Professor Amadeus Grimesworthy Gives Lecture in Nottingham – ‘We must ensure a future for our children’

Nottingham University’s Emeritus Professor Amadeus Grimesworthy PhD, EdD, DClinPsych, LPsy, and Wicker Bottom Chair Repairer, gave a speech to the Crotch Crescent Community Club Committee in Nottingham last week.

Professor Grimesworthy is involved with many Child Charities and help organisations including:

* As Catering organiser for ‘Childline’: the24 hour helpline for children and young people in danger or distress.

* As Misuse of Drugs Advisory Supplier: for the ‘National Youth Advocacy Service’ (NYAS).

* He is Funeral Options Consultant for ‘Sibs’ who support siblings who are growing up with or who have grown up with a brother or sister with any disability, long term chronic illness, or life limiting condition.

* He is currently Chief Warden at ‘Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre’ (CEOP)

* The Treasurer of the ‘Children’s Society’: A children’s charity which wants to create a society where children and young people are valued, respected and happy.

* The Director of ‘SKSIAKW’ – ‘Stop Kids Shoplifting in a kind way’.

He arrived at the centre, parked up his Range Rover, posed for the press photographs, and entered the shed.

He was welcomed at the 11 seated Le Grand meeting hall shed at the side of the disused and fire-bombed Radford Road Police Station next to the torched police vehicle compound, and was introduced to the audience gathered, by caretaker and Association Treasurer Mike Steedon (22).

The lecture was entitled ‘We must ensure a future for our children’

“We must” he began with a stern expression, “learn from the past, and ensure the future of our children.”

“Already we have used up the natural resources of this planet at an alarming rate… and the death of our planet is imminent!”

A belch from a tattooed lady in the front row caused a little tittering at this point.

“We must coerce the Governments to reinvest in space exploration – for there is no other choice available to us, than to find a planet where our future populations can live, thrive and reproduce, for the existence of our species.”

Someone’s mobile rang out, and a voice was heard saying “Yea yea yea innit… ten spiff’s okay… alright Gaz?”.

Professor Grimesworthy continued, “So precious to the human race are our children, that nothing is too expensive or good for them – for they are our very future… their very essence must me treasured, the children are our future.”

He waited momentarily for signs of appreciation and applause from the audience that didn’t come, just a few swishing sounds from the opening of cans of beer.

Professor Grimesworthy continued again, “It is our responsibility, after the mess our and previous generations have made of this very world’s resources, to commit ourselves to providing the young of our planet, with the capability and reality of precious survival!”

Someone passed wind, and a Big Issue seller entered the hall.

At this point the door flew open, and in ran a Community Police Officer, who whispered into Mr Steeden’s ear.

Mr Steeden then woke up the Chairman, Mr Danton and whispered into his ear. Mr Danton then whispered into Professor Grimesworthy’s ear.

Professor Grimesworthy then ran outside to find his Range Rover on bricks, the wheels stolen, the music centre removed, and he saw the graffiti momentarily through the flames of the fire scrawled on the doors.

Professor Grimesworthy turned red in the face and screamed out: “The little B_____rds!”

While they awaited the arrival of the Fire Brigade and Police, Professor Grimesworthy was comforted by a local woman, Binaround Brenda (56), then Chairman Mr Danton said ‘He would take care of her.’ The Professor complained and cancelled his next trip to Nottingham, as he drove off in a taxi.

The Chairman was last seen consoling Binaround Brenda, as she rested on his cars bonnet.