Inchcockum: Sun 12 July 20: Today was frustratingly full of frequent farcicalities

Two TFZer Gals, in the woods – Hahaha! ♥

Sunday 12th July 2020

Croatian: Subota, 11 Srpnja 2020. Godine

03:30hrs: The nowadays standard waking up wanting a wee-wee, started the day off. Haha!

I bravely hauled my Herculean, muscular, young, fit  Adonis-like body from the £300, second-hand, c1968, decrepit, out of action, beige-coloured, rickety recliner, without a twinge from any of the ailments, and singing aloud, ♫ “If I ruled the World” ♫!

Oh, alright then. I fumbled and bumbled my way to the edge of the recliner, leant forward to grab the four-pronged walking stick, missed it and overbalanced. I fell to my Arthur Itis-ridden knees on the floor, agitating the already inflamed rear-end furuncles and piles!   Groggleknockers!

Because of the urgency of the needs of the bladder, I crawled to the EOGPB (Emergency-Overnight-Grey-Plastic-Bucket) to make sure I got there in time.   However, I did manage to arrive in time, and then spent ages waiting for the WSSUL (Weak-Squirty-Spraying-Unremittingly-Long) post-micturition after-dribbling to finish! Crikeyumecky! Brogglesknockersworth!

Getting back up on my feet, really ought to have been filmed for posterity. That, or to be used in educating the young on what to expect when they get old and infirm! Hahaha!

I foolishly tried the computer chair to ease myself up from the floor. Of course, it ran away and knocked the tray off of the Ottoman when they collided! I stayed down on my knees, well, it seemed a sensible idea at the time. And picked I up the bottles, pill box’s, wristwatch and mobile phone that had tumbled from the Ottoman, and put them on the recliner. Then, I used the recliner to attempt to raise my overly-adequately-stomached body from the floor.

It took a fair bit out of me, but perseverance and determination got me up on my feet, just in time for Shoulder-Shuddering Shirley to kick off big time. I imagine it must have looked like some poor devil with St Vitus’s dance (Sydenham’s chorea). I thought it wisest if I sat down again, sharpishly until the shaking had stopped. If Peripheral Pete kicks-off with one of his involuntary Neuropathic Schuhplattler dances, I’ll be going over for sure.

Grobbledangknangles! I sat on the mobile phone, and the rear-end boils and Harold’s Haemorrhoids both let me know of their disapproval! How I wished I could have restarted the day!

After a few minutes, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley had calmed down, and I took the EOGPB with me for cleaning and sanitising to the wet room. I also went through a few moments of surprise, fear and sheer agony; yes, I had to treat the Harolds Haemorrhoids and furuncles at the same time. However, it all went well.

If one drop of Harolds Haemorrhoidal ointment should touch one of my furuncles or boils or visa-versa, I will know about it. I did this last month, and still remember the discomfort, I even cringe when I think about it!

I came out from the wet room half an hour later, feeling rather self-satisfied at how well I thought I’d handled the mornings’ creamings,  so’s to speak! I felt a Smug-Mode coming on.

It’s often a mistake, losing concentration like that, I hit the edge of the door with the right arm and shoulder. Saccades-Sandra was the cause this time, my vision blurring making distance awareness weak.  Blockstooum! Oy Gevalt!

Now I was instantly in a pickle! Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley, Saccades-Sandra, and Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters were failing, Dizzy Dennis was present and ready for action, and Anne Gyna joined in giving me grief.

All I could do was limp to the recliner and sit down in hopes of some sort of recovery. I had a swig of the spring water, closed my eyes and felt so sorry for myself, it sickened even me! Tsk!

Yet, I soon felt much improved in myself. Farrah’s Furuncles and Harold’s Haemorrhoids had both responded to their medications and had eased off tremendously well, within about five minutes. Only Anne Gyna and Nicodemus were persisting. I have to admit, getting back up on my painful uncut-toenailed feet again, I was a little nervous, but things were not as bad I thought they might be. With this morning’s record of calamities, I resisted going into Smug-Mode!

Cautiously off to the kitchenette, and took the morning medications. Late of course, with all the altercationalisationings, suffered.

Worra start to the day, Grumph!

 Then I got the Enoxaparin injection sorted out, no problems and for once, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley and Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters behaved themselves while I performed the medicating.

Then I did the Health Checks, starting with the sphygmomanometer. Oh dearie me, the BP Sys was still a bit high at 172. Mmm!

Next, I did the ear-hole body temperature, and the thermometer told me it was 82.2°. Sounded alright to me?

I got the needle in the Sharps box, I jiggled those inside around a bit, and now there is room for a few more. Cunning eh? Then filled-in the record log in the folder.

I made a brew and took it with me to the computer, and consulted the notepad, cause I was all confused about what had gone on last night and this morning. I set about updating the Saturday blog.

Sadly, as Saccades eased off a little, Nicodemus and Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley both became so naughty and persistent, I knew things were not going to go well with the blogging. So many ailment induced mistakes, and I was ever correcting, and often getting that wrong too! Also, the Microsoft Photo gadget was often not recognising the SD and or drive, things were getting to me now.

Then I needed to go for a Porcelain Throne visit, so I decided to get the ablutions done at the same time. (I think I was hoping that the Microsoft Photo thingy would start working of its own accord while I way away?) It didn’t, of course. Cracklepackers!

They didn’t work out as planned either! As if I wasn’t over two hours behind schedule by now anyway, I found myself sat on the throne, I’m not joking, for over an hour! I sang songs, whistled, planned the end of the world and bringing back hanging, just like yesterdays visit!

Only the product was more substantial and stubborn. When things did start moving, I had to apply as much pressure as I could bear pain-wise to force things along! I even took a photo of the poorly toes and feet while awaiting some action. On the bright side, I don’t know-how, with all the agony I was in, but I finished a crossword! Well, I nearly finished it, I had to look up one clue, but that’s the nearest I’ve been to finishing one since the stroke.

Some slightly streaky blood had flowed, but not much, so I assume this was from Harold’s Haemorrhoids. They had taken a battering this morning. Tsk!

I was drained by the time I finished and sorted everything out. And shortly, it would be time to start prepping Josie’s meal.

So I got on with the ablutioning. A record number of dropsies today. You name it, and it was probably dropped! Although not the showerhead, thankfully.

Two cuts shaving, cleaning the teeth started Toothache Thomas off.

I had a toe-stubbing against the shower chair when I moved it. The showering went okay, bearing in mind I had a few dizzies in there, but I know where the grab rails are now, I’ve grabbed them often enough. Hehe!

I got dressed and very carefully, hobbled to the kitchen. I was determined not to walk into the door again! And I didn’t!

The views from the new, anti-photographer, thick-framed, impossible to get to for cleaning windows, were to me, incredible! It looks like it’s going to stay with us this good weather. I took these three shots, left, ahead and to the right. I used the Canon today, the Nikon is on charging.

The landline flashed. It was Brother-in-Law Pete. We had an excellent nattering session. The lads going into the City Hospital again on Tuesday, for a pet scan. (Well I hope they don’t find any cats in there! Hahaha!) 12:30hrs, He’s due. I told him to take his camera so he could photo the flats. Wished him all the best. I hope that Jane’s coping with it all.

I concentrated on Josie’s nosh then. Buttered kippers, smoked haddock, giant butter beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, and it turned out, one of my best ever tasting cheesy mashed potatoes! A can of G&T and a little lemon cake.

I delivered to her flat door on time, I’m good like that, you know, trying to be punctual! Smug-Mode-Engaged!

Back to the flat, and decided to do the second injection early, so I could concentrate on the blogs. Well, when I dropped the trousers and PPs, just look at what I saw! Blimus!

Now, surely the Tate Gallery must be interested in these? If they can pay a do-do who made a pile of bricks a fortune, what should these fetch? No, you’re right!

Many more hours were lost, thanks to the ailments making typing and concentration so tricky today.

When I went to have a look at what I might have with the leftovers from Josie’s meal, what a shock! It was now past 19:00hrs!

No wonder I was feeling so knackered and had a humdinger of a headache! I got the evening medications imbibed straight away. Better late than never! I had another sachet of Macrogol as well.

I answered some comments on WordPress, but I’m not sure who and what I put for certain. I’m so shattered. Been up for

Got the meal made ASAP. I was so tired and did not make any effort to beautify the feed, just dolloped it in the bowl. But, by-Jimminee, I enjoyed it! A flavour rating of 7.8/10 was granted.

After washing the pots, I somehow found the energy to do a Morrison order. Due on Monday 20th July. I’ll have to manage without the favourites for a while until then. Gives me a chance to get some of the other stuff eaten. It’s just that I do love the lemon mousses so. They had no lemon bleach available – Humph!

I got a bottle of spring water, and orange cordial made up.

I filled in the City Care record log, better late than never, and took the evening medications.

The pots were out of sync. I think with being so confused and tired, I may have taken them twice? Schlepper!

I got down in the recliner, but amazingly was finding it hard to get to sleep! Watched some TV, they brought on a few short minutes-long nod-offs. So that helped a bit.

It was just gone midnight, and I remembered I’d not taken the polyethylene-glycol Macrogol. I got up, went to the kitchen, made the drink and imbibed it.

On the way back to the chair, I somehow got my right leg entangled with the four-pronged walking stick!  How I kept my balance (but it was a good thing I was not carrying anything at the time), I don’t know. A sneaking Semi-Smug-Mode was adopted all the same!

Days like this, I can do without!