Ageing can be a little Confusing – Inchcock’s Explanatory Ode

The pointlessness, confusion, mayhem, of morning thoughts, will no doubt affect the elderly. Even the alcoholic, chain-smoking, ones are at risk!

If perchance you can make any sense of these Inchcock Thursday morning ponderations wot he wrote this morning, then it is time for you to seek more help and support. Age Concern – PDSA or the snug in the Lions Arms?

Should you reach this stage, my personal advice would be to avoid thoughts of the National Health Service, Grenfell, the Government or Brexit!



Inchcock – Wed 5th Dec 2018: Dodgy start to the day. Great hobble out in the rain again… I got the bus back, mind.


These Willmott Dixon apprentices ain’t like the ones when I was younger. Hehe!


Wednesday 5th December 2018

Swahili: Jumatano Tarehe 5 Desemba 2018

23:45hrs: I woke, wide-awake and focused, concentrated on one sole purpose… Getting to the Porcelain Throne pretty damn quickly. No time for any mind-wandering this morning!

WD 0.31.0 However, the journey to the wet room proved to be a little frustrating and frenzied. As I wrestled with my ever more-abdominous torso to free it from the £300 second-hand recliner, things got messy.

The TV remote, a jelly-baby, and the pen and notepad dropped from the convenient pocket the stomach fat-folds, and man breasts had formed as a container for them. I knocked over the bottle of water and the last evening’s medications I’d failed to take.

WD 0.31.0 As I arose from the carpet, still intent on beating my bladder and containing rectum to the Throne, I dragged the Ottoman cover with my foot and ended up on the floor. Nursing my painful stubbed-toe and banged elbow! Klutz! I continued on my mission!

The evacuation was a solid affair, and things not being too keen on passing, allowed me the time to read a full chapter and a bit of the Clarkson biography book.

After cleaning and medicating things, I assessed the ailments situation. I was doing well, indeed. No Anne Gyna, Arthur Itis, Reflux Roger, Duodenal Donald, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, Hernia Harry, Back-Pain Brenda… in fact, it was only the poor stubbed right foot big toe that was giving me any real pain. Acutely too. Humph! 

3Wed001aAfter my getting the cleaning up and the medicationalisationing done, I spotted… wait for it…

More of the damned EIBWBBBs (Evil Ironclad Boll-Weevil black biting beetles) than I have seen for a couple of days now. Am I to be bedevilled by these alien invaders again?

3Wed001Into the kitchen and spare room, where I found around nine fully grown EIBWBBB’s, two alive, and so many baby ones I could not count them. Grumblebugs and Grumph!

Another counterattack! Oy Vey!

If these beasts had an ounce of confelicity, they would abandon my home now and go into someone else’s flat, to give them what they have given me: Spending over £100 so far, for Rentokil, Raid and Sanmex bug sprays. Applying in every room three times a day, get back-ache Brenda, Arthur Itis, Duodenal Donal, Reflux Roger and various other pains bending down, and getting down and up to collect the little devils. And leaving me with a possibly fatal cough! Is anyone interested?

3Wed01aNo, but Nottingham City Homes have opened a pub in an old people‘s home for the residents. Hehehe! Actually, I love this idea that they have done to help people with dementia.

This safe-link below tells us all about it, and how good they have been to the residents. So, thanks to Nottingham City Homes and their staff for all the time and effort they have put into it.

The Oaks Home gets its own Pub! Marvellous! But for heaven’s sake don’t tell the alcoholics at Winwood Heights about it! Hahaha!

I’d love to go visit. I thought of asking Nottingham City Homes’s Gymnast and Obergruppenführeress Housing Patch Manager (HPM), Angela Gould if I could take some photographs of the folk and staff in their new bar. But, thinking about it further, this may not be a good idea. A stranger calling to take pictures? Perhaps not a well thought out plan, after all. 

I took the morning, and some critical selected missed night medications together. Then did the Health Checks.


I started updating yesterday’s much jollier diary. Finished it and posted it off (with many breaks for SSWW’s)

3Wed04aWent on the WordPress Reader, and answered comments. Thanks, Lynton and Tim.

Took a photo when I visited the kitchen window to see what the weather was like, wet! I can’t see owt through the balcony window for rain pouring in, and condensation.

Oh dear, off for another Porcelain Throne session. Much easier this one. Apart from finding Little inchies fungal lesion bleeding again, well, it was the cleansing and medicating that caused the ‘Ooh Arghs’.

05:00hrs: Made a mug of tea and had some of my favourite Scottish Shorties dunked in the brew. Naturally, followed by an SSWW. Added words to the personal thesaurus on Excel for a while.

3Wed0506:45hrs: Ablutions tended to. I got readied for my hobble into Arnold for the Mallard chinwag and feeding and set off out into the rain about 07:50hrs.

Out of the lobby doors and dropped the beetroot and pickled gherkin jars in the Alcomafrolics glass recycling bin. Haha!

3Wed05a1 Crossed over the road and started to walk up the gravel footpath up into Woodthorpe Grange Park, but stopped when I heard what I thought was a bird calling, the squark sounded very deep. So I stood a while to try and locate where it was coming from.

3Wed12bUnfortunately, I could not find or see any bird at all.

But it sounded so close to me, and this annoyed me a little.

I perused the branches of the trees and the shrubbery at ground level for several minutes, all to no avail.

There was little movement in the bushes on the ground, but that surely would not be a bird?

I did my best to take a decent photographicalisation of the area the calling from coming from. In the hopes that when I got the picture onto CorelDraw later, this might reveal what creature it was.

WD 0.31.0 But, as you can see in the picture above, it didn’t. Tsk!

But, I was still in good spirits as I tackled the hill. Not such good spirits when I got to the top. Ane Gyna was not happy. A bit confusing, because 3Wed05a1ayesterday on the marathon hobble into town, she was pleased all the way?

At the top of the pathway, I had to tackle the mass of wet leaves or walk on the mud to reach the footpath. I chose the leaves.

However, I got through without the slightest sign of a slip or tumble. Smug Mode Engaged!

The rain came on heavier 3Wed05a2Neighbour as I plodded down to the Mansfield Road exit.

Seeing a new Christmas decoration near the railing, I went over for a closer look.

WD 0.31.0 With having to take the picture from under the umbrella while holding the bag with one hand, and trying to operate the camera using the other, the photo came out a mite blurred.

Still, I think now, that it gave it some life? That did it, I was singing ‘Rudolph the red nosed reindeer’ for a few hundred yards after that. H3Wed06aha!

WD 0.31.0 This picture of the traffic and the lights, was meant to contain a Nottinghamian Pavement Cyclist… but where he got to, is a mystery to me?

It’s been a mysterious morning up to now for me. The return of the EIBWBBB Army in the flat. How I managed to tangle myself up with the Ottoman cover and have the Accifauxpa? The loud but hidden bird singing? How did I not slip over on the wet 3Wed06aleaves? And now, the disappearing cyclist? Ah, well! I pressed on as the rain kept relenting and returning again, and the toe giving me some gip!

WD 0.31.0 It got even weirder when I got into Daybrook and approaching the Vale traffic lights. (I believe this  happened once before in this spot when I was on the same route) A very tall cyclist belted by me, and he also disappeared from view by the time I’d got the camera out?

I plodded on again, through Daybrook and into 3Wed09the Arnot Hill Park, and arrived at the lake with not a sole in site.

The ducks soon made a bee-line for me and seemed to patiently wait for me to get the food out. Being early in the day, no pigeons to challenge them for the food!

Others came over when I started to feed and have a chinwag with them.

3Wed08I finished up the food stocks and said some words of farewell, I can’t remember exactly what, though.

WD 0.31.0 And as I turned to depart, a lady and her little daughter were right behind me. She was giving me a look that said; “Hello, I’ve got a right one here!”

Embarrassed, I muttered Good Morning, and the woman grabbed her daughter and rushed away, nearly tipping her pushchair over. Oh, heck!

3Wed10As I walked towards Arnold, the rain came on heavier.

I took yet another photo of the traffic. I’m not sure why I keep making these shots? I suppose the colour contrast? When they come out alright anyway.

3Wed11I got into the shopping but it was still before 0900hrs, and some of the shops were not yet opened up.

WD 0.31.0 Another little mystery. How the heck, did I get there so quickly?

I made my way to the Asda (Walmart) store, where I started a large shopping session. By the time I got to the self-serve area, I had in the overloaded basket: Pressies and nibble consisting of, Rum Truffles, croissants, cakes, DVDs, chocolates and cheese wiggles. Also, vine tomatoes, pickled eggs, beetroots, desserts (Custard and jelly, naughty), and potato cakes. After few cock-ups that needed 3Wed12assistance from the bloke on duty, I paid the £43.37 and departed out into the rain.

There was some time before the bus was due, so I waddled over the road to a charity shop and had a nosey around.

Ended up buying another DVD. As if I needed it. Oy Vey!

3Wed12aI arrived at the bus stop in plenty of time.

WD 0.31.0 I got underneath the shelter to await the arrival of the L9. Only to find out that the roof was leaking, and I got rain dripping down through the cracks onto my neck and back! Ah-Well!

3Wed12aaOn the bus and was back at the flats in forty minutes.

The weather was getting dar kand murky again en route.

Amazingly,  when we arrived at the flats, there were no tenants waiting to get on the bus. A first for me that is!

Not a soul in sight as I made my way back to the apartment. Got in, tended to an SSWW, washed my hands and into the kitchen. Got the fodder put away and the pressies and nibbles in the spare room.

Did the health Checks.

On the computer to update this blog, which cost me three hours to get up to here with it.

Updated the Facebook photo albums again.

Got a lot on tomorrow. Dentist, Social Hour, Clinic, Morrison delivery… Hey-ho!

3Wed28Got the nosh sorted.

I scored this one only a 7.4/10 for Taste Rating.

Because the chips were insipid, and the beetroots reminiscent of the ball bearings I used to catapult when I was a nipper, but a little harder! Hehehe!

Did the last Health Checks and made a sign and hung it over the TV screen. To remind me of the jobs to do tomorrow, especially the greedy, vicious, superior-minded, nasty, money-mad, antisocial with me, dentist.