Tag: Dark Dank Deep Depressing Darius

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Please read, and apprehend; there’s no need to listen,
It may read that I wrote it in Lalaland, and lubrication,
Or amidst a seizure, or am I practising levitation,
I don’t expect pity, freebies, or any laudation,
I’m trying to avoid malapropisms and literalisation,
Failure will undoubtedly turn me back to libation,
A comfort from my last life, when I was a Latvian,
To say I remember, I’ve not learnt my lesson,
I’m impractical, get lost mentally, a luftmenschen,
They put me on a mood stabiliser, called Lithium,
Shortly after, I craved to be a lighthouseman,
I often come out with gibberish and lallation,
My infected brain works in laevorotation,
Backwards in other ways, I seek liberation,
From Starmers dictatorship & legislation,
Sometimes I burst out in lacrimation!

I am often confused & bemused, strife-ridden,  
I struggle with recognition and recollection,
I hoped for rejuvenation, but got rejection,
My cerebrum gives a varying reaction,
To my question or recommendation,
Physically, mentally, I get no recreation,
My new phone gives terrible reception,
I asked my neurologist for a reexamination,
To get help, mayhap a reevaluation,
I’ve lost my concentration and reputation,
I think I’m falling into acceptance or resignation,
Huh, cursing Starmer again, hatreds return,
Caused by my writing that word, Nation,
Claiming all our problems, he will righten,
He, a barrister, a liar, I’m so easy to frighten!
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A day of Accifauxpas, Whoppsiedangleplops, errors, typographical cock-ups, failing cartilages causing a tumble, computer problems, computer cock-ups, medical cancellations, various Catheter Contraption pains, depressions, frustrations, confusion, Gladys Glaucoma vision problems, Anne Gyna stabbings,  Tiffany Toothache, and Earache Erasmus.  
So, a normal sort of day, then.

06:30hrs: Removed the catheter night pouch from the day contraption.
The cartilages were playing up the instant that I rose from the bed and started to hobble around.
I’d been dreaming, I knew that, but it was so annoying that I couldn’t remember any real details of it. Grumph!

I went onto the balcony and noticed the usual carefree parking and the mudslide in the end car park. It wasn’t raining at the time. By the time I got into the kitchen to take shots through the windows, the rain was back. It seemed heavy, but it stopped again as I was taking the second shot. This is when I had one of . I’ve not had any of these for a while, so long that I thought they had had their run. Sandra’s Seizures last longer, sometimes much longer. But this time, I felt it coming on as I shut down the Kodak Tim 2 camera. I stood gazing out the window, trying to focus on the view in hopes of avoiding distractions; an experiment of sorts —and I remained standing, checking my watch as I did so.  
I came around to find myself sitting down on the c1966, £300 Oxfam charity shop-bought, wincingly grotty, beige-coloured, crumb-covered from my nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, positively unhealthy, and dangerous, no longer operational, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, catheter-tube-trapping recliner.
The usual dizziness and confusion that usually follow such things were much milder. I was holding the grip of  with both hands. It barely took me a couple of minutes before I felt ready for activity, and I was worried about what I’d done in the kitchen; had I put the stove on, left the fridge door open, left a tap/faucet running? I hobbled to the kitchen. No signs of anything dodgy having been done. Then I looked at my high-quality watch, bought from Bilwell Market for £8 (Hehe!), to find that only three minutes had passed since I started losing it. This sometimes confuses and amazes me. How, if as they tell me, I must have been in a seizure, and stood up at the time, and getting to the recliner, without the slightest knowledge of doing so?   
I can walk into things, and drop things, or fail to let things go, when I am in my usual wakeful scenario, yet as far as I recall, I’ve never taken a tumble within the grip of any of the types of seizures that I’m supposed to be liable to have.
Mr Google tells me more than the Doctor does. I forget her name now, erm… it doesn’t matter.
“A seizure” is a burst of uncontrolled electrical activity between brain cells (also called neurons or nerve cells) that causes temporary abnormalities in muscle tone or movements (stiffness, twitching or limpness), behaviours, sensations or states of awareness. This links up with my Peripheral Neuropathy, episodic ataxia, and FND symptoms (definitely). Nicodemus’s neurotransmitters are slowly dying off. I don’t think that the diabetic polyneuropathy is linked to the seizures. Diabetic polyneuropathy symptoms;

1. Numbness and tingling: Often starting in the toes and fingers, and potentially progressing up the limbs. I’ve told the Doctor. 
2. Pain: This can be described as burning, stabbing, or shooting pain. And electric shocks for me
3. Loss of sensation: Difficulty feeling temperature changes or pain in affected areas. Right again!
4. Muscle weakness: Especially in the feet and hands. Don’t I know it!
5. Loss of balance and coordination: Due to nerve damage in the feet and legs. Oh, Yes!
6. Changes in digestion: Constipation or diarrhoea. Alternations. Spot On!
7. Bladder or bowel problems: Difficulty controlling urination or bowel movements. Too true! 
8. Erectile dysfunction: Difficulties in achieving/maintaining an erection.      Mission impossible nowadays!
9. Hypoglycemia unawareness: Not feeling the usual warning signs of low blood sugar. Correct!
10. Orthostatic hypotension: A drop in blood pressure when standing up, causing dizziness or fainting. Spot On!
11. Sensitivity to touch: Some individuals experience severe discomfort from even light touch, like the weight of a bedsheet. Or someone massaging or tapping them on the head. True!
12. Foot problems: Ulcers, infections, changes in foot shape, and joint pains can develop.    Yes, I often get these!
13. Peripheral neuropathy: Affecting the limbs, this can cause numbness, tingling, burning, sharp pains, or extreme sensitivity to touch, especially in the feet. It can also lead to muscle weakness, balance issues, foot problems like ulcers, and loss of reflexes. Balance issues, numbness, tingling, sharp pains, and sensitivity to touch? That’s me!

They’ve missed symptoms off of this list!
No mention is made of being unable to pick something up or let go of it. The shoulder jerks, loss of finger sensation & coordination, being woken up by , or the times when you just can’t use a tin-opener or knife safely if at all, fit a key into a lock, or even get a plug into the computer or the kitchen sink. Just thought I’d mention these.

Wouldn’t it be nice if Herr Starmer were to read this? Fair enough, he wouldn’t give a toss… unless I was rich enough to slip him a backhander or two.
I officially HEX the liar from today!
Should he come a cropper or snuff it, as a result of my hexing him, I may regain my Faith.
I just thought I’d mention it, in passing.
I wrote this on Friday, so please be patient.

I lost the plot again there!

Here comes the food, from Asda,
Just 3 items missing, so not a disaster,
I do like their 1½litre Brecon Spring Water,
Sticky & Smokey BBQ baby potatoes,
I ordered these accidentally,
They may taste nice, who knows?
I meant to order these beer-battered chips,
They also sell beer-battered crisps,
Makes a change from the mini potatoes.
I can’t recall wanting these on the left…
The Halal sausages match the best!
Half & half, vegan and beef & veg pasties,
I had a vegan one tonight, a delight.
Cheesey cobs, from Asda’s bakery,
Leicester cheese inside, very tasty,
Only a day’s use-by date, usually it’s three!
On Special Offer – LU cookie,
I bought a pack for Frank & Jenny,
Hope I remember to tell them Thursday!
Cleaned and reloaded my nibble jars.

I had two no-butter buttered cobs, cheesie,
Red onions, & tomatoes, red, yellow and greeny,
Ate it, dipping it in the BBQ sauce frequently.
The dish, tray & floor ended up all crumby.

Three visits today, each one a Trotsky Terry,
A lot went wrong, ending with self-acrimony,
No seemed to be answering me…
No news on the computer help from Deana or Julie.
The contents insurance letter has seen a significant increase in cost, up over £50! 

I blame our head crook, pensioner-robbing & killing, Disabled allowance cutting, NHS running-down, Family farmers bankrupting, fibbing, backhander-taking, ex-bent barrister, Labour Party Leader, who is about as much Labour as Margaret Thatcher was, Herr Kier Starmer!
I lost the plot again, didn’t I?

I was doing well on Thursday, with updating this blog, albeit late in the day.
I forgot about checking the catheter bag. Usually, I get a warning from the flowback pains when it is too full. But not today. It filled up to the maximum without me sensing it, and down the leg it slipped, with all the weight pulling on Little Inchy! Argh!
I tried to snap it before emptying it. The photo I took did not show the balloon bulge well enough.
Hey-Ho! It’s my own fault. Sometimes, not very often, a Carer will check it, but not today.

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Good Luck to you all!
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