Inchcock’s Christmas Speech to the Nation

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

My Lords and Members of the House of Commons and Nottingham Big Issue Sellers, Shoplifters, Muggers, Burglars, Benefit Cheats, Alcoholics, Nottingham City Council Members, and Anti-Social Trainee Criminals.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas.

I feel sure the Government I didn’t vote for will strengthen the economy and provide stability and security, and ministers will continue to reduce the country’s deficit, helping to ensure that mortgage and interest rates remain low.

Q02This past year has been one of great celebration for many of my enemies.

May they receive their just rewards when they pass onto the Fiddling Liars Parliament in the great Sky.

I’m sure the politician’s God does appreciate the good works and their conscientious contributions on his behalf over the year of 2014.

Osb01

I’d like to thank especially the Nottingham City Homes people for refusing to permit me a sheltered housing dwelling when I was mugged for the second time this year. And may you rot painfully slowly and publicly in hot stale urine and strong bleach.

To the spoilt apprentice muggers who have hounded and threatened me earlier this year I wish all the best in health, luck and death.

Q01And the best of ill-fate for the three mobility scooter drivers who have ran into me this year.

The one who produced the two finger salute to me as he shot off after running into the back of me outside Victoria Centre a special card.

The Snotty one who also came at me from behind on Mansfield Road, and the woman who didn’t even know she’d knocked me over in Derby near the bus-station.

I hope this will be a horrible Christmas for you all.

To the wonderful deaf and arrogant Indian and French speaking people at BT Internet, I have to admire how close you have come to being as reliable and trustworthy as Britain’s politicians. Well done you temerate nerds!

Q03To the Asda Customer Service counter assistants. I hope you get your hearing back soon.

To the staff at the G.U.M. clinic, a big thank you for taking only 16 weeks to clear up the bleeding lesion on my ‘Little Inch’.

To the staff at the Cooperative Bank… I’m sorry, but I offer you a heartfelt thank you and I appreciate all your help.

And for the folk who never get off their mobiles and speak at the same decibels as a formula one car taking a corner GC Jamas01at speed – shaddup!

To my GP, Dr Vindla my appreciation of your skills in keeping my body going for yet another year.

I realise that my mind is beyond help and that the short term memory refuses to work at times, a bit like one’s laptop – it freezers regularly.

Many thanks to the many cyclists on the pavement who come belting passed me and scaring me half to death. If you are too scared to cycle on the road, you shouldn’t be on a bike in the first place. Scum-balls!

Q03And for the Nottingham Constabulary, a card I’m sending to the Leicester Constabulary in appreciation of the Leicester Constabulary actually trying to do something about the cyclists riding on the pavements of Leicester as opposed to the Nottingham Constabulary who do nothing about the cyclists of Nottingham riding on the pavements.

Mind you, there has been a 40% reduction in real Police Officers on the beat in Nottingham, I cannot say about Leicester.

One also hopes that the coming year of 2015 and the future hold forth hopes of reinstatement of human kindness, understanding, compassion and community spirit. Huh!

Inchcock Today: Monday 15th December 2014

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

 Monday 15th December 2014

01Mon01Up at 0315hrs.

WC.

Really annoyed at not being able to recall dreams yet again. I woke up a few times and repeated to myself what I had just dreamt of in an effort to remember later to put it in this diary because I thought them so weird they should go in this diary… no such luck, the mind was blank – then again the missus used to know that fifty years ago.

Started laptop.

Down and made a cuppa, back up to start this Diary.

WC.

Great news from the lower regions… not a single drop of blood from ‘Little Inchy’ And the lesions are healing a lot better now! Just thought I’d mention it like… by way of a desperate effort to find summat positive to write about to ease the gloom a tad. Hehehe!

Another cuppa was brewed.

Yesterday’s Diary finished and posted.

Another cuppa brewed and mediations taken.

Got a bit carried away with graphicastionalising and somehow thought it was 0930hrs when I’d finished abluting and was ready to go out. I even waited a while to make sure I wasn’t going to get on the bus in the pensions-panic-period of between 0930 and 1000hrs when the bus fills-up with us old foggies using out bus-passes.

When I arrived at the bus-stop, the time on the read-out thingy was 1035hrs – hmm, I lost an hour somewhere there?

I Caught the bus to town, then another one out to the Queens Medical Centre.

01Mon02The sky over the Medical Centre when I arrived was so beautiful I took a photo of it from the front entrance.

Being a tad later than planned to arrive (By an hour – Tsk) the haematology dep’t waiting area was like a football match crowd.

Still it didn’t really matter, so I got out me book and delved into it.

Eventually my number was called and I hobbled into the blood room. The nurses greeted me with affection and a smile – nothing to do with my promising them some extra treats for Christmas last week. I’m sure the reason for their jollity was the arrival of my magnetic personality?

They were soon delving into the carrier bag to pick their favourites before I left. The big box of biscuits extra was in for a bashing I suspect too.

Bless em, someone has to prove their value and worth, I’m proud I did.

I took me leave and walked to the bus-stop for the bus to town.

01Mon03Next to the stop was some railings that fenced off some trees and grass, this was where i had a dizzy turn and leant against the railing for a moment until it cleared. I noticed the amount of things that had been thrown over or through the railings.

Food and drink containers mostly, but there were some cigarette packets and other bits deposited there was well – Nottingham the cleanest city in the  UK? Huh!

I caught a Broad Marsh bus as opposed to a City bound one, so I could go in the 99p shop to see if they had any of the meal-worm pellets for me Mallards.

I got off at the bus-station and saw three women having a hell of an argument… but being a natural born coward that I am, I didn’t take any photographs like!

I walked into the centre and up the escalator to the 99p shop.

They didn’t have any of the pellets, but I did get another pair (the last on the shelves) of the headphone’s like the one  got last week, because they worked okay. But they are delicate and I feel sure it is only a matter of time before I break them. Usually by my falling asleep with them on. It has been known several times in the past you know?

Then I poddled along towards the bus stop far end of town, passing a Pound Shop and thought it would be a jolly good idea to call in to see if they had any of the meal-worm pellets.

Unfortunately they had their pet section up the stairs.

Undaunted I slowly and carefully mounted the steps and found they had got some, so I got some.

Pleased with this, but not with how my knees reacted to going up and down the stairs, I paid and made my way to the bus stop.

01Mon04I noticed as I limped over Upper Parliament Street that there were not so many people about today, bet it won’t be like this in a day or two?

I walked through Trininty Square and the sky over the little use new food Court caught my eye (Not that I was throwing it like) and I put down me bags to get out me camera.

But me arthritic fingers stuck a bit and somehow the camers tool a few photos on its own before I realised it. (Tsk!)

01Mon05I took a photo of the sparsely populated new £3m food court anyway cause the sky appealed.

Then I hobbled down Trinity Walk to the bus-stop for Carrington.

When I got in, I took me things out of the bag made a cuppa and started to update this Diary.

Three photo’s I imported into Coreldraw to resize I did not recognise, in fact two of them were just plain grey – the third was through a window of a lady in a shop?

01Mon07It took me while until I realised these were the one’s taken when my fingers froze in Trinity Square.

Oh dear… I hope the lady didn’t notice? (Red face at the thought of it developing now I can see in the photo that she was showing a bit of flesh off)

I went down to make a cup of char and a leaflet had been posted though the door.

Content:

Have you received treatment from Mr Desmond D’Mello at Daybrook Dental practice?

Desmond M’Mello has been suspended by the General Dental Council. It is said that he did not wash his hands or sterilise equipment between patients.

Up to 22,ooo former patients have been recalled for testing of blood-borne viruses.

* If you have been a patient then you are entitled to claim for the worry and stress of having a blood test.

* We are already acting for clients for the stress and worry and will be dealing with cases for HIV, Hepatitis B and C should they arise.

* We work on a No in No Fee basis.

Blah blah blah…

Don’t miss out…..

CALL OUR DAYBROOK TEAM NOW ON..

0800 634 7 7 Call us 24/7

I’m not sure why, but I find these types of leaflets from so called professionals offensive and rather crude.

Just saying like…

Inchcock Today: Sunday 14th December 2014

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

07St01Sunday 14th December 2014

Stirred into semi-life at 0250hrs – well aware of some of the horrendous dreams I’d been having and made some notes of what I could remember.

Started the laptop and went down into the very cold kitchen and made a cuppa.

Returned and Word would not load until the third attempt oh dear!

Started to get the details down of me dreams as the memories were fading fast.

Within minutes the notes meant nothing with the memory gone. Drat!

07St01a

Did a graphic from the words I’d noted, but by now they meant little to me.

Shame cause I think the dreams were interesting… scary, but interesting. Ah well

I wish some psychoanalyticalisationalistic person would look into these regular dreams.

WC

Made another cuppa and took me tablets at 0510hrs.

Did some graphics then face-booking.

Made another cuppa.

WC.

Eventually forced missen to get up and get ready for me photographicalisationing walk.

When I eventually found me hearing aids, I was ready for the off.

Go on, have a guess where I found em, go on…

  1. 07St02

    Dark dank and foreboding sky again!

    A) On top of the kettle

  2. B) In me slippers
  3. C) In me spectacle case

I hobbled out to the bottom of the street turned right and was welcomed by the view of most unwelcoming sky.

It was dark, dank and foreboding yet again today. And this at about 1130hrs!

07St03a

Mallards and pigeons – Love em! With a few unkown to me thrown in the feeding frenzy

I poddled on and walked into Arnold.

A long walk, but at least there was only the two Sherwood Hills to climb, the rest of the way was reasonably flat… a bit like my spirits.

07St03b

Incoming Turbo Mallard – great!

I called into the Arnot Hill Park situated on the old Nottingham Road in one end and out of the other end – but once the Mallard ducks came to me, I got out the bird seed I just happen to have in me bag…

I moved along and at another point fed some more mallards – during which a mallard on the island centre of the pond turbo-paddled towards me at a rate of knots that Donald Campbell would have been proud of!

07St04

On this stretch of Front Street there were eleven premises either for sale or rent. Well done Cameron!

His accompanying quacks and phenomenal speed made me think of an incoming torpedo and I think will stay in my mind for a long time. I wish the photo was good enough to enter into some competition, of course it doesn’t show the little mites speed as it actually was.

I don’t know how he stopped himself being banked.

I exited the park and waddled on into Arnold.

A sad and lonely place it looked too.

I popped into Iceland where the kind lady on the till didn’t bother to talk to me at all, but her grunts were melodic.

On to the Fulton Food shop, where I failed to get any of the Blackcurrant and ice-cream lollies I was seeking, but did get some biscuits and a small bottle of vinegar. Oh, and this young ladies gave far less grunts than from the Iceland lady in Arnold, but there were far more effective ‘You old git’ glares from this one.

I decided to go and try the Fulton’s store in Bulwell and I joined the few people waiting of it, being a Sunday of course the wait was long – but pleasant as I had a conversation with a lady and it transpired we both came from the Meadows area of Nottingham originally. We spoke of some of the things we enjoyed, the Imperial Cinema, the Grove Cinema. And she could remember the toffee factory fire as well. Not only that she could remember the name of it ‘Waughtmoughs’ so that should give me a better chance to find something on the internet about it later.

She told me of many things and people I could relate to, and was in much better spirits when I got off the bus than when I got on to it.

I went straight to the Fulton store via the Bulwell Marker Place, another cold dark dank depressing place with the few folk around seemingly well depressed themselves.

But they did have some Blackcurrant and ice-cream lollies I was seeking, so I bought two packs to keep me going.

I popped into the Heron Freezer shop but they didn’t have owt appealing in for me.

Then up the road to the Pound Shop and got some seed and bird food with mealworm.

Then I hobbled over the crossing to the river Leen and guess what?

07St06Two more shopping trolleys had been thrown in – unless someone had take the two out and some other cretin had thrown them back in perhaps?

Any-road-up, these pellets that I got from the Pound shop really set off the Mallards, they had punch-ups between themselves trying at at em, even the pigeons got a little agonous.

The fodder didn’t last long either.

So I retreated across the road to the bus station and the next bus back to Carrington was in 21 minutes – so I sat myself down and looked for me book to read, but had failed to bring it with me.

The queue at the bus stop increased and I foolishly tried to start up a conversation with a bloke behind me in the queue.

“Looks like wer’e gonna get some rain?”

“Huh?”

“Looks like wer’e gonna get some rain?”

“Yea!”

That  was end of the conversation.

07St07As I sat sitting there, I could feel something picking at me ankles and looked down to find pigeons had followed me and were pecking at me???

I put it down to giving them the worm-meal pellets.

They persisted and I sneaked em  a handful of seeds.

They lingered at the bus shelter until the incoming bus moved the off.

I don’t think I dare risk getting them any of those pellets again – it reminded me of Alfred Hitchcocks ‘The Birds”!

Got onto the bus, and felt I was gonna fall asleep at any time, the weariness came on so quickly this time.

Got back in the flea-pit.

WC’d.

Then put me nosh away, and started laptop to update this codswallop.

Icnchcock Today: Saturday 13th December 2014

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

06Ftherm

What a night of dreams… and Nightmares! Can’t recall any details but somehow I know they were frustrating and embarrassing?

Awoke at 0420hrs.

WC.

Blooming cold this morning -3c Brrr…

Started laptop and made a cuppa. Then took me medications.

WC.

When I eventually found me reading glasses I worked on blogs for a few hours, then moved to Facebook.

BT internet okay at the moment?

Got an email from Nottingham City Council about it being free to get into the Castle Today instead of £4. Twixt 1000hrs and 1600hrs.

aWoolies

Bit late now, but I think I’ll get missen ready and join the crowds there to take some photo’s fer me Diary here…? Yes? No?… Yes I’ll give it a go…

06F01Back later folks…

I am back, after quite an entertaining but disappointing little walk at times to Nottingham Castle.

Taking a photo when I was about ¼ mile from the City centre. Took it from the central part of the pelican lights.

Not too cold now at all.

Made my way down into town and though the Slab Square with its Winter Festival in full swing.

As expected the place was teeming with folk, not that very many of them looked very happy apart from the kids.

I’ve noticed this lately… the general gloom of folk in and around Nottingham?

I called in the Chinese food store on Friar Lane to see if they had and new seaweed flavours in so I could get some for my Sister Jane as a treat ‘cause she ain’t very well. Took the surprise out of it when I found they had some Wasabi flavoured 06F02seaweed in – so I called her (At last I’ve used me mobile phone) to make sure she liked it first and asked her if she’d like me to get her a packet on me way back from the Castle. She did.

As I approached the entrance, there were many folk lingering about.

You could tell it was free as opposed to the usual £4 to get in. Last time I went 06F04and paid there were only about 8 people there besides myself, this time there were four times that number just at the little shop at the entrance.

I made my way left and up the lower hill passed the candyfloss stall and up to the perimeter wall.

I must say the view was breathtaking even though I knew the crimes that 06F05had been committed in the various quarters I was looking at.

The first photograph I took, I tried to make interesting by keeping a bit of the Nottingham Castle rocks in view while taking in the long distance shot of the power station.

The next one I took of the City Centre 06F06Broad Marsh area with a contrast of old and new buildings in it I hoped.

David Bailey? Phwer!

The next one of my masterpieces of photography (Lie mode adopted here you’ll notice? Yes I thought you would! Tsk!) wot I dun was taken leaning over the wall and straight down onto Canal Street.

06F07

What I thought was a good escape route from the noise of the singing… Tsk!

Taking this reminded me of my youth, when the consumption of alcohol was of great importance to me.

I was working at Tesco at the time, and my mate Ray Miles convinced me it would be a great wiz to try and climb up the rock face to the Castle. At least on that occasion it was not me but Ray who ended up in the hospital. Ah memories…

In the background was not the Brass Band as promised in the email, but two young lasses singing with squeaky voices of which I could not understand a word, bless em. There were only three people stood or sat listening to em too.

So I walked down a little footpath to escape the noise. I’d never noticed this path before, so sheltered yet so pretty I thought… until I got to the end of it and there 06F08were steps all the way up to the top level!

Oh me knees…

Still I made it up to the top.

Once there I took what I thought was a good photo of the growth on the castle rocks in the foreground, and some houses in Lenton in the distance.

06F09I’m was getting worried about myself now trying this David Bailey imitating.

I hobbled around the corner and there was one of the telescopes with no one using it – well for 20p thought I, I’ll have a go.

I dropped in me 20p coin and nothing happened.

06F10Miffed, I dropped in another – same result, nowt!

As I walked on to approach where I could hear organ music coming from I glanced back, and there was two youths using the same telescope that I failed to get working and talking about what they could see?

Hey-ho! I thought this music is too good to be live and was too good to live.

It came from the back of a large lorry trailer. Huh! Never did find me live brass band!

06F12My knees were getting bad now, so I made me way out and down to the Chinese shop to get Jane’s seaweed – I was quiet pleased with remembering to.

When I got into the slab square, I thought I was looking at tram about an eighth of mile long?

06F12a

I told em but they wouldn’t listen…

But it wasn’t, it was one that had broken down and a few trams behind it.

I warned em yer know… about putting trams back on the streets again. I wrote to the Evening Post and told em about this happening and that they should have put trolleybuses back on the road, if they break-down you just take the booms off the wires and other ones can pass – and with a reserve battery the broken down one back make its way under it’s own power back to the depot! Did they listen? No, they didn’t even print or acknowledge me letter. Tsk!

06F11Oh dear, I forgot to tell you about the new statue of Robin Hood I noticed as I left the grounds of the castle.

He’d been done-up in a Santa Claus get-up.

And it looked crude cheap and nasty – but that’s Nottingham for yer. A bit like BT internet really… You don’t get 06F13what you expect to get!

I walked through Exchange Walk shopping parade – and at last Christmas some music I could appreciate and enjoy… I lingered for a while. (They can’t touch me for it)

Fair enough I couldn’t make out a word they were singer either, but they 06F14were very melodic and I liked that.

I left the Arcade by the top doors just in time to see some shoplifters being placed in the Police van. The officers returned to the shop – maybe they have more to collect and place in the van – I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.

06F16

Thermal’s £3.99 on special – Thanks Mike! See  I’ve got me grabber mended?

I walked (limping by now) up Clinton Street.

As I was passing the Sports Direct store it reminded me of what Mike Steeden (A blogger of genuine high quality humour and satire content) informed me of via a comment he made on Facebook.

They have some thermal vests on offer at £3,99 each. So I went in to have a look – I thought I’d walked into a football match! Talk about a popular shop!Any-road I found the vest he was telling me about ‘Campris Sports Base-Layer. And they had them in large too.

On the box was printed 70% off – Was £22.99 now £7.99 – Two for £12.99 and were selling at £3.99 each!

So I got a couple.

06F15When I’d fought my out of the shop, I had to fight me way up Clinton Street to catch the bus back to the hovel.

Got in WC.

Then photographed the vest to put on here like, made a cuppa started laptop and finished this Diary off and got it posted.

Took me medications.

Facebooked and blogged a while.

Had me nosh and faded…

Wot Inchcock has learned this week

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

Passed on with the aim to help other Senior Citizens

Hearing-Aids:

When struggling furiously to get the hearing-aid into you ear-hole, do not put up with the pain and frustration of failing to get it to fit in… Best to check that you are not trying to put the left hearing-aid into your right ear-hole first!

Going shopping:

1) If you intend to go shopping in Arnold, I advise you do not get on a bus that is going to Bulwell!

2) If shopping in a busy Primark store, be aware that this establishment seems to breed violent customers who tread on the worst corn on your left foot and those ladies on mobile phones who run their child in their pram into your arthritic left knee!

3) Be aware at all times of danger from the lack of driving skills of the mobility scooter maniacs. They can drawer blood and just press unknowing or caring leaving you wounded, shocked and angry!

4) If going to the Asda Customer help desk… I wouldn’t bother. You aren’t even going to be listened too, let alone helped.

01M001Medications:

1) When applying Phorpain gel to your arthritic knees. Keep the toothpaste tube away from the Phorpain tube at all times.

Losing things:

When searching for you bus-pass, never look in the most likely place you think it might be, it will never be there. Try looking in the airing cupboard for instance? (No, I’ve no idea how or why!)

Dropping your cup of tea:

It might be best to make your tea and drop it in the bin straight away before your arthritic fingers force you to drop later somewhere that it makes a bigger mess of. Or… don’t make any tea at all and save on yer intake of caffeine.

HogwashBT Internet connection (Or lack of):

BT internet users: You really must try to avoid stress anger and frustration when the connection keeps (‘Cause it sure as hell will) letting you down in the middle of creating something you have not saved!

WC:

Be sensible and never try to hold anything back even for a few seconds, because you will surely fail to get to the porcelain in time as you struggle to get up and manipulate your body into your failed effort to do so!

Changing your socks:

Always when changing your socks try to support yourself through this painful procedure. Best not to lean against anything like a moveable oil-heater… this can surprise you as you slide ungracefully along with the moving heater and belt your head on the sink. I know!

Cutting your toe nails:

You must expect to be exhausted and in pain after this job has been done. Best that you do it when you have the time to sit and recover afterwards. And not before you try to walk down the stairs straight away and take a tumble down the last three treads.

GC Jamas01Leaving your house:

1) Before going out for any reason, it is advisable to ensure that you have your hearing-aids in – this helps avoid your nearly getting knocked over by a vehicle you did not hear coming at you round a corner at great speed.

2) Ensure you are not still wearing your slippers.

3) You must make sure you lock the door after you have departed. Even if this means a half-hour delay while you search for the key.

Microwaving:

Always, but always put your reading glassed on when checking on the cooking instructions on an Asda Egg Omelette packet! Thus avoiding reading eight minutes in error for three minutes.

Inchcock Today: Friday 12th December 2014

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

05F03thermFriday 12th December 2014

I stirred into imitation life at around 0400hrs and laid there thinking about all sorts of things in a disguised effort not to get up I think.

Raining this morning, but quiet decently warm, just hope the wind lessens a touch in case I have to go out later.

After a while I had to use the WC and that spurred into activity of a sort.

I started the laptop then went down and made a good tasty cuppa.

While doing so, I noticed the sleeve from last night’s Meal-for-two cottage pie that I had devoured with great greed and pleasure.

Foolishly I read the details on that sleeve written in traffic lights warning colours:

05F02meal

Fat 20.4g Saturates 48g Sugars 2.0g Salt 1.7g

Not the healthiest of choices was it? But I did enjoy it, but not the guilt now. Took the photo of the sleeve as a warning to any blogger who wants to eat healthily to recognise and avoid.

Still feeling a tad annoyed about the lack of listening and help from Asda yesterday.

Internet and Coreldraw9 going alright this morning – up to now.

Updated this diary to here… hello the stomach’s rumbling… not surprised really because last night when I demolished the Cottage Pie meal for two, I then ate a packet of Marmite bread sticks then the gigantic fresh cream horn. Naughty…Tsk!

I’m scared of belching or passing wind now. Hehe.

Whoops… WC’d

Made up a lot of graphics and facebooked… then the BT Internet connections was lost.

So much for the lying turds at BT getting me to upgrade to Fibre Infinity with their hogwash about “Up to three times faster, more reliable and at the same cost”… Huh!

Two weeks later the cost went up, it ain’t no faster and has let me down more than the old one landline one ever did!

When it comes back on, I feel the need to do a graphic about them…

Some time later, after many rests, closures an opening, and resting of the laptop it came back on.

HogwashHumpf!

I set about me daily preparing for me little walk:

I stripped off (Sorry about that… it must be an horrendous thought to you all, it is to me!) and stood in a bowl of hot washing up liquided and antiseptic disinfectanted water to wash me tooties while I had a shave at the same time. Then did me teggies and oiled me ear-holes.

Dried me feet and set about putting me clean socks on – not an easy task with me arthritis, accompanied by me usual verbal’s “Oooh, argh… acht… shit… Ohohohooo, Christus! Ohh!… ha,ha,ha,  ohahooahoo, acht, hoohoo, ernyagamunnn owww, oh ah gorrit!

Then similar when I put the other sock on.

05F001bI cut me toe nails, but do not want to repeat what I voiced while endeavouring to do this as it did involve some rather crude and offensive words being uttered I’m afraid.

Then I rubbed in the newly prescribed Capsalcin cream I’m trying in place of the Phorpain Iboprufain cream, although the GP told me I can go back onto using the Phorpain 05F001Gel if this is has no better pain relief.

I’ll see how it goes for a few day methinks.

Face-towelled all over with warm water and Dettol.

05F001aThen I rubbed the Cetraben emollient cream well in all over decaying flabby body apart from the head and face.

Then took me midday medications, Trental pentoxifyllines, Paracetamol, Nicorandil tablets and Codeine Phosphates a little earlier so I would not have to worry about taking them while out and about.

05F05skyYou what I have to endure just to go out? Hehehe, you get used to it yer know. (Fib mode adopted)

Adorned myself and wrapped up well, nice thick thermal long sleeve t-shirt, hat etc and set off on me walk to take some bits to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood. (Not far to go)

As I turned the corner at the end of the road, the sky looked beautiful. I took a picture of it.

It was not as cold as I thought it would be either, although the wind still blew up me trouser legs.

05F04carI chose a scenic route to walk on me trip, and noticed two very old carsmin a very bad state of repair. An old Robin Reliant three wheeler, that ooked like it hadn’t been moved for yonks and yonks. And I think what was a Triumph sports car that looked like it hadn’t been moved for even longer than the Reliant! I took a photograph of ‘em to post here. 

05F06shopI plodded on and into Sherwood and called at the second hand computer shop again and asked how much and what spec could he do me a laptop running on Vista for, sufficiently powerful enough to cope with Coreldraw9.

He’s going to call me later. (He didn’t say what name he was going to call me though. Hehehe)

I pressed on and up to the Nottingham Hospice shop and gave em me donations.

05F07aNHCSI had a look see if they had any good books in while I was there. I observed a bloke examining the ornaments in a close scrutinising manner while I was perusing the books and my EQ told me he was an antique shop owner looking for a bargain. My EQ is very rarely wrong about these things yer know.

I took a photo of him. I haven’t the slightest idea why I did… but I did? Weird is it not? Or is it just me that’s weird? Who knows?

Said me farewells to the staff and limped out (Knees getting a tad painful now) to walk down the hill back toward Carrington.

05F08skyBy the time I’d hobbled half a mile the sky started to look decidedly threatening, and yet even more beautiful to me.

Then the rain started spitting.

I called in the Polish delicatessen shop and got two slices of their tasty belly pork, and a small sliced continental loaf of bread and a jar of pickled beetroot.

Even had a nice natter with the chap who owns it.

05F09leakI came out and continued on me hobble home.

As I passed on of the pubs, there was a leak coming up through the pavement slabs at the corner of the building and slowly filling up the recess on the pavement – I assumed it was water because I couldn’t smell any hops! Hehe.

05F07skyBy the time I’d gone a few hundred yards further on up the hill, the sky began to brighten a tad and the sun blazed through the dark dank clouds.

Accident weather this yer know, some driver will get blinded with the sun and run up someone’s backside.

When  say that… I mean run his vehicle into the back of another! Not… well never mind…

Me feet were aching too by now, so I pressed on again back to the hovel.

A letter had been delivered informing me my house insurance was due for payment again – has it really been a year since last time I paid? I’ll have to nip into town tomorrow and pay it then…  risk injury amid the Big Issue sellers, mobility scooter crazies, Christmas shoppers and shoplifters I suppose. Hey-ho!

Of course, when I tried to get to update this Diary of Woe BT internet was not letting me in – well fancy that!

After a few tries it decided to allow me access – Tsk! Tsk! and double Tsk!

Got me nosh ready and took me evening medications.

It’s a good life innit?

Inchcock Today: Thursday 11th December 2014

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03Wtherrm

Thursday 11th December

Decent sleep for once last night, I can’t even recall any of the dream/s  I had last night, but just know I’d had them.

Woke reluctantly at 0322hrs.

WC.

Started laptop.

Made a cuppa.  Started to update this Diary.

Then took me morning medications a little early, but I think I might have missed yesterday mornings so took today’s while I thought about it.

Did some facebooking and checked emails and blog.

My knees were really bad when I got up or down and I decided today would be a day in and no going out. (Changed mind later… huh decisions decisions… not my forte making them)

I worked on a satirical post for the Inchcock blog for hours and hours – not really happy with it but I might post it later after more titivating of it.

Posted it around 0930hrs – I just don’t know how it came from mu puddled brain. Someone said it was very deep on Facebook. Oh dear… hope it goes down well.

I ended up titling it ‘Inchcock’s Message for the future – from one of his dreams!’

Well must go for a bit now, and get missen cleaned and polished ready for me walk into Nottingham’s different area to get some fresh photo’s for this Diary.

1035hrs: Back in a bit – I hope.

1123hrs: I’m back!

04th011135hrs: I set off on me walk well wrapped up (me, not the walk like) against the cold bitter wind. Remembering that rain had been forecast on Radio Nottingham when I was cutting missen shaving earlier, I increased me speed to about 1 ¼mph. (Hehehe, don’t know what I’m laughing at?)

04th02

Asda Customer Service Desk – huh!          Customer Service my….

I took a route through what is called Forest Fields that used to be a posh area to live in when I were a lad. I decided to take photo’s of the shops there now en route to and back from Asda.

It looked a little like rain as I passed Park and Ride Tram site.

But it kept off thank you kindly.

I got in Asda and approached the lady on the Asda Help Desk… Help Desk did I say?

04th06

An interesting selection of Polish, Lithuanian and Romanian food here

I told her that I have home delivery sometimes.

I explained to her that I had lost me card and had got a new one and tried to change my log on details for the new card – but when it proceeded the last four numbers of the old card kept coming up with no option to change it so the old incorrect four digits kept preventing me from logging on.

04th05

Polish and English food advertised

Could she advise me on what to do to get on please?

I should have know I was not going to get any help then as the puzzled look and frown on her face said it all.

04th03

Halal Food store – wide selection of fresh fruit and vegetables on sale here

“I’ll just phone my supervisor ‘cause I don’t know owt about computers…” She rang her supervisor who apparently told her to tell me to change the four digits on the website when asked to because that is what she told me.

Now I was not in the mood for telling her everything again and it was obvious she was not going to get the message that the site was not allowing me to change the numbers, so I thanked her for her help and started my shopping. (Slightly miffed I might add)

04th08

Specialist Immigration advice, Visa applications, work permits, Leave to enter/remain and Aslam advertised here

I had a wander around and again bought stuff I didn’t really need: Warburton Thins, a two serving ready meal of Cottage Pie (Hope to tackle that later tonight), a cream cake (French horn) some Raspberry ripple mousse, potatoes, apples, some egg flans, and two multipacks of Asda Cheese Curls.

04th09

The Old Roxy cinema building that’s now the Jameah Fatimiah Mosque

 As soon as i had to climb the steps out of onto the road I regretted getting so much… for two reasons: First I had to lug the stuff all the way home, second I felt I should not have given them my custom the way they had treated me over my query about me card. Tsk!

I’ve put all the photographs on the right wot I took going and coming back from the shop, I won’t name Asda in protest at their shoddy treatment/service they gave me… Cobblebother! I just did do didn’t I!

04th09a

The Karimia Institute Masjid and Education Centre, used to be a dentists

 Anyway as you can guess from the shops Forest Fields area is very much a multicultural one and unfortunately has a high crime figure.

But they have some very interesting shops on almost every corner of the old terraced blocks.

04th07

Medina Bazaar – some lovely looking ladies clothes on display, and a Sale on too!

Of course there are many closed down and some converted to housing, as in any large town I imagine.

The one that stood out to me was an Asian Ladies clothes shop that had some, what I thought amazing   dresses on show in the window.

Not that I know anything about ladies dresses just that I like some and not others. These had intricate bit of extra designs on them, really pretty.

04th09b

The Screaming Carrot Vegetarian Bakery

The Mosque there was in a converted old Cinema that I used to visit sometimes as a young whipper-snapper many years ago. (Well a few years ago he lied)

When I had (limping by now-knees and feet) got into the Sherwood Rise area en route back to Carrington, the rain came – and stopped seconds later? Never known that before?

04th04

No idea what this place is – can anyone help?

Still, not complaining!

I cut through to Hucknall Road and went over the Pelican lights to where Lidl’s car park was, and s few pigeons came down at me feet and looked up at me – cooing (That’s the pigeons cooing not me like).

I’d got some seed with me so gave it to them. I wondered if they are getting wiser these birds? Do they recognise me or me bag and walking stick… no I didn’t take me walking stick because I knew I’d be struggling to carry bags back anyway?

I had to feed em quick while no one was looking because it is banned feeding the birds around here nowadays without risking a £60 on the sot fine. Tsk! I am a fool doing it really)

I got into the flea-pit. Well tired out after me walk to Asda – buying too much again and the slog home with two heavy bags (Well, heavy fer me like)

WC.

04th09c

The clever pigeons?

Managed to get me frozen stuff into the fridge – hope me gigantic Shepherds fits into the microwave and the microwave works – sometime it do, sometimes it don’t?

Put me cake in the fridge for later and WC’d again… Mmmm! Risked making a good strong cuppa anyway.

Started latop internet came on but it was oh so slow again. Damnations to BT!

Udated this diary again and downloaded… or should that be uploaded the photographs and resized them.

The laptop mouse is playing up a bit… what next I ask… What next?

Took medications with another cuppa and Facebooked and then blog read for a while… oh, just went to move and me knees didn’t want me to! Ooh!

Inchcock’s Message for the future – from one of his dreams!

/ Inchie / 7 Comments

I actually dreamt of writing this post last night – so I wrote down bits I could remember and embellished it a tad. Really odd occurrence, even fer me! 

Message for the future

The extemporaneousness with which I formulated these thoughts is plain to see.

And as such I believe they may well be of value in later years to psychiatrists’, ‎Clinical neurophysiologists, Psychologists, Psychoanalysts and maybe even Holistic and alternative medicine doctors. Not to mention the inmates of asylums so they understand the philosophical implications of why mankind ended. 

Dream01mps

Asylum Inmates

It is not that I am an anti-environmentalist or anything like that like.

It’s just that I do not have a xenodochium to accommodate unnecessary textual extravaganza in my slightly discombobulated brain at this moment.

A certain disinterestedness comes to the fore whenever the subject of environmentalism rears its inconsequential non-germane head.

How can anyone with the slightest of EQ not realise that the future will soon be the present in terms of the end of mankind?

Even the children of the affluent wealthy nepotistic nihilistic Politicians, despite their having laid plans to ensure their own and families survive any apocalypse by cunning planning and manipulation of parapsychologists for guidance and the availability of any resources that they feel they require will not subsist the man-made denouement of our species.

I believe these words of wisdom I write here will become pseudepigraphous to any future breed of mankind, should any develop in the future and ask than anyone who can think of a way to preserve them to guide any new species in the future, in an effort to warn them of how philoprogenitiveness , fraudulent powerful social divisions between those who have and intended to keep and those who never got because of this, self-eliminated mankind, and above all greed.

I’ll take a few moments to analyse the causes and symptomatology of this condition… illness, this state of pending.

Dream02sex

Philoprogenitiveness – Rife amongst the proletariat since Adam ate the apple!

Dream01asex

Philoprogenitiveness – It was all Adam’s fault!

Philoprogenitiveness: Throughout the planet this has been a driving force and substitute for wealth within the under-privileged and pauperised classes of mankind. And this only made things far worse in the long run. But such elements of humankind were not able or willing to accept this due to their feeble-mindedness and injudiciousness, so rife amongst the proletariat and essential for keeping the manipulative crème de la crème, aristocracy, and preponderant gentry in control and power that caused the undemonstrativeness and ineffectuality of the lower-classes within the so called leading edge avant-garde nations, who were so enamoured and fascinated with their TV sets, mobile phones, take-away meals, avoiding work, mugging the elderly, DVDs, benefit fiddling, betting shops, pop music, football matches, drugs and sex that they failed to see how they were being controlled by the politicians and yet they seemed happy as long as their Housing subsidy, and child care allowance was not taken from them? If they could afford a drink and the odd snort they seemed content and didn’t worry about things like food and working. Thus, they really were manipulated and manoeuvred into a belief that they were well off by the clever untrustworthy expense fiddling politicians.

The Ebola disease did not end mankind’s reign on earth.

This was started in the UK by the Big Issue seller’s revolt of 2015, when they went on strike refusing to sell the people any Big Issue magazines. (Not that that changed anything from normal other than it was the Big Issue sellers refusing to sell them as opposed to the public refusing to buy the Big Issue magazines!)

The environmentalist’s were concerned and encouraged the Government to import more Big Issue sellers into the country to replace those on strike.

Dream03Ed

President Milibandski

This was agreed by President Milibandski.

They brought in so many that Lithuania, Poland and many other countries were so low on population their Nuclear power stations began to decay with the scientists having gone to the UK to sell Big Issues this caused catastrophe after catastrophe and the whole world was covered with nuclear fall-out when they exploded.

As the proletariats died off, the  crème de la crème, aristocracy, and preponderant gentry in control made there way to their nuclear fallout shelters – only to find massed Big Issue sellers muggers and shoplifters awaiting them, and they tore the politicians to pieces – their frustration and anger knew no bounds.

Unfortunately they could not gain access to the shelters because they didn’t ask for the door codes before enjoying their massacre of the rich.

Dream4end

Whoops!

The mob made their way to the nuclear arms storage depot at Upper Denture and along with the also doomed soldiers, they raided the storage armoury and detonated the stock-pile of missiles and bombs.

Enough power to split open earth’s crust.

Thus… the end!

You might wonder how I can write this post what with the world being ended – so do I?

 

Inchcock Today: Wednesday 10th December 2014

/ Inchie / 15 Comments

03Wtherrm

What an odd night!

Last night I collapsed into tiredness and kip really early – about 1830hrs. Woke up at 1225… no 0005hrs and made a cuppa and started work on me blog and posted one, checked emails, did no-end of graphics, Facebooked and read some blogs over the next seven hours… amazing but I expect to collapse early again tonight.

1020hrs: I am now going to struggle get my socks off and ‘ave a scrub down, do me teggies, shave, shampoo and a sh… Then struggle to get me clean socks on. Then put me pile cream on, then rub in me Painphor cream on me knees, then search fer me bus-pass, midday medications, hearing aids, glasses and get ready to go out and take some piccies fer me blog – well wrapped up of course (that’ll be me not the blog well wrapped up).

Do yer know I’m losing interest at the thought of all the bother now… Tsk!

Forced missen out of the house wandering if I’d forgotten summat like…

03W01

CPO’s Investigate – I know not what

Noticed two CPO’s across the road at the Nottingham Natural Health Centre, that would be the one where my neighbour went last year, forget what he went for now, but the treatment cost him £900.

Flipping biting cold wind again.

Caught bus into town, and attempted to walk down Clinton Street to get to Primark – blimey the mass of people. Bit of a struggle getting out of the way in time of more aggressive ones.

03W02

Clinton Street crowds scared me a bit…

As I turned the corner a youth belted passed on a bicycle nearly hitting a lady nearby. I did my usual and shouted “If yer too scared to go on the road yer shouldn’t be on a bike… I added a rather colourful word at the end descriptive of what we all have n out breasts.

Still to be expected this time of year I suppose.

03W04

The queue wot I joined before me injuries…

Got to Primark and boy was it busy, and dangerous too? Yes!

I hobbled around and bought some really thick long sleeve t-shirts, another pair of long johns and joined the queue.

See photo. Good job I had plenty of time.

As I exited the pay area a woman knocked her pram into me left arthritic knee, stopped talking on her mobile to say “Sorry duck” then continued on her phone as she walk away. Bless her I thought.

Then, as I approached the escalator to go down, a bloke rushed in front of me treading on me left foot! Bless him I thought.

I still managed some slow but nifty footwork to avoid (Just) the store detectives as they chased after one of Nottingham’s multitudinous shoplifters out of the store.

Came out £39 pounds worse off, and limping a little more than usual and walked into town wandering if there was an Iceland shop in the City Centre where I could get those egg and sausage muffins on offer at 89p… I bravely approached a CPO and cheekily ask if she knew of one. The look that said “What the #uck are you asking me for” came over her face as she said “No”.

03W03

Bulwell Market looking a bit sad I thought

So I decided to go to Bulwell again to the Iceland there – of course I could also feed me mallard ducks and pigeons at the same time.

The market in Bulwell looked rather sad today. (See picture)

I hobbled to Farm Foods and got two loaves for a quid to feed the sucks with, I’d already got the birdseed with me from home.

Then into Iceland and got the muffins and very nice they are too!

03W05

Another dumped shopping trolley today

Out and down to the rivers… to be greeted by the horrible sight of another shopping basket dumped in the water!

Suddenly I remembered I wanted some of the smoked cooked ham from Fulton’s Foods.

So I walked back up the main street to the shop and searched but they didn’t have any smoked ham in, so I struggled (The bags were weighing me down by now with all the stuff wot I’d bought like) around looking for any bargains but found none.

As I started out to feed the mallards, a woman on the disabled scooter came out of shop and was on her mobile phone – only the alertness and agility of those nearby prevented her from hitting them.

I wonder if it should be an offence to use a mobile phone when driving a mobility scooter? They can’t dock driving licence points because the idiots who drive them without concern for others do not need a driving licence, or tax, or even insurance by law.

Just a thought – perhaps I can interest Lynton Cox in starting a campaign? He’s good at that sort of thing… maybe not.

03W06

Me friends, the Mallards and Pigeons welcomed me with open beaks

So I waddled back down to the river… I think they are beginning to recognise me now cause I was greeted with much honking and quacking by the mallards, and the pigeons amassed in my vicinity – one of them must have liked me cause it anointed me hat with his pooh!

Bless him I thought.

New hat needed now… Tsk!

Pound shop after Christmas methinks.

Caught the bus back to Carrington and dropped off on Hucknall Road.

As I turned the corner the local pigeons spotted me and came down to be fed – but only the few seeds left after feeding the Bulwell ones – I bet they thought “Tight sod!”

Got in and put me togs and food away.

Made a cuppa and had couple of biscuits and set about finishing this diary off.

Faccebooked a while – finding a message from Mike Steeden that some shop is selling thick vests at £3.99 until Friday! Just my luck I’ve just bought 3 for £6 each from Primark today!

Tsk, Huh and blabboozlekins!

Did a bit of blog reading, checked emails and began to fade…

I’ll try to do some graphics but me eye-lids are gerrin’ heavy now.

Hope I can stay awake long enough to eat me Sausage and egg muffin later.

Poor old devil hehehe.

Inchcock’s Security Woes: The wind blew hard across the decaying graveyard

/ Inchie / 9 Comments

GY001

 The wind blew hard across the decaying graveyard

GY01Inchcock had been assigned as Static Guard for the Rempstone College, out in the wilds.

His responsibilities were many-fold, the fishing lake, Tennis courts, Golf area, 5 residential blocks a bank, a theatre, Liecestershire Police undercover car compound and ARV storage shed, library, church yard & Cemetery, Roman gardens, 2 bars, Artwork galleries, tutors quarters, classrooms, computer room, archive room, cellars, restaurants, games rooms, 550 student quarters, a Lido and Money safes to name a few.

A cold and lonely place at night, especially when the students and staff were on holiday as on this night.

He was the only person on the 8 acre site… or should have been.

At 0105hrs on patrol and the wind blew hard across the decaying graffiti’d gravestone littered cemetery…

Creating unholy noises, and blowing up the Guard Inchcock’s trouser legs something rotten, as he made his way across the used condoms, broken spirit and mentholated spirit bottles scattered generously amongst the dog droppings, coke cans, and maggot ridden dead rats along the path on his way to swipe the electronic Security check point, thoughtfully super-glued on the side of child’s headstone.

As he scrambled over the broken park benches, and rubbed the mould-growth from his uniform, he heard a loud bang, emanating he thought, from the end of the nursery drive, in the area of the undercover police car compound.

The customary tightening of the urine valves took place, as he stood still to try and listen over the wind, for any more unusual noises, but none came.

GY02Being one of the more reliable Guards (or so he thought) he decided further investigation call called for – following his Assignment instructions, as well as Sito’s guide lines, he called for back up… well he tried to but the phone network had gone down! (Sods-law or what?)

He walked, using whatever natural cover was available, down the dark dank windy lane towards the gates of the Leicestershire Police undercover car compound, using his intrinsic skills to keep the noise to minimum…. until he stubbed his toe on some broken concrete, then the silent approach had to be abandoned when he exclaimed a loud clear ‘Bollocks!’ into the night wind as a response to the sharp pain he’d accrued.

So, out came the mag-light, he pulled himself up to show his full 5’ 3” of height and swaggered into the middle of the drive, so as to appear brave and dangerous to any possible intruder.

He passed wind and increased his walking rate, putting on his well known bravado swank, and talking loudly into the dead mobile phone…. “ETA ten minute control? …. Silence for a while to give the impression he was listening to someone on the other end of the one-way conversation…… “Roger, but don’t let the canine run free, I have residents returning home all night”…… “I’ll do a quick check, he knows the code for the gate… thanks, out!”

Feeling proud of this instantly thought up subterfuge, that foolishly gave him heart and assurance in his puny skills, the Inchcock moved on showing great confidence, and reached the gates of the Leicestershire Constabulary Undercover Vehicle Compound.

He had no key of course, but luckily the gates were in the same state as the cemetery furniture – rotting and presenting some handy holes through which he could shine his torch, still leaving room for him to get his head through!

All looked in order, but being the perfectionist he is, our Guard decided to climb through into the compound, to satisfy himself that no intrusion had taken place and all really was well. (The fool!)

Once inside, he realised the vast extent of the premises, at least 100 vehicles of all types scattered around.

So he turned off his torch, and used the shadows to creep around in on his self righteous mission to protect the property of our beloved officers of the law!

About a third of way around, and in the centre of the vehicles, he felt something moving about at his feet from under a van, he whipped out his mag-light and shone it down…… just in time to see the blood being drawn from his leg by the police dog, as it began to try and devour his left ankle. (He still has the scars, Inchcock that is not the police dog).

To this day he’s not sure how he managed to get out of there, but he did.

Granted he was minus his mag-light, part of his trouser legs, bits of his sock, his cap, his mobile phone, a portion on ankle flesh, and a few fluid ounces of blood, but he got out!

Only to be met by the fast arriving police cars pulling up in response as it transpired to the PIR alarm activation of the new system put in the night before on the compound, that no one had informed our hero about, otherwise he would not have set it off by going into the compound!

They could hardly administer the first aid due to their laughter.

Inchcock was relatively new to the Security Industry, and thought to himself: “It can’t be as bad as this every-night surely?”

It could and would be over the coming years.

The moral is….er….well, it must be in there somewhere I’m sure!