it was a marvellous nosh it were.

Shepherds pie with sweet potato and sweet potatoes slices in batter! Mmm yummy!

Studied me TV paper and found stuff I’d like to watch all night tonight.

Fell asleep.

Inchcock Today Tue 3 Nov 15: Flaked out physically – Ah well!

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

0101bTuesday 3rd November 2015

After sleeping and waking every few minutes it seemed to me, I gave up and got up at 0250hrs to visit the porcelain.

As soon as I moved I knew that Little Inchy and Anne Gyna didn’t like me moving! Tsk!

Little Inchy was sore, I put that own to the examination yesterday though. The stinging was not so bad though, if that makes sense to you?

The Stomach was really rumbling and bubbling. Overall not feeling too bright at the moment. The late night for me didn’t help.

Oh… another call to the porcelain. Cor blimey… and I didn’t have a nosh last night either, too tired to bother.

Not up to doing any sorting today that’s for sure – although guilt may prompt me into action later – oh and the laundry needs doing…

Made a cuppa, medications taken and laptop on.

Did some Facebooking and emails.

Got a wash and spruce up, then got me laundry ready, made sure I had soap, freshener, me mobile, camera in pocket and coins of the realm.

Got down and both machines were in use. Both had about 35 minutes left according to the readout on the machines.

Came back to the flat made a cuppa and updated this twollop.

Back down to try again with me laundry.

One machine free so got it in and going.

Very natter with some residents as they waited in the warmth of the reception area before going out to catch the bus.

Back up to the flat and the WC (Oh dear) sorted some paperwork out ready for filing (I keep finding more as I go through the stuff).

Back down to the laundry room and did me crossword book as I waited for the washing machine to finish.

Another nice little natter when some tenants came in off the bus.

Got the washing into the drier, and nibbles some nuts while doing me crossword book.

Packed me stuff into me bag and returned to the flat.

Had a dizzy in the lift and that was me done for the day – worst I’ve ever had. Tsk!

Got in and put me things in the airing cupboard.

I’m afraid I did nothing else apart from make me nosh, sat in the chair occasionally getting up to go to the porcelain, and that was me day.

P1020356Despite me feeling so bad, I did enjoy the nosh.

Garden peas, Frikadellens, pickled egg, beetroot, seasoned fries and bread thins. Strawberry cheesecake to follow.

Kept nodding and waking again, last time I recall getting up for the WC was about midnight – and didn’t feel well at all, thought about pressing me wrist alarm – glad I didn’t now, cause after nodding off and waking several times again, each time I woke up I seemed to feel a bit better, apart from the rumbling stomach which had been with me all day, Arthur Itis and Anne Gyna were giving me a rest.

Couldn’t remember if I’d took me evening or noon medications, but ound an empty evening pot later, so I must have.

Got a few hours kip in any way. No more dizzies.

TTFN all, as Arnie said: “I’ll be back!” He say’s hopefully.  Hehe!

The End is Nigh!

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

As prophesied by Bagdemagus Chambers in his in 1866 diary wot he wrote in Nottingham back in 1898 like! 

AmorrisAngiBagdemagus, a Londoner from Abergavenny, who moved to Nottingham in 1844 at the age of 89 joined the Sewer Lane Monastery as an apprentice Monk.

He’s been invited by his old adversary and neighbour Duncaneth Robertson to join him in praising the Lord and doing his work.

Leaving his beloved family was hard for him. But he asked the local Parish harlot Wilhelmina Groatseeker Chambers to tend his rottweilers and goats while he was away. They haggled over the price of her doing this for Bagdemagus and settled on his paying a wheelbarrow-full of turnips and a promise to spread the word of her services throughout the land. She seemed happy with this, gave him freebie and accepted the payment.

Bagdemagus set off and three years later he arrived at the settlement of what was then called Snottingham.

When he arrived at the Felly Monastery, he was greeted by Brother Duncaneth.

Asda3Who wasted no time on informing Bagdemagus of all the fiddles cons and where the Monastic Wines was made and stored.

Fodder was given to him, a newly hewn uniform and he thought it remarkable that he had to pay no rent either!

After a while it was decided that Bagdemagus would be trained as the Monastery scribe.

Soon he was hard at work writing the history of the place, with the help of Duncaneth who’d thought it a good idea to copy this a avote03few times in the hope of educating the local population by selling them some copies at 2 groats a bash. He also got him to put down a few predictions for the future like, make em sell better that would he thought.

This kept Bagdemagus very busy.

However at weekends, when the bottling took place of the Holy Wines, they both found time to help out the other Monks with the arduous task of testing them.

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Duncaneth on his Cello in the winery, Bagdemagus well and truly blotto! 

Duncaneth would play his Cello in the basement as they grafted away testing the wines.

One day, Bagdemagus was sent into the town to collect some more bottles for the wineries.

He stopped off at a hamlet with the name of Carrington, and called into the hostelry known as The Fawcett Inn. Where due to his intoxicated state, he left his diary with all it’s forecasts and premonitions in the cellar, when aa04alienhe fell through the rap door.

When he returned to the monastery and Duncaneth found out Bagdemagus had lost all his plans for profitisation from his copyright scheme, he became annoyed. He poured Bagdemagus a drink, and reached for the grape-crusher.  

aa03GzBagdemagus didn’t finish his meal.

Nothing more was recorded or heard of again of Bagdemagus.

That is until 136 years later – when one of the worlds most amazing coincidences took place.

A relative of Bagdemagus, who did’t know he had any, Inchcock he was named, was born to the Abergavenny harlot.

Inchcock was thrown out of the hovel-home at the age of 11. His writing skills was made use of as he sold crap poems and odes and raised enough money to get a train to Nottingham, hoping he could find out about his father Bagdemagus.

He couldn’t.

But through hard work he eventually found a dilapidated house in Carrington of all places to buy.

On his first trip down the cellar, low and behold he found his fathers diaries wrapped in a loincloth with his pipe and baccy.

He read the forecast as written by Bagdemagus all those years ago.

“There be horror and pestilence brought about by those claiming to be false Gods in the year of 2015.”

“The leaders of the country will be hard on the poor, and suckle up to the rich.”

“Twill be on the 5th of November that year that the human emotions brought on by the uncivilised attitude and unfair nature of the haves and the have-nots that suddenly the have-nots have nothing to fear about rising in riotous rebellion, for there will be far more of the have-nots, and they will raise hell in their desire for revenge upon the chosen few. Not caring for their own lives any-more, just seeking retribution on the greedy wealthy expense fiddling leadership, one with the odd name of Gideon – as welluth we all know, meaning The Feller, Hacker or Hewer in Hebrew”.

“There will be no Christian or other God to calm them, for Christianity will have been lost in the desire and greed for materialistic things!”

Well, thought Inchcock, I could inform the Daily Mail, but I want more than a dozen people to read about this, I know I’ll post it on WordPress & Facebook!

Thus Inchcock did so.

Wouldn’t it be surprising if Bagdemagus turns out right? Hehehe!

Inchcock Today Mon 2 Nov 15: Hospitalistic activities today

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01topj0101aMonday 2nd November 2015

Didn’t wake until 0620hrs! What a kip that was – must have needed it?

WC’d – Little Inchy had not been bleeding so much. Angina still bothersome, but other ailments seemed content with not bothering me… yet. Hehe!

Put the hooks on the kitchen board edge and hung me oven glove and tea towel on it – this will probably be me sole effort at sorting today.

Got the GP for me Warfarin INR blood level test – then meeting Pete to go with him to the hospital and keep his pecker up – he don’t like em, hospitals yer know. Then the clinic to attend. Usually after they have been examining poking prodding and playing with ‘Little Inchy’ the P1020344soreness, pain and embarrassment cause me to want only sleep after treatment, certainly not any exercise or physical effort of the slightest degree! Humph!

Took a photo of the kitchen as it is now. Signs of organisation coming on nicely methinks. I’ve decided to keep the 3-tier wheeled trolley for use as and when needed?

Did some Facebooking and checked the emails.

Set out in the fog, well heavy mist and walked down Winchester Street – where I realised I had not got me hearing aids in Whoopsie1 – left them soaking in the pot on the side of the sink – Again, Tsk! along Mansfield Road to into Carrington and the 04hGP surgery just in time.

The nurse, a nice and jolly good girl had to come right up to me and touch me on the shoulder as I couldn’t hear her calling me name – it cheered me up just seeing her patient smile.

She even let me photograph her as she prepared to take e blood test, bless her. Had a natter while she was dealing with me. (Nice!)

I was soon out in the dank misty weather again. It was done so quickly I had time to have a walk back into Sherwood, wait for a bus up to the flats and collect me hearing aids.

Had a nice natter with two other residents of the flats while waiting.

Up to the flat and put me hearing-aids in, made a cuppa and WC’d.

Then back down and out to catch the bus into town to catch the bus out to the QMC Treatment Centre and meet Pete.

Another nice natter on the bus with another resident – he was telling me about how nice the newly modernised Flats were at Sneinton Dale and we were to get a similar upgrade, next on the list so to speak – but it would me a year or so at the earliest.

Caught the bus from town, and walked around the QMC compound to the Treatment Centre at the back. The mist was clearing and the sunshine tried to get through.

P1020351

Pete outside the Treatment Centre

Got missen settled with me crossword book and waited Pete’s arrival, which was in ten minutes or so.

He was soon called in and was out in 15 minutes or so.

He still ha to go back for checks in 3 months, and they had found two new 01topj9cpossible spots of skin cancer on his face.

I took a photo of the suspect spots on Pete’s face.

I assumed these spots and those on his back that had been treated were created over the years that Pete was brick-laying and showing off his body to the local female population of wherever he was working. Hehe!

04h01We travelled back into Nottingham (Oh that free pensioners bus-pass is Sooo appreciated) and I left Pete at his bus stop outside the Train Station, and walked into town to catch a bus to the Clinic.

It was a bit dank now. They were starting to build the Christmas stalls on the Slab-Square. A sole Ice-cream van with the man inside leant up against his ie-cream maker dozing was a sad sight.

Whoopsie2 Made a right clot of missen here – the appointment was for tomorrow not today! Still, when I told the chap on the reception about the problems I was having, he told me to take a seat and he’s try tp get someone to have a look.

It was getting late and I felt bad bothering them as time shot by and it must have been close to their finishing time. But this did mean that when I did get to see someone they didn’t mess about like usual, and i was soon laid out on me back having Little Inchy probed and prodded by two, yes Two medical personnel! both embarrassingly looking at me privates through the electric lighted giant magnifying glass! No Clotrimazole, Daktacort or Betamethasone creams given me to use this time (Which I was hoping for), after they had a natter and consulted another person, they gave me an injection near me Little Inchy’s tackle.

Told me if the bleeding and or stinging pains have not eased or gone within 48 hours, I was to make an appointment using the code they had written down for me ASAP. They would send me a return appointment tomorrow for about five/seven days time. 

At that one of them escorted me to the exit as everyone else had gone home already and the scary miserable sod on the reception had, had to wait for me before he could lock-up. Oh dear… at least they treated me, they could have said come back tomorrow couldn’t they?

Dark now, as I painfully sat down on the bus to go back to Sherwood. Felt a bit light-headed. Checked I’d got the code in e pocket. Of course no buses running up to the flats this time of night, so had a walk through the park up to the flats, being careful on the wet leaves.

Straight to the WC ad made good use of the porcelain. (Phwer!)

Made a cuppa. No desire for food much, so had a pot noodle with black bean sauce.

Not feeling too good. Sat down and stayed there until I nodded off and on all night.

Inchcock Today Sun 1 Nov 15: Not in good nick today… Tsk!

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Sunday 1st November 2015

Sun06Woke 0520hrs, feeling stiff all over, Little Inchy been leaking again, Anne Gyna lurking all over the top half of me chest and me legs were bloated up again.

To the WC, the bleeding nose from last nights Whoopsiedangleplop had congealed.

Went into the kitchen and groaned at the horrendous mess it looked, despite me hours of grafting at trying to sort it yesterday! Not happy at all with it.

Cuppa and took me medications – at least I remembered where I’d moved me stock of readied pots of tablets gels and medicines to. Even found me ear spray at the first attempt. Hehe!

Laptop on to finish yesterdays diary.

Checked emails and did some Facebooking.

P1020340Another cuppa and a pot of porridge. I added some lemon curd to the pot.

While consuming these a thought came into my mind (This does occur sometimes) that I was going to go to the shops in Sherwood this morning… but I couldn’t remember what for?

P1020339Then when I took me cup into the kitchen to wash it…

I saw the fog had descended somewhat.

Pondered on what to tackle first in the sorting-out saga today.

Must get some done cause medical Sun03thingamabobs tomorrow will prevent any activity on this front.

Had a wash and shave, WC’d and guess what me first task was?

Clue here in this photographicalisation.

Set to reorganising the kitchen yet again.

Many hours later…

I was so tired and frustrated I decided as the fog had cleared to go for a walk into Sherwood to get a replacement for the item in the photo that I’d cleaned in the hope of using again. But the plastic bit broke when I tried to retread the string.

Sun04As I walked up to the top of the path into the park – the trees with their changing seasons appearance just had to be photographed. Beautiful!

Into Sherwood and the Wilko store.

Came out with a new mini-hoover, nail brush, cotton balls, ceiling switch cord, lobby grip and cotton-wipes as a replacement for me Little Inchies swipes.

Then foolishly went into the Co-op store to get a couple more of the Spare Rib Pot Noodles that I seem to have become addicted to, while they are still on offer. Also got an expensive pack of roasting veg (Carrots, red onions, sweet potatoes and parsnips) to have tonight with me Frikadellens. Then spotted some potato waffle letter shaped packs on clearance price – £1 down to 50p! So I got one. Had the idea that if there were the letters T F & Z, I could put em on top of me nosh and post a photo to the TFZ site for a laugh?

Getting well dark as I walked back to the flat – dodgy underfoot again with the leaves waiting to catch me with a Whoopsiedangleplop – but I managed okay to get back to the flats without harm. Hehe!

Feeling really drained now, and a couple of dizzy spells frit me a bit.

Sun07Got me nosh in’t oven.

Put me bits away – some I even had a place made for them to live with all me sorting earlier (Proud sneer appears on lips!).

Cuppa and medications taken.

Sun05Got the nosh ready.

Managed to find a T F & Z to top off the nosh!

This nosh was me bestest ever since being in the flat!

Rated this one 9.6/10.

Roast veg, pickled eggs, red potato nugget (cooked crispy in’t oven) beetroot, tomatoes and Frikadellens! Gorgeous!

Washed me pots and sat down to see if owt was on the TV or should I read me book – cause I can do that easier now I’ve got me new brighter light-bulb in!

I fell asleep.

Inchcock Today Fri 30 Oct : Incorporating Inchies Memories Mode Session!

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Friday 30th October 2015

Woke 0555hrs, bits of me dreams racing about in me head, by the time I’d stirred and encouraged Arthur Itis to allow me move me knees and got a pen and paper to write down what I recalled, most of the memories had faded into oblivion! Huh! Something about me digging through soil underground, and coming across people who told me I was digging the wrong way and sent in another direction… that’s all I can now recall.

Still, the rumbling innards are not so bad now, Arthur is only niggling a bit, Anne Gyna is nice and quiet, the ulcer and reflux valve no bother, and only, as I found when I went for me first visit to the porcelain, Little Inchy is giving me real concern and bother, bleeding a way to his heart’s content! Took ages to stop it this time.

The kitchen looks a right mess in its part sorted state. The rain was coming yet again.

When I made a cuppa to have me medications with using the new bottle of Sterilised milk from the fridge – it looked black and not right? I thought I might have not rinsed the cup out properly so started again and made another. Summat still didn’t look right? Eventually I realised I’d bought a bottle of sterilised milk okay, but it was ‘fat free skimmed sterilised milk’ – tasteless crap! I might as well have used tap water! Tsk! Just bout better than no cuppa at all.

Laptop on and finished off yesterdays diary and started this one.

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I noticed the top of the fire-surround shelf had items on it that for some reason installed me into memory mode?

Right to left:

Memory 1: A photo frame of Chrissie on me knee at the Arnold Labour club around 1970. What happened later that night was a first for us… a happy first.

DSCN0005 DSCN0006Memory 2: The £1 wall clock. I used to make a magazine for the lads at Sawley Security and bought several of these as prizes for a competition in one issue. Happy times then. This reminded me of the two lads who I met with on me walk along the Trent Embankment the other week. First time I’d seen the in about 30 years. Gossiped nattered and got a telephone number to ring them to arrange a meet proper… but when I rang the number, it was not recognised. Curse!

Memory 3: Maggie Thatcher squeaky toy. This reminded me of when I nearly voted Conservative. A shameful time!

Memory 4: The Kenyan policeman’s truncheon. Brought back from Nairobi in 1962 when it was in a brand new pure white condition. Hand carved for the government by tribesmen. How did I get it? It was traded for a packet of 20 Woodbine with a local policeman. Ah, memories.

Memory 5: The extendable baton. This reminded of me of the training day in the Derbyshire hills where I first used this protective weapon. The three-day training course was part of a national qualification in Security, can’t remember the name of it, or the actual place. But it was out in the dales, had cheap beer and I had to share a room with three other underpaid morons who couldn’t get a proper job. One was persistently giving off putrid emissions of wind every night,  one was the loudest snorer I’d ever come across and the other was the boss of the company.

At the end of the course I had bruises, cuts and a broken ankle. Somehow I passed it? It was surely a fiddle due to the company being desperately short of staff I reckon.

Memories, Hey-ho!

Did some Facebooking and checked me emails then started working on a graphicationalisationlistic idea I’ve had for the TFZers site, using Coreldraw Corelpaint and Serif draw to create this one – so fingers crossed it’ll come out alright.

It didn’t!

Steve rang while I was in the bath – fancy that! He’s coming over in 2 hours.

I started to get the kitchen stuff ready for sorting.

Steve arrived and I showed off what I got done in the kitchen with the drawers and wheelie trays. He was totally unimpressed.

I then showed him me new carpet. He was totally unimpressed.

I then told him  about the rules regarding drilling into the walls. He was totally unimpressed.

He then drilled into the walls and told me he’d brought the wrong raw-plugs and would have to return next week to fix it. I was totally unimpressed.

He made up the two drawers ready.

He then changed the light-bulb with a new one for me.

I left the flat with him, said thanks and walked through the park into Sherwood where I met a lady and her angel of a little daughter. ‘Cause Mum was with her, I gave her a packet of white chocolate buttons. Mum said “You’re an angel” I said and pointed to the daughter, “She is the angel!”

I plodded on to the shops and called in Wilko and got some brown raw-plugs as instructed by Steve, ready for net week hen he returns.

Then had a walk in the Co-op store to use me £2 off voucher. Of course this meant I had to buy a beetroot and apple loaf and some lemon curd cream cakes… Ahem!

It was well dark by the time I came out and it was dodgy walking back through the park and down the path to the flats due to the wet leaves, but at least it had stopped raining.

Got back in the flat and put the nosh away, WC’d and tried again to set-up a lottery payment on the Nottingham Hospice Charity site – no luck again!

Updated this diary while awaiting the arrival of the Morrison’s order that I forgotten about and if I’d remembered about, then I wouldn’t have spent so much at the Co-op store. Wot a plonka!

Morrison’s arrived early.

01topj2Put the stuff anywhere for now – cause me plan is to reorganise the kitchen in the morning.

Or at least to start doing it.

Got me nosh done, vegetarian tonight.

Potato roti, beetroot, cheese and potato croquettes, garden peas (I took the photo here then realised me pan of peas was bubbling away – tsk! half a loaf of Beetroot & apple bread and a lemon curd whatever-it-is thing I got from the Co-op with some single spray cream on it.

Is yer ready?… rated this 9.55/10. Bestest ever!

01topj3In the middle of all the mayhem in the flat, I got me things ready to settle and have a read of the paper/book. I thought to myself it don’t get any better than this.

Comfy chair, haemorrhoid cushion, the most comfortable and warm throw I’ve ever had, soft drinks to hand, nibbles to hand, me grabber nearby for when I drop things, newspaper, and book to hand… marvellous!

I managed to forget about the absolute mess and mayhem the kitchen was in, telling missen I’d make a start on sorting it in the morning – then thought, or should I make a start on sorting the paperwork first?

So much to do again now. But I was feeling good, the last thing I remember after settling down was singing Elvis’s “They remind me too much of you” to myself and getting annoyed with myself cause I kept singing the same four lines over and over… couldn’t remember the others.

Inchcock Today: Thu 29th Oct 2015 Progress in sorting… rumbling innards tested

/ Inchie / Leave a comment

Thursday 29th October 2015

Woke 0415hrs without any sense or feeling of had any dreams at all? Rare that. But I think I might have had some, because Little Inchy had been bleeding again overnight.

Put the kettle on, went into the bathroom and on the throne. The aroma produced in the evacuation had me worried about those tenants in the three floors of flats above! Putrid would be far too a gentle word to describe it. I wondered for a while why this new distinctly horrifying scent from within this morning?

Coughed a bit, had a rinse, sorted Little Inchy again and back in the kitchen to make me cuppa. There I realised perhaps why the lingering and seemingly getting worse aroma from the bathroom had occurred – spotted an empty Pot Noodle in the waste bin! Reckon I must have got up in the night and eaten it?

Finished yesterdays diary, made another cuppa and took me medications.

Then, just like turning on a light-switch – the innards started rumbling violently like never before. Tad worried, never known it so bad before or come on so viciously or quickly. Took some extra antacid medicine in the hope that it calms whatever is causing this down. I really will have to drop everything and seek help if gets any worse – my hands are shaking now. Good job I’ve got me wrist alarm on to press if needed, a comfort this is.

I wondered if I’d eaten anything else in the night with the pot noodle that might have caused me tummy-angst? Can’t see any other empty packets pots or tins anywhere.

Sod it, the angina started off now as well, what with Little Inchy stinging and the rumbling battle in me stomach along with the shaking hands its hard to type or concentrate. Huh!

Continued Facebooking then got missen washed cleaned and ironed. Hehe!

01topj6Set about erecting me 3 draw wheelie cabinet thingy wot I got from Ikea.

Took me time like, followed the plans diligently etc.

Took this photo when I got a phone-call from BJ to tell me he’s be here between 1030 > 1100hrs.

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Still lots to do, but the old devil is progressing

Got in finished and went down to meet BJ – who nearly arrived on time – but I’m glad he didn’t, else I’d have lost the opportunities to remind everyone that he has never arrived on time yet! Hehehe!

BJ took me photo so I could show off me new trolley.

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Proudly the old fool poses…

01topj4He took another but chopped the top of me head off!

So he tried again in the front room this time.

Got me grabber and old Security Working truncheon on show.

I had to use the truncheon as a hammer a I can’t find the one I thought I’d brought with me from the old house like.

Hehe!.

BJ reminded me that the Nottingham City Homes contract mentioned some thing about not drilling holes into the wall? Oh dear… Have to check this with Steve tomorrow before we (Well he!) starts to drill the brackets into the wall to hold the book-case in place?

We had a good old natter and a cup of tea, then BJ said he’d run me into Arnold to a Carpet place he knows to try to get a carpet to fit.

So out in the rain and we were soon at the factory shop. Got a carpet that might fit, I’ll find out later.

BJ ran me back to the flats where I met some residents and the Obergruppenhureress in charge Julie. Gawd she gives me the shudders!

Gave them some nibbles, we had a little chin-wag and up to the flat.

WC’d, damned Little Inchy was dribbling blood again. I’ll ask for advice on Monday when I go to me Warfarin INR blood test.

01topj0101aDecided to have me Frikadellens with potatoes, Sweet potato nuggets with peppers & coriander Rotis, garden peas and beetroot for nosh tonight.

01topj9bWith some bread thins.

A very nice Swiss roll, lemon of course.

This will test the rumbling innards I thought?

It tasted gloriously wonderfully almost perfect. Rated this one 9.5/10!

Must get the kitchen sorted out after me making a mess in me assembling the trolley.

Tiredness dawned and I sat down to read me book for a while, then turned on the lousy TV.

That was the end of the day for me, nodded off…

Inchcock Today Wed 28 Oct 15:

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

Wednesday 28th October 2015

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Woke after a dream filled kip at 0303hrs, fell asleep in the chair again.

Sat for a while trying to recall details of me dreams. In an office tower, empty abandoned, dusty… Searching for something, every-time I got through a door into a room or office I forgot what I was searching for, went back out of the room and the corridor was different to when I went into the rooms from it? This seemed to go on for ages?

Realised I’d missed last nights medications and pondered on whether or not to take just one Warfarin tablet with me morning ones?

In the end I made a cuppa and took me morning medications early while I thought of it, with just a half a tablet of Warfarin extra.

WC and oh dear, had ‘Little Inchy’ been bleeding! And then I realised that with Steve from Age UK helping me sort the Bookcase out yesterday, I’d forgotten to go to get some more pads from the chemist! Tut! Must get some today, really must!

I called the 111 NHS assistance number to ask for advice on any creams I could get over the chemist counter to safely treat Little Inchy. I had to go through 12 minutes of questions before I could ask them what I wanted to. A clinician is to call me back.

Sorry I phoned now.

Lady rang back. I asked her if there is anything I can use safely to stem the bleeding from me penis. No suggestions other than get in the bath and soak Little Inchy then dab him dry.

Told me to see GP.

Well that got me a long way to improving me condition.

Maybe I can see the chemist later and ask him if there is anything I can use to stem the bleeding from Little Inchy?

I’ll have a bath later when the running water will not bother me neighbours.

P1020305Did some Face-booking.

Went into the kitchen to make a cuppa and the site of the new 3 tier storage thingy in its box, waiting for me attentions to bring it to life made me feel a bit guilty.

P1020308So I started to get it out of its box and ready for assembly…

One look at all the parts and the so-called assembly manual and I decided to leave it for a bit… (Coward!)

Someone might call and take pity on me and help me get me head around the instructions. Tut, pathetic!

I think the check list of the 345 pieces scared me.

Went into the bedroom come storage come bomb-site bedroom that is… Hehe! and sorted some of the cardboard from the packaging ready to take down to the caretakers room later.

Ran me bath to give Little Inchy a good soaking, had a shave did me teggies, cut me toe nails (Not an easy or a pretty site I can tell yers), rubbed the cream on me skin cancer wound, pain gel into me knees and hands, dabbed Little Inchy painfully with the last bit of cortisoid cream, put the oil in me ear-holes and splashed after-shave on the four cuts I’d managed to give missen shaving this morning. Finally got in the bath without any Whoopsiedangleplops and had a good soak. Little Inchy somewhat painful and didn’t like me washing or creaming him.

Got missen dried and the bath and sink cleaned. Then filled up and sealed two large box’s with waste cardboard from the drawers, cabinet, and book-case and carried them down the stairs (One at a time of course, they were too large for one or two trips) left them outside Arthur Daley’s… I mean the caretakers room.

Readied myself for the walk in to Sherwood, got the measurements written down and set offP1020309.

I wont half raining still.

Saw a squirrel under the trees at the end of Chestnut Walk. Tried taking a photo but it came out rather miserably, too far away methinks.

P1020310Or I’ve lost me touch with photographicalisationing?

Crossed over the road and limped up the much used gravel footpath into Woodthorpe Grange Park and left down onto Mansfield Road.

On me way through the park I espied P1020311some… er… Wood-pigeons I think they were… or Doves of some kind. Again I tried to photograph them from too far away.

That or as I say, I’ve lost it with the camera and done to it that it doesn’t like?

Got into Sherwood and straight to the carpet shop.

They had no carpets of the size I wanted, and none in brown. Another wasted exercise then. Haha, fancy that!)

Now what happened next is a bit of mystery – an unexplained mystery:

I was on me way to the Co-op to get some bread and use me £2 off voucher and met  chap from the 6th floor of the flats and stopped to have a little natter with him. He was telling me about his collection of Owl ornaments and his solar-powered model owls he had in his window – a bus came and I got on it with him back to the flats?

Puzzled as to why I had done that, I decided that as the rain had eased off a bit, I’d nip up to the flat and make use of the WC, then walk back again to the Co-op store for me bread and bits. Tsk!

 I had unfortunately to clean up Little Inchy. By the time this was done, I remembered I was also going to go to the chemist to get something to replace the long longer any left in stock swabs.

Plodded down to the entrance doors to be greeted by pouring rain lashing away at them. Decided not to risk going out in this weather again and returned to the flat.

P1020313Got me chilli-con-carne and BBQ sausages in the saucepan, seasoned with Bisto, tomato purée and juice, vinegar and added some extra beans from the leftovers from the other day.

Followed by lemon curd Swiss roll and spray cream.

Rated this nosh 9.1/10.

Updated this, made a cuppa and did some WordPress reading.

Was soon nodding off and on in the chair.