Inchcock Today: The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

Gotten Himmel – Seven Hours Straight-Through sleep!

What a marathon, a pleasurable hypersleep!
When I woke, my joy did reep…
But I’m not going to threap…
But I did spend nearly an hour on the toilet seat!

The carer gals ganged up on me… but I was alreet,
I dropped two tablets, but they only spotted one!
Still, I gave them a nibble and drink as a treat,
If I left it to them, I’d be dead and gone!
Thanked them and carried on…
Getting the beans, seasonings and chunks of meat,
Carefully prepping the chilli for Josie’s luncheon!

I was already feeling somewhat smugger,
Until I went to the Throne, a right bugger!
Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, the flow rate larger…
Then I realised, the fungal lesion was bleeding too!
But I began to get a little cheerier,
One thing that went well though, was the poo!
The Brute worked, and I cleaned up getting things drier,
Again, I as soon felt frumpier,
Had another toe stumper!

Got Josie’s nosh sorted, but it was a scramble…
Too long doing this blog as a preamble…
So I rushed the prepping; took a gamble,
But didn’t land in the proverbial…
The tray prepped, I dropped some bit… that’s immaterial…
It was delivered on time, keeping my record was essential,
Josie was in spirits, a chinwag was attainable,
Wished her good eating, and Josie was delightable!

Back to the kitchen, tap left running again, I’m blameable!
Got the pots washed and put away, then, being so capable…
I’ve the habit of doing this, I dropped the kettle…
Burnt my leg, took ages to clean the mess, I’d had a bellyful!
I’d broken the handle against the table!
Took a photo of the end car park, just because I was able!

My frustrations with myself, are indescribable,
Self-loathing, grudgeful, and yet, also grateful?
I suddenly realised I was really lucky!
Or do I mean highly gullible?
I’m still going, not strong, but plucky…
I’m not sinful, and definitely not skilful…
Why thinking like this, confusion was plentiful,
I’d better get on with the blog before I get forgetful…
Yet, for some reason or other, I don’t feel stressful?.

Local News Snippets

This is a sport?
Violence to report…
A game, tempers short?
Well, not my sort!

Well said Police Officer Sarge…
Amazing, can you enl
Will anyone be charged?
I don’t mean to be a targe!

So sad, I used it so many times!

An anti-social behaviour injunction?
He’s a scumbag, give him a vaccination!
One that might improve his sensitisation…
Pentobarbital should help is putrefaction!

Nottinghamianese to the core!


Fingers crossed!

How many years will the animal be given?
Will he be yet another freed prisoner to kill again?
Judges, parole pillocks show stupefaction…
Or should the question be when?

Another potential killer.

Inchcocks Postcode crime figures…
Can’t say that they assure us…
Police redundancies and station closures!
Stabbings, murders, bleachings, fractures…
The courts give them stiff lectures…
The odd lengthy sentence in the mixtures,
But the worst of devious plicatures…
Are they are better of inside… time for reflectures?

I know, I know… but it rhymes! Hehehe!

Particularly nasty, bearing in mind who she was working for!



♥ I put the photo of Lisa on the header, cause she’s lovely! ♥

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets Series

6 thoughts on “Inchcock Today: The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

  1. Seven hours of lengthy, uninterrupted, restorative sleep is a wonderful way to recuperate. HRH is collecting an hour or so at a time, sounds familiar do it not?
    Speaking of time on throne we are ordering a new toilet seat, as one of the two bolts got sheared off. Hardly a surprise that such an event could ever occur. So now it is receiving international notice.
    The colors on yer nosh plate are well worth that camera click. Nicely arranged too.
    I can always know that it is a Sunday when the name Josie appears. A very kind service to provide for many years now methinks. Good on ya, Sir!
    The hatched area of the visitor parking lot always seems to have an occupant, during the week it is normally that big red van.
    Nothing like amateur football to bring out the worst in our species. Speaking now of American football, the local team, the Bengals, are in the final round of playoffs that end in the Stupor Bowl on the first Sunday in February. It is known for massive consumption of the junkiest of junk foods. It has been 33 years since those Bengals have been in contention.
    80-year-olds seem to get the brunt of the most brutal treatment in N’ham. Why can’t those criminal arses just let someone die of natural causes?
    Sad to see any shop close, but to witness a time-honored small store go out of business at the hands (literally) of shoplifters. Granglesnappingcrappers!!
    48% is quite a sad increase of crime there, including someone biting an officer’s leg. Smash-headed lowlife creepering feeders of the bottom!!!
    May a brilliant Monday appear for yer, kindest Sir!

    • It seems HRH and I share a relationshio with SM.
      Doing, for Josie is getting a little harder work now, but I so like doing it, mate.
      Porcelain Thrones, (much needed) can prove to be a gamble content wise for me. I would dreas owt going wrong while I was seated… Which in one way or another usually does happpen. Hahaha!
      I like your description ‘Stupor Bowl’, afraid it fits me like a glove. I can’t understand how to score it, and manage to fall asleep watching it… I miss the point I think.
      A rarity a natural death in Nottingham. But I’d like one all the same…
      Cripes! I think Herbert has just dropped his toolbox, what a clattering!
      I fear things do not bode well for my home city… Gangs from Poland, Lithuania, Jamaica, and another european country but I cant recall which it was now, were all drugs or human trafficers, up in court last month I found out. Which looks bad for the genuine immigrants, just looking to be safe and get a job to bring their family up.
      Howeverski, may your week ahead, not leave you short of bread, and peaceful times upon your bedstead, your alien creations appear from the planet Gallahaded, or just be happy instead!

      • I feel guilty about not tying SM up with my ability to sleep with the assistance of Sweet Ambien alone. It’s not a bit fair of me, but I content that it is not my fault. Apologies to all with a hope that SM does not get his pay reduced merely because I fall asleep before he gets a chance to arrive. A pox on the thugs who make legimate immigrants look bad, they also have to take the jobs that no citizen would contemplate, works that way over here too, particularly with Mexico. But it is not a mere coincidence that all the town names in Texas and California have Spanish-language names.

      • That felt heartfelt to me, mate!
        Sleepeth away, that’s what I say, while we can… which in HRH’s and my cases, can be a bit hit and miss lately.
        Hello Esther coming in…

      • Thank you for these kind words, Sir. Not having to worry about work-related thought-storm driven problems and awaiting the word that your job has become redundant makes it easier for me to sleep. Watching new episodes on baking shows throughout the planet soothes the wait for Lethe’s arrival.

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