Inchcock Today: Housebound Again! – Wed 25 Feb 15

Wednesday 25th February 2015

Sheer fatigue helped me get some sleep last night.

The dreams were constant or at least it seemed so. All I can recall is a bit about being in a rowing boat with someone and trying to push someone along in the water with a giant candy-floss?

Not a good start this morning: Within an hour of rising the porcelain has been used three times… oh dear.

Bit worried about getting out for me INR Warfarin level tests tomorrow now. I just hope the ‘runs’ do no prevent me from going because it is important to get the level right. Maybe things will calm down again today?

Took me medications. Then made a cuppa and started the laptop.

WC’d (4).

Might risk popping out to book appointment with the GP later to see her about the rumbling runs, because they seem to be persisting somewhat.

Assessed the ailments: Anne Gyna not too good – Arthur Itis no worse – Ulcer twinging slightly – Haemorrhoids easier at the moment and front teeth okayish. But the ‘runs’ are getting most of my attention at the moment.

Came across this graphic I’d done for the TFZ site, thought I’d post it to show off and because I can’t get out today to take any photographs.

0302

Did some reading on WordPress.

DanceJanRichFound some excellent humorous and satirical stuff on WordPress.

Had a look on Facebook, and made some graphics and posted them.

Janet Arron and Richard Johnson, TFZ members might like this one for a bit of fun, that’s what wer’e all about really on hte troll Free Zone – having a laugh and chinwag in print like if yer see worra mean?

Sandra Lentz and Meritt Hutton on DanceSanMerthe second one here.

Hope they like them, took me a while to create them in between several visits to the porcelain.

Put the kettle on then WC’d (7), but I think it might be settling down now.

Mind you, they said that about Hitler in 1937 didn’t they?

I was wondering if I might manage a little walk around the block… I see how it goes later.

Better not… things a biter… loose yet.

Now Serif X6 is crashing! Grrr!

Went down to make a cup of tea.

0303I found on the floor,

Near the door,

And I felt more,

Very much more poor!

Hehehe!

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Launderette Lust? – 24/02/15

Tuesday 24th February 2015

Managed some kip last night.

I realised I’d missed last nights medications. I saw the pot there at the side of me, still full – huh!

WC’d, things getting a little loose again. The rumbling and grumbling was persisting just when I thought they were abating too.

The knees were well bad this morning, and when I put in me hearing-aids heard them cracking away like crisps being crushed when I moved.

Even Anne Gyna was painful. However the back passage-piles were okay with no bleeding. The ulcer was as good as gold. The front teggies gave only a bit of pain (Must get to the dentist), then again I’m not eating at the moment.

Laptop on, Coreldraw9 crashed immediately when I chose the import option. Rebooted tried again and gave up.

Tried to do the work on Serif Draw x6, but didn’t know how to import to get the original size of graphics. I have to drag-t0-size on import?

Gave up again and got a good wash and brush up and got the things ready for the launderette, the gals nibbles, soap tablets, softener, drier balls and a choc bar for myself to nibble.

Set off to the launderette in the high gusty winds, fed some pigeons clandestinely en-route.

0203aGrizWell, all the machines were in use bar one – the one that folk don’t like to use because it doesn’t spin fast and it takes more money in the drier. As I resigned meself to another expensive day I spotted Grizelda at the back and that cheered me up somewhat.

She smiled at me and waved and parts of my anatomy were girded into movements unknown in months.

I realise that nothing could come of these fantasies wot I have over her – she is about a foot taller than I, years younger and yet still I yearn… Will I ever learn?

Got the machine going and Big John came in laughing because four of the machines had his washing in them – then he started flirting with Grizelda, who has taken a fancy to him – Huh cobblers and Tsk! It didn’t bother me at all, I WWarnLie wasn’t jealous, oh no…

0203GrizGrizelda came towards me and my heart pounded, despite being part metal and plastic… she smiled and said: “Would you like tea?” in her wonderful deep voiced yet delicate Polish accent. I think I mumbled ‘Yes please…’

I then started fretting, thinking I might have left the tap running in the bathroom. Unable to get the feeling out of me mind I walked back to the dump to check it out. Of course the taps were not running… but I had left the laptop on, so I closed it down.

0203bcarOn the way back I bought a newspaper to read and then back to the launderette.

An interesting article:

‘This is the astonishing moment a group of frustrated Nottingham tram passengers picked up and moved a Mini off the road after its driver blocked two trams when she parked across the tracks.

The fed-up bystanders shifted the car after the trams were delayed for 15 minutes. Incredibly the female driver had left her motor illegally parked on double yellow lines in Nottingham at 11.1oam yesterday.

The red-faced driver eventually returned from a nearby coffee shop to find her car moved and a penalty ticket waiting from a Nottingham Community Protection Officer.

Adding to her growing misery, the driver was then serenaded by ironic whoops and cheers from the swelling crowds as she quickly performed an illegal U-turn and drove off.

0204AsdEventually got the washing dried and packed up and BJ offered me a lift to Asda.

When we arrived I was surprised at the queues for the petrol station – are we due price rise or something?

Please advise me if you should know owt like?

0205beefBig John came with me to the microwaves in store and I carefully selected the most appurtenant and suitable model for my particular requirements. (The cheapest). We split to do our shopping, I didn’t get much: Microwave, Feasters beefburgers (Very tasty), bleach, Bread thins and a pack of mini Swiss rolls.

BJ ran me back to the flea-pit, I thanked him and he shot off.

I put me washing away and then the shopping.

Made a cuppa, laptop on and no internet connection – I realised I’d turned off the hub earlier, so went down and turned it back on. Had a dizzy spell coming back up the stairs… not a back un, only lasted for a few seconds and then dissipated. I think it might be due to me low Warfarin INR level? It don’t help when I miss me doses – what a plonker!

Updated this diary to here, then did a bit of work on another post entitled (As of now anyway) ‘Things nobody says to me any more’.

Used up three and a bit hours there no problem. Tsk!

Many WC visits later I made a cuppa ready to take me evening medications and found the INR report and dosage record had been delivered.

Level up to 2.4, so going the right way at last – they had made another appointment for this Thursday. It’s all go innit?

No rest fer the wicked. (If that’s true, how come the politicians haven’t all collapsed? – Just a thought like.)

Inchcock Today: Out on a walk at last… carefully mind!

Monday 23rd February 2015

Not much sleep again, couldn’t get off for ages, still managed 4 hours though.

The rumbling and grumbling had toned down a bit thankfully, only the arthritis any real hassle this morning.

Took me medications with a cuppa, then laptop started and managed to get my postings finished and posted to the League of Mental Men blog.

Then I had to rush (Well I say rush, poddle a bit quicker would be a more appropriate wording perhaps...) about a bit to get myself then the things ready for me trip for me INR level tests at the QMC to catch the bus at 0930hrs so as to use me free pensioners bus-pass.

0101skyThe sky looked a little ominous and the wind very variable?

I stood and watched a pedestrian and driver having a good verbal set-to, but alas was not close enough for me to hear them over the wind in me hearing aids. Huh!

When I got to the bus-stop on 0102StJMansfield Road a few minutes later the sky had changed again and looking quiet non-threatening.

I caught the bus into town (Very full with us old ones using our bus-passes yer see).

I got to the bus-stop for the Y28 and after a short wait and passing long unintentional almost musical escapages of wind – I visited left and visited the Gents in Victoria Centre. All okay and no blood from the haemorrhoids either.

0102StJReturned and caught the Y28 out to the Hospital.

Had a chat with an elderly lady en-route, she looked a little confused and nervous so I struck up a chin-wag with her. She was going to the QMC for her weekly checks and was doing it on her own for the first time. I didn’t ask why.

When we got off the bus I walked her to where she was going and wished her well. Nice lady.

Quite a wait, many in the queue today.

Unfortunately an unintentional leakage of wind – just a tiny ‘plop’ like escaped and I kept me head down pretending to read the free Metro paper as the mutterings grew and the phoo’s rang out from the poor patients in the queue.

The nurses in the haematology were surprised to see me again for the third time in seven days.

0106qmc3They soon took me sample  and I decided to go to Long Eaton when I left, I’ve not been there for years – using me free pensioners bus-pass of course.

When I came out of the building the unofficial patients smokers corner was fully occupied.

0104qmc1When I walked out from the sheltered area I felt the wind (Not mine) had got up a lot and the flags and trees were blowing viciously.

Taking a photo of the flags I caught the first of three fire engines rushing into the compound down the hill passed A&E and round the back of the 0105qmc2main buildings.

So annoying when you don’t know why innit?

I got to the bus-stop and caught the bus to Long Eaton, taking a photo of the QMC from another angle as we passed by. Didn’t come out too bad considering we were travelling at a fair rate of knots like.

0107LEWhen I alighted the bus the first building I saw that wasn’t there last time I visited was a KFC.

I thought it might be a Pound Shop, Money lenders, Costas, Caffe Nero, Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King or Pawn Brokers I would have seen first. Hehe.

0108LE2 I had a good walk around and many places brought back memories of when I worked there for Tesco and the Nottingham Co-op many years ago.

Found a cheapo shop that was selling Lion bars at 6 for a quid – ‘Glad I came’ I said to myself and bought some.

Found they were just out of date, but still eatable like if yer not too bothered about breaking yer teeth…

After musing over some memories I caught the bus back to Nottingham.

0109busEn-route the weather worsened even more, I took a photo through the bus window.

It seemed like a gale was brewing at one time and buffeted the bus.

Within half a mile things seemed to calm down?

4IT2I got back, the bus dropping us all off at the Broad Marsh centre, and I had a wander through it taking some photographs for the TFZ gals I thought might be of interest to them, they like their handbags yer know, bless them.

Here’s one of them wot I took.

I plodded through the centre, not before calling at their ‘Gents’.

0110NotsOut and up to Chapel Bar and up Exchange Walk.

Note the sky had cleared up now and the rolling clouds far less threatening. But something told me to make me way back to the hoppit and out of the coming weather?

As I got to the top and into the Slab Square in the City centre, I remembered that I wanted to take a ride on the Nottingham Wheel/Eye and thought I’d treat missen and take some photographs from high up that might be interesting.

0111NotsThen the rain started to drizzle along with some sleet. (I knew it!).

But it didn’t last long.

As I turned the corner I saw they were dismantling the wheel – bother!

The sky kept changing so quickly and the wind again got up.

Both the weathers wind and mine.

0112NotsA little further up King Street I came across a car that had seemingly reversed into one of the bollards?

Again, it’s so aggravating not knowing for sure innit?

I noticed the bobbies were well wrapped up.

On up the hill, a little walk around Trinity Square fed the pigeons and I caught the bus back to Carrington.

I thought I might stay on the bus and drop off in Sherwood so I could see the Dentist and complain about me front teggies that they treated that have gone black since!

Of course I forgot all about it until I was writing this diary now. Tsk!

0113rainAs I dropped off the bus – down it came, rain, snow and sleet at the same time.

By the time I’d hobbled fast as me knees would let me back to the flea-pit, the snow had stopped, just the rain and sleet or hail falling now, and the wind was terrible.

Took a photo of it from me doorway.

WC’d.

Th knees were painful but other ailments seem better, including the diarrhoea.

Had one of me Lion bars with a cup of tea, worried me a bit in case I broke me front teggies on it, so hard.

Laptop on to do this diary.

Heated a pasty and had it with a large frank to get me through till me nosh later.

So tired again now – not surprising really with no sleep much.

I wonder how much Cameron gets? Just a thought like.

Made a cuppa and took me medications… missed my midday ones. Huh!

Inchcock Today: Housebound Again – Sun 22nd Feb 15

Sunday 22nd February 2015

biMarieBad night for the cramps and innards again, don’t know when I eventually nodded off, but I didn’t wake until gone seven this morning.

The ankles are bad this morning, cracking away like a bag of crisps and painful with it, yet the knees are no worse than usual? The piles were not bleeding so that’s good. Even Anne Gyna is having a rest, that’s very good. The ulcer… I think has also taken time-out, good again!

Made a cuppa and took me medications later than I should have but it can’t be helped.

biNancyGot the laptop on, opened coreldraw9 okay and worked on the header for this post but then it wouldn’t let me open the internet?

I tried through icons, menu and bar but no go – depression took a hold.

I restarted the laptop and it allowed me in this time? – but Coreldraw9 froze once more and I had to restart all over again – Gnunf!

Getting a bit fed-up with losing me graphicalisations wot I’m working on. Very frustrating and wasting so much biBettytime.

I could get depressed yer know!

Decided I’m not risking going out on a walk today – innards might not be any worse but they’re still bothersome. The porcelain has already been well used this morning… Tsk!

Tried again to do some graphicalisationing on Coreldraw9.

biLynda

biPmcSpent many many hours doing Scooter graphics for the TFZ site.

That’s some of the finished graphicalisationalistic thingies wot I dun you see scattered around this page.

The gurgling and rumbling continued throughout the day – needing much attention at frequent periods.

I’m so glad I didn’t risk going on a walk today now – but am concerned about tomorrow and hope I can biGladysget out to the Queens Medical Centre haematology for me third INR level check in a week.

Had a pastie and franks followed by a tiny weeny cake… well two tiny weeny cakes then.

But not feeling hungry enough for a meal yet.

I was hoping things would have settled a biLyzzibit by now so I can get out in the morning without worrying, but the INR level has never been so consistently low as this past week, so I have to attend.

And I want to get to the dentist about me blackening front teggies that they were supposed to have repaired on me last visit… huh!

The wind is now a lot worse from me top end, I reckon that’s got to be a good sign, no biLonaidea why, but I think things are moving towards a cease-fire with me innards?

Not feeling too tired, mind you I ain’t nit been knowhere have I.

When I was posting these graphics to me galleries on Facebook I got a message that me internet connection had gone down despite the icon informing me it was up and running (There’s an unfortunate phrase bearing in mind my current state – Hehe).

Restarted laptop and it came back?

Damned technology!

Took me evening medications.

Hope I can get out tomorrow.

Please….

Inchcock Today: Sprurghling along… Sat 21st Feb 15

Saturday 21st February 2015

After a night interposed with many uncomfortable rumbling-innards prompted visits to the porcelain.

I forced myself up into physical activity – much against the wishes of Anne Gyna and Arthur Itis.

Pain below me right elbow still with me – no bother from the ulcer, and no dizzies up to now.

0601teaWC’d.

Made a cuppa and a pot of porridge with honey and did some Facebooking.

WC’d.

Watched some old stuff TV on YouTube (Heartbeat).

Had a good scrub-up and abluted and noticed that the two front teeth that the dentist had filled had both gone black?

Urgh!

Pondered on if I should try having a walk today or not.

0602swissDecided to risk it ‘for a Swisskit’ (anyone remember that advert for the chocolate bar from… I don’t know when, ages ago?) and poddle to Sherwood to take me togs to the Nottingham Hospice charity shop, then call at the dentists and last to get a small cooked nosh from the hot food place.

0603sherwAs I arrived near Sherwood the sky looked amazing.

Though I’d check me Lotto numbers at the paper shop. After so many years of trying and only getting one win – £10 and that was shared – I can’t think of anything more futile… Huh, nor one number!

Mind you I’m not surprised.

Fortuitously the Library was open and I sated the demands of me rumbling innards in their WC. Phew!

0604msHalfway up the second hill I spotted two mobility scooters outside a shop and none outside the pub which is normal.

I pressed on up and arrived at the Hospice shop and gave them me bits, then up to the dentist. Where I had a Senior Moment…

0605dent

 I pushed at the door and it was locked, so I read the opening hours on the door and thought well it says here that they are open 0840hrs t0 1700hrs on a Friday… why are they not open now at 1345hrs?

Quick as a flash I got it within minutes – today is a Saturday!

0606aI called in the hot food shop and got a tray of roast potatoes and… er, some meat or other like mince but it wasn’t mince to take home and reheat later.

As I was limping back to the dump I thought I’d take a more scenic route, longer, more hilly but with more trees and that like.

So I did.

I turned right down Haydn Road. As I plodded 0606bdown it the Second Hand Car Sales place that reminds me so much of George Coles Arthur Daley in Minders place from the 70’s TV show.

I don’t think I’d be confident enough to risk getting a car from there somehow.

0606cI carried on down and as I approached the pelican lights a sign that I’ve seen endless times on the side of the road made me smile for once as I saw a funny connotation attached to it today. The sign, behind the red car read: Humped Zebra Crossing…

I bet that made him jump? Hehehe!

0606dI got to the end of the road and turned left up the tree lines hill called Devonshire Drive.

I thought at the time, feeling so much better than yesterday like: “I can do this without any problem!”

And started to ascend the hill with grim determination and a commitment to get to the top in good spirits and maybe jump up then like wot Rocky did in Rocky 3 like…

0606eThird of the way or so up and I stopped to get me breath – but soon started off again showing great spirit bravery and bravado!

So proud of missen I wor.

About halfway up I stopped once again momentarily, the angina starting now and me feet and knees joined in too.

I began to think I maybe made a bad decision in taking this route back to the flea-pit now…

0606gme stick.

Nearly at the top now in this photos.

I realised as I struggled on that I may have seen my last marathon, game of squash, bungee jump or parachute jump as the pains emanating from various quarters of my decrepit ageing flobadob body were increasing in intensity and I needed to get to a WC quicker than I was doing.

Thank heaven the summit was only a few yards 0606haway and I turned right into Carrington and down the hill.

So glad to make it to the porcelain, but the bleeding was back.

I ate the reheated whatever it was meal and enjoyed it – then said a little prayer for it not to start off the rumbling and a-grumbling innards.

As I was washing the pots I managed quite skilfully and without any planning to drop the vinegar bottle right onto me corn on me right foot and said ‘Flipping heck’.

Made a cuppa and limped a little more acutely than normal, up and laptop on, took medications.

I’m so glad I didn’t go on a long walk.

Aye-up… I can feel movements from within…?

Sprurgh!

Nothing more eaten tonight, lost me appetite.

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Housebound Again with Diarrhoea! – Fri 20th Feb 15

Friday 20th February 2015

I really did spring awake this morning around 0530hrs – I laid there thinking how nice it was to remember so much details of the dream I’d just been having – when something happened that sent these facts into the ether of unimportance…

I passed wind and boy what a mess!

While I spent a considerable time on the porcelain I recalled what I’d written on me yesterdays Diary: I haven’t had a single evacuation from the rear all day… bit worrying that!”Never a truer statement has been made!

Oh yes, the Rumbling innards are back with a vengeance.

No moving from the bathroom much for me today…

Got missen cleaned up and refreshed.

Went downstairs and took the bins out for collection so as they will not be missed this week by the gentlemen of the Nottingham Hygiene Collection and Recycling Team.

Made a cuppa and went back up and started the laptop – another call to the porcelain – unpleasant.

Took me morning medications, then returned to the porcelain – where is it all coming/slithering from?

I know I’ve got a rather protruding flabby wibbly-wobbly stomach but how it has held all that is coming out now, I don’t know.

As I washed last nights pots I wondered which of the foods I’d eaten yesterday might have caused this unpleasantness?

Put me togs in soak, and updated this Diary of Woe.

Of course now I can remember nothing of the dreams I’d had. Tsk!

0504

I wondered what had caused this malady to return? The minced beef slices, or the BBQ Ribsteak burger? Or neither?

403ctescoOr perhaps the French Horns. (Being addicted to them, I hope this is not the case!).

No further movements at this moment (0729hrs) but plenty of worrying gurgling and rumblings going on from the innards.

Good job I have a decent stock of toilet paper and other items still to hand 0507from the last bother that I had of a similar nature.

As I went down to make another brew, terrible thirst this morning, me other ailments made themselves known to me:

Anne Gyna, Arthur Itis, Hem Arroids and D.  Uodenal were I think a little envious of the ‘Gurgling rumbles and trots taking the spotlight for once. Hehehe!

0506I took a look in me refrigerator to check the use-by-dates on me food for a family of five stocks.

Suddenly I felt rather ill.

Sat down for a while and was back to my normal self in half an hour or so.

Wonder if this has anything to do with me INR Warfarin level being so low?

Still, on the bright side the haemorrhoids are not bleeding or too painful, I haven’t had a ‘Whoopsidangleplop’ yet today, no dizzy-spells and after the first forced involuntary messy evacuation the other ‘managed’ evacuations have not been as pungent.

Hello here it comes again…

I’m back again, Phwor!

Made another cuppa to quench me rabid thirst.

Now I know how convenient it is having the WC in the bathroom.

0505Updating the diary of woe and somehow managed to lose all me additional writings on me word processor.

I expect it’s something to do with catching the touch-pad that I cannot turn off – gets a bit frustrating and annoying that does, especially when you don’t feel to well. Huh!

Did some Face-booking.

Then worked on a Nottingham Lads Security True Tales of Woe and managed to get it finished and posted of to me blog.

The rumbling brewing and nervousness and expectation of involuntary movements remain.

Managed a pasty and some bread – hopefully it won’t bother the innards too much – oh dear, yes it will…

Inchcocks Security Career True Tales of Woe – Rapid Alarm Response – The Bank Manager’s Activation

Inchcock’s True Security Career Woes

Rapid Response Alarm Officer Inchcock & The night of the Bank Manager’s Home Alarm Activation

0302

I was on Alarm Response and Patrol checks this particular night. Anyone could usually tell when I was on these duties because the amount of alarm activations usually doubled when I was on this roster. Tsk!

About 2345hrs I was in Long Eaton near Derby carrying out one of the regular site checks when I got a call to inform me that an alarm had been activated at a house in North Nottingham. I knew the house as it is on our Patrol list for checks at the weekends, and owned by a bank manager.

I made my way towards Beeston then onto the ring road when I got another call from the controller to advise me that a second activation had been received making it a positive and the Police had been informed, but they told him that “We have no free units to respond, but will do when one is free.”

Nice… very encouraging that.

I arrived at the assignment address about 30 minutes after getting the call. A great big house with two gates and dozens of rooms.

I informed control of my arrival and that no outward signs of intrusion seen at the front and I was going to check the rear of the premises first.

I got the keys and codes from the van safe, locked the van, took a deep breath and walked to the back of the sprawling house.

1220hrs: I moved away from the window and informed control of the suspect on premises situation and he despatched the other patrol officer Darren as back-up support being as the Nottingham Police still had no one to send.

So I waited and observed monitoring for any activity.

I then saw the torchlight in a ground floor window and continued my observing.

Daz arrived asking where is the scum-bag, let’s gerrim…

After we gained entry through the front door and deactivated the alarm

Darren called out “Alright scum-bag, let be X#~♫ having yer… come on give up or my mate will come and get yer…”

I recall thinking ‘Oh no he wont!’

A bloke appeared though a door and came running at us calling out “I’ve called the police… he pulled up short and lowered his mashie niblick when he saw our uniform and the size of Darren… who did not take to be attacked and he belted the chap with left-hook of Henry Cooper quality.

As I was about to challenge Daz on why he clobbered him as it was obvious the chap was not an intruder but the bank manager when the door behind us burst open and the police officers entered, batons drawn and wrestled me an Darren onto the floor and we were hancuffed – I remember a canine officer being displeased with his animal when it licked me on the face when they were getting me up after being handcuffed.

Now we were in a pickle I thought.

Luckily my solver tongue explained what had happened in between my asking then telling Daz to keep quite.

The paramedics arrived and the bank manager was taken away for checks although he seemed alright, was very quiet and didn’t seem to hold any grudge against us?

When the officers and Darren had left, I did a check of the premises for any intruders, I could see the fuse box was open at the cellar head, so assumed that was the reason the torchlight was used? No signs of why the alarm activated were found and it reset without any bother later.

When I checked each room upstairs the third bedroom… well it opened my eyes I can tell yers… A four-poster bed with red and pink adornments, leather straps, handcuffs and a giant plastic prodding fork lay on the bed? Five TV or monitor screens were scattered around the room, and a gigantic mirror on the ceiling! No signs any bodies anywhere though.

Then I informed control all was clear and reset the alarm and secured the premises.

Sat in the van doing the incident report – one of the hardest I’ve ever had to do.

The Barclays bank manager didn’t complain at all – which was puzzling and unexpected, but comforting.

Wonder what he was up to on his own?

Inchcock Today: Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop Visitation. Wed 18th Feb 15

Wednesday 18th February 2015

Up at around 0500hrs… realised I’d missed me last nights medications… and took me morning medications.

Couldn’t recall the dreams I’d had just knew I’d had them?

WC’d – lots of blood from the rear cleaned up. Arthritis fair, angina flaring a tad, haemorrhoids leaking and a new pain in right arm around the elbow? Coughing sneezing and emissions from the back exhaust persistent. Tut!

Started laptop and finished and posted yesterdays diary. Then finished iff me Security Woes post about the Turkey Farm and posted that one to Inchcock on WordPress.

Remembered Iceland coming later and I must sort the camera for taking to the Nottingham Hospice shop afterwards Spent a while doing some graphic work and then facebooked a bit.

0301Another record form arrived from the hospital reminding me about tomorrows appointment for an extra INR level check.

Went down all clean and polished to wait for the Iceland man. Started me second less powerful laptop that will not handle Coreldraw or Serif draw and did some work on Apache and then the Iceland-man commethed.

I put the stuff away, not easily though I’d got that much the fridge and freezer are even more crammed than ever now.

Made sure I’d got the camera and bits for the hospice and set off on me walk there.

Fed the pigeons and set off on me poddle.

0302Passing a house on Watcome Circus I remembered attending years ago when I was on Security Mobile Patrol Alarm response and took a photo of it because I thought I’d do me next Security Woes about that night and can use the photo again in it.

At the time of the incident the house (Now flats/apartments) was owned and lived in by a bank manager who’s bank paid for the security response and patrols for him. I’ll say no more it might spoil the Tale of Woe.

0303I walked up the hill and onto Mansfield Road and down towards Sherwood.

The sky looked nice, but the wind was biting despite the sun coming out often during me hike.

Down the hill passed the traffic lights and realised I’d left me cards at home. That shouldn’t matter though as I wont be needing them for the cash or bus… would I?

At least it’ll stop me spending for once.

0304As I carried on up the next hill I noted that the Nottingham Reptile Centre had a new sign outside with their name on it – the satirist in me thought I could take a photo of that and put Osborne or Cameron’s (Chancellor and Prime Minister) face on the poster and post it on Facebook? Perhaps to the Funny Site.

What do you think?

If anyone would like me to, I can do one with the face of any politician for you if you like and email to you.

0304fbHere’s the idea what I thought of after I’d doctored the original photographicalistion like.

Not that I have anything against the unelected ministers or their spoon-in-the-mouth wealth or their nepotism nihilism or sybarite lifestyles in the least.

In fact I think they should have more notoriety and fame than they have already conned cheated lied and been handed… something like being the first Government Ministers to be launched into space… or hung for treason something along those lines like.

I digress, sorry back to the diary.

0305Up the hill and to my astonishment to gentlemen of Eastern European looks pulled up in front of me in a van at a road junction, with the back end of their van sticking out about 6 foot into the road where they had just turned from.

A bus driver expressed his derision at their parking and honked his horn as he could not pass. The unshaven and rough looking 0305apassenger went into the beer-off, and I could not get across the road, not that I wanted to like – I was hoping things would develop as the bus-driver was gesticulating at the un-road-savvy nerks… Eventually the white van man pulled forward hitting the car parked legally in front of him to make way for the bus to pass.

Then reversed and nearly hit a bloke who unlike me who waited, he walked behind the van into the road to get over the road.

0306This’ll be good I thought as the man approached the driver – but in seconds the drivers mate returned and they were off in a flash.

As I got to the Nottingham Hospice shop I had a dizzy-spell, first one in ages – shook me a bit.

I explained about the camera to the lady 0307and gave her the other bits and noticed some ladies footwear on sale and decided to take a photo for Patti Caroline and the TFZ gals.

It (The photo) came out very blurred though, perhaps a side-affect of the dizzy-spell?

As U left the store I noticed these dresses? in the window. I’m curious if anyone can help in what type they are?

Backup_of_Lynda5Made me way down the hill into Sherwood and on my way noticed a pavement cyclist crossing the pelican lights on his bike and up the pavement on the other side, narrowly missing clobbering an elderly lady as he did so.

I’d like to mention that this sort of activity from cyclists doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

WWarnLie

0308Further down the hill, and a private hire car had stopped in the bus-lane on double-yellow lines to go into a shop and two buses were stuck behind it.

The cab driver came out of the shop rubbing his beard and didn’t acknowledge the hooting form the traffic at all and calmly drove off.

Gawd I love Nottingham folk.

0311I resisted the smell from the take-away food shop, and started my way up the hill when I thought a miracle took place! A cyclist came passed me from behind making me jump (Well… I say jump?) and I called after him and got me camera out and… wait for it!… he got off his bike and started pushing it!

I was amazed at this, it has never happened before… then I realised he was two-thirds of the way up the hill and must have been knackered so that must be why he got off it?

I pressed on up the hill, the knees starting to twinge a bit now, but no more dizzies thankfully.

0310Then I came across my first piece of Nottingham Street Art of the day.

The legs from a toy doll – and feet away (Not sure how but I missed this off the picture…Tsk!) laid a plastic head of David Cameron?

What the artists intention was to create I don’t know. Hehe!

Up to the top of the hill and down into Carrington, and turning right at St Johns Church the site of the flowers forcing their way through up from the graves these little blue and white flowers made me again appreciate nature.

0312As I looked up Church Drive I saw four chaps having an altercation over a rear-bump in their cars – and decided to take the long route to avoid them.

I couldn’t tell what they were saying as I didn’t know or understand the language they were spitting at each other, better safe than sorry I thought.

0313As I got to the corner of my street I came across my second piece of Nottingham Street Art of the day, that was not there when I left the house.

I pondered over it a bit – and thought maybe it was created as a protest over the nearby cable television lines that had been vandalised and pulled out by the local yobbery? However the significance of the dog pee to the right of it left me puzzled – that is of course if it was canine pee?

Anyway I think it is as good as the rubbish bag display that they had in the Tate Gallery a few years ago – of course it will not be worth the £70,000 that that piece of art sold for I 0304fb2suppose.

Limped to the dump and hastily hobbled to the porcelain.

Here, I had a very very minor Whoopsiedangleplop – I bent down to rub some Phorpain gel into me kness and cracked me head on the sink.

Lucky it was only me head really – then another dizzy that couldn’t have come at a better time than me being sat-down at the time like.

I waited a few moments then stood up and all signs of the dizzy had gone, and tended to me tender rear area – still a tad nervous going down the stairs though.

Had a small Pork and pickle pie, a flake and a cuppa and started the laptop to do this diary update.

Make a cuppa and took me medications.

Tired again, must remember me extra INR check tomorrow…

Inchcock: Guarding the Turkey Farm Episode

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Security Career Woes

Guarding the Turkey Farm Episode

AC001thermI was posted one November, to a farm near Kinoulton in Nottinghamshire, assigned to protect the Turkeys being fattened in time for Christmas – of which many had been nicked by the naughty Nottinghomians.

As usual the assignment instructions were vague and lacking in detail.

When I arrived, it turned out I was required to drive between two location throughout the night, and try to count the Turkeys to ascertain if any had been stolen, and secure the premises and report it if they had.

One site was on the farm, and had 50 birds, the other site was at an old graveyard the farmer had bought, and was using temporarily as a hold for the birds, this one held 38 birds.

I was given an old Land Rover to do the patrols in, and offered the use of a kitchen in an abandoned cottage to get refreshments, and do my ablutions.

The farmer said he would be checking with me regularly throughout the night.

Counting turkeys is not easy.

I found the best way was to creep silently as possible up on them, and count them from a distance. Once they were disturbed, it was all but impossible to count them.. and the noise!

On about my third visit to the graveyard site, I could count only 49 birds, so I radioed in with the details, and parked under a tree to observe the site for a while in case anyone was still on site or might return for more birds.

I counted them again after about half an hour – and found there were now 50 birds!

Confused, I was determined to sort out this anomaly, and again counted them, 49 this time!

I entered the gate, and disturbed the noisy birds, in an effort to assess just how many there were. As I was doing this, the owner arrived and we did a count together – there were 49 again this time!

He joined me in the Land Rover to observe the site. He offered me a drink of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey from his quarter bottle. Tempted as I was, I had to refuse.

He told me that he too had found different counts during the same day.

We entered the fenced off graveyard once again to count them, and that was when I saw the mausoleum top, and broken down door in it!

The Turkeys had been going down into the vault, making the count vary!

The farmer was well pleased, and we drove back to the farmhouse, and he fed me with bacon, eggs, and home baked bread, with a strong cup of tea! Thanked me again for sorting it out, and was very happy.

AC02I returned the next night for my duties and checked the mausoleum gates and doors first – and detected some movement in the darkness from the top of the mausoleum, being fit and foolish in those days (Nowadays I’m just foolish) I climbed up onto the top, RT in hand and found two turkeys clambering around.

I was relieved that it wasn’t an intruder, but puzzled as to how they managed to get up there – and how was I to get them down again…?

As I stood there pondering about these things a solution came all on its own accord…

The roof collapsed and me and the turkeys were transported downwards landing inside the building… When the dust had settled I made out the shape of the farmer as he stood over me.

I was no longer in favour I could tell, then as I tried to stand up the coffin I was unknowingly standing on disintegrated… the farmer was no longer happy.

Not one of my best nights in the Security industry that…

Inchcock Today: Tue 17th Feb 15 – Launderette Day

17th February 2015

Bad night, woke up shivering many times.

Dreamt of working in a security gatehouse with other officers and trying to get out to do a patrol but everything stopped me – forgetting keys and codes – getting lost on the gigantic spread out site – being RT’d back to the gatehouse – sinking in the mud… ended up trying to climb a fair wheel, no idea why but fell or got lost on it every-time… weird but I think I’ve had this dream or one similar before?

Got up latish 0630hrs – made a cuppa took medications and put water heater on – started this diary up to here.

Noted we had a red sky this morning through the drizzling rain. Red sky in the morning – Shepherds warning as me Dad used to say. That reminds me, I’ve got a shepherds pie in the freezer.

Titivated myself then got the laundry things ready.

Made up the nibbles bag for the launderette girls and BJ.

Set off to the launderette, chatted up Griselda (Another failure there) and set about doing me washing.

Taking out me bag with the book, lavender scented soap-bubbles, softener and drier balls I became aware of an extra strong scent of lavender present – the bubbles had burst and soaked me book into unreadability! I was on the last chapter too… Curse!

Then BJ noticed that none of the six machines belting away had any water in them and called Grizelda, who at first seemed puzzled then realised she had not turned the water on – so several customers were not happy.

The driers took £3 this week – we think the owner had cut down the time or temperature on them.

0201 Just a bit of fun added to this photo

BJ and I had a natter and when we were a lot worse off financially and the washing was done BJ put all the bags in his car and we set off for Asda.

0202Some incident had occurred near the school and we were sent away on another route by the nice policemen who seemed to really appreciate having their photograph taken…

We arrived at Asda and parked-up at one of the almost full Disabled Parking Only Bays – BJ checking the cars out to see if any able bodied louts had parked there.

I should mention that BJ is a registered 0203Disabled Blue Card Badge holder.

We split up to do the shopping and I made for the gardening section and got some pots of weed-killer first thing. Why do I always think of George Osborne when buy weed-killer recently?

Then I spent a fortune… microwaveable beef ribs orange juice, mousses, yogurts, bleach, mini Swiss rolls, burgers and frankfurters to mention a few.

I went through the self-serve checkout and had to ask for help a few times. Thus attracted the well known expression from the girl that said “Why do these old twits come in here?”

0205We were soon back at the dump and BJ handed me the bags from the car and shot off, me thanking him profusely for his help.

WC’d.

Put the clean laundry and nosh away… all bar the microwaveable BBQ ribs. I ate them with a cuppa and some bread.

A letter arrived, it was the results from the INR Warfarin level tests – far too low so I’ve got to go back again on Thursday for another test.

Still emitting wind coughing and sneezing a bit today. Although it’s hardly worth mentioning the passings of wind I’ve had them for so long now I almost expect them and am learning to accept the olid, noxious aroma that they distribute. I can’t try charcoal tablets because they may absorb the other medications I’m on?

On the bright side (What’s that?) no blood from the rear-end although sore, Anne Gyna has been very fair to me today, Arthur Itis as normal, ulcer no bother and the cut lip is healing well.

I realised then I’d not taken me bits to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood. Tomorrow if  Iceland is not too late I’ll take them I hope.

Feeling tired now… poor old chap eh?