Inchy Today: Monday 4th Aug 2014

 

Up after another nasty nightmare filled night at about 0430hrs.

Morrison’s delivery expT Dvdected this morning twixt 0700 and 0800hrs.

BT internet playing up again.

Made cuppa, took medications.

Searched for the DVD I ordered three weeks ago from HMV, and collected last Friday. ‘The Big Job’. Sid James, Dick Emery, Jim Dale, a good old comedy. Tried to watch it last night, but HMV had left the security thingy on it, so I wanted to put in bag now, so I could return it and get em to remove it. But couldn’t find it – Tsk!

BT internet connection crap, now gone all together (0525hrs)

Got laundry things ready for after delivery of nosh.

BT back on-line 0550 hrs. Nice of em innit?

BT back OFF-LINE 0556 hrs. Reset box again… Gits!

BT back on-line 0600 hrs.

BT back OFF-LINE 0601 hrs.

BT back on-line 0604 hrs.

I lost connection between 0550hrs and 0620 hrs about eight/nine times! Grrrr, had to keep resetting or rebooting. Gave up.

Anyone else on BT, How’s your connection today?

Morrison’s delivered at 0734 hrs. Put the stuff away. (Well, some of it).

0800 hrs, ablutions and got launderette togs ready, so much to take I could hardly carry em.

On the way to the launderette, an amoeba belted passed me on a pushbike un frit me half to death, almost hit me. I called out, and soon learnt he was an experienced driver by the finger sign he gave me as he disappeared into the distance, bless him!

 At the launderette, I had a good laugh with the gal there, and we tried to do a crossword. Cheered me up that did.

Back to the hovel, put togs away (Well, dropped the bags upstairs), and did another search for the DVD – and wallah; I found it. Where you might ask… er… in the bath actually, don’t ask why it was there, I don’t know.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATook an apple and pack of seaweed and other healthy food to eat on me walk into town. Must remember to take the DVD back to be opened.

Called on me way, to tell… oh I forget her name now, the laundry gal that I’d found the DVD. She did laugh… bless her.

Hobbling into town, halfway up the hill on Mansfield Road near the cemetery, blow me if someone else didn’t belt passed me on a bike on the pavement, nearly knocking me over. I’m getting fed up with these near misses from bikers.

Went into Tesco and got me Krakowska meat. Then limped into the slab square, took a photo of the disgusting children’s fountain and paddling pool. Dumped at the end of it, were beer cans and bottles, cigarette ends, sweet wrappers, crisp packets etc.

Proceeded, (I could have written carried on to, or Then, but I like typing Proceeded) along to the bank to extract some money and get me balance (Oh dear me).

Then took a walk to Aldi, and got some of their excellent Lemon cheesecakes and Porridge pots (what Lidl have stopped selling).

T bikeFeet and knees on bad shape now, so wandered to the bus stop, and caught one back to Beirut… I mean Carrington. As I got off the bus, a bloody motorcyclist this time, nearly hit me, as he drove on the pavement to the chip shop! I bravely took his photo from behind him.

I tottered back to the dump, and made a nice cup of Punjana tea bags. They are very good and strong, and they’re on offer at the moment at Morrison’s too, 49p off.

Started the laptop, and the BT connection was okay, perhaps they think I’m still in town?

1500 hrs BT connection down… Tsk! Back up 1509 hrs.

Started to do graphics for Letters to LOMM 8

Gang of about eight youths swaggering up the centre of the street. Hope they keep moving.

Getting on with graphics.

Yobs lurking outside again, going to go upstairs out of the way.

I’ll post this and try to remember to carry on the next from this time.

Must remember to take me medications up with me.

TTFN all.

Inchy’s E-Mail to the Nottingham Constabulary

Inspired by a letter published in the Daily Telegraph

The E-Mail

Having been bothered with the local yobs on my street, several times, and mugged twice. I’d like to give you an update on my situation.

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Nottingham Sherwood police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Sherwood by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.

As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in Sherbrooke Road, Carrington, Nottingham

Three of them seem to enjoy insulting passing pedestrians and motorists, threatening them as the pass.

The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins.

Several of them wander off to set fire to the odd bin. When they get to house number 14, I am concerned they might cause a catastrophe, due to the location of a rusty Calor gas bottle between the bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I’ve just finished cleaning me windows.

What I suggest is this. After replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably their bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a claw-hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

Thank You

Juan Inchcock Chambers.