Ageing humour

Sun 23 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today: Duncans Visitation

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

Sunday 23rd August 2015

01topa2

Wonderful view this morning

0405hrs: Woke up with severe stomach pains again, laid there and some memories of the dreams remained: People who I’d know in the past where interrogating me about something, and they kept passing me into other bare rooms with a chair, desk and a pair of binoculars hanging on a mannequin of a laughing policeman? In each room someone rollocked me about something… Lost in a building, got to the roof, jumped off, changed me mind too late and as I dropped Lords of the manor types started to shoot at me with the shotguns, I noted they had poodles as gun dogs?

That’s all I recall.

Got up painfully (Knees and angina) and managed to get into the bathroom – where I really struggled to perform my excavations duties – it was agony – took an hour plus and I bled profusely afterwards. A most uncomfortable feeling remained in my innards after for ages.

Gingerly went and made a cup of tea to take me medications with, and wondered if the Beetroot and Apple bread I had late yesterday had caused the intestinal problems this morning? But last time I had some there was no reactions like this?

I’d saved half the Beetroot bread and wrapped it up in foil to help keep it fresh for Dunc to try when he called today – not sure if I ought to feed him that now.

No signs of the warned-about rains yet.

Set about doing some Facebooking while I had the chance and was in the mood.

I was a bit cheerfulish cause of Dunc coming to see me like.

Went to get a shave wash and ready for Dunc’s arrival. I didn’t really mean to stub me toe on the way out of the kitchen on me new storage boxes and knock off me 36 medication box’s onto the floor so they now all have to washed again – and I kept the curses to low decibel level. Huh!

All freshened up I went to put me hearing-aids in to go and meet Dunc as he arrived… could I find them? No! Spent ages and ages searching and slowly going bonkers!

Eventually went down and met Dunc who had very kindly brought me a really useful computer desk and chair. It’s also dead handy for having a nosh off of. So kind of him, what a man… but I was guilt ridden with not being able to concentrate on  anything properly cause I was panicking about me hearing aids and the thought of £4000 to replace them I couldn’t tell half of what he was saying either.

We got upstairs and in between my nipping off every few minutes to search somewhere I’d already searched for the hearing-aids, I made us a cuppa and we and a chin-wag.

He showed me some photographs of the isle in Scotland where was born and lived, I’ve never seen such beautiful land before.

Dunc’ started to assemble the clothes-racks, while I guiltily kept nipping off for a failed search for the aids. After he’s finished the first one I joined him in pretending to help him with the second one.

The third one was the killer… between us we managed to reach a level of pathetic competency and after erecting the tubes into a frame, struggled with the  canvas for hours until Dunc realised we should have threaded the first tubes through the canvas… I was so thankful for all his help, as I now have two clothe-horses I can use, and would never have got them assembled on me own.

A very weary and tired Duncan returned home, and I guiltily thanked him and returned to the flat to search yet again for the hearing-aids.

IMG_0097

Nosh, eaten at the table and chair kindly supplied by Sir Duncan Roberson

I got me nosh on, boiled new spuds, mini sausages, apple, fresh pod peas and beetroot, with caramelised red onion relish – followed by lemon and Cornish clotted cream.

I think I would have enjoyed it so much more if was not nipping off to search places I must have searched two or three times already for me haring-aids while eating it.

Finished me main course and was about to start on me lemon and cream and a thought came over me puddled brain – ‘Did I scoop up me hearing-aids with the paperwork earlier this morning when clearing the window ledge in readiness or me doing the checking out of the turn switch so I could clean them – then forgot about? (Bit of a mouthful there, sorry). I went into the bedroom where I stashed the stuff and found the carrier bag – OH THE JOY when I found them!

I went back and finished the lemon and Cornish clotted-cream, suddenly it tasty such a lot better.

A cuppa and took me medications, emailed Dunc’ with thanks and told him I’d found the hearing-aids.

Bet he thinks I’m a right plonka – mind you, I am!

Sat 22 Aug 15: Inchcock Today: Still up to the neck in jobs that need doing… Tsk!

/ Inchie / 7 Comments

Saturday 22nd August 2015

0530hrs: Sprang awake after a long sleep for me, I reckon I got 7 hours in – I can’t remember any dreams but I’m sure I had them?

First thought was to message Lyzzi in America to thank her for me box of pressies.

Me back still twinging away at me, the angina playing up, bleeding ‘Little inch’, bleeding haemorrhoids, stomach rumbling, emissions of wind from the anus were mega-rotten smelling and too frequent for my liking or comfort, the reflux valve was popping in and out, the sin-cancer wound was tingling and itching, I got a cuppa and took me medications. Still, yer don’t like to moan do yer?

I got a message to Lyzzi to thank her for the things she’s sent.

Did some Facebooking – dizzy spells while doing this?

Remembered the Morrison’s order coming, so got missen washed shaved and changed – running low on clean clothes now, being so busy like – must try to get some done later.

Checked me emails and did some FAcebooking while waiting for the Morrison’s delivery.

The nosh arrived and I once more have a crammed full fridge, food cupboards and freezer.

Felt a bit better now, apart from the knees and dizzies the other ailments gave ne a rest.

Got togs ready, me book and crossword book and went down to the laundry room and a machine was free, so got it in quick and settled to read me book. Then realised I had not put the soap powder in – Huh! – put it in late and hoped for the best.

One or two of the other residents came down to have their hair done in the next room, at the hairdressers (Seemed sensible to me) and I managed to get a little natter or two in.

IMG_0095When the washing was done, I moved it into the drier and nipped out for a walk though Woodthorpe Park to the Co-op store and got a Beetroot and Apple loaf. Naughty but nice.

Hobbled back, the weather was as perfect as it could be, not too hot or cols, low wind, very nice.

A lady asked me for  instructions on how to get to Edwards Lane from the Park – I could tell she wanted me body by the way she said Thank you and take are. FibMode Hehehe!

Struggled a little bit on the way back with me knees, but not complaining at all. No dizzies lately that’s good.

Got in and checked the drier then had another chin-wag with a lady waiting to have her hair done. She warned me the heavy rain had been forecast for tonight and tomorrow – that’s bad, cause Duncan is driving from Birmingham tomorrow – I’l email him tellingh im I’ll understand if he dosen’t come with the weather like.

Read me book a while then went in to take me togs out. They seemed clean.

IMG_0096Back up to the flat, put we things away and the bread in the kitchen ready for later – I’ve decided to have just the bread with butter on it, thickly spread, with maybe a few mini sausages on the side… and some sauce of course. I’ll try the Value Tomato Ketchup bottle I got from Morrison’s methinks.

Set about updating this diary and when I went to make another cuppa a dizzy visited again, but only for a few seconds this time, and no bother.

Started to feel a bit tired early again. Emailed Dunc.

Took a while to get to sleep – but after starting to read me new Clarkson book I managed to get off to kip.

Fri 21 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today – Busy, battered and bleeding. Hehe!

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

Friday 21st August 2015

01topa2

0315hrs: Woke in a confused condition for a few seconds – actually thought i was in a hospital bed and not on the floor on a quilt? Maybe summat I dreamt about caused this?

When I moved to get up the knees, angina and wounded patella complained. Hehe!  It took me a while, but I managed to get on me feet, unsteadily though at this stage. Must take me walking stick with me today.

Visited the porcelain where I was mucho pleased to find that ‘Little Inchy’ had only bled a tiny  bit, and the haemorrhoids not at all. And the duodenal ulcer is quiet too. Great!

The effects of yesterdays Whoopsiedangleplop and dizzies were lingering and I took me time when going around the flat – I did feel a twit when I found myself using me grab-stick to pick-up me medication pot that I dropped – Arthur Itis is outstaying his welcome in me knees and fingers, and I’m struggling to type this dairy. Even nearly dropped me cuppa – then as I took me medications – and this is weird even fer me: I dropped a blood-release tablet as was putting it in me mouth – despite searching, I never saw it again? Haha!

Made another cuppa cause the first went cold while I was doing me failed search for the dropped Pentoxifylline tablet – came back to the laptop, pulled the chair a little closer to the rare 1967 G-plan scratch-touched-up sideboard and clouted me wound on the right leg on the shelf – Off course I did not swear, curse, howl-out or owt like that. WPlie 

Then I went again to the porcelain and noticed me walking stick was not hanging in the hall of the peg? Then ensued the preposterous and farcical search of the flat for it… this forgetting and losing things is getting a bit much lately!

Eventually I found it hanging on the living room door handle – but of course thanks to United Carpets professional work fitting me carpets, the door will not

01topa IMG_0088close to now in the living room or bedroom, and incidentally Paul the painter has left his trade-mark streaks of paint on the edges of all the doors. How am I supposed to get them off?

I’ve lost missen now… where was I?

Oh well ,never mind.

Another cuppa went cold during me marathon mind-teasing search for me stick, so I made yet another one.

Finished yesterday’s diary and got it posted.

Did some comment replies then Facebooking.

Got into Corel and did a graphic fer SOZ.

Had a good wash shave and then had a cuppaanda pot of porridge. Put some lemon juice in the oats this time.

Then while still awaiting the arrival of BJ, I got the manual for the TV out to see how and what the remote control buttons were used for. But the remote they had left me was different to the one in the manual. Went on the web but could not find this one, or any guides for the buttons?

Still no BJ at 1010hrs, so I made another cuppa.

Still no BJ at 1025hrs, so I started to sort some paperwork.

Still no BJ at 1048hrs, so I cleaned the toilet bowl.

Still no BJ at 1102hrs, so I made a list of things I might look at later… if BJ arrives… He’s picking up the parcel for me from the Post Office on the way, said he’d ring me when he was leaving like. I’ll check to see if I have a missed call on’t mobile… Oh, yes I’d missed from from BJ – rang him back but no answer – wot a twit I is!

Still no BJ at 1110hrs, so I got the laptop back on and updated this diary. Then he rang back – running late will be here later, twenty minute/half-an-hour or so he says. That’ll be the day, nice chap as he is to me, he’s never been on time ever. Hehe!

Still no BJ at 1128hrs, so put me wrist-alarm safe in the centre-drawer in me 1967 G-plan sideboard – I mention this so I can remind missen later when I read it missen!

Still no BJ at 1145hrs, so carried on doing graphics fer a bit.

Still no BJ at 1210hrs, so washed me cup and had a go on Tetris game.

BJ arrived at 1320hrs bless his cotton socks. Met him outside and he took meto the Ikea store.

Gawd it’s a large complicated place – and with too many items that suited me needs – another fortune spent by the time we’d finished. BJ said we were in the gigantic shop for well over two hours!

IMG_0089I ended up getting two storage bins suitable for some clothes in the bedroom, Two clothe rails… no three clothe rails, and two washable Tofto carpets, one for the side of the bath and the other for round the WC.

Oh, and also a Gurli throw for the leather chair – and – an electric screwdriver so I can make a mess of assembling the clothe rails, (That should be fun with my lack of DIY skills?) when I can get the time like.

We were both well shattered by the time we got out. BJ got a couple of items for himself, and I said I’d pay for them for him as thanks for running me about. He refused and would only take a £5 note.

IMG_0090BJ ran me back to the flat and we unloaded the pile of goods outside the reception door, along with the parcel from America that he had collected earlier for me from the Post Office that I had to pay VAT and Import Duty on! It was from Lyzzi, a valued cuddly cyber-friend in the States.

She’d read in me diary that I was short of towels and she said she had some over from her move to a new house and would send them to me.

BJ went to park the car and have  fag – and we were both fagged out. Hehe!

I managed somehow to get all the things to the lift and BJ rang from the car: “Could I manage to get the things up to the flat cause he was shattered” – I thanked him and said I could, and he shot off home to get some rest.

IMG_0093After a bit of a battle, I got all the stuff up and into the flat and opened the box that Lyzzi had posted to me.

Just look at the stuff she’d sent. I must send her an email in thanks – don’t know if I’ve got her address though? I’ll send her thanks on Facebook methinks.

IMG_0091I moved the other things into the bedroom and made a up of tea and nearly fell asleep.

Read the leaflet with the screwdriver and it’s one that you throw away when the battery has stopped charging and dies?

I took me medications and got the laptop on.

Anne Gyna was still a bit bothersome, but the knees were a lot easier than yesterday after me last Whoopsiedangleplop.

So weary though now.

Got me nosh cooking. Veg sausages, onion rings and pork loin with bread thins, barbecue sauce and followed by a pot of blackcurrant sugar-free jelly.

Enjoyed it, then fell victim to fatigue and got me head down. So much to do again now, and not feeling up to it, very late for me now, see how I feel in the morning.

TTFN folks, and all the best wishes for yers.

Thu 20 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today – Mega Whoopsiedangleplop!

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

Thursday 20th August 2015

IMG_0086

This morning before me mega “Whoopsiedangleplop”

0330hrs: Woke in s sweat and panicky – memories of the dreams dissipated as soon as I thought of them.

Morrison’s delivery this morning.

Made cuppa, laptop on started this diary off. Still feeling weary from yesterdays efforts.

WC’d. ‘Little Inchy’ had been bleeding, Reflux Roy was sticking again, Arthur Itis continued his recent complaining in me knees, Harry Hernia was upset at all the bending and lifting yesterday I assume, even Duodenal David had started to give me some grief. Then I had a Donald-dizzy-spell and nearly went over – bad start to the day here methinks.

When I was doing some Facebooking I had another dizzy – but they did seem a bit different to the normal ones. Breathing a bit heavy too? I wondered if the fumes from the wood treatment bottle had got to me, but there is no warnings on the label – I know, Cause I found me magnifying glass and read the label.

Did some Facebooking and email checking, then some graphicalisationing.

Had a cuppa (Dodgy that, with having had to visit the porcelain five times already this morning) and took me medications. Oh dear.

Tried to clean between the units in the kitchen, but the pains lingering from yesterdays efforts made me stop and leave until later.

Morrison delivery came and I put it away – in its new places once I remembered where everything had been stored in. Haha!

While putting them away BJ rang – he’s back from his holiday and I’m glad to report he really enjoyed them!

He is going to take me the old place to pick some stuff up, bless him. He’ll ring me when he’s about to leave his house.

Made sure I’d got me mobile on me and camera in coat pocket.

Updated this to here, and awaited his call.

BJ rand, on his way. So I got missen ready and went down and walked to the end of the road and met him in his new pap-pap. (Well, new in as far as his old one conked-out like).

Not feeling too good still. We arrived at the dump and BJ helped me pick some stuff to take to the flat and filled his boot with it – well the car boot with it, not his boot like, any-road he was wearing shoes… Hehhehe!

I was struggling with the stairs as me left knee was really painful, and it wasn’t just Arthur Itis I could tell, it were a different pain – must have strained it or summat yesterday with all that up and down grafting away?

We returned with the many bagfuls and BJ helped me up to the flat with em. I had a dizzy in the lift as we were having a natter with to another tenant lady who lived on floor 11.

We got the stuff into the bedroom ready for sorting, but I didn’t feel up to it today.

I’d had a note from Parcel Force, they had tried to deliver the parcel they’d charged me nearly £50 in VAT and import duty for – I could collect it from Sherwood Post office after 1600hrs.

BJ went on the balcony for a fag and make a telephone call.

That was when the mega-Whoopsiedangleplop took place!

I had a dizzy-spell again just as I was bending down to move the chair – and went over in an unsightly and undignified manner onto the floor, bouncing off the chair then waste-bin en-route to the carpet!

BJ put a bandage on me bleeding right knee! That’s go well with me haemorrhoids and ‘Little Inchy’ – Phwert!

BJ shot off saying “I’ll would be back in t’morning and we can go to Ikea to see if they have anything as suitable for the bedroom instead of wardrobes.

Mad a cuppa and updated this diary, feeling better now.

Decided to walk to the Community shed with Margaret’s last batch of letters.

Has bit of dizzy as I got ready, so I took me walking stick with me – after searching for 40 minutes to find me wrist alarm – nowhere to be found!

Deana and the Obergruppenfurher were both there, I gave em some nibble, had a chin-wag and got told off for loosing me bracelet alarm.

I returned to the flat still feeling ‘Not Right’ like.

Made a cuppa and took me evening medications.

DSCF0305

Made me nosh: Boiled potatoes cubed and seasoned, last tomato, cheesey sliced potatoes, lettuce & raw cabbage and a whopping great piece of battered cod. The usual bread thins too.

I have to give this one 8.42/010, cause despite feeling rotten I still enjoyed it so much.

Managed a bath without slipping over, but it was agony gerrin in and out like.

Had a search fer the wrist-alarm without any luck – nipped back into the bathroom to clear and clean it and wallah! – There was the wrist-alarm slung over a bottle of antiseptic disinfectant!

Did an email to let Deana Walker know I’d found it – Tsk, whatever will she think of me – Tut!

Got me head down in hopes of gerrin’ some sleep and peace.

Worra-life eh? Tsk! 

Wed 19 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today – Started well, to mediocre, to not good, to bolognaise!

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

Wednesday 18th August 2015

01topa2

0235hrs: Woke with immediate panic attack about what needs doing and guilt at the old place not getting done.

Set about finishing sorting the front room to clear it so the sideboard can go in when delivered later today – assuming that is if it will go through the doors. The cabinet is small so will be no problem.

Then I moved all the clothes from the pegs on the hallway wall, and laid them in the bedroom – where of course, there is no bed yet to get in the way. Huh!

IMG_00670410hrs: Laptop on, cuppa and medications taken.

Popped to the bathroom to visit the porcelain and decided to have a wash and shave at the same time like.

Reflux valve sticking again, cough still with me, hands not too bad at all, Anne Gyna just getting going, and the skin cancer wound was getting so very itchy again.

Returned to the kitchen and made another cuppa.

Finished off yesterdays diary and got it posted.

Did some prep work on Coreldraw for a project I’m working on.

IMG_0068The J Lewis chaps arrived with the TV and storage bins. Unfortunately the bins need putting together – hope to get on with that soon before me fingers start playing up… well, before Arthur Itis starts playing up.

One of the chappies asked if I had me coax cable he could use – I told him no one at the shop told me I needed one when I bought the TV, and as it was 30 years since I last owned a TV set I did not have a cable.

Very sportingly he told me had an old one in the van, and he went down and collected it to use. Jolly decent of him. They even took away the packaging for me.

I have now to get an electrical extension plug thingy though, as the TV would not reach to where I wanted it to go… when I get some furniture in like. Huh!

So I did me Morrison’s order earlier than planned and ordered one with me groceries for delivery tomorrow.

01topaYesterday when me Warfarin INR level results came back and were so close to the target, the hospital haematology put 7th September as me next blood session, I emailed them asking for an appointment on Monday 7th September.

0101cGot an email back today with an appointment for Thursday 7th September. Initially this confued me a bit and I thought I’d made a Whoopsiedangleplop again – after checking the calendar I realised it was the surgery that had made the error. I emailed them back and the returned one apologising. I just hope it wasn’t 0101bthe Obergruppenfurher that made the error cause if she was me next time I’m in for an ear-full. Oh dear Yes!

The Sue Ryder delivery volunteers arrived with me old ‘1960’s G-Plan’ sideboard (It’s printed on the inside of the drawers!) and the VHS video cabinet.

They kindly placed it where I wanted and suggested I use the top of the VHS cabinet for me phone, Alert alarm and TV for now – so I did.

After a few hours the room looked like his below.

Meds02

0101dI considered having a look at sorting out how the hoover works first, but instead I got battling to assemble the storage boxes instead.

The time was racing by I but I pressed on.

It took me a lot of bad language and hours to get them assembled.

0101aUsed most of them in the kitchen, not a pretty sight, but sensible to keep me things and practical I thought like if yer know worra mean.

Of course I may change things round later I suppose.

Then the brainwave hit me!

I’ll go to Wilkinson’s in Sherwood to get some wood dye/restorer to cover or hide the scratches on the sideboard.

I can drop off the letters delivered for the previous tenant Margaret at the Community Hut on the way.

She was a popular girl won’t she. Also take some bits to the Nottingham Hospice charity shop and see if they had coaster for sale.

I got a letter from Parcel Force – demanding £38.58 – that’s Import Duty £30.58 plus VAT clearance fee of £8.00! Argh! I’ll get on the web later to try and sort it out.

0101

How long are remotes getting nowadays?

Obergruppenfurher Julie was in and I gave her a choice of nibbles and the letters – she asked  if the caretaker Robert had delivered the writing bureau yet? I said no and she arranged for it to be delivered this afternoon.

Off on a walk into Sherwood and called into the Hospice shop with me bits for em. Forgot to ask if they had any coasters of course.

Out and into Wilkinsons, where I forgot all about having ordered the electric extension for tomorrow from Morrison’s and bought one there, but it had on/off switches for all four sockets on it that I thought was good. I ended up getting his and a bottle of ‘scratch cover’ and a wax wood polish spray.

Thoroughly wee’d off with me spending again, I crossed over and had a look in the Sue Ryder Charity shop to see if the had found me bendable duster that I lost yesterday – but they had not, so I bought another one. Tsk!

With all the spending I managed to resist going into the Co-op to get some more of the delicious beetroot and apple bloomers.

IMG_0078Caught the bus back to the flats and got in and set about ‘doing up’ the scratches.

IMG_0083

The bureau goes well with Duncan’s swivel-char that he brought fer me, now I’ve dyed it like!

Caretaker, ‘I don’t charge enough yer know’ Robert arrived later with the writing bureau, and I gave him some DVD’s for his bother, I think he was expecting some cash judging by the expression on his face. Tsk!

I got on the web to see if the parcel of towels that Lyzzi from TFZ said she would kindly send me for the new flat. Bet she didn’t know they would charge me all this eh? Swines!

0101e

This is Greedy surely?

I just hope they do deliver the parcel after Lyzzi has kindly gone to all that trouble to help me out…  £38.58! Christ have I not spent enough this week! Really fed-up now! Bloody Post Office!

Still the parcel should be on the way tomorrow it said… but we’ll see eh?

Did a bit of staining on the bureau… well i did it all, not much left in the bottle now.

So tired now. Put the TV on to try it for a few minutes – Crap! The picture keeps pixelating – so I’ll have to buy a signal-power booster now – really wee’d off again now!

IMG_0084This is the front room at the moment, as far as I’ve got. I’ve already moved the telephone onto the sideboard and Virgin internet box onto the floor, cause they didn’t look to firmly based. I’m glad I’ve got the laptop out of the kitchen at last.

Got me diced potatoes in the oven and me seasoned beans in the pan, bread out ready and me pork loin cut up on the dish ready.

Finished updating this diary and felt morose after all the spending today again… I say AGAIN! Hehehe!

Had nosh and managed to stay awake long enough to have a good nosh but it didn’t cheer me up, still low after feeling so good earlier. Cobbleknotrots!

IMG_0085Did some Facebooking until me eyes were closing in there own.

Morrison’s delivery int morning 0800>0900hrs.

ust call to see if BJ is back from holiday yet, i think he’s got another week though. Hope he’s enjoying it in Ireland, he usually does bless him.

TTFN.

It’s been a Funny Old Life.. Part 3 Updated

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

It’s been a Funny Old Life.. Part 3 Updated

avote02a

I started with nothing, I’ve got most of it left.

At shoplifting Mother was rather deft,

Eventually they charged her with fraud and theft,

At this I wanted to cheer and wave a wheft,

But she got off with it, and I was bereft!

_

I left school, started working at just fourteen,

Mother reappeared on our then contented scene,

‘Cause for several years she’d hardly been seen,

This meant I’d be broke before I was fifteen,

After most of our valuables were never again seen,

Mother disappeared to stay with Auntie Eugene,

Who later also went bankrupt we did gleen,

It not that she was nasty, cruel or mean,

She’d just leave you without a flipping bean!

_

But she’s sadly missed by many you see,

By magistrates, solicitors and many P and DC,

There’s often times when comes back in me memory,

In me nightmares usually.

_

Dad knew for Mam’s next return I had no yearning,

And she would return when I started earning,

And when she did, things would be worsening,

Bank manager and wallet regretted her returning,

The neighbours got new locks, tongues were burning,

How to lock their doors they were relearning!

_

She told us she was a changed person nowadays,

She’d become kinder and changed her ways,

Having just avoided the judge sending her to Strangeways,

After with the police the pillock did liaise,

The magistrates let her off with probation – this did amaze,

And that meant the restart of Dads and my malaise,

She soon started selling t’neighbours none-existent holiday chalets,

We were really worried when she offered Dad praise,

She soon ended up back in her old ways.

_

Conning, shoplifting, bingo halls, fag-end collecting, even conned a solicitor,

She became locally famous for that one hereafter,

The magistrates this time, got even dafter,

Let her off again – in the courtroom there was much laughter!

_

They gave her a flat, and furnished it, believe that can you?

The rent they paid half of it for her, and the gas bills too,

Half of the electricity bills, and scrubbed her debts it’s true!

Arranged for her flat to be decorated and furnished all through,

As she left the Court, she smiled widely and off she flew,

I imagined her inwardly shouting “Yabbadabbadoo”!

And Crime Don’t Pay some idiot will tell you!

_

I suppose I’ll meet her again in heaven maybe I think so a bit,

I’d better prepare for when I go and snuff-it,

I’ll spend all me dosh now, before she can get her hands on it!

Bless Her – See yer in a bit Mam!

Mon 17 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today: Medicationalistical activities

/ Inchie / 3 Comments

Monday 17th August 2015

MonTop

Off on me way to hospital today, well it cheers the nurses – Hehe!

0200hrs: Woke slowly – the dreams I’d had fresh and worrying in me mind – by the time I got up and visited the porcelain those memories were gone completely. I hate it when that happens!

Another bloody bloody visitation – ‘Little Inchy’ so sore and leaking, back passage the same. I’m getting fed-up with this!

Made a cuppa, opened laptop and got morning medication pot out ready for later. Made sure me INR record log was in me pocket ready, along with me bus-pass and camera.

Did me LOMM site posts while I had the chance, then posted yesterdays diary off.

Made  cuppa, took me medications and Facebooked for ages and ages.

41T1 Did some graphics fer the TFZ site.

It took me ages to get them something like right, but I do enjoy making them for the TFZers and me Cyber-pals.

Best thing I did in a whole it was to get the newer (very expensive) Coreldraw x7 suite and the new (Then) laptop so I can make use of the power of the programme like.

SuzFlingWC’s and doctored the bleeding parts of me anatomy.

Hehe, wot a life!

Another cuppa then I got a good scrub-up and freshening missen a bit.

Checked to make sure the nurses nibbles and camera was in the bag and bus-pass, INR form and mobile phone in me coat pocket ready for me trip to the Queens Medical Centre tests.

Had a natter with some of the other tenants at the bus-stop – the caught the L9 bus into town, again proving the value of me Free Pensioners Bus Pass.

Dropped off in the City Centre and made me was to catch another bus out to the QMC fer me tests.

The team in the haematology department were all new to me – and the other four people and every one but one of the six nurses were not English. Nice people though.

IMG_0054Came out and made me way to the bus stop back into town. Took a photo of the crowds going into the hospital.

Ahem… on the left…

Got into town and thought I’d see if i could get any of the working socks like last time from Primark, they were comfy they were.

IMG_0053I noticed on me way to the store, the wicker displays had had flowers planted in them now.

I thought the  high-heeled shoe one was worth photographing.

Got into Primark but they did not have any of the type of socks like wot they had in stock last time I called in – shame.

IMG_0055The crowds on me way to the store were a bit large for a Monday.

Still, if yer collapsed going down this Clumber Street, yer wouldn’t hit the floor cause of all the shoplifters… no, no, sorry… Nottinghamians I meant to say like.

IMG_0056I poddled into the town’s Slab Square where the Nottingham Beach and boating pool was well attended, despite the lack of sunshine.

Caught the L9 bus back to the flats and took advantage of me getting seen to early at the hospital and gor me washing ready to take down t’laundrette room.

Started the washing machine off and returned up to the flat to use the WC. Put some letters in me bag to take to the Community Hut/Shed that had been delivered for Margaret, the previous tenant, when I got downstairs sadly someone had dropped off a letter for a lady tenant before whoever left it, the lady had passed away last week.

That makes three this month as far as I know of, two in Woodthorpe Court and one in Winchester Court – by gum we’re dropping like flies. Hehehe!

I got the togs out of the washer and into the drier and for some reason it didn’t start, so I had to pay again, this time it started okay.

I popped to the Community Shed and Obergruppenfurher Kommander Julie was in – but that didn’t scare me at all. FibMode I gave her the letters and a choice of nibbles from me bag.

IMG_0058On me way back to Woodthorpe Court, I caught a squirrel as I turned the corner and managed to get a shot of it on the concrete slabs at the end of the complex near the entrance to the woods.

IMG_0057Got back to the washing room and read me book for a while (Can’t find me crossword book anywhere?).

When I went into the room to see if the drier had finished there was water on the floor, not from anywhere near the drier mind? Nipped up to the flat and got some towel to dry it off in case anyone slipped on it, but it remains a mystery as to where it came from?

The drier did its usual good job, togs in bag, back up to flat, togs in airing cupboard, then back down to the laundry room to collect me book. Huh!

Back up t’flat (Good job the lift ain’t broke today).

IMG_0059Got some chips int oven, and made me nosh, again I enjoyed it – but then I sank into depression for the rest of the night.

Suddenly gripped with anxiety over not getting things sorted at the old place.

Took me evening medications.

Sun 16 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today

/ Inchie / 3 Comments

Sunday 16th August 2015

01topa

0144hrs: Woke, with feelings of uncertainty and uneasiness?

Me back twinging away at me, the angina playing up, bleeding ‘Little inch’, bleeding haemorrhoids, coughing and sneezing, stomach rumbling and felt so cold! Still, the reflux valve and ticker seemed calm.

Put me dressing gown on and looked at all the mess around me that needs sorting… guilt-ridden at me lack of abilities, money and help to get owt done, being conned by United Carpets… then the self-pity came over me and I felt rotten!

I took me readings BP etc.

Sys 146 – Dia 73 – Pulse 70 – Temp 34.2 I’m none the wiser till, but it seems like me usual readings or there abouts. Me problem is I keep forgetting to do these every day and the nurse ain’t happy when I go in without the readings.

Put some Betamethasone cream on the Little Inch, Phorpain gel on me knees and back where I could reach anyway.

Depressed beyond understanding I hobbled into the kitchen (The arthritis in the knees bad as well this morning, but the hands seemed okay… but later events soon changed this!).

Made a cuppa and took photo of the opening screen when I started the laptop, and tried to make use of the WC but the innards wouldn’t let me?

After I went on WordPress and got yesterdays diary finished off and posted, I went on Facebook. This cheered me up a bit I’m glad to report – so many messages and comments from me Cyber-Friends. Despite Anne Gyna letting me know she was not happy.

0104aMade another cuppa and took me morning medications early but still.

So much to try and get sorted today. Tons more paperwork to sort and that takes ages, I don’t want to rush it and shred owt I’ll need.

Still too early to start making noise with the shredder.

Sun01Answered me emails and blog comments, then I did some preparatory graphicalisationing on Coreldraw and Corel Paint X7 for a while.

Guilt at getting nothing done rose its ugly head and I tried to get the overspill paint off one of the four doors that he’d left some on for me.

Failed miserably with me cleaner spray and marked the wood – don’t know what to try next?

Still feeling guilt ridden, I decided to try to use Sun03the mechanism on the kitchen window to to turn it 180° ready for me to clean them – not easy as I have to get me arthritic hand between the button thing and the wall and hold it open all the time while turning the great window with me other arthritic hand!

A real struggle that, now I have red bruises on me knuckles.

Bits of the decaying window frame fell off all over the place and floor when I got it turned – eventually.

Tried Asda window cleaner – not much good, then tried kitchen cleaner with bleach on it, a bit better but it took ages and was so painful stretching up. The framework was filthy and took extra effort and patience to get something like clean. Chips in the glass inside and out.

When I eventually got to closing it to clean the inside I still had to keep the button thingy pulled out all the time or it would not move at all again – well pee’d off and annoyed with that I was.

Then of course I could see marks I’d missed off on the outside – Huh! No way I was going through all that pain again, they could stay there until I can get someone to help me next time – which might be forever!

Cleaned the narrow static window at the bottom. Then had to clear and clean the ledge and floor of droppings when I had opened the window – sod this for a lark – but who can I ask for help? Yes… nobody.

Hard to type now ’cause of the pain in me knuckles – yer can’t win can yer? Tsk.

Sun02Took me first picture through the window at 0620hrs.

I could hear noises again that I could not recognise – this seems to happen every day here lately?

Couldn’t even tell where they were coming from?

WC’d with great difficulty for some reason – the haemorrhoids bled profusely avote02aagain as did ‘Little Inchy’. I really must mention this to the GP on me next visit, it’s getting a tad worrying, especially with the Warfarin INR level having just returned to something like normal last week.

Updated this diary, then returned to me graphicalisationing on Coreldraw.

Got a good bath and changed – ‘Little Inchy’ not bleeding so much now. Haemorrhoids still bad though. Tsk!

Set off on a walk into Woodthorpe Park, determined to find the Tropical House to have a viewing of and take some photographs of it.

IMG_0043I walked up the back and to the top of the hill at the back of the Park.

It took me while because there were no signs for it to be found.

When I did find it, it was closed!

Hey-ho, never mind, at least I know where it is now.

Tomorrow it’s closed all day – but I’ve got to go to the Queens Medical Centre anyway, for me Warfarin INR deep blood tests.

IMG_0044It was lovely walking back through the gardens part, they were unkempt but that didn’t stop me enjoying them and for a while at least, forget me other worries.

I walked down into the thickets of wood and came across a tree stump that had some amazing looking fungi-growth at the base of it.

IMG_0045The wonderful two different fungi is on the right bottom of this photograph.

There was an orange and white ticket nailed to the stump, wondered what it was for?

Anyone know please?

Hobbled on and down the field back to the flats in a bit of a rush – The WC porcelain was summoning me attentions like.

Got in just in time – soddit, ‘Little Inchy’ was bleeding again – I really must mention this to the nurses tomorrow.

I met me lady neighbour when I was taking out some rubbish to the chute – and asked her if she’s like the bottle of Clementine juice that was too sweet for me.01topa

I asked her in to show her the mess United Carpets had made of installing them – that’s UNITED CARPETS!

Just thought I ought to warn any other prospective mugs like, yer know.

Did even more prep work on Coreldraw.

IMG_0046Hunger pangs matured and I got me nosh on.

The coughing started to return and the odd sneeze emitted.

I must say I really enjoyed me nosh tonight.

Chips (Fries for me hoards of fans in America Hehe!), garden peas, roasted peppers, lettuce and cabbage and some bread thins. I’d tried these chips before and they were a bit tasteless – so cunningly coated them with a pot of herbs and spices, that did the trick. Rated it 8.3/10.

The usual sudden fatigue overcame me and I retired for the night.

TTFN all.

Sat 15 Aug 2015: Inchcock Today – Dispirited!

/ Inchie / 1 Comment

Saturday 15th August 2015

01topa

0150hrs: Woke, a feeling of something wrong, missing or amiss pervaded… Ah, it was ’cause I had got me head down in front room on the softer carpet like, and the beat of the fridge-freezer was missing!

01topa2Coughing a bit now – getting soaked in the rain yesterday didn’t help.

I perused the condition of the room, noticed I’d left me paperwork part-sorted from yesterday lying out in order so I could remember where I’d got to with them – of course none of it made any sense to me now?

Called to the WC, and not a good visit at all this morning at all: Coughing away I investigated ‘Little Inchy’, he needed cleaning up again and some more Betamethosone treatment – and the haemorrhoids were bleeding like ridiculously! The Reflux valve was sticking out of me chest like a mole-hill, never known it as bad. At least Anne Gyna wasn’t bothering me much and the ulcer was calm, Arthur Itis of course ever-present, especially in the fingers again today – it’s taking me ages to type this with all the correcting I’m having to do. Huh!

Aug 15I did manage to finish the graphic for Les Johnson for his excellent book Erskine Quint – Timeless Insanity. I must say it’s the best fiction adventure book I’ve ever read – bonkers but captivating.

I had hoped to get to some charity shops to see if I could find a desk for me computer and a bed – but then remembered the chair is being delivered some time today from the Sue Ryder charity shop. So that’s me stuck in until it arrives.

Had to redo me medicating of ‘Little Inchy’ again. That and the reflux valve and me coughing were all a bit concerning, but still, I’ve done well to get this far so far… I think…

Made a cuppaDSCF0294 and took me medications.

After a search for me hearing-aids and putting them in – I could hear a noise, no idea which way or where it was coming from – or what it was for that matter?

I listened for a few minutes to try to identify it, couldn’t tell if it was whining deep voices or not, seemed to be mechanical at times as well… so annoying I took out me hearing-aids.

The back pains started again as soon as I tried to pick up some swept up bits of carpet trimmings. Felt a bit low now.

The chaps arrived with the chair from the charity shop and put it inside for me.

Got fed-up with myself and seeing all the mess everywhere, and decided to have a trip into town to get out a bitDSCF0295.

Took this photograph leaning out of the kitchen window – and it tool a lot of pain and struggle to open the window too.

Blackberry pickers and dog walkers with confused dogs now they have cut the field back.

Walked up and through Woodthorpe Park and down into Sherwood and had a look in the charity shops to see if they had any desks or beds for sale, but no luck.

DSCF0296Back up to the bus-stop and utilised me pensioners free-bus-pass into town.

Called in Tesco and got some tomatoes, then walked through Victoria Centre (Mall) and over the walk-over taking this photo.

Not many folk about for a Saturday.

Down the stairs the other end and walked along to the bus-stop for the Arnold buses and caught one dropping off in Carrington and calling at the old place which had not been burgled I’m glad to say.

Gathered some stuff to take back to the flat in two big bags.

Feeling a bit like I was on auto-pilot at this stage and somewhat confused as to what and why I was doing this. Mind racing, stomach churning, Arthur Itis giving me some stick too now.

Left the mess at the house and caught the bus back to the mess in the flat… Tsk!

DSCF0297Dropped off in Sherwood and walked to the top and back to the flat through Woodthorpe Park again.

Feeling sorry for missen again I think as I struggled up the walkway with the bags.

I somehow noticed an odd coloured lady bird crawling over the leaves at me DSCF0298feet, and tried to take a photograph of it for the Facebook site.

This is the lamentable result.

I suppose I ought to just accept that me and the little camera ain’t up to taking such close-up shots. I put it on max zoom and bent down to take the shoe… and it took me through some pain getting back up again. As I straightened up and began to walk on with me bags, Anne Gyna started giving me some gip.

DSCF0299Back in the flat and feeling low still, hunger pangs made me get me nosh early.

Salad and a half it was.

Potatoes, last of the mushroom pate’ and mini sausages, tomatoes, strong cheddar, beetroot and cabbage and lettuce. Caramelised red onion relish and bread thins to-boot.

XmasNoshUnfortunately I ate the lot, and then some biscuits afterwards too!

Did some graphicalisationing for a few hours.

Coughing and sneezing.

Weariness overcame me again.

No choice other than to get me head down in the front room. Kept waking up with coughing or the back pain… and Little Inchy bleeding again.

Worrying and fretting each time about the mess I was in.

Not in good spirits at all.

Hey-ho!

Thu 6 Aug : Inchcock Today: Busy yet again – Tsk!

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

Thursday 6th August 2015

0435hrs: The tones of the fridge-freezer stirred me, it had added a few more clunk-thuds to its chorus this morning – bit worrying that.

Up and at em… well, I stirred and appreciated the lack of cramps again last night, then mused on the dreams I could recall:

I was struggling to get up a beach from a canoe… it looked like I was an Australian beach – Kangaroos and koala bears all around…

Climbed over some sand dunes and found it was Los Angeles, I have no idea how I knew it was Los Angeles but I did. I caught a cab and the driver was a robot with a shiny metal head and spoke in an Eastern European voice to tell me I should not be here since the Declaration of Independence was declared, only non-humans were permitted in the City?

Can’t recall what happened next, but I ended up in the middle of a gigantic plate of chips struggling to get out, with Marissa Bergen trying to pull me out using guitar strings with hooks on the ends?

Shame I can’t recall owt else though.

Kettle on, cuppa and me medications taken then a check on me failing body parts when I had a wash and shave: Arthritis not bad in the least, Anne Gyna bothersome a bit, ulcer very fair, hardly any bother, Reflux valve closing okay at the moment, even the sin cancer wound has stopped itching – all good really, even the Little Inch had not been bleeding last night. (Should I have said that I’m thinking?).

The food delivery man rang, Asda (Walmart to me American friends) had failed to change the directions to the one’s I changed on their site. He arrived a few minutes later and I now have an overfull freezer.

Whoopsiedangleplop number one – knocked the new clock over, and I now do not own a new clock that works. Huh!

Little Inch was sore as soon as I moved the blood flowed again. Took me a while to get it to stop.

Laptop on, WC’d a few times, made a cuppa and finished off yesterdays diary.

There is only 1½ hours to go to the time the Nottingham City Homes repair man comes to replace the condemned fan heater, so no time to get any laundry done. Tsk!

Steve from Age UK rang (Yes he did, honestly – amazing!) he’ll meet me tomorrow at the old house t 1400hrs.

Got paperwork ready in bag now to take with me to meet him.

Filled in the electoral register letter I’d received and went to post it off.

Took the mail for Margaret the previous tenant, to the Community shed, and to ask anyone there if they still want the walker and tell them not to worry about making the phone calls fer me as I’d got hold of Steve from Age UK and would be meeting him on Friday.

The door was open – Yahoo!

Julia asked me if she could have the walker before I could mention it – I pointed out that it had been in me shed downstairs awaiting use for two weeks now! (That’s telling her…  she don’t scare me!) FibMode

Deana appeared and I gave them a choice of nibbles.

I realised I’d not crossed off Margaret’s name from the form I was about to post and Julia stuck some Cellotape on the envelope for me after I’d corrected me error.

When I informed them not to bother doing the telephone calls for me to the BT and Gas company to cancel their services for the old place, it became apparent they had forgot all about me request, judging my the confused and bemused expressions on their faces. Hey-ho!

Poddled to the letter box and then back to the shed, at the flat and got the Walker and took it back to the shed so they could donate it to the needy person. No thank you’s, just a ‘Yo wer quick!’ when I got back to the shed with it.

Mind you there might have been thinking about it, I didn’t have me hearing-aids in.

Rushed back to the flat in case the maintenance personage who had been booked to replace the condemned wall heat arrived… silly me thinking they’d come early.

Must remember tomorrow – meet brother-in-law Pete at 1030hrs at his bus stop in town then make sure I go to the old house for 1400hrs to meet Steve.

Made a cuppa and tidied around a bit – no point in doing a good job, the fitter will no doubt cause a decent mess – and next week I’ve got the carpenter tearing out the cupboard and drawer to block up the hole in the wall – then the week after it’ll be mayhem from their replacing the condemned window – oh the thought of it all… Tsk!

0704Doing this diary while I await the arrival of the Nottingham City Homes electrician.

Re-posted me graphic wot I dun on Facebook.

Titivated the open cupboard.

Nearly fell asleep once.

The Electrician chap from Nottingham Homes rang the buzzer and came up to replace the heater on the wall.

DSCF0212He didn’t speak much, took all his time to answer me questions and comments.

Took him around ten minutes max to change it.

He’s left me a nice spot on the wall to paint over bless him.

I can’t see any controls on the heater? DSCF0210I’ll have to ask someone later maybe they are handily placed on the top of the heater where I cannot reach them?

I got the brush and dustpan and swept up the bits of wire, plastic and the screws he’d left on the floor as a donation no doubt. Hehe!

Dinner in’t oven.

DSCF0213Chips (Fries), baked beans, tomatoes and pickled bullets… no, beetroots, smoked cooked pork with some bread thins.

I consumed this with great relish – the chips were savoury French Fries from Asda (Walmart) and pretty good they were too.

Rated this nosh at 8.4/10.

Sorted paperwork needed for tomorrow afternoon when I meet Steve at the old dump, so he can phone and cancel BT phone/internet and British Gas to cancel them.

Odd that innit, British Gas, owned by a French company? And BT biggest shareholder is Renaissance Technologies LLC a multinational company based in New York USA.

DSC00018

Took a photo from the living room window of the evenings skyline.

Tired and weary I got me head down – but not before coating me legs in Phorpain Gel first to counter the’Cramps’ when they came. Took me evening medications.

Feeling just tad less unsettled tonight, knowing that at least some progress in sorting the old place might get done tomorrow.

DSCF0088I dreamt early about Duncan Robertson (Cyber-pal), thought he was here and we were having a cuppa on the balcony and we started singing and a police helicopter hovered above us with one officer on a megaphone, but I can’t recall what he was telling us.

When I woke up for a porcelain visit after about two hours head-down, I actually looked around for Dunc – wish I could remember more.

TTFN.