It’s been a Funny Old Life.. Part 3 Updated

It’s been a Funny Old Life.. Part 3 Updated


I started with nothing, I’ve got most of it left.

At shoplifting Mother was rather deft,

Eventually they charged her with fraud and theft,

At this I wanted to cheer and wave a wheft,

But she got off with it, and I was bereft!


I left school, started working at just fourteen,

Mother reappeared on our then contented scene,

‘Cause for several years she’d hardly been seen,

This meant I’d be broke before I was fifteen,

After most of our valuables were never again seen,

Mother disappeared to stay with Auntie Eugene,

Who later also went bankrupt we did gleen,

It not that she was nasty, cruel or mean,

She’d just leave you without a flipping bean!


But she’s sadly missed by many you see,

By magistrates, solicitors and many P and DC,

There’s often times when comes back in me memory,

In me nightmares usually.


Dad knew for Mam’s next return I had no yearning,

And she would return when I started earning,

And when she did, things would be worsening,

Bank manager and wallet regretted her returning,

The neighbours got new locks, tongues were burning,

How to lock their doors they were relearning!


She told us she was a changed person nowadays,

She’d become kinder and changed her ways,

Having just avoided the judge sending her to Strangeways,

After with the police the pillock did liaise,

The magistrates let her off with probation – this did amaze,

And that meant the restart of Dads and my malaise,

She soon started selling t’neighbours none-existent holiday chalets,

We were really worried when she offered Dad praise,

She soon ended up back in her old ways.


Conning, shoplifting, bingo halls, fag-end collecting, even conned a solicitor,

She became locally famous for that one hereafter,

The magistrates this time, got even dafter,

Let her off again – in the courtroom there was much laughter!


They gave her a flat, and furnished it, believe that can you?

The rent they paid half of it for her, and the gas bills too,

Half of the electricity bills, and scrubbed her debts it’s true!

Arranged for her flat to be decorated and furnished all through,

As she left the Court, she smiled widely and off she flew,

I imagined her inwardly shouting “Yabbadabbadoo”!

And Crime Don’t Pay some idiot will tell you!


I suppose I’ll meet her again in heaven maybe I think so a bit,

I’d better prepare for when I go and snuff-it,

I’ll spend all me dosh now, before she can get her hands on it!

Bless Her – See yer in a bit Mam!

10 thoughts on “It’s been a Funny Old Life.. Part 3 Updated

    • Thanks. I’m with you on the sleeping stakes Angie, if you can when sudden fatigue comes it’s best to give in to it I think. Last night, despite all the work still needing to be done I followed your advice when I felt weary, and got me head down. Cheers pet. Take care X

      • Slept for a little while, but almost too tired to sleep well. I have so much still to be packed, but I moved things around enough that I can see the floor now. That helps a lot, a few more boxes packed–even better. Arthur visiting today, trying to move in permanently. Bug man came and hopefully got rid of the roaches. I’ll know better in a few days, if I do or don’t see any more. Just the thought of bugs makes me itch again. I’m doing some graphicallization during my spare time, having fun with that again. Need a lot more practice though. Need a lot more storage space too. Places I can find, I should say.
        Take care of you luv.

      • That flipping Arthur Itis is a damned nuisance is he not? He’s complaining to me now cause I did all that work yesterday and he doesn’t like it. Send him to me Angie, why he should want to visit us both at the same time again puzzles me – he’s just greedy! Hehe.
        Hope the roaches are finally removed gal – I’d hate them in the place.
        What I like about these complex managers is going to them and telling them all yer problems while they hardly look at you as they work on their computer, then go back the next day to inquire if any progress had been made with your problem, and they ask “Problem? What problem.” Galling int it? Tsk!
        I’m waffling again, sorry.
        Did you read where someone sent me some towels through the post – and the mail have charged me nearly £50 import duty and VAT to get it delivered? Swines!
        You must not over do it pet, i know it is easy to say to someone when you want to get things done, but don’t end up like me please by doing too much – I now regret yesterdays overdoing it, although I have to say I love the old fashions furniture, it will need more touching up again (the scratch marks on the wood), but I’m leaving doing that a bit cause the fumes are bothering me a bit – at least i think it’s the fumes.
        I really want you to be happy and settled in yer new place Angel, but not at the expense of your health. Your descriptions of your escapades have me in tucks, so wittily written pet, nice.
        What are you using or your graphicalisationg Angie?
        Take care love, please.
        TTFN X

      • I haven’t seen a roach since they treated the place luv, so I guess it worked. And Arthur lives in my building, and refuses to move, so I guess he has family members all over the world, and all named Arthur. He visits everyone here at the same time, and just moves in with some of us for weeks on end. I wish we could get him evicted, but even the manager has him living with her and can’t get rid of him. Stubborn old mule when he decided to start hanging around a person.
        I’m taking care, don’t worry. I have to be able to go to my grandson’s wedding in November,so I’m being extra careful now.
        I’m actually trying out several programs for my graphicalization right now, before I bite the bullet and purchase one. I do have Photoshop, I’m trying Fotor, and a few other photo editors that are freebies on Google Chrome before I commit enough to buy one. There are several others I want to try before committing to anything just yet, but I am trying to do backgrounds for my poetry, and the kind that allow me to open a window to add the poetry on the background, then save it to the computer. I’ve done some interesting stuff, mostly by accident when I sneezed or began coughing at the time I was hitting a button to perform an action. Some good things, some that make me wince. The ones I do when I sneeze are not bad, but the cough ones are pathetic. Must be because sneezing is fun but coughing isn’t.
        Take care of you luv.

      • So happy to here the roaches have been eliminated at last Angie!
        If you want any special backgrounds for yer poems just tell me what you’d like and I can make one for you and email to you in jpeg so it will go into any programme.
        Love the sneezing/coughing bit of your message, had me smiling that did!
        TTFN and well done with the resting! XXX

      • Thank you luv. The backgrounds aren’t a problem right now. I’ve made some lovely ones. I just can’t find the poems in all this upheaval. If I could remember which box they are packed in it would be easy, but all of the folders were put together in a box somewhere, and that box is under a stack of other boxes. I’ll just have to start composing again, or wait until I’m unpacked and everything is in place.
        Two weeks now to go. I’ve asked for help and am waiting to see if the managers do anything about it. They told us to ask if we needed help and they would send someone, but it will be interesting to discover if I am included in that group or not.
        I tried Pic-monkey last night and so far like what I’ve seen of it more than the other programs. I still have some to try, but eventually that is the front runner, and my choice as of now. There is no hurry on that one though. Getting this move over with is first priority.
        Ankle is telling me it’s time to rest for a while. My joints talk and I listen.
        Take care of you luv.

      • Your right about your priorities Angel, well done. I tend to wander off concentrating on something I enjoy doing rather than something that needs doing, if yer see worra mean like. Naughty Gerry! I must stop doing this.
        It would be nice of they did send someone to help you gal, you deserve some help, just wish I could help.
        I like the phrase ‘My joints talk and I listen!’ So many voices at the moment int there – deafening and confusing.
        TTFN pet, must press on with getting something done… Tsk! You know the feeling I bet? Cuddles sent. XXX

      • Wonderful news Gerry. The moving company will do the packing for me. I can sit back and relax now, with no worries about anything except the unpacking after the move, and that can be done at my own speed. Now if only time would speed up so that day would come.
        I’m so excited!

Leave a Reply