The End is Nigh!

As prophesied by Bagdemagus Chambers in his in 1866 diary wot he wrote in Nottingham back in 1898 like! 

AmorrisAngiBagdemagus, a Londoner from Abergavenny, who moved to Nottingham in 1844 at the age of 89 joined the Sewer Lane Monastery as an apprentice Monk.

He’s been invited by his old adversary and neighbour Duncaneth Robertson to join him in praising the Lord and doing his work.

Leaving his beloved family was hard for him. But he asked the local Parish harlot Wilhelmina Groatseeker Chambers to tend his rottweilers and goats while he was away. They haggled over the price of her doing this for Bagdemagus and settled on his paying a wheelbarrow-full of turnips and a promise to spread the word of her services throughout the land. She seemed happy with this, gave him freebie and accepted the payment.

Bagdemagus set off and three years later he arrived at the settlement of what was then called Snottingham.

When he arrived at the Felly Monastery, he was greeted by Brother Duncaneth.

Asda3Who wasted no time on informing Bagdemagus of all the fiddles cons and where the Monastic Wines was made and stored.

Fodder was given to him, a newly hewn uniform and he thought it remarkable that he had to pay no rent either!

After a while it was decided that Bagdemagus would be trained as the Monastery scribe.

Soon he was hard at work writing the history of the place, with the help of Duncaneth who’d thought it a good idea to copy this a avote03few times in the hope of educating the local population by selling them some copies at 2 groats a bash. He also got him to put down a few predictions for the future like, make em sell better that would he thought.

This kept Bagdemagus very busy.

However at weekends, when the bottling took place of the Holy Wines, they both found time to help out the other Monks with the arduous task of testing them.

DuSepia3

Duncaneth on his Cello in the winery, Bagdemagus well and truly blotto! 

Duncaneth would play his Cello in the basement as they grafted away testing the wines.

One day, Bagdemagus was sent into the town to collect some more bottles for the wineries.

He stopped off at a hamlet with the name of Carrington, and called into the hostelry known as The Fawcett Inn. Where due to his intoxicated state, he left his diary with all it’s forecasts and premonitions in the cellar, when aa04alienhe fell through the rap door.

When he returned to the monastery and Duncaneth found out Bagdemagus had lost all his plans for profitisation from his copyright scheme, he became annoyed. He poured Bagdemagus a drink, and reached for the grape-crusher.  

aa03GzBagdemagus didn’t finish his meal.

Nothing more was recorded or heard of again of Bagdemagus.

That is until 136 years later – when one of the worlds most amazing coincidences took place.

A relative of Bagdemagus, who did’t know he had any, Inchcock he was named, was born to the Abergavenny harlot.

Inchcock was thrown out of the hovel-home at the age of 11. His writing skills was made use of as he sold crap poems and odes and raised enough money to get a train to Nottingham, hoping he could find out about his father Bagdemagus.

He couldn’t.

But through hard work he eventually found a dilapidated house in Carrington of all places to buy.

On his first trip down the cellar, low and behold he found his fathers diaries wrapped in a loincloth with his pipe and baccy.

He read the forecast as written by Bagdemagus all those years ago.

“There be horror and pestilence brought about by those claiming to be false Gods in the year of 2015.”

“The leaders of the country will be hard on the poor, and suckle up to the rich.”

“Twill be on the 5th of November that year that the human emotions brought on by the uncivilised attitude and unfair nature of the haves and the have-nots that suddenly the have-nots have nothing to fear about rising in riotous rebellion, for there will be far more of the have-nots, and they will raise hell in their desire for revenge upon the chosen few. Not caring for their own lives any-more, just seeking retribution on the greedy wealthy expense fiddling leadership, one with the odd name of Gideon – as welluth we all know, meaning The Feller, Hacker or Hewer in Hebrew”.

“There will be no Christian or other God to calm them, for Christianity will have been lost in the desire and greed for materialistic things!”

Well, thought Inchcock, I could inform the Daily Mail, but I want more than a dozen people to read about this, I know I’ll post it on WordPress & Facebook!

Thus Inchcock did so.

Wouldn’t it be surprising if Bagdemagus turns out right? Hehehe!

2 thoughts on “The End is Nigh!

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