I appreciation, respect and for being highly fanciable! (ליב)
A bit of fun
Warning: Be Kind To Your Nurses
Inchcock: His Guide for your new Wet-Room usage for the elderly
Now a dynamic 71-year-old veteran of his new Wet-Room for over eight weeks, Inchcock offers guides, tips and advice, aimed at any Nottingham City Homes Independent Living tenants dwelling in any of their excellent flats, from his own experience. Please be aware before reading further: This article may cause concern, fretting, shock, disbelieve and an apprehensive condition to any readers of a sensitive nature or who play Bingo.
Your bathroom will be turned into a spacious looking WetRoom for you, by the wonderful Nottingham City Homes maintenance team, above are the results from Inchies.
Be aware, they will tell you, you’ll have to manage for three or four days while the work takes place, without a bath or shower. Perfectly understandable, and you will appreciate the given warning. Unfortunately, it will actually take fourteen days and two to let the floor settle before you can use your new shower from the commencement of the work.
If you are lucky, as I was, the chap who comes to do the job will be a grand bloke, who explains everything to you, is on time and cleans up after himself persistently and meticulously.
He took pride in his work, and I was most impressed with him.
Thanks mate!
After around the twelfth day, the electricians will arrive. They will not introduce themselves, 
they’ll just turn up and start working.
You can, when you realise they are they, sneak out and take a photograph of them.
The older one will not even notice, but the young lad saw the camera and posed for me immediately.
The older one didn’t say a word to me for to days, not until it came time for him to tell me about the shower workings. He did this is about 30 seconds, and I couldn’t understand a word he said, partially due to hearing difficulties and partly due to the speed 
in which he spoke unsmilingly, as they rushed off.
You may find, as I did, that they had fitted a dirty used double light switch for you in your hallway.
But, beggars can’t be choosers, can we now?
After all, we are not being charged for it, you know! The Occupational Therapy man Joel has interviewed you and decided you needed this doing.
You’ll also find pretty soon after the electricians have gone, the place will need cleaning up after them.Just as well I’d invested in a new cordless cleaner int it?
Just as well I’d invested in a new cordless cleaner int it? Mind you, the battery only last for forty minutes, so it ran out while I was removing the electrician’s bits of wire, broken off plastics, lumps from the wall and I’m still finding bits here and there now.
The power for the shower switch will be located somewhere where it will be easy for you to walk into it as you pass by.
I assume this is a standard positioning from the antisocial, superior acting, know-all, I’m better than you, snotty Nottingham Homes Maintenance electricians?
I can vouch for the size, solidity and potentially hazardous positioning of this box.
However, I waffle on too much, I do apologise.
I’ve made a graphicalisation of some of the risks pertinent when using your new shower.
I hope will be of help too!
Inchcock – His sense of humour brought into question here…
This morning determined not to forget I’d left the washing in the drying machine twelve floors down in the lobby laundry room again, and someone having to take it out and let me know, like wot I had dun on the last two washing sessions during the previous week.
I tried to set the alarm on the black kitchen clock, but knowing I can’t hear it when it goes off, I found the little Poundshop travelling clock and set that to go off at the same time as the other to remind me.
The black clock did not go off? I could not hear the travelling alarm, but it shook apparently when it went off, and slid along the top of me polished 1959 £80 sideboard and landed on me foot, via me knee.
So, I remembered to fetch the washing, see?
The thing was, when I got back up to the flat and saw the three clocks next to each other, I thought of Mummy Daddy and a baby clock? Thus, romance?
Anyway, I doctored the photograph wot I took and made this here graphic and thought it very humorous at the time.
Sad innit?
Following Medicational Instructions – Not always easy is it?
Sometimes… Thoughts on ageing from the aged Inchcock in one of his darker moments
I cannot see, I cannot pee
I cannot chew, I cannot screw
Oh dear, what can I do?
My memory shrinks with age
So does my little appendage!
I struggle when pooping
Everything is drooping
I’ve no sense of smell
Others sniff and can tell
My winds don’t smell too well
The hearing-aid batteries disappear
The dizzy-spells I really fear
When I get on the wrong bus
It makes me feel opprobrious
As it causes quiet a fuss
I wake up at the depot on that bus
Medical appointments missed sometimes
I fall asleep on the loo and at dinnertimes
Go to the wrong place on the odd day
Then wonder why I was going there anyway
Put my washing in the machine and go way
And, remember it by the next Friday
Leave taps running, like last night
The Water bill will give me a fright
Leave lights on, burn the nosh
Drop the soap when having a wash
Bend to retrieve it, give me head a bash,
Little Inchy bleeds and cut myself shaving
And I really miss misbehaving
Get confused without any bother at all
Forget the walking stick and have a fall
Old age, is not really a ball
I wonder if it’s worth it to struggle to live
Then I remember, in the affirmative…
My new neighbour, who is so attractive
I’ll press on, offering all I can give
To the beautiful gal named Olive!
Shirley and Mike’s Caption Competition
The winning entrant will receive a Certification of an esoteric nature in appreciation of their efforts to support these three people of an undoubtedly confused and empleomanian state of acceptance in their search for imperturbation being a failure. Thank You.
Lament to the death of Inchcock’s Bathroom
Soon it’ll be demolished and gone,
Converted to a shower, taking four days long,
No more can I soak, while bursting out a song,
Wallowing in carbolic or an hour long,
I hope when they do it, they don’t get it wrong!
Inchcock flicks through the Nottingham Post Newspaper… To Cheer himself up perhaps?
On my way into town this morning, Sister Jane rang me and told me there was an article in the Nottingham Post about my GP surgery. So I thought I’d 
get one as I arrived in town, and have a flick through it like.
The seventies return with violence from football fans?
Disappointing news. And the paper had gotten a bit soggy in the persistent rain we were having this morning. Huh!
Next page was no less depressing mind.
“Man, 21, Stabbed in his car outside off-licence” was the headline.
More violence occurring in Nottingham yet again seems like every day now.
I hadn’t cheered myself up yet.
Then “Carer used pensioner’s card to withdraw cash”!
30-year-old Carer woman robs Clifton 84-year-old lady of £2,200.
Joan Lynch, the victim, was an Alzheimer sufferer and was hounded to get the pin number by her Carer. She has since passed away.
A bus station bombs hoax threat.
65-year-old Widower David Dean suffers burglar breaking into his home and taking amongst other things, his recently departed wife’s wedding ring.
This quick flick through the newspaper is getting me down just a bit now.
Next up: “2,600 properties hit by a power cut.”
This affected properties in seven postcode areas.
On e poor chap had been working on his laptop for over four hours, and the black-out cost him everything he had been working on. Poor man!
A serial burglar got in through a window that had been left open.
He blamed his own drug use as the cause of this burglary, and the previous 38 he had been prosecuted for. His counsel pleaded for leniency now he was on a methadone drug reduction plan.
They didn’t mention how long he got.
Now it got interesting on the Comments Page. M Dybala sent a letter in about Nottingham Pavement Cyclists.
As you might know, a subject close to me heart.
I just had to send them an email in support of the letter.
And I did. Whether it will get printed I don’t know of course, but here it is:
I would like to support M Dybala’s comments in yesterday’s Nottingham Post about the Pavement Cyclists so rampant in Nottingham.
I wrote to the Police about the problem and got an email back from a PCO. He explained that if the roads are busy they can understand these antisocial cyclists using the pavement. If the roads are not busy, he assured me they will pull up the offenders and have a word.
I have since photographed many of these offenders, one or two with a police car or person nearby, who did nothing of course.
The problem is, they do not appreciate the difficulties this causes to the elderly, infirm, deaf and visually impaired pedestrians (I, unfortunately, qualify for all these descriptions) when they fly past and on more than one occasion I have been ‘caught’ by them. This causes bruising due to my being on Warfarin. They regularly weave at speed through and around people, and I have to admit to being a little nervous when in town particularly.
I think this should be looked into and the problems appreciated more.
Thank You.
I added a few photographicalisation of them that I’d took.
It seems the surgery has been awarded an Outstanding rating in Care Quality!
My Doctor, Lona Vindla, is wearing a turquoise jumper, and on her left as you look at the photo, is another one I love to bits, the nurse who looks after my Warfarin blood tests and they are both lovely with it.
Now this did cheer me up!
Inchcock Ponders the In or Out Euro Referendum – In Rhyme (Of sorts)
Stay or leave?
A case was presented firmly for staying in from the HSBC,
It seemed a well-balanced argument to me,
Duncan pointed out, their tax avoidance at its Swiss subsidiary,
And, their Director refused to take personal responsibility,
HSBC helped wealthy clients across the world save many a pound & rupee,
Saving them by arranging for them to make profit tax free!
Evading millions of pounds worth of tax said the BBC,
But that’s not all, there’s the other naughty thing,
HSBC was also fined $1.9bn for failing to prevent money laundering!
Barclays Bank, said they want Britain to remain in the EU,
Considering their history, would you believe anything they say is true?
They fiddle clients trade rates, and got a $284m forex fine,
The Government rescued them time after time, keeping them in line,
Not surprising, William Hague’s wife was a Barclays paid advisor at the time,
Sacked their Chief Executive with a handout of £950,000, the swine,
And a pension of £363,000 a year, I wish it were mine!
AnotherBank, who wants us in Europe, to stay,
Banco Santander, the one that got involved with I must say,
Gotti Tedeschi, former head of the Vatican Bank up till last May,
Pope Benedict XVI’s confidant, who was detained by Carabinieri,
For corruption investigation involving an Italian subsidiary,
Using untrained advisors, failing to advise clients to their financial dismay,
Circumventing European money-laundering rules, oh, yay!
What will we do without these companies here,
Will they pull out if we do, I fear?
Aren’t the Chinese building our new power station that’s nuclear?
The situation is confusing and not too clear,
Will leaving the Euro, mean more things austere?
Boyo’s tirade at Obama means his intention are not unclear!
There are so many other wanting us to leave and be free,
Err… like Luke Johnson, chairman of Patisserie Valerie,
I’m still confused, but that’s not unusual for me!
