Why Did the Inchcock Party get No Votes?

Statements from Inchock Party Members in their failure to get any votes in the May General Elections.

Raving reporter Dunc the Hunk interviewed some of the remaining members of the party to get their views on the abject failure.


Following the highly surprising result in the May General Elections – the fact that our Inchcock Party got no, nil, keine, nema, acune votes at all, may have electors perceiving the wrong message. It does concern me that our standing members failed to vote for themselves somewhat.

I think the supply of Rumanian lager and Irish Vodka I’ve obtained should encourage members to stick with the party and try again perhaps?

IPdannysozDanny Soz:

Wot? We ain’t failed mush! I’m drawing up a new manifesto now.

We is going to bounce back with a vengeance.

Unlimited immigration, free lager for the under 18’s, close all the prisons down, make smoking Golden Virginia compulsory and ban UKIP.

IPRachelRachel Headturner:

The elementary and fundamental causes of the Inchcock Party’s failure in this election can be attributed to the nepheliad-like leadership from Inchcock himself.

He set out to vote and ended up at the hospital haematology department, caught a bus to go back to the election booth and realised he had got on the wrong bus. Got off of it and caught another into Nottingham City centre.

Where as he approached the bus-stop to get to his election ward to vote he was arrested for feeding the pigeons in the city centre.

By the time he was released on bail the voting booths had closed down!

I ask you, how did we stand a chance with that ‘Whoopsiedangleplop’ prone pillock in charge.

I will be making a challenge for the leadership of the party in readiness for the next elections.

IPshirleyShirley Shazaam:

Unfortunately I was decorating the new house when voting day arrived.

I was getting on tremendously well until I came across Mike Steedenski in his chair watching the TV and having a drinkie-phoo, and had the devils own job of moving him so I could get to the fish aquarium to paint it.

He slid into a stupor and slid off the chair you see… this enabled me to get some of the emulsioning done on one end of the fish tank, but as I was just finishing that, he stirred and tripped me up causing the paint to go all over the new carpet and he was sick on it.

The ambulance arrived and managed to remove the paint-roller from his rear end, and by then it was… oh… sorry, what was the question?

MikeReadMike Steedenski:

One election day, there I was deep in concentrating on the election results on the Adult Channel when the missus foolishly came near me with the Chinese produced Ukrainian emulsion paint we got from Lidl. She knew I wus allergic to the fumes and I passed out, spilling me Absinthe and cherryade drink.

Despite it being her foolish actions that made me topple over and the wench she seemed annoyed with me – and attacked me with the paint-roller as I was coming round. Women eh?

Still it’s a shame about us missing voting cause I was in the A&E having a certain cavity checked for any damage caused like.

Still I can go back to me Traffic Warden job.

IPAlienoraAlienora Funbutt:

The intricateness of analysing the cause of the Inchcock Party failure lies within the confusion brewed within the politically accepted pedegorisation of acceptable failures as opposed to the correctionalisation of tactical preparation and responses as one would expect.

The exoticness is plain to see, and further development of positionally adopted autonomous actions would not necessarily tremefy the party’s leadership, but rather encourage a new more agreeable standard and a much more acceptableness and understanding of the needs of both electors without grandiloquence. And then we could start having raves on a regular basis to replace party seminars. We still might not win – but it would be fun!

Big Gazza:GazLogo

I think that we were perhaps always never not going to get any votes yer know. Hic!

The sooner they bring back the cat and genuine pork scratching the sooner things will not get no better if not worse!

Fri 22.5.15 Inchcock Today

Friday 22nd May 2015

Disturbed night, couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I would not get the flat at Spencer Court’

Took medications.

Got up and did some sorting.

BJ rang, he’s calling later twixt 1100 > 1130hrs.

On laptop, email from Spencer Court, the board have rejected my application for  a flat.

Now at my lowest ebb.

Decided to go and see the Council to restate my interest in independent living flats again and find out me password.

Still pressing on with sorting and cleaning while waiting for BJ to arrive.

1235hrs, no BJ. Rang him no answer, hope he’s alright.

If BJ arrives I’ll go to see if I can get a paper-shredder, hoover and laptop delivered, with someone setting up the laptop for me. This one keeps loosing vision and or freezing.

1245hrs and no BJ yet. Hope he’s alright. Rang him no reply. Tried again later same. Then he phoned back, he’ll be about half an hour.

Not feeling so bad about losing the flat now – not good in any way mind – but determined to try at the Council again, it’s just that they only have one complex nearby to the GP surgery, so any I might get will involve me moving doctor as well, no good that.

Now I’ve reminded missen about that I feel worse again! Tsk!

BJ arrived eventually. After a chin-wag he loaded the five bags into his car and lifted me to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop with them.

IMG_0031While in the shop BJ found two books he’d been after getting for ages – so I treat him in way of thanking him fer his help like.

I spotted a Commemorative decorated Plate on sale of the Royal Visit to Canada in 1939. Took this photo so I could post it here and on the TFZ site.

BJ went home and I caught the bus outside the hop into town.

Went in PC World and spent a fortune, having me items delivered Sat or Sunday.

Went over to Tesco and got some bread, new potatoes, pod peas, pork loin and cream cake.

IMG_0032Poddled across town, (avoiding the burke on  a bike) to the City Council Contact point in the library took a ticket and sat in the queue for an hour.

I explained about things and got a new contact code so I can start searching for what they call Independent Living accommodation (Warden aided flats) again on the Web. Must keep trying eh?

IMG_0033On the way through the City Centre someone had collapsed or fell over and a pavement cyclist nearly ran into them, I saw the nerk coming near them but he was too quick to catch.

I got up Queen Street and caught a bus back to Carrington.

Got some bread thins from the Co-op when I dropped off the bus, through the twitchell and back to the depressing dump deemed home.

IMG_0034WC’d and had a mope about me bad luck for a bit.

Prepared my nosh: Pod peas, bread thins, Cox’s apple, new potatoes, tomatoes, liver pate and pork pie.

Fit for a King I thought, made a cuppa and consumed it with pleasure.

Finished this Diary.

A testing day of disastrous news.

Coping is the best I hope for – so be it! Tsk!

Huh… cramp in me fingers now.