The NHS recommended Breakfast cereal for Inchcock.
Inchcock Today: Saturday 17th January 2015
Oh dear… woke up several times during the night with the rumbling innards and rear passage giving me bother. Huh!
Jill from Troll Free Zone – A Pearl!
A funny wot I dun and captioned: “Someone really ought to wake him up know!”
Arose (yet again) to visit the porcelain around 0315hrs and decided to give up and started the laptop to finish and post yesterday’s Dairy and begin this one.
The dreams I’d had couldn’t be recalled at all this morning but know I’d had them and they were frustrating in nature.
WC.
The innards are rumbling and bubbling still – took some bi-carb with me usual medications. Still, the arthritis and angina are not being too awkward anyway… yet. Hehe! What I’m laughing at I’m not sure?
Did some graphicalistioning on Coreldraw while it let me.
Many visits to the porcelain today, the innards are churning and a tad uncomfortable, two really close shaves up to now – not sure whether to risk going out or not yet… might just have a wander around locally if the yobs ain’t around. Or not?
Carried on with me graphicalisationing, dun some funny ones for Facebook Troll Free Zone gals and lad’s in mind.
Sandra – Packers fan?
Oh dear… just got back from another urgently needing attention message wot I got from me rumbling grumbling stabbing innards – no faux-pars though.
Still not sure if I should risk a poddle out?
I can hear emergency vehicle klaxons nearby – but I’m not going out to have a nosey this time.
At least the BT internet seems to be going alright, although I may regret saying that now that I’ve said that?
Bloomin’ ‘eck, another visit to the bog! Not good this.
Had an email from Nottingham City Council warning me of bad weather coming.
The cough now returned and stayed with me all day – Tsk!
After an hour or so the burbling and gurgling seemed to be settling, so I decided a walk into town might be okay. (What a plonker!)
Got a wash up and set off on me walk.
The traffic at the lights on Hucknall Road was at a standstill.
Horns a peeping and hooting as they jockeyed for position.
It freed up a lot further on near the traffic island and I took a photo 
because the sky looked very clear compared with the last few days.
I suppose it’s the wintry weather on its way that I was warned about?
A little bit further up the road, I espied my first piece of Nottingham Street Art on the pavement yet again. I wondered if it was the same culprit 
as the other day as it was spotted roughly in the same area as was that dog poo?
I pressed on over the hill on Mansfield Road and down the other side towards the City Centre.
A block of six retail outlets on the other side of the road near the 
Huntingdon Street junction traffic lights I saw had only one business open, the other had closed down.
It was an Art Gallery outlet.
Of all the things I thought.
There has been take-away food, Book shops, Butchers, Estate Agents, Hair dressers, Adult entertainment suppliers and Ladies nail shop but all have failed and gone broke or got out quickly in that row of shops over the last year or so. How can an Art Gallery expect to make it pay?
A few hundred yards further down the road the first pavement cyclist came passed me. Again I only just caught him with me camera.
Then I turned to continue on me walk and nearly tripped and did a ‘Whoopsidangleplop’ over one of the uneven pavement slabs.
Undaunted, after using a few well chosen descriptive words I limped into the Victoria bus station and through into the Victoria Shopping Centre (Mall).
A gurgling from within and severe involuntary passing of wind encouraged me to get to the public toilets ASAP!
Phew… made it in time.
I came out and looked for some ‘Bing’ ‘Pearls’ and ladies fashion items, anything that might interest the girls from Canada, America and Australia on Facebook to take photographs of.
I got six that might interest them. The one of the fish here I put in the diary because I couldn’t believe the prices of the 2.5″ glass fish on sale. £60 (AUD $110.44 – USD $90.86 – CAD $ 108.92) each! Mind you they were probably not glass, something else more expensive?
I poddled down the ground floor and popped into Tesco Metro and got some Cox’s apples, Cooked crispy bacon and bread.
When I departed onto Milton Street, between the Poundland and Waitrose shops I espied another piece of Nottingham Street Art.
It doesn’t show very well in the photo, but it was semi-liquid and smelled of curry to me.
Not bad for early afternoon.
I took some photo’s of a jewellery shop window for the girls and went down to the bus-stop and caught one back to the flea-pit.
I sneaked some seed to the pigeons and tool a photo of em.
Walked home and rushed to the WC.
The top of the tap on the sink has split open.
No idea how to mend it. Tsk!
Put me bits away and depression overcame me.
Later I started this diary after having to restart the laptop to get Coreldraw to work.
Coughing painfully well as I pass wind, I did some graphics.
Tonight I plan to have me microwaveable Potato Gratin, bacon and some bread. Or bearing mind me innards… should I?
I did, and it wer lovely.
Paid the price with the usual painful getting up and down to tend to the calls to the porcelain throughout the night. Tsk!
Inchcock Today: Friday 16th January 2015
Up at 0245hrs.
Set about making notes of the last dreams I’d had that I could remember and from the scribbled notes on me pad that I must have made during the night?
Bits of last night’s dreams I can recall:
1)
Running about on gangways high above and hanging in the air over fields of coffins growing with people, thousands of people, running between the neat rows of coffins to find their own and standing next to them with arms outstretched and singing Frankie Vaughan’s ‘Don’t Stop Twist’… while a giant Stalin, pipe in mouth picked the people who had found their coffin up with a giant hooked-toothpick and ate them, then squashed that persons coffin and sprinkled the crushed remains of the coffin into his pipe… somewhere in the background was G W Bush laughing and clapping and giving Stalin some money and a medal each time a coffin was crushed?
2)
I was falling down through the sky towards a river… Some people were in rowing boats and lifeboats with little fishing nets on bamboo canes to apparently catch me in their net and from somewhere anti-aircraft flak was bursting all around me. The bullets/shells seemed to turn into Polo peppermints and I wanted spearmints and was upset about this… never seemed to land anywhere?
3)
I think I was being interviewed for something in a gigantic room with only the interviewer wearing a bowler hat and a pink jump suit, me, a desk and two chairs in the room and nothing else. All brilliant white walls, I could see out of the only window that the world was aflame – no idea who the interviewer was or why I was being interviewed…
Got the laptop on and started this diary.
Did some graphics and posts for Facebook.
WC. Took my medications with a drink of spring water, and made sure I was up in time for the Iceland delivery chappie twit 0900 > 1100hrs.
Took some bags out to the bins and moved them along with me neighbours to the side of the road for collection.
Sorted the long-life nibbles that I like giving to the hospice, haematology, GP and Chemist staff, all in date and okay now. Put some of ’em in a bag and added it to the bits for donating this morning.
Came across an old squeaky toy that I haven’t seen for years in the falling to bit writing bureau – anyone remember it? Or should I say her?
I’ve not been in there for years, she looks all grimy and dirty now – No don’t say it! Hehehe!
The bandage at the back had a sell-by-date of Nov 2006!
The Pan Book of Crosswords almost crumbled when I opened it.
After searching for where I’d left me newly bought yesterday super-warm Andy Cap that actually fitted me, I Got me things together and poddled out to walk to the Nottingham Hospice shop.
As I was on Mansfield Road I noticed the Ukrainian Cultural Centre had put up new security cameras and added the European flag to the Ukrainian one outside. Tried to photo the billboard but the sun was too strong on that side of the building.
They’ve done a nice job of doing the curtains in their flag colours.
As I walked away on up the road, the sun disappeared and it became gloomy, then five minutes along the road and it came out again?
A bit like it was yesterday, but without the rain I’m glad to say… well we did get a bit.
Then the first cyclist on the pavement of the day shot passed me and sped off.
I only just caught him in the photo before he turned right off the road – and I was using my old camera which is simpler and quicker to use. If I’d been using the new one I would not have had time to catch him at all.
When I got into Sherwood another git on a bike on the pavement drove at me! No chance to photograph the twerp – off he sped as well. Tsk!
Got to the Hospice shop and gave em me stuff with a few nibbles for them.
Came out and went over the pelican-crossing and down to the bus-stop to catch a bus to Arnold, where I hoped I might find Fultons Food shop had some of me favourite blackcurrant iced-lollies in stock. (They didn’t) Where a lady waiting in the queue informed me that my newly bought yesterday super-warm Andy Cap that actually fitted me had a label and price tag hanging from the back of it!
I did feel a fool, but couldn’t help laughing and telling her about Primark selling them at only £3. (Not that I needed to tell her, the £3 price ticker was huge!)
Ah-well…
So I had a walk around for a bit then caught a bus back into Nottingham City Centre.
As we drove through Sherwood I noticed the two regular every-day mobility scooters parked outside the Samuel Hall boozer.
One day they will have an accident coming out of there tipsy like I’m sure!
Dropped off the bus at Victoria shopping centre and crossed over to catch a Bulwell bus, again in hopes that I might find Fultons Food shop in Bulwell Market had some of me favourite blackcurrant iced-lollies in stock. (They didn’t either)
The old Victoria Train Station clock nice and regal in the sunshine and I took a photograph of it from the bus.
The passengers were of the shouting variety and one woman who was sat in the ‘Less-mobile-passengers seat was sat on the seat in the aisle side as opposed to the window seat and despite the bus being full with 5 passengers 3 of them elderly having to stand she would not move – totally ignoring their plight! On her mobile for the whole of her trip. Bitch!.
I hate that! I got quiet provoked and bothered. But it was as if we didn’t exist when we spoke to her? Drugs?
When I arrived in Bulwell I mad straight to the Fultons Food store, but as I’ve already said and just remembered saying so said it again, they had no lollies for me! Sob!
I took a good walk around the Bulwell Market that seemed better attended today than of late on my visits.
A stall immediately outside the Fultons store had some really cheapo ladies clothes at £5 a bash! ( $1.52 – AUD $1.84 – CAD $1.81) But not many of the locals were showing any interest – mind you there was a keerfuffle going on at Icelands store with the police removing with difficulty what I assumed was two shoplifters.
I had a walk in the Bulwell Market proper and the first stall I came to was selling what looked like specialist toys? Some old, all different especially the ‘Naughty’ dolls that I do not think ought to have been on sale for kids – mind you who his target demographic was I don’t know – but he didn’t like me taking the photograph I can tell yer!
There were no prices on any of the items on this stall?
I noticed there were a few mobility scooters lurking around again. One chap who had secreted himself behind the mobile doughnut van was having a crafty can of ale with his mate – but I saw him.
How, if you can’t drink and drive a road vehicle with too much alcohol in your bloodstream – is there no law about mobility scooter drivers drinking to excess?
And they do not have to have insurance by law – and they do not have to prove their ability by taking any tests at all before driving, not pavement tax either for them… Shut-up Inchcock! Okay.
One driver parked outside the Pound Shop while was watching and nipped into the shop at a rate of knots I wish I had the ability to copy.
As I turned to move back to the market for a final photograph how the cyclist on the pavement didn’t hit me I still can’t work out. Only just got the git in the photo I hurriedly took of the nasty unthinking selfish ignorant… of dear I’m getting all het-up again.
There is a stall on the market selling crap jewellery that now advertises ‘Cash for you Gold’, as if we don’t have enough shops doing that nowadays Tsk!.
I wandered down near the river Leen, but again the mallard ducks were absent?
Still the pigeons enjoyed their seeds.
I hobbled to the bus-station and caught one back to Carrington, I do love me free pensioners bus-pass yer know!
En-route the police were blues and twoing it towards the massive Tesco store. I thought I’d get a shot of them, but no they were long gone by the time I’d got me camera out and ready, so I just took a random shot form the bus window – then apologised for making the lady in front jump was the flash went off…
I must say the angina and Arthur Itis have behaved reasonably today up til now. Only the rumbling innards and cough bothering me at the moment. Well, the haemorrhoids too I suppose. but not complaining.
I noticed how the trees were bare as I passed them, but nature wins in the end, soon they will be spouting leaves and seeds to drop off and allow me to slip on them in the rain… only joking!
I noted that the cafe near the bus stop were advertising a Sausage Cob and a cup of tea or coffee for only £4.99.
£4.99! ($7.56) Blimey a bit steep that innit?
As I got off the bus in Carrington the sky suddenly brightened to the North so I took a photograph.
By the time I’d walked the few hundred yards to the end of my street – the gloom had returned. Tsk!
I got in attended the WC.
Had a gargle with TCP – gawd the smell of that annoys some people dunnit – hehehe!
Laptop on and a cuppa made. Of course the BT Internet was playing up – but I fooled into letting me get on the web.
I realised as I got ready to settle before eating and abluting I’d put on me old slippers that were too tight. The pain was the firs thing I noticed.
Then as I looked down I also realised both the slippers (I must take them to the charity shop ASAP) and the jammy bottoms were tartan.
Just thought I’d mention this – no idea why mind…
Notice the length of the trews? And that was with the top waistband pulled up to about 2 inches bellow me nipples!
Yes, I bought the wrong size.
The innards started rumbling again. Unpleasant.
Took my medications and tried to get to sleep.
Inchcock Today: Thurs 15th Jan 15
Up around 0235hrs in urgent need of painkillers and the WC.
Tended to both, then I set about thinking about the possibility and practicability of giving thought to the eventual workability of giving consideration to the probability of actually getting up and the hazards and attainableness along with the plausibility and validity along with the health risks of moving within the next hour…
Bits of the dreams were milling about in my phyche but by the time I’d started the laptop to record them here, they had drifted into the ether again.
I got up after 4 hours on the laptop facebook blog and bog.
Took medications and repeatedly passed wind to the point that I think I changed colour?
Did graphic for Lynton Cox as it’s his birthday – he tells me he is 24 now?
Got missen washed and brushed up and got the things ready for a walk into town – but changed me mind as soon as I opened the door and the wind blew the rain in!
I put a scarf on and me shoes that did not leak and poddled to the bus-stop in the rain and caught one into town.
Dropped off at Victoria Centre and walked along Milton Street.
Looking a bit murky I thought.
That was until a few minutes later when I got to the end of the road and the darkness loomed.
Then a bit of sunshine came through and it stayed like that spot of sun in the gloom then overcast and down came the rain all day!
I walked over to Clinton Street and made my way to Primark where I hoped to get a couple of the thermal shirts and a hat from. My current hat is coming unstitched. Tsk!
I managed to just avoid a twat in a mobility scooter running me over as I turned the corner. One of those that the council hire out for free.
I went into Primark and took a photo from near the rear-entrance where I entered the shop from because it is higher and the ladies section was below.
I made my way down and got the escalator up to the gents clothing department.
Had a good roam around and managed to get the last three shirts in stock!
I had look at their shoes but was not impressed, and while doing so remembered my slippers are falling to pieces at home so took a gander at their selection. They were all the slip-on type so I decided to go look at what the Shoe Zone store had to offer.
On my way out I took some photo’s of what the TFZ gals call ‘Bling’ – jewellery to post on Facebook! Nobody seemed to take any notice of my photographicalisationing today.
Out into the weather and walked along Bridlesmith Gate in the shoe shops direction.
As I passed the American Apparel store the sky suddenly lit up as the sun was allowed through – for a short while anyway.
Mind you, by the time I’d reached the end of Bridlesmith Gate the darkness 
had descended again as I turned right down to Chapel Bar.
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for a Big Issue seller at the bottom of Regent Street, wet and cold he was doing his best to sound cheerful bless him, so I slipped him a couple of quid and a bit of loose change.
Then turned right and down to the Shoe Zone shop. They have such a wide range of interesting and young style shoes 
for gents I always go there for my shoes… ooh er… Alright then… their cheap!
I had a wander around and sneaked some more photographs of ladies boots and children’s footwear for the TFZ gals. Again, nobody seemed to notice me?
I found some men’s slippers with Velcro fasteners on offer at £6 ($9.11) a pair 0r Two pairs for £8 ($12.14)(AUD$11.05)! So I grabbed two pairs and went to pay for them.
As I got outside I realised I’d been charged £12 ($18.22)! So I went to wet bench although the rain had stopped and checked out the slippers, the only difference was the colour – one blue and one brown pair?
I returned to the store and the chap said that only one pair of the slippers was on the offer with the pink tag?
I inquired why that was… nicely like. He shrugged and informed me he didn’t make decisions like that.
A tad dejected I made my way to the Slab Square, where I noticed they had cleared all the stalls and ice-rink etc completely now.
I took my midday medications a little late like but still.
The sky had brightened up a bit, but the clouds were perceivably moving at a good rate of knots.
By the time I’d reached the top of King Street the darkness had returned.
I visited the jewellery store where the moving polar bear display was last week but they had gone – bought possibly?
In Trinity Square I spotted my first bit of Nottingham Street Art of the day.
Can you make out what food is (or was) from this photograph?
Doesn’t say a lot for Nottingham food outlets when even the pigeons wont go near it!
I caught the bus back to Carrington and called in the Co-op shop to get some cobs.
Back to the flea-pit WC’d and read the mail that had been delivered. One from the bank, one from the dentist and one from the hospital.
Put me things away and got the laptop going… slowly, but going.
Sister Jane email received. Told me she was not feeling too well and decided to go to bed and have a cuppa and a good read of the paper.
She sent me a photo of why she did not!. Hehe
Took me medications with me meal – Last of the pork loin in me cobs and some fries.
Inchcock Today: Wed 14th January 2015
Up at 0235hrs – WC.
No memories of me dreams although I can feel them in a way – if that makes sense?
I was taking the card out of the camera and whallop the light bulb blew and died – I thought I might have croaked as well at first and I accidentally took a photo.
My first task was to replace that. Got the spare bulb then step-ladder and painfully mounted them and managed to changed the bulb without to much kerfuffle… pain yes.
The new style bulb is not very strong, must get a stronger one when I’m out later today in Derby.
Made a cuppa and got the laptop started.
Worked on graphics for later and did some facebooking again.
WC (Another close call).
Thought about the things I’ve to do today: Get light bulbs, call to see about camera, get me hearing-aid batteries, take me library book back, go to Derby to feed the mallards… there’s summat else I’m sure about… oh yes, collect me prescription from the GP… still summat else though…
WC.
Titivated missen and set out on my walk to the doctors GP surgery, took some nibbles for the GP reception gals and the chemist gals but… whatta-shocka. I didn’t realise just how severe the frost had been last night. Many area that had not had the sun reach them were treacherous to walk on.
I nearly did a ‘Whoopsidangleflop’ at the first corner.
Arrived okay with care and got my prescription from the gals and set off for the Chemists to get it filled, it was only some extra Phorpain gel and Codeine Phosphate 30g. But I was so glad to get them in now in case the weather does another nasty. The girls appreciated their nibbles. (I could have worded that better?)
I left and crossed the road to walk down to the Chemist and as I was passing the large Peugeot dealership every single car on show, and there must be at least 200 of them was well and truly frosted over… a job there for someone I thought. (Secretly trying to contain the smug thought that it wouldn’t be me nowadays… Hehehe!)
I got to the Chemist and they soon sorted me out with medications and accepted with glee the nibbles I gave them in thanks. (That’s better wording?)
I did notice some shaving foam and gels in the tiniest aerosols I’ve ever seen on a display in the chemists.
On closer inspection while I waiting for me prescription to be filled I found that the asking price for these miniature aerosols from France was £3.95 ($6.03) A tad high I thought!
Off out and up along Mansfield Road to the City Centre.
On nearing the Cemetery, the same spot where I’ve noticed many pieces of Nottingham Street Art over the last couple of weeks including drunks regurgitated curries, the vandalised electricity box and the decoratively placed empty beer and wine bottles and – blow me down with a feather duster – there was another!
This time it was of the Nottingham Canine owners variety. Prettily arranged along the pavement and no paw marks on the frost either. But it was still freshly steaming!
I plodded on to the bus station completely forgetting to call into the hardware store for me bulbs. Tsk!
Never mind said I to myself – I’ll get them in Derby.
Got to the bus station and was on a bus to Derby and travelling within a couple of minutes – although the Red Arrow service uses motorway buses that annoy Arthur Itis, as you have to climb several steep steps to mount the bus. An elderly couple in front of me struggled too and I made a funny, something about “They don’t think about us old un’s struggling do they?” with a cheery smile – The look of contempt accompanied by an obviously well practised sneer worthy of HRH herself that I received back ensured I said no more to them during the 38 minute journey.
I made sure no contact was made with the Grumpies as I alighted from the bus in Derby.
I went straight to the riverside and fed the pigeons. Again for some reason the Mallards were absent? Hundreds of seagulls, a few Canada geese and few hundred pigeons – but no mallards?
I assume the white snail-like object in the photo was a white pigeon or seagull landing? It looks like it has the same colour feet as the other pigeons. Perhaps an alien slug landing? Any ideas please? I didn’t notice it when I took the picture.
Then as I started to walk to the Eagle Centre to see if they had any cooked pork – the heavens opened.
In the market there were even more stalls empty today. So sad.
I remembered to call at one and get me bulb replacement. The chap sold me some that were the equivalent to the old 150 watt bulbs. (He says) £3.75 ($5.71) each. The last bulb I bought cost 50p (76c)! It was a while ago mind.
I plodded up to the butcher that sells the cooked joints and a nice looking piece of pork for £3.
On the way back through the market to the bus station I had look at some caps on a stall, but none of them were priced – so I moved on.
I espied some crossword books on sale at 2 for £1.50 – had a peruse and found they were my sort (Not too hard at all) so bought a couple.
Again as soon as I got on the bus it was off. I settled in and had a look at the first crossword in me book and spent half an hour on it – only got about a third of the the answers. Huh! I’ll keep it in me bag so it’s handy on bus trips. Mind you I still lost me last one somehow.
As we neared Wollaton on the bus I took a photo of some shops near the traffic island.
The ones on the left and right were closed down. Not many vehicles in the car park, another sad photo for the records.
When I got into town it wor a bit of a job and painful getting down the steps of the bus.
I must remember to go the the other bus station at Broad Marsh bus station next time – it’s a fair further walk to get to it and the bus takes over twice as long as the Red Arrow to get to Derby because it takes the scenic route through the villages – but as long as I’m not in a rush I’ll catch that next time to please Arthur Itis.
Caught a bus back to Carrington and went in the co-op to get the bread I forgot to get earlier.
Some apprentice yobs were again lurking drinking and sat on the bench in the cut-through, so I took the longer route passed St Johns Churchyard.
And again, there were no persons letting their dogs crap in the graveyard again! Good that! Because it is a lovely place and looked after well.
Got in the flea-pit, WC’d, made a flask of tea and started the laptop – many of the keys seem to be sticking?
Well, I got the light bulbs, got me prescription from the GP, filled it at the chemists, forgot about the camera, forgot about me hearing-aid batteries, forgot to take me library book back, went to feed the mallards but they weren’t there… how did I know this? When I emptied me bag I found the reminder list I’d made but forgot I’d taken with me… Tsk!
Had big nosh of sliced pork loin instant potatoes with cheese and bread thins.
Tried to read me book but kept nodding off despite enjoying the book so gave up and snuggled down.
Then took several hours to actually get to sleep!
Inchcock Today: Tuesday 13th January 2015
Woke up around 0250hrs.
WC
Did my best to recall the dreams but nothing there?
Started laptop to get some work done on the third Zimmer Frame Squeaks post.
I got carried away with it I’m afraid, doing the graphics took ages, but I was into it and enjoying it – so much I forgot I was to go to the launderette today. Huh!
Here’s some of the graphics wot I dun and put in the post.
Zimmer Frame’s Inchcock – The End!
Well gone lunchtime when I realised about the laundry.
But I got the post done and posted.
Had a scrub-up and got the things ready to take to the Nottingham Hospice shop in Sherwood.
As I opened the door I was met with rain mixed with snow a-falling. I 
considered abandoning my little walk, but I needed bread and more importantly the goods had to get to the charity shop so I plodded on… as far as the end of the road when it dawned on me as the rain leaked in, that I had put me slippers back on and not me shoes!
Sad? Yes!
Back to the hovel put me shoes on and set out again.
I checked the time on me mobile and saw a missed call – it was from Big John me mate, so I called him and as he lives in Sherwood he said he’s see me at the Post Office in ten minutes.
We met at the pedestrian crossing near the Post Office and had a natter and I asked him if he could take a photo of me wearing me new glasses. He suggested I call at his house when I’d done at the Hospice shop.
The arthritis was bad this morning, but the angina a lot easier thankfully.
I called in the Polish shop to get some bread, then on up to the Nottingham Hospice shop, then over the road to the Holland & Barrett shop to get some Cod-liver oil and Vitmin B complex tablets. Plenty in stock now, just in case the promised storms do come.
The rain lessened and the wind dropped? Worrying that.
I called at Big Johns and he took
a photo of me new glasses – cutting me head off nicely.
Another little natter, but I had to refuse his offer of a cuppa and sit-down due to Arthur Itis and me bladder. Hehe!
I noticed the clock had been repaired at the Fat Cat noshery and pub over 
the road.
I’ve never seen anyone going in there other than staff. The black car belongs to the owner Abdul.
I limped home slower than ever but arrived just before the rain got nasty.
WC’d and made a flask of tea to last me the night.
Made some sandwiches and started the laptop… and I can understand this being hard to believe – but the BT Internet Connection failed.
Gnash spurgle-clang damn!
Read me book for a while then tried again and it was back.
Started this diary then did some facebooking.
The rumbling innards began again… Tsk!
Zimmer Frame Squeaks Inchcock – The End
The Last Zimmer Frame Squeaker
The founder and lead non-singer of the Original Zimmer Frame Squeaks, retired Gas Lamp Wick Trimmer Juan Inchcock (79) is now the last remaining member of the group alive, and his manager Marissa Bergen had placed him in the Sewer Lane Charity Hospice in Nottingham.
She called to see him last week and spoke with him. The conversation went like this:
Marissa: “How are you feeling Juan?”
Juan: “Urgh.. gargle hhhh, pass me ttthe argh… cough sputter, silence.”
Marissa: “Now then, you must sign this contract to ensure that all the proceeds from the Zimmer Fame Squeaks is distributed fairly in the event of your conking out… you understand that don’t you?”
Juan: Gasping for breath caused his head to go up and down but no reply, just a pained and confused look as he shook uncontrollably.
Marissa: “Good… now your agent Shirley and I have discussed what’s best for you in the long term. All we have done is allotted 90% of your none negotiable income to the Bergen-Blamey Fund for attractive womens support of Human Rights for the Outer Mongolian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society. You need have no worries about this as I am the treasurer and Shirl is the President so rest at ease on that score…” “Your not moving Juan? Tsk! I’ll call for a nurse then shall I?” – At this point she spoke with herself while deciding Um, if he drops off before he signs that contract that means me and Shirl are gonna lose out? Better call the nurse then… ‘Nurse!'”
While they rushed Juan of to be revived again, Shirl arrived under the guise of wanting an interview with Juan about the Zimmer Frame Squeaks.
Marissa greeted her with affection and they went to the bar across the road to discuss tactics.
First Shirl updated her on the Zimmer sitution?
Shirl: “Bad news, the other members of the group back at the residential home have died I’m fraid…”
Marissa: “Oh fluctuations!”
Shirl: “I know gal… any-road, did yer get the fart to sign the contract?”
Marissa: “No, the insanitary twerp had another funny turn and stopped breathing…”
Shirl: “Oh No! Worrabarght the money, how are…”
Marissa: “Fret not Shirl, they’re patching him up again as we speak – but what do we do now? He ain’t gonna get any better now at his age is he? How do we sort it?
Shirl: “I’ve been giving that some thought too – I’ve noticed that doctor the one with the hair… erm…”
Marissa: “Dr Steeden?”
Shirl: “That’s him… well he keeps giving the come-on glances…”
Marissa: “Can you sell them, what are they worth…”
Shirl: “No Marissa, glances? Looks?”
Marissa: “Oh them… go on then!”
Shirl: “We I reckon I could get him on out side with a bit of loose naughty suggestive comments and half promises…”
Marissa: “Oh you are good!”
Shirl: “Thanks gal.”
Marissa: “Go on…”
Shirl: Well… he should know how to top someone without causing suspicion like? Yes?”
Marissa: “Yea… let’s get another drink and make plans!”
Shirl: “Fair enough!”
Shirl ordered two absinthe and barley wines and they withdrew to corner seats and plotted their plans to convert the young Doctor to their side.
The plan was:
Part One: Get Shirl to get Juan to sign his will in her favour – shouldn’t be too difficult, show him an ankle and he palpitates.
Part Two: Then ask him the best way to nobble Jaun and make it look normal like.
Part Three: When it’s done and over with, we threaten to reveal what the Doctor has done and keep all of Juan’s dosh for themselves!
“Perfick!” said Shirley.
Later that afternoon Shirl returned to Marissa with the advice she had gotten out of Dr Steeden. “It transpires that Juan is absolutely besotted with ladies in pink dresses, old style like?”
Part Two of their plan completed!
“No problem at all, I’ve a cousin in the rag-trade who hires old togs out, I’ll go now, you go see Juan and get him to sign the will in your favour and I’ll meet you on Stag and Unpleasant at seven!”
Shirley went over to the hospice to find that Juan had recovered and was in his room again. she visited him and gave him a bit of verbal buttering up about how good looking and desirable he was and if she gave him his nightly injection and peck on the cheek (which cheek, Juan got excited) would he leave everything to her in his will?
The will was done and signed in ten minutes!
Part One of their plan successfully completed!
The girls met later and discussed the situation.
Marissa: “Well I’ve got the dress ready… how did you go on with Juan Shirl?”
Shirl: “It was horrendous what I had to do…”
Marissa: “Urgh! You didn’t?”
Shirl: “No no no… I had to stick in the backside with a hypodermic needle and give him a peck on his cheek!”
Marissa: “Argh… you actually…”
Shirl: “No you nit, the cheek on his face!
Marissa: “That’s bad enough… anyway, well done sis.
Shirl: “Had to be done Marissa. Now how are you going to get him to have his heart attack then?”
Marissa: “I’m gonna go over there in the morning while he’s ‘avin breakfast, sneak up on him wearing the old fashions sexy dress!”
Shirl: “Gawd I hope it works?”
Marissa: “We’ll see gal.”
Shirely waited impatiently for Marissa to return, tearing up the beer mats and chewing on them.
Marissa was back in twenty minutes: “Sod-it, he’s still kicking it didn’t work, he just got randy!”
Shirl: “How did you manage?”
Marissa: “Dragged him out of the bed and gave him a kicking – but some interfering nurse arrived and I pretended he’d fell out of the bed and she thumped him one and threw him back on the bed.”
Shirl: “What did he say?”
Marissa: “Well you know his short term memory – he just went on about England winning the World Cup in 1966?”
Shirl: “What do we do now then?
Marissa: “I don’t know…”
Shirl: “I do Marissa, I’ll put me sunglasses on so he doesn’t recognise me, take a gun in with me pretend to be checking on him and shoot him dead, then put the gun in his hand and cry proliferously and wail on about him taking his own life? Good idea?”
Marissa: “No, but it’s all we’ve got innit?”
Shirl: “Leave it with me, I’ll nip down and see Danny ‘the geezer’ Soz and get us a pistol and machine gun!”
Marissa: “Why two guns Shirl?”
Shirl: “He’s got an offer on at the moment two for the price of one…”
Marissa: “Oh good idea!”
The following morning Shirley arrived to visit Juan, and she had on her glasses and a stethoscope round her neck – the cunning disguise fooled Juan completely.
But Juan then noticed the pistol tucked into her skirt top and he said: “Oh, why are you carrying a pistol in the top of your beautifully filled skirt Shirl?”
Cobblers she thought – then the Dr Steeden bloke came in and she lost concentration and gave up, leaving a confused Juan to take his medications.
Shirl and Marissa met again for another confabulation.
Shirl: “Sorry, I couldn’t do it… he sounded almost human the way he complimented me on how I filled my skirt..”
Marissa: “You soft twit! Gawd, I’ll do it missen next time, in fact I’ll go and do it now!”
Shirl: “Be best if we both go this time, give each other encouragement?”
Marissa: “Fair enough!”
They were both a little excited and set off to the hospice once again to finally nail the old codger for good.
Unfortunately they both forgot to take the weapons with them. Probably a good thing because Juan was asleep and looked so tender and gentle.
Undaunted the girls made sure they took the guns with then on their next assassination attempt. Shirley even put on the pink dress as well.
Juan woke as they got to his bedside and saw the gun – he begged for mercy and asked them to kill him!
This was not what was supposed to happen and the girls were confused.
Juan then started singing “♫Goodbyee, goodbyee I wish you both a good goodbyee…♫
They left the room feeling fully shamed of themselves they changed back into their street clothes and started to walk silently out of the hospice… when an alarm sounded and a red light on the wall flashed and medics ran passed them and into Juan’s room.
Moments later two paramedics carried the dead body of Juan out of the room and to the morgue.
Juan had electrocuted himself with his shaver and hit his head on the sink when he fell off the box he stood on to reach the mirror.
The girls jumped for joy and began singing: ♫Goodbyee, goodbyee we wish Juan a good goodbyee…♫
Inchcock Today: Mon 12th January 2015
What a night of dreams!
In one I was out in the wild countryside in storms… trying to drive a tractor then a bus full of people… found myself on foot trying to cross fast moving water in a ditch… couldn’t get through it although it seemed only a few inches deep? Then I was on a piece of high land in a flood… too scared to go into the dirty fast moving water I was calling for help through a rolled up newspaper as the rain and lightning persisted? Found myself lying in a ditch minus my left leg? … I was eating my hearing aids with a drink of bleach?
That must have have been my last dream because the others I can sense their panic giving nature but no details.
Up to the WC about 0300hrs.
Laptop started, drink of spring water, passed wind and rushed back to the WC. (Close call this one)
Got me posting done to the League of Mental Men site, then started graphics for the third post in me series about the Zimmer Frame Squeaks. Took a few hours over this.
Took me medications and pondered on the tasks I have to do today.
Got some advice on covert cameras from cyber friends yesterday. I’m a bit busy with things to tend to, but will look into the ideas given me. Some good ones too.
Spit polished scrubbed and creamed myself, took a look outside and saw the rain and wind a-blowing and decided to catch the bus instead of walking today.
Caught the bus into town then another out to the Queens Medical Centre (Much praise and thanks for the senior citizens bus-pass again).
Well at least 50% of the pedestrians on Market Street managed to stay on the pavement!
Just walking from one bus-stop to another three cyclist belted passed me on the pavement – Grrrr!
I took two photographs from the shelter and dryness of the bus through the window – through the window of the bus I was on not the a bus through the window… I’ve lost this, I’ll move on sorry.
The first one I thought typified the pedestrian of Nottingham and their habit, or even stubborn insistence on walking in the roadway and not on the pavements! Bless their cotton socks.
The second was supposed to be of the Gambling Casino but didn’t show up too well. Tsk!
The bus got me to the Queens Medical centre in no time at all… I thanked the driver James Hunt as I alighted the bus at the QMC.
What a car park queue
As I was walking into the building I espied the poor motorists queuing for the car-park below again.
I even remembered that due to my having misplaced (Lost) me Anticoagulation Record Card (Again!) to go up to the forth floor and get another replacement.
They were very kind and didn’t get onto me at all (Much). Well, they did give me their now infamous glare that said “The silly bugger again!” I think it’s inbred in them after my forgetting and losing me card so often. I can’t blame em at all.
Ladies shop at the QMC
As I came down to the corridor afterwards (I managed the stair rather well I thought today. WordPress Warning! -Lie mode detected!)
I spotted they have a small ladies attire/clothing shop in operation on B floor and very reasonable prices too.
The change machine at the bank on the same floor had been vandalised though. Tsk!
Picked up a free Metro newspaper and onward to the haematology department took me ticket and sat in the queue reading it and filled in me form. My number was called within an hour and I got in to have me INR Warfarin level test done – and a jolly good chin-wag with the nurses who accepted me bag of nibbles with great glee.
As I left a little cheered, the rain had really started to poureth down.
Caught a bus into town and walked down into the square remembering to call at the bank to confirm me insurance had gone through. Saw the same chap as last time so got it confirmed within minutes.
Then off to the Chinese food shop nd got a bag of original seaweed and a bag of a new type I’d not seen before.
Gloom descends in Nottingham. Nothing new at all there then! Hehehe!
Then up to the Boots opticians here me new varifocals were ready and had yet another good chin-wag with the very comely lady indeed who looked after me and found time for a laugh at the same time bless her muchly.
Gloomy weather as I approached the slab square, but the rain was only light now.
More cylcists on the pavements as I went up King Street.
I paid a visit to the Jewellery shop window and took a photo of another of the masks in the window display to show the TFZ gals on Facebook. There was a price tag on it, but bent around so I couldn’t make out what it was.
I bit of a kerfuffle taking place at the… what do you call them, where ladies have their nails done – nail shop I suppose. The police went in and I moved on out of the way .
Down to the bus-stop and off I went back to Carrington.
Remembered to call at the GP and put request in for extra pain-killers and pain-gel. Pleased with misself there!
On the bus I thought how well I’d done to remember everything – huh! Realised I’d forgotten to take me walking stick to be repaired – to get me hearing-aid batteries – to take me library book back and to have a look in Currys at the covert cameras! (Double Tsk!).
Closed today – damp and depression took hold for some reason?
My temporary high spirits melted away.
As I was walking from the bus to the hovel I took a picture of the Pottery Shop not far from my decaying domicile.
I moved back to pig-sty and got to the WC in time.
Made a flask of tea and got started on this diary.
Inchcock Today: Sunday 11 January 2015
What a night – it felt like I was waking up every few minutes and sweating over a dream and needing to visit the porcelain each time – but can I remember any of them in detail? No! I hate that. And the Arthur Itis visited knees and feet weren’t too keen when I had to get up so often. Hehe!
About 0415hrs I remembered the new flask that was besides me, and tested out how warm the tea had kept in it by taking me medications a little early but still. Warm enough to help them down, just.
Laptop on and sent emails to sister Jane and brother-in-law Pete – then thought oh dear… what if their mobile phones give off a noise to alert them of the emails coming in at this time in the morning? Whoops, in trouble now…?
The new cheapo Tartan pyjama bottoms were wonderfully warm and at £3 one can’t complain – well one could but one wouldn’t be justified in doing so.
Spent a good few hours doing graphics and facebooking.
Then got myself ready for another walk out in the wind.
Set off the wind gin was strong but not cold with it, bit unnatural really.
When I got to the church I decided not to go to town, but have walk to Asda to see if they had any of their Potato Gratins I could purchase. And it’s not as far as walking to town – mind you thinking of it there is no bus service to come back on – so it made it further to walk than walking to town… if yer see worra mean like.
Walking down the side of the Forest recreation ground there were signs of wind damage.
Twigs even branches from the trees were scattered all over the pavements and in the gutters.
I didn’t see any signs of Nottingham Street Art anywhere today.
As I got to the tram-stop I observed an age-old traditional Nottingham trait in action. Despite there being very few people about being Sunday like, there were still two Nottinghamians walking 
down the middle of the road. On this occasion on the tram lines!
Bless em.
As I turned the corner a cycist on the pavement came towards me at speed and I honestly had to move or he would have hit me head-on?
To quick for me to get me Camera out though.
The Git!
I poddled on up the road to the Asda (Walmart) store and had a good wander around the store, starting with the clothing section.
Well, I had to test the camera didn’t I?
So took a photo of the brassier section for the girls on the Troll Free Zone to discuss and comment on. I (Honestly)
I espied a display of booties? Not sure if they were slippers or some other form of footwear but they looked warm so I can send the piccy to me Sister and see if she’s like me to get her a pair.
At this point I noticed a supervisor following me and giving me funny looks.
I smiled at her and got me camera out again and took a photo of a poster in the gents section of a motif printed T-shirt – it had a Gorilla wearing sunglasses (Shades they call them nowadays… I’m learning yer know), a toothpick in its mouth and the words ‘Chillin and Gorillin on the front? 
I’m not sure what this indicated?
Is Chillin and Gorillin a music group for style like Rap or something?
I spent a bit more time wandering round just to tease the lady monitoring my actions. Hehe!
Then much to surprise I came across some of the Tartan pyjama bottoms very much like the one’s I bought from 
Primark for £3 the other day – and Asda were selling them at £8 each! So if anyone is going to buy pyjama bottoms with a nice Scottish blue and red tartan that I assure you are nice and warm get them from Primark quick before they sell out!
I moved into the food section and thought to myself (I do a lot of that) it’s no wonder the ones I got are warm, I got the XXL size in error for the XL and they come up to about 2 inches below my nipples and are still bunched at me ankles. Cosy though all the same.
I got a pack of the Potato-Gratin, some tiny pots of mandarins in jelly and bisuits. Then I went to have a look at the bread on offer.
There was some wholemeal wraps on offer according to the sign £1.49 down to £1 a go, so I got a packet and made me way to pay for them.
When I got outside and the bags balanced I plodded back towards the hovel and sod me if another bloke on hte pavement on a bike came around the corner and nearly clobbered me!
Getting a bit fed-up with this now.
As I walked on two police cars belted passed blues and twos activated. then two fire tenders joined them going in the direction of me flea-pit.
That reminded me that I forgot to go back to the bank about checking that my insurance is valid?. I must go on the way back from the INR Warfarin level checks tomorrow at the Queens Medical Centre haematology!
As I came to the end of the Boulevard, sod me it happened again! A bloke and his son on bikes on the pavement this time. I shouted at them and got me camera out but they were well away by the time I took the photo.
I must investigate getting a covert camera that I can download to me old laptop. The one’s at Maplin’s only do Windows 7 and above… Tsk! That’s three photos of illegal activities (Riding a pushbike on the pavement) that could have been in me armoury to send to… the newspaper, the police? Someone who would take an interest in the dangers to elderly and not very mobile persons fears. Rant over, thank you.
I slipped the pigeons a few seeds on the way back to the dump. Maybe tomorrow I can get to feed me mallards… they have returned.
Got in WC’d.
As I was putting me things away I noticed that Asda had charged me £1.49 for the bread wraps?. I suppose I may have read the wrong ticket or something like that. Tsk!
The knees had not been so bad today, but as I was putting the stuff int fridge, me fingers froze and I dropped on of me mandarin in jelly pots – but I was lucky it didn’t break. I bent down to pick it up and a crack and pain emitted from me lower back. Sod-it I think I said.
Made me flask of tea, took me medications and settled to watched a DVD of the 1966 World Cup final.
Inchcock Today: Saturday 10th January 2015 – Devilish Winds today!
The devilish winds in the title of this post refer to the ones that come with the weather as well as the ones that emit from my innards today! Tsk!
I woke around 0340 hrs this morning in urgent need of the porcelain department – the knees and ankles were not very keen to respond to my requirements to allow me to get up and visit the aforesaid porcelain! By the time they had painfully protested then permitted me get there (Just, and I mean only just in time!) I required a heavy duty visit as well. Huh!
I got me book to read, then realised how windy the weather was as well, the door blew open (I made a mental note to get a door-stop on me walk today), and I could even hear the gusts of wind without my hearing-aids in!
Started the laptop and made a cuppa and some microwave porridge that I bought yesterday, very nice too!
I can recommend the Golden Syrup flavoured one.
Another cuppa and took me medications and applied me creams and gels.
Wedged the door shut with cardboard, but the wind kept on bowing it open… oh dear.
Did some graphics and facebooking and blogging in between closing the door again and again with me ‘Reacher-grabber-picker-stick’ as it blew open. I got well fed-up with this. I arose and went through me beatification process… well had a wash and shave and got me clean togs on in readiness for me walk into town. Which I could tell from me knees and ankles was not going to as pleasant as normally is it. Tsk.
Set off on me walk into Nottingham from Carrington and despite it being obvious how strong the wind was, still thought ‘Cor blimey’ or words of a similar nature when I turned the corner into the wind.
I proceeded along Mansfield Road and at the traffic island junction tried to take a photo that showed the trees bending and leaves blowing about.
It didn’t come out like I’d hoped. I wonder if I should ask Timothy Price or Paul Militaru for some tips as they are brilliant photographers – don’t tell them I said so though. Hehe!
Onward up the hill near where I spotted yesterdays Nottingham Street Art, the police had pulled a bloke over in the Bus-lane and started to cause a bit of a traffic jam.
Annoying when you don’t now why isn’t it? It wasn’t a traffic-police car. Then as I hobbled over the road so I could call at about the last independent hardware store in Nottingham to get me door-stop (I was amazed at the time that I’d remembered) two other police vehicles joined them?
I poddled down the other side of the hill and was belted in the face with leaves swirling along with the nasty but not cold gusts of wind.
Not many folk about for a Saturday, but then again – many would have a lot more sense that wot I do and not go out in the winds unless they really had to?
Got to hardware store and bought a door-stop, and an Italian made Thermos flask.
Then carried on into town and had a jolly good but often difficult walk around the streets.
As I hobbled through Trinity Square I noticed yet again, especially at it was lunchtime that the restaurants and cafes there were not doing a very good trade at all. Winds?
Can we expect them to go bankrupt any time now?
Mind you thinking about it I suppose they do their best trade at night-time when most of their customers are under the influence and would not notice the food or prices or they were being charge for it.
One of them was offering Steamed mussels with egg-white and herbs for £15.99 ($24.25) a portion.
A bit steep that I thought or am I out of touch?
As I got to the bottom of Kings Walk there is a jewellery store an in their window were two things that really caught me eye.
The first being a display of mechanically operated polar bears that nodded their heads next to a display of rings – and I was not the only person interested and fascinated by it, to Asian girls were taking a picture of each other next the bears, and I offered to take one of both of them and they were tickled pink. Using their camera like. I think they were from Korea but they were a tad hard to understand – but wherever they were from they spoke a damned more English than did of their language, it was me hearing in the wind that was the problem.
Hope they enjoy their visit to Robin Hood land bless them.
Further along in the same window was a mask next to some ladies necklaces and gems.
I’ve no idea where it was from or what it was but found it adorable and a nice addition to the display.
The necklace on the red rostrum thingamajig was on offer at only £899 ($1364.49). Just thought I’d mention it like.
I plodded on and caught a bus back to Carrington – boy how I appreciate the Senior Citizens free-bus-pass. Someone on the bus was talking about the Government thinking of stopping them? I’ll have to look that up later see if they were right or not – a bit worrying that.
I dropped off at Lidls store to get a couple of cobs and a pork pie.
They were very busy but I was in no particular rush.
And they still retailing the medium Pork Farms Pies at 99p ($1.52) each! Excellent value, it makes it worth taking the risk of being sneered at, mocked and short changed at Lidl’s.
Got Cox’ apples and two of their Cheese Twists instead of cobs – they look and smells nice anyway.
I walked back to the dump feeding a pigeons on the way.
Got in and WC’d, put me bits away and cleaned the new flask and filled it with tea.
Then went up with it for later and tried me new plastic door stop on the door – that’s stopped the bugger blowing open now. Hehe gorrit!
As a descended the stairs to turn on the most unreliable internet known to mankind (BT by the way – perhaps I’ve mentioned that before? Grrr. Hehehe), me right ankle twinged and has left me with a pronounced new limp.
Ah well, they say variety is the spice of life.
Going to have half the pie and the cheese twists with a bag of Marmite crisps followed by an apple and iced lolly later. Gordon Ramsay would be jealous I’m sure. Hehe!
WC’d
Took me medications and did some Facebooking for a while.
Filled the flask with tea and attacked me nosh – nice!
Couldn’t find me book to read – I hope I didn’t leave it on the bus.
Weariness dawned upon me and I tried to get into the land of nod – repeatedly waking up every few minutes it seemed all through the night. Mega Tsk!