Newly Identified Medical Sydromes

Newly Identified Syndromes

Named Disease: HAJ (Had-a-job) Syndrome

aa03MSSymptoms: Being made redundant through no fault of your own, suicidal feelings, lack of food, and the disappearance of respect.

Most at Risk: The proletariat, anyone not related to a banker or a friend of a Politician, the unemployed, the millions of immigrants both legal and otherwise, the impecunious, the uneducated youths of today, and the educated youths of today without rich family connections.

Area’s most affected: The North – Midlands.

Named Disease: Spooninthegobatbirthness Syndrome

Osb07Symptoms: A snottiness and uncaring attitude develops that cannot be countered. The bank balance and overseas investment accounts increase exponentially.

Most at Risk: Royalty, Aristocracy, Politicians, Footballers, and the Right Honourable George Osborne MP (Conservative)

Area’s most affectedThe rich 10% of the population.

Named DiseaseA.A.D.(Alcoholic Addiction Dysrhythmia) Syndrome

aa03MS2Symptoms: Finding you have not got any alcoholic addictions, and the concern and worry you get about being so different to everyone else. A.A.D. syndrome is often claimed by alcoholics and West Ham fans for their failure.

Most at RiskThose under the age of eight, and more mature liars.

Area’s most affected: Nursery schools, MOT stations, 

Named DiseaseMonetary Cystitis (M.C.) Syndrome

aa03MS3Symptoms: It is extremely painful, nigh on impossible for you to repay money owed by you, forcing the sufferer to short change and overcharge whenever possible. Also builds an inbred hatred of Bank Managers, Loan companies and Old Age Pensioners.

Most at Risk: Pensioners, Politicians, Dentists, Lawyers, Bankers, Haliburton, George Osborne, Claret Appreciation Group members and Taxi Drivers.

Area’s most affectedNationwide.

Named Disease: Hope Alopecia  (H.A.) Syndrome

aa03MS4Symptoms: A sudden realisation that all hope is lost, other than for the War Mongers, Politicians, bankers, Car Mechanics, David Cameron, Nigel Farage, Haliburton and other nepotistic clans.

One person definitely not suffering from this Syndrome is UKIP’s Nigel Farage. Campaigning in a seat where Labour “should weigh the vote”, Mr Farage said that his party is “taking big numbers” of Labour supporters making Thursday’s result “very very tight”. And with young and older voters both warming to his message on immigration and borders control, Mr Farage revealed that he had new evidence that the Labour vote across the country is collapsing because of the Corbyn effect. He produced polling evidence by former Labour leader Ed Miliband’s ex-adviser Ian Warren which he said showed 50 per cent of those who voted Labour in the humiliating general election defeat in May will desert the party. Humph!

Most at RiskEveryone not connected with the above.

Area’s most affectedAnywhere with any businesses still owned and ran by English management, so as you can tell, these are scarce.

Named DiseaseCompassion Deficiency Anaemia (C.D.A.) Syndrome

aa03MS5Symptoms: You couldn’t give a toss about anyone else.

Most at Risk: Most predominant in Parliament, and Lawyers offices, although likely to be found anywhere.

Area’s most affectedVirtually throughout the world.

Named DiseaseCacospysy Syndrome (C.S.)

aa03MS6Symptoms:  Irregular pulse, concern and worry that the government will find your stash of undeclared earnings from illegal practices of varying secretly ran companies. Panic attacks at Government Budget announcement time.

Most at Risk: The poor and the dodgy types.

Area’s most affected: All of the UK and FIFA representatives.

Named DiseaseE.D.D. Early Decrepitude disease

aa03MS7Symptoms: Sudden realisation that the poor are getting poorer, and the Rich are getting richer, and you are one of the poorer. Urges to dress up in fancy dress and join WordPress might affect them. Memory loss and bodily function controls are common amongst these syndrome sufferers.

Most at Risk: Those who are poor and getting poorer.

Area’s most affected: Worldwide: In the event that you should feel or find any of the above symptoms coming on, do not consult your Doctor who will be too rich to be bothered to understand your frustrations and problems. In the event of your becoming disinterested in money and valuable items, Danny Soz (19¾) can be contacted for help. You could consider suicide, alcoholism, hibernation, or becoming a Politician. But best not to worry… your Doomed. Most E.E.D. sufferers end up not knowing the difference between the syndromes anyway, then read up on them and forget they did.

Inchcock Today Mon 30 Nov 15: Wet rain, GP, Clinic, Dizzy spells and bleeding… Tsk!

Monday 30th November 2015

Woke at 0345 hrs in need of the WC, Little Inchy not bleeding so bad this morning. Horrible night spent more of it awake than kipping. Tsk!

The rain had stopped at last, and the temperature was 55ºf.

Made a cuppa and took me medications, stomach rumbling again, but I put that down to me nibbling all day yesterday and not having a nosh.

Put me INR dosage card in me coat pocket so as not to forget it later when I go for me Warfarin level blood test.

Put me Lumix camera on charge, then took me morning medications, put me midday ones in me bag.

01W01Misty and raining heavily now – and I’ve got to walk to the GP surgery later, then go to the clinic to have me bumps and lumps checked.

Still, despite every thing I found missen singing again in the bath… Adam Faith and Billy Fury songs mostly, with the odd Rick Nelson and Nat King Cole thrown in.

Two nosh deliveries coming today. Morrison’s any-time now, then Asda tonight.

FooeyGot an email from Sister Jane in reply to mine, Fooey is not doing very well and she is expecting the worst. Poor old Fooey, made me so sad. I asked if I could go up to see them, no reply yet.

Made a start on the laptop and finished yesterdays diary off. Emails, messages and started this one-off.

No Morrison’s by 0845 hrs so I looked at me diary. It’s tomorrow when it comes not today. Tsk!

Out and caught the L8 bus into Sherwood as it was still belting down with rain and a bit windy with it. Dropped of at the bottom of the hill and walked up Mansfield Road and down into Carrington to the GP surgery.

The Obergrupperführer nurse was on duty today. But she doesn’t scare me like… WPlie

Had me test done and left feeling guilty after receiving a telling off about me weight, eating Brassica and going out in the rain?

Out and over the road and caught bus to the clinic (Well soaked again) – in and out in minutes today. Two doctors were off sick and I got another appointment.

P1020547Caught the bus into Mansfield just for the sake of it. Got some of me crossword book done e route.

Rained all the way and got even heavier when I got into Mansfield bus station.

Through the puddles under the subway and out into the shopping centre.

So many leaks coming from the roof I dare not get me camera out in the subway.

Called into B&Q to see if they had any bargains but no such luck, then I wandered up to another store and got some bread and tinned green beans.

P1020548Came out and took this rather sad photograph with the rain, closed down premises and lack of shoppers in the Mansfield City Centre.

 Had a whopping dizzy spell as I went down the steps onto the road.

Stood around holding onto the railings for what seemed like ages for it to abate, probably only a few minutes though. Decided to make me way back to Sherwood and the flat.

Walking to the bus-station in the rain is a blank in me memory?

Got the bus (Bless me free pensioners bus-pass) and felt a lot better.

P1020546Dropped off in Sherwood and an L8 came within minutes and lifted me up the hill to the flats.

Got in and WC’d (Relief!), hung me clobber up to dry out.

Made a cuppa and took me midday medications a little late but still.

The Asda delivery arrived with the usual substitutions on it.

P1020549Got me nosh ready, put me potatoes to bake in the oven, gave the 40 minutes then added the Cottage pie with sweet potatoes for 20 minutes, then popped me last Frikadellen in the oven with the others for ten minutes. The sweet potato-shepherds pie could have done with a bit more time, but I was so hungry I ate everything anyway. Added me carrots and peas from the saucepan, buttered, salted and peppered the baked spuds, added a sprinkling of vinegar and had a lemon yoghurt afterwards.

Drifted off to kip – woke up needing the WC urgently and had another dizzy.

Not a bad one, but it bothered me a bit having two so close together, not normal that.

Washed the pots up and titivated the kitchen but still felt tired, sat down to watch the TV and did so… in between dozens of dozing offs! No idea what I watched now, or rather tried to watch.

Kept waking up distorted and aching in places I didn’t know I had? Hehe!