Stuck In The Lift Ode



Made redundant, for another job I applied,
I’ve done Nationwide deliveries before, I lied,
Naughty of me, not at all justified!
I fancied getting out and about Nationwide,
Room on the 12th-floor, Which would be wise?
Up by the stairs? No, the lift I did decide,
Into the cage all alone, nervous, not petrified…

The elevator shuddered to a halt, was it alright?
The panel gave a beep-beep, and flashing red light,
An hour later, I was in a pickle and plight,
Interview time had passed, but last night…
I made some sarnies, tomato and Marmite,
Tucked into them, and pondered as I might,
On the missed opportunity for the job…
That made me want to sob.

For desperate for a wee-wee was I ever so!
Another hour before they rescued me, though,
I needed that wee-wee first; I had to go!
Found a toilet, boy did the urine flow!
Searched for DHP offices high & low,

Aha, gorrit, and in I did go, with agusto,
Then found I had another problemo…
‘You’ve come to the wrong place, don’t you know!’
Smethwick you want, east of here you must go,
She tried to ring them, they were incommunicado,
‘They’ve likely all gone home,’ leaving me in limbo!

Trying to look dignified, back to my Triumph Toledo,
To look at the map… but oh, no no no!
A security guard saw it driven out by a fellow,
I called him a useless so and so!
There was this man, me, a saddo fatso…
Crying and screaming like a soprano… although,

I got another interview for the job, you know…
I didn’t get the job, of course, which is no curio!

Memories of Woes

14 thoughts on “Stuck In The Lift Ode

    • A nigtmare getting home afterwards, Tim. I might see if I can rememeber enough to make an ode about the journey? Or not maybe, it’d be hard to create humour into it. Hahaha!

      • Nope, no one was arrested, altough a kind Birmingham police officer did send me a letter, telling me that he knew who took it, but could not prove it. It was comforting when he added, ‘I’ll get the scumbag, he’s aperisitent offender, I’ll have him’ I don’t know if they did, but the insurance paid up, and I got my first 4×4 with the dosh. The Fiat Panda Sisley 4×4. A tiny car, slower than all nmy previous ones, but great in bad weather. Mechanically it never let me down – but the bits that kept falling off of it was a nuisance. Hahah! Prompted my m,emory there, Tim, thanks.

      • Do you know what FIAT means? “Fix It Again Tony.” At least you were paid and got a new a new 4X4.

      • If it was fall-offable, it did! Sunroof, handles, buttins, switches, badges, wipers, headlight catches (I had anightmare night once when one came of, it was like a searchlight – Boy was I popular!), pedals, washer bottle… yet still I loved the little thing. Got me and my mate fishing with all out tackle. Hahaha! And, me beating that Landrover over the mus at Attenborough to get the best fishing spot, well, that memory is os special. Mind you, if the griver knew how to drivei nthe mud, he would have beat me hands down, but he didn’t. You’ve done it again, Tim. Memory prompted me. I fank you.

  1. Hey, I found yer at WordPress…finally. Now I can locate yer incomparable wordlets anywhere on the internetish landscape. That’s a step in the works that makes yer more visible.
    I had not known about a car named Toledo, the one that is in Spain or Northern Ohio.? I oncet borrowered a Ford Cortina back in the early 70’s. I remember those years for the unusual, unique design of French autos. Now, most cars of an average sort all look pretty much the same. Anywhere. Oh well, those days were swell.

    • Hi, Billum!
      If I remember rightly Sir, it was built alongside a SEAT car in Spain, owned by VW, and found mine had been built it Belgium. Stolen, in Birmingham, England. The American owned insurance company paid up. The Canadian owned company I went for a job with, were no interested in using my skills (mostly being able to get lost and stuck in elevators), and I travelled home on a French built train. Hehe!
      Hope that HRH and your good self are doing okay? Humira and Sweet Morpheus wise? TTFN

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