Inchcock’s True Tales of Woe: Part25 Twenty feet below Prince Charles in hospital

Twenty feet below Prince Charles, in the QMC Hospital, Nottingham


Inchcock listening to Radio 4 Extra

 I was, lying in a bed in the busy Ward E19 in the Queens Medical Centre, just after having had surgery, to repair a hernia, and treat prostate cancer. I was listening to the radio.

Tubes were extruding from various regions of body.

Particularly cumbersome was the drainage tube from my ‘Inch’, which at that time the bruising had swelled to such a degree I would have been happy to put up with if only it would have stayed that size.

For the life of me I can’t understand how they managed to get a camera and lazer down their!

W25 Charles1

Prince Charles, who had the Ward above to himself, with two nurses and a Sister in attendance 24 hours a day – with me 20 feet below in Ward E19, who couldn’t get a bed pan! Bothered, jealous… me?

On the floor directly above the ward, was the ward where that Prince Charles had to himself, and two nurses, and a Sister in attendance 24 hours a day, to have his tennis elbow looked at.

I was lying in extreme physical stress below, pressing the button for twenty minutes to get a bedpan! Then stuggle down the ward with me attachments hanging, to find that that WC was occupied! More later on that one.

The talk of the ward was the imminent arrival of Princess Diana to visit Prince Charles.

As I lay painfully awaiting another bedpan, the staff and patients were more interested in seeing ‘Lady Di’.

A student nurse arrived at my bedside and nervously informed me she had come to remove one of the drainage tubes, the tube from my little used, lesser endowed lonely lower regions.

She set about trying to release the valve to drain the air from it, she was so nervous (not her fault) the more she shook the pain increased – I was about to say something about this, when a great whoops and shouts of “Look it’s LadyPrincess Die” came from those who were looking out of the window down to the ground level outside, and there was a massive surge of staff and mobile patients to the East windows – indeed I feared the building might topple!


Inchcock – Worried, embarrassed or what?

Unfortunately, and unforgettably my student nurse was amongst those Royalists so keen to see her, and as she ran to the window to join the others, she took the tube with her, leaving me in great pain, and covered in blood and urine!

Afterwards, when she realised what she’d done, the poor thing burst into tears, and begged to be forgiven. Some ‘fully trained’ nurses appeared, and sent for a doctor, who arranged for me to have some X-rays, and I was transported to the radiology department, where I spent a good two hours in a draughty corridor waiting to be seen to.

When I was eventually returned to the ward, I’d missed the meal, and still wanted to use the bedpan!

I climbed into the bed, the nurse reminding me drink plenty of water all the time to get my bladder working.

I got my book out to read, by the time I’d read a chapter, I felt a warm wet sensation appeared between my legs. A quick peep, and the blood all over me and the bed, I pressed me red button, and eventually someone arrived – and boy did I get a rollicking off of ‘em for making a mess.

They grumpily cleaned up the bed and me, and almost threw me back into the newly cleaned bed.

W25 Charles1

Oh dear…

After a few beakers of water were imbibed, I felt the need for the WC – I hobbled painfully trying to stop any leaks, to the WC, it took ages. Unfortunately it was occupied.

I limped walking painfully cross legged to the one at the other end of the ward… it was torture really. As I got in front of the bowl, boy did me bladder release its contents. It was like a fire hose, painfully belting out and hitting the wall behind the WC, and rebounding back at me, covering me in blood, and leaving an outline of my body on the wall behind me!

Embarrassed, oh so embarrassed, I tried to clean some of it up with toilet paper, both rolls were used up in minutes.

By then, they had missed me cause it was time for me medications, and a nurse opened the door and said: “Are you in there Mr … oh good heavens!

I was again cleaned up, and lodged beck into the bed.

W25 Charles1

Inchcock was in great fear!

I thought the rollicking I got last time was fierce, but this one made me cringe.

I remember thinking at the time:

“I do so hope that Prince Charles’s tennis elbow was getting better, and he enjoyed his wife’s visit!”

Inchcock Today: Tuesday 26th August 2014

03 01

I was up at 0400hrs – blood from me Inch and rear quarters again. Got missen sorted, cleaned and antiseptically creamed. (Sound awful dunnit? But it’s alright… honest.)

Did me ablutions of all types and down the stairs and put the laptop on.

Back upstairs to the WC.

Back downstairs, put kettle on, took rubbish out, then had a cuppa and went on internet… for a few minutes until BT connection started playing up again. Tsk!

I place an order with Morrison’s for delivery twixt 0630 > 0730 in the morning. I used my £15 off Voucher.

I was going to the launderette, Nottingham Hospice charity shop, then QMC Anticoagulation (Warfarin level) blood test unit today – but I had some dizzy spells whilst sat down this morning. So I decided to call at the NHS Call-in centre and get appointment for the doctor. When I go there first (before the GPs surgery), they usually call the surgery and get me a quicker appointment.


Nottingham City – The Queen of the Midlands

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ll take me stuff to the Age Concern charity shop today instead, because it’s on the way to the NHS centre in town.

Got missen lookin’ pretty and smelling nice, and set off on the walk into town.

I called in on the way at the launderette, had a chat with Mandy and Big John.

On me walk, I noticed how appealing some of the properties were on Mansfield Road, and took a couple of photo’s of them. I think these properties are why Nottingham City Council call it ‘Nottingham City – The Queen of the Midlands’ (Hehehe!)

I realised as I got in town, that I had not got me mobile with me, and considered having it with me as most important and needed, in the event of my getting mugged again, or collapsing and it being there to call for help!


A bargain here methinks. Mobile and £20 air-time for ££29.95. Old type phone mind, but owt newer would confuse me?

So I called in the O2 shop on Clumber Street to see how much a Pay-as-you-go phone would cost me. But no one moved when I entered the shop, just gave me suspicious looks?

So I limped over to Victoria Shopping Centre and called in the first mobile shop I came to ‘Phones 4 U’, and was approached on entry by a chap who immediately reminded me of ‘Private Walker’ from ‘Dads Army’ Nudge nudge, wink wink type like!

Anyway, he soon got sorted with a phone for £9.95, set it up and got it going like for me. I bought £20 air-time I think they call it, so got it all for £29.95. Even if he was a little unenthusiastic about it. So now, I can keep it in me bag all the time, and know if I do forget me main one, I’ll have a life-line. (5p a minute) All I’ve got to do, he says, is make one call a month. What do you think? Did I do right?


QMC this morning

So off the charity shop and donated me bits.

Then to the NHS centre. Bless ‘em, they got me an appointment for the morning with the GP.

Then I was off to catch the bus to the hospital.

Read a bit of me Eric Morecome book en route. The sunshine is out now, so in celebration I took a photo of the entrance.


Bulwell’s bustling market?

They soon saw to me, and I was out (Raining now) and in the queue for Bulwell bus.

Arrived in Bulwell, limped off the bus (Me knees had stiffened during the ride)

The crap Market was on today. I went in the pound shop to get some weed-killer.

Then a walk to the cheapo shop, but they had nowt worth bothering about in again.



Then to Fultons Frozen Food shop, and got another pack of the microwave sausages. (Oh I do love em!) I hope I can get me frozen lollies in the freezer that I ordered for tomorrow. (Yer see, any normal person, would not have bothered to share that with you would they – Worrying innit?)

Mobility scooters were around in number today… oh dear.


Great read this

I limped to the bus station to catch the 17 back to the flea-pit, big queue. Read more of Eric Morecombe book.

Dropped off at Carrington, walked to the hovel.

Put kettle on, started laptop.



A constant danger to hobbling Inchcock these!

Had a search for me mobile – no luck yet, but I’m sure I saw it earlier this morning.


Started to do this blog.


Found mobile in bathroom. Why I didn’t think earlier of looking between the shaving foam and fresh air sprays I’ll never know. I’m glad I did though, because I also found me spare glasses.