Inchcock Today: Wed 20th Aug 2014


19 8 001Evening Tuesday 19th

Tried to get some sleep in, I knew I felt drained and weary. But no such luck. Tried reading my book, I had no concentration though. Put a DVD in my little player, ‘Westworld…’ (Another one for the Charity shop) that did it, off I went.

Wednesday 20th August 2014

Woke up 0230hrs, full of dread and fear. Must have been dreaming again, but couldn’t recall anything about it. Drifted off again.

Sprung awake at 0430hrs. No chance of further sleep this morning I thought.

WC, okay.

19 8 001a

Inchcocks breakfast today

I remembered I’d got me Morrison’s order coming between 0630 – 0730hrs this morning, so reluctantly got up.

Laptop started, made a cuppa, grape-nut flakes and medications taken.

WC, okayish.

Started doing graphics and writing posts while awaiting Mr Morrison. 

There order came, (It was a Ms) and there was nothing substituted or missing.

Finished Inchy’s Beloved Grizelda Part 3 and posted it. Then did a new one from Patti Beckert’s site about the Mobility Scooters.

Got letter from DVLA telling me my Driving Licence that they took away from me after me heart operation was going out of date and I need to renew it?

Filled in form tellin’ em, and got a wash and change ready to take to post office and renew it then. See what happens.

Started on me walk into Sherwood about 1315hrs. Took camera, just in case owt should be suitable to photo like… yer know.

Called at the Haberdashery (there it is again, Haberdashery… I love that word) shop, and the lady sorted me a firmer cushion out, for £4.99, the last one in the shop bless her.

I then dropped into the post office and got the right stamp on me DVLA letter I sent back.


Whatta a sky!

Took a photo of the sky over Sherwood, cause it had some black clouds with sunshine bursting through some.

Then to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop with some stuff.

I was walking back, and realised I’d not got me cushion with me!

I hobbled back to all the places I’d called in – but no signs of it – what a class one pillock I am!

I got back to the den about 1500hrs, a little miffed with myself about losing the cushion. Especially after the kind lady had looked so hard to get me one to suit.

Laptop on, made a cuppa and decided to have a potato and veg mix, with me last slice of cooked pork, and a small tin of garden peas for tea… supper whatever you call it later.

BT internet keeps fading out – well I never, who’d have believed that eh!

Gang of 70-Year Olds on Mobility Scooters Terrorising Orlando Tourists

Crotch 02This post is one of Patti Beckert’s masterpieces. She is an excellent humour blogger from America. It is posted here with her kind permission. Patti, has gone through an awful lot of pain with medical problems, and the way she accepted the situation brought me to love her and her blogging style and content. At the bottom are some graphics I did a few years ago, from Daily Lessons she used to let me post. Thanks Patti. I hope you all enjoy this one, particularly as it contains my dreaded Mobility Scooters! Please enjoy, I reckon it’s a cracker… just like Patti. TTFN

Gang of 70-year olds on Mobility Scooters Terrorizing Orlando Tourists

Crotch 04The streets of some of Orlando’s most popular tourist destinations are being randomly terrorized by a gang of septuagenarians on mobility scooters. The gang, calling itself the 7 T’s, has so far escaped the law by ducking into restaurants during early bird special time, removing their gang regalia in the bathrooms, and then ordering meals consisting of 10 oz. ribeyes, a salad, and two sides, all for a portion of what they would pay after 6 p.m.

Eyewitness reports say the gang has equipped its scooters with little black flags emblazoned with the skull and crossbones design and their name, the 7 T’s. While no one has been able to pin down a member of the gang to ask where the name came from, word in local assisted living facilities is that the original seven members of the gang all had first names or nicknames starting with the letter “T” such as Throttle, T-bone and Tats.

Crotch 03The only other criteria for getting into the gang according to anonymous tipsters is that you must be at least 70 years old, own a relatively new personal scooter that can do at least 10 mph and the guts to run down youngsters wearing funny Disney hats. Evidently, the thrill for this gang is seeing young kids in Mickey ears cry when they are forced to drop their Shamu ice cream sticks on the ground.

 The Orlando area police departments are asking all residents in the area to be on the lookout for these “Hells Angels Has Beens” as one poster calls them. Meanwhile, retired cops from New York who make their winter home in Orlando have been called in to help round up the gang and bring them to justice. One NY snowbird, a former desk sergeant from Brooklyn named Wayne McDuffy, said this about tracking down the gang, “Weah gonna find deez Joisey jagoffs, awright, if it’s da last ting we do,” and added “So waddah you lookin at?”

Some more of Patti’s wit posted here:

Crotch 01

She’s got such good humour?

Continue reading

Professor Amadeus Grimesworthy Gives Lecture in Nottingham

Professor Amadeus Grimesworthy Gives Lecture in Nottingham – ‘We must ensure a future for our children’


Created in support of the Sloshed Mr Steeden Supply Support Society

Crotch 01

The Caretaker Mr Steeden helps the Professor. Who couldn’t find the shed door

Nottingham University’s Emeritus Professor Amadeus Grimesworthy PhD, EdD, DClinPsych, LPsy, and Wicker Bottom Chair Repairer, gave a speech to the Crotch Crescent Community Club Committee in Nottingham last week.

Professor Grimesworthy is involved with many Child Charities and help organisations including:

* As Catering organiser for ‘Childline’: the24 hour helpline for children and young people in danger or distress.

* As Misuse of Drugs Advisory Supplier: for the ‘National Youth Advocacy Service’ (NYAS).

* He is Funeral Options Consultant for ‘Sibs’ who support siblings who are growing up with or who have grown up with a brother or sister with any disability, long term chronic illness, or life limiting condition.

* He is currently Chief Warden at ‘Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre’ (CEOP)

* The Treasurer of the ‘Children’s Society’: A children’s charity which wants to create a society where children and young people are valued, respected and happy.

* The Director of ‘SKSIAKW’ – ‘Stop Kids Shoplifting in a kind way’.

He arrived at the centre, parked up his Range Rover, posed for the press photographs, and entered the shed.

He was welcomed at the 11 seated Le Grand meeting hall shed at the side of the disused and fire-bombed Radford Road Police Station next to the torched police vehicle compound, and was introduced to the audience gathered, by caretaker and Association Treasurer Mike Steedon (22).

The lecture was entitled ‘We must ensure a future for our children’

“We must” he began with a stern expression, “learn from the past, and ensure the future of our children.”

“Already we have used up the natural resources of this planet at an alarming rate… and the death of our planet is imminent!”

A belch from a tattooed lady in the front row caused a little tittering at this point.

“We must coerce the Governments to reinvest in space exploration – for there is no other choice available to us, than to find a planet where our future populations can live, thrive and reproduce, for the existence of our species.”

Someone’s mobile rang out, and a voice was heard saying “Yea yea yea innit… ten spiff’s okay… alright Gaz?”.

Professor Grimesworthy continued, “So precious to the human race are our children, that nothing is too expensive or good for them – for they are our very future… their very essence must me treasured, the children are our future.”

He waited momentarily for signs of appreciation and applause from the audience that didn’t come, just a few swishing sounds from the opening of cans of beer.

Professor Grimesworthy continued again, “It is our responsibility, after the mess our and previous generations have made of this very world’s resources, to commit ourselves to providing the young of our planet, with the capability and reality of precious survival!”

Someone passed wind, and a Big Issue seller entered the hall.

At this point the door flew open, and in ran a Community Police Officer, who whispered into Mr Steeden’s ear.

Crotch 02

Oh dear, the professors car…

Mr Steeden then woke up the Chairman, Mr Danton and whispered into his ear. Mr Danton then whispered into Professor Grimesworthy’s ear.

Professor Grimesworthy then ran outside to find his Range Rover on bricks, the wheels stolen, the music centre removed, and he saw the graffiti momentarily through the flames of the fire scrawled on the doors.

Professor Grimesworthy turned red in the face and screamed out: “The little B_____rds!”

Crotch 03

The Chairman consoles Binaround Brenda

While they awaited the arrival of the Fire Brigade and Police, Professor Grimesworthy was comforted by a local woman, Binaround Brenda (56), then Chairman Mr Danton said ‘He would take care of her.’ The Professor complained and cancelled his next trip to Nottingham, as he drove off in a taxi.

The Chairman was last seen consoling Binaround Brenda, as she rested on his cars bonnet.

Inchcocks Beloved Grizelda: Part Three

03 pagetop

Part 3 – Their first Trip to the Cinema

03 02 boot

The Film

Grizelda and I were going to see the film ‘Das Boot’ at the Metropole Cinema in Sherwood, Nottingham. Not far from the flat where I had the erotic pleasure of sharing with my beloved Grizelda.

Earlier, I was on the step ladder, hanging the curtains, when she reminded me to get ready in time, as she lifted me down from the step ladder, and carried me in her magnificent rippling arms into the bathroom to get ready.

03 01ABC

Another lost Cinema – but not as painful of losing Grizelda

All ready, we walked to the cinema, me as proud as punch as I walked alongside her looking into her square jawed Arian face.

We got settled into the seats, ready for the show to start.

As soon as the lights dimmed, I felt her left hand creep over my right leg, (I instantly sensed a grateful tingling sensation), and a smile crept over her face. (And an even bigger one over mine).

03 04 ABC

A big desirable cinema – a bit like Grizelda!

After a while she put her rippling arm around my neck and shoulders, I can still sense the perfume from the underarm hairs that encased my ear-hole, as she tweaked my left nipple. By gad she was wonderful.

I looked up and gave her a big thank you smile, and in reply she gave me a little cuddle with her left arm – I felt and heard me ribs crack, I’m sure I did.

At the first interval of the film, she explained to me how the U-boat’s snorkel was a device which allowed U-boats to run on diesel engines even when underwater, who invented them, and other technical details of the boats design failings.

03 05 badgeShe continued with telling me where and when the different Wolf-packs operated, and how her Uncle Otto, had been in the Kriegsmarine and had survived the war, and was now a Polizeihauptmeister, one of her bosses at home,  in their Landespolizei force.

As the lights once more dimmed for the second half of the film, she turned her attention to a very pleasurably accepted activity.

I’d have liked to return the favour, but being under her muscular solid body, I could not move. Let alone reach any suitable target.

I hadn’t managed to concentrate on the film much, but I was deliriously happy by the end it, and reached up to hold her hand as we departed the cinema to go home.

Through the flats front door, and excited mutual passion broke out again!

03 03

A love lost. Tsk!

Into the bedroom: I was thrown all over the place in the ensuing grappling.

God, how I miss Grizelda!

More Grizelda Tales to follow…