Inchcocks Local News Snippets in Odes

28/01/2022 / Inchie / 10 Comments

Welcome to the Local Nottingham News Snippets Selection. Chosen this week, with many crime reports omitted; Cause I thought you’d be getting fed up with reading them. Ahem!

———————————————————————————————–

A 19-year-old lad, the police suspect of violence,
Part of a gang of yobs, who fractured a lads skull,
Arrested and out on bail as a subsequence…
I hope he’s learnt his lesson… what a load of bull!

Cases down by 7.5%, this should make us hopeful,
Nae… almost glad, nearly joyful…
Then I see this snippet below…
Mmm, what do we know?.

And then…

Jonathan, the criminal, impervious to the right thing to do,
Yet people fall in love with him… desiring him it’s true!
The women want to meet him, and pas de deux…
And some fellas fancy him too…
Well, I’m jealous, and I admit to you…
When sentenced, I hope they deport him to Timbuktu!

So, the robbed family, and all others too…
To keep safe, here’s what you must do…
Be Vigilant, get burglar alarms and CCTV,
Get monitored ones, although it’ll be a high fee,
Ten cameras should do, to keep a good view…
Mayhaps a double-barreled shotgun, or a few?
Should it be sufficient to make the burglars Depardieu?

May they be spotted by a policeman on his beat?
What am I saying, a PC on his beat… they are obsolete!
Get a suitable spray to get them with… spirochaete?
Bribe then not to rob you; ecstasy might be alreet?
Buy a taser, but please do be discreet…
Just for the taxman, ask them for a receipt!

Killer Matthew Farmer, who smiled and winked to police after stabbing his ex-partner 21 times, has been given a life sentence for this murder in his absence. There is a minimum term to serve 29 years before an application can be made for parole.

So, murderer Matthew Farmer turns into an Angel wannabee?
I see the ploy of his solicitor, whoever he may be…
He wants to prove remorse to people on the jury?
No, too late for that; it must be the Parole Board, you see…
To impress the virtual killers by setting them free early!
So when he applies, it may go in his favour… Lordy Me!

Shame he couldn’t kill himself as he did his partner so easily…
If the turd wanted some help, he should have asked me!
So three decades, no tax to pay, better off economically?
Do prisoners have poll tax or rent to pay? Surely…

It would only be right and fair that murderers should do?
Let them earn it, give them hardships; it’s overdue!
If one wants to die, he has the right; indeed, that’s true?
Ban luxuries, give them a book written in Hebrew,

Let them keep their smuggled in or prison-grown weed…
And then, in suicide next time, they can succeed!
I’m not calling for hanging or the use of a thumbscrew!
I just pray that murdering discontinues.

Well sorted, Sir!

I fear this blight is World Wide, seemingly…
The so-called artists, ignorant, are sickeningly…
Uncaring of the damage and ugliness they bring,
They all have a humanity and compassion deficiency,
There is no solution; the law is fiddledeedee!

When my carer read this out to me,
Although it’s happening is sad, you see…
I just couldn’t help bursting out with a “Hehehe!”

YourArea Scratch Card

Three tries this week to find three green houses.
Not doing very well, am I?

The Nottinghamshire Police are gathering injury after injury,
They get little support from judges or the jury…
Parole Board pillocks freeing prisoners early…
No wonder the officers are so grumpy and surly…
Arrestees think the courts are like a matinee!

Another murder in Nottingham then…
Saying nowt about this one, I’m not in the ken,
Little to report other than violence again…
It may get better… but when?

Horrendous!

The very cheek and impertinence,
No insurance, no tax, and no licence,
No MOTs either; he didn’t want the inconvenience,
He was bailed under his own cognisance!.

There is no detail of what offences are marked on, nor the time or date. Be interesting to see one v the present day?

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets in Ode

Inchcock Today: Briefly with Political Ode

27/01/2022 / Inchie / 2 Comments

Maybe through the joys of ageing and dementia?
Gone are my days of romance and adventure,
Adventure is now trying a chilli-burger…
Pleasure is wee-weeing, not spraying my attire,
Porcelain Throneing can be a lot bloodier…
I can no longer do the Twist or Conger!
One time, I was known as a keen jogger…
Ageing and ailments, each can be a cruel bugger!?

Wednesday 26th January 2022

After a few hours of waking and drifting off again repeatedly, I rose gingerly, caught my balance, and sensed the warm damp feeling from the Protection Pants area. (Humph!) So, the first mission was to grab Metal Mickey and hobble to the wet room. Which I did.

The normal suffrage of pain getting things cleaned up and medicated. Little Inchies fungal lesion had bled well. But at least I caught it before the blood had dried and gone hard… it’s always agony getting the PP’s off and reopening the lesion if that happens. So, despite the pain, I was moving toward a chirpy outlook on things. (Which in itself is a rarity, nowadays, but it was not to last for long!).

Had a wash and shave, did the teggies, and got dressed. I’ve got a food delivery coming today… I think, from Ocado. It came shortly but had not supplied the veg that Sister Jane wanted, “Humph”.

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP: Into the kitchen… to find I’d left the oven on and the cold water tap running last night! The self-loathing and foul language instantly began with a venom that surprised me. So I hate myself that much? Well, yes, I suppose I do? Or maybe not… It’s just Vascular Dementia-Doris that causes these problems that I really hate!

However, a couple of slices of luck did ease my self-denunciatory outbursts somewhat. At least it was the cold water tap, and there was no plug left in the sink, so no flooding! And there was no food in the oven to burn. So really, it was like a Semi-Whoopsiedangleplop? (I smiled writing that!)

Working on the blog. Carer Richard arrived. I did the BP checks, and Richard recorded them as the new instructions for the next three days. A great result, miles lower than yesterday.

Then the food… Hahaha!

Got the bags into the kitchen.

As you may know, I got some ridiculously overpriced Kenyan podded peas, a weakness of mine. Part baked cobs. Desserts and M&S mini potatoes. (I had some later, these were totally tasteless!) Cornish pasties, yellow and Natoora black tomatoes (Delicious!) Also, a new M&S product, Marmite rings

The meaty, tasty Natoora Tomatoes!

The bank-manager-upsetting Marmite Dinky Cheese Wheels from Marks & Spencers. The whole packet weighed only about 4 ounces!

Potato Rosti Cakes, I’ve not had these for years. Due to not being able to get into the M&S store basement food hall nowadays, so looking forward to trying these later in the week.

Snapped the end car park situation. The small red car was in Red Van’s parking spot in the hatched no parking zone. The red van is still in the proper parking area. It seems residents have decided to ignore the yellow lines altogether.

☎ I got a call from QMC (Queens Medical Centre), Ophthalmology Department. The lovely lady asked me if I could get in on Sunday, for my first consultation meeting with an Optometrist, regarding the Cataract operations. Blimey, this was a quick appointment, I thought!

Then when she said with it being on a Sunday (Next), the realisation dawned on me, as she said there would not be any transport provided for me. Getting a taxi with the three-wheeled walker was not practical. And the buses were scarcer on Sundays and weekends. She said okay when I explained my having Vascular Dementia and not being very mobile. She would inform them and make another appointment, but this may take a while. She’ll arrange a lift for me.

Two weeks since my referral. So I imagine I’ll go back to the end of the queue again now? Which is a smidge deflating. But, fingers crossed. 🤞

Even when, or if, the Cataracts are ever done, then the Glaucoma and Saccades need doing. Hopefully, the glaucoma treatment will involve only eye drops?

If I live long enough, it will be more challenging than ever every morning, then: The new eye drops, ear drops three times a day already and rubbing in the Phorpain gel into Arthur Itis knees, and Back-Pain Brenda twice a day minimum. Little Inchies fungal lesion medicationing, nasal sprays… Not to mention all the medications that the Carers may or may not arrive to issue me with. Or the BP taking and recording, temperature, pulse… Humph! Oh, dearie me! Haha!

Wrote during a moment of inspirationing!

Still, that’s enough of the good things…
For life is full of political hornswogglings…
Lies, deceit, and human trafficking!
Politicians, fiddling and grovelling…
Respect, empathy and compassion annulling,
Violence, hatred, mugging, knifing and brawling…
Life has become scary, frightening and appalling!

Politicians deceit, egotism, conceitedness and backpedalling,
Back-handed best friends, particularly Dominic Cummings!
With his pathetic excuses, lies and manoeuvrings…
His utter contempt, for the populace, the human beings…
Government full of fan-dangling, flannelling and fumbling!
Faltering, fearmongering, with self-profiting festering!

The voters ignored, workers let down, shortchanging!
They are good at covering-up disinformation orchestrating…
Duplicitous fibbing, cheating enshrouding, and suppressing,
Will they ever become open and honest? No, that’s dreaming!
You’d have more chance of murderer hanging, reinstating!
We will never see political honestly and reliability purging…
Could you imagine the truth of Cummings divulging?
For too long now, MPs morality has been haemorrhaging!

Then, there’s the Royal Let-Down!

He is loathed, detested, his actions despised…
Acting snotty about it, not very wise, he’s execrated,
It’s time the pompous, imperious brat was excoriated!
And the truth declared after it’s been traced!

He’s seeking a US jury trial, which may take a while,
He’ll not be treated as any rank and file…
The thought of special treatment brings up my bile…
I’m not saying he’s an ephebophile or paedophile…
But getting to the truth would be worthwhile,
Acting superior is inbred with Andrew; he’s no style…
Will we ever get to the truth – or am I being puerile?

Please enjoy,
Lightheartedly,
Some fiddledeedee…
Thrown in by me…
Can’t help it, you see…
I’ll have to flee,
Time for a wee-wee…
Then a mug of Glengettie tea!

Part of the Inchcock’s make them Laugh: In Ode Series

Letdown by Meridian Health & Social Care again – Then lifted by Carer Julia!

26/01/2022 / Inchie / 2 Comments

Ratings on a Job Site

Ponderings in Ode

Searching for details on the Cataract operations,
I don’t suppose I’ll need a paediatrician or rhetorician?
The last operation I had, was done by an Abyssinian,
The recovery was run by a pretty Australian…
My dear carer, which helps me, is an Arizonian!
Hope whoever does my eyes is not an anthropophaginian!
The nurse thinks my stuttering could be aspergerian?
Mmm!

I hope things go well, even more, that they happen…
That on the operating table, I don’t need a crappen…
They do both the eyes same day… could this be then?
They say not; this is what reason was told to me…
If you have another condition affecting your eyes, you see…
Such as diabetes, saccades or glaucoma, trouble might be,
You’ll still have limited vision, even after successful surgery!
Well, that’s encouraging; I have all the above three!
Plus, if there is any delay in operating – I’ll have to hold my wee-wee!
Hehehe!

What I need with Meridian is communication,
No carer called, I could have been on the floor with a concussion,
Their failures so regular means no jollification…
For Inchcock, they say nowt, just fail to come = depression!
Fretting starts the jumping jerking in the neurotransmission!
How I feel now, I’ll have to show some suppression…
I feel so let down through Meridians transgression!
I now rate them as inadequate and feel great derision!
Time to get rid of them, I’ve made a decision!

Away with these worries and procrastination…
Let’s face it, their undersupported, underfunded…
So accepting their failures is the only solution…
Is to up the costs… surely a fictionalisation?
When they do not call, why are charges not refunded?
Sad!

We pray, unbelievingly for reliability, an idealisation…
Is someone involved, getting looked-after, backhanded?
I think not… the ‘Caring’ industry shows imperfection,
Sticking with the devil, you know, although cackhanded…
It might be the best choice, on reflection!
Humph!

Fodder fed furiously into my face,

♥ Angel Of Mercy Arrives! ♥

Carer Julia arrived; I had to stop myself shouting hurrays!
Her care, helpfulness and empathy, they never strays…
For this gal (who I fell in love with) deserves all my praise,
I’ll ask her if she wants to adopt a grandad one of these days!
She cared for me with patience, went beyond the mark…
She contacted the Chemist; this freed my wark!
I was soon as happy as an elderly skylark…
Took my BP, Julia to the Healthline did remark…
The resulting figures, a little high, but Julia set the wark…

I’m to check it in the morning, if high, to call an ambulance,
And to agree to do so, in compliance…
Within minutes I’d lost my stubborn defiance…
Hatred of Meridian failings, thanks to Julia’s caring brilliance!

She was so careful and knowledgeable in who to contact and what to ask them about the dangers of my missing the morning medications. I felt so cared for suddenly, thanks, Julia! ♥

The gal had even packed and posted off the books for Lisa and Bill in the USofA for me; bless her Cotton Socks! ♥ She would not accept the money until she had brought the receipt with her on her next call. Soon, I hope. I thanked the gal and was almost sad when she left after giving me much time and care. ♥

But cheered when I remembered the TV was working again. And that was only due to Esther sorting things out, and I sent off the right TV remote that worked without any resettings.

So, another Angel’s help. ♥

Suddenly, life ain’t quite so bad!

Inchcock: Fun Graphics wot I Dun

25/01/2022 / Inchie / 7 Comments

Old and new graphics done for fun

TFZer = Troll Free Zone member

Older First

TFZer Marie ♥

TFZer Julie ♥

TFZers Winner Lillie ♥

TFZers Janet, Marie. Heather & Gladys ♥

TFZer Pattie ♥

TFZer Winner! ♥

TFZer Group Graphics

TFZers: Meritt canoeing, all the others in the background ♥

Newer Graphics

TFZer Janet BM ♥

TFZer Lona ♥

TFZers Janet A & Jillie ♥

TFZers Marie, Thomas & Gerry ♥

TFZer Pattie ♥

TFZer Thomas G

♥ TFZer Janet A, with pets! ♥

♥ TFZer Aussie Mary ♥

♥ TFZer Nancy ♥

♥ TFZer Gladys ♥ Meritt watching? Hehe!

♥ TFZer Lona ♥

Cyber-Buddies Lisa ♥ & Bill

♥ ♥ ♥

Footnote:

It’s taking longer and longer to get these graphics done. The Cataracts seem to be getting worse all the time. So I put these on while I could and hope the operations are successful and get back to having the time to make them. I shall stubbornly continue to do my bestest and refuse to give up on them. Cause I love doing them on CorelDraw and Paint. But, there may be fewer produced, and for a while after each operation – which of course, have not even been arranged yet. Another wave of Coronavirus and they may never get done and sorted. Fingers crossed! TTFNski, each.

Inchcock Today Monday 24th January 2022

24/01/2022 / Inchie / 26 Comments

Inchcock Today Monday 24th January 2022

Horrible Night!

Waking up all through the night, 4 times an hour on averagely!
Each time, Thought-Storms rampant, both knees hurting arthritically,
Wee-wees galore, getting up and down, good exercise, physically…
Getting out and in the chair went painfully, almost backbreakingly,
On one visit to the nocturnal wee-wee bucket, suddenly…
I realised the time, t’was time to get up, sadly!

However, the Thought-Storms continued, affecting me badly,
Howling around the mind, numbers, calculations, mathematically…
Ghosts, fears, hopes and confusions, mixed maniacally…
Went to fill the kettle, but put water in the saucepan; pathetically!
Left the hot tap running, dropped the milk… I spoke cursingly!
Oh, I wish the Thoughts would leave me, but no, sadly!

Carer Richard arrived, which seemed to ease my mental disarray,
We chatted, both of us relating many a memory,
We have a lot in common, medically…
Although I must say, not academically,
Our natterings went most ambiguously,
I can still access my long-term memory!

My views and thoughts on life today go anachronistically?
If I’ve got the wrong word there, please forgive me…
Richard departed, the brain stopped acting ballistically…
The wee-weeing steadied down… but not entirely,
Cheered up a smidge, I went to get my Strawberry sundae,
But found it had a use-by date on it, for last Friday!

Made a start to this blog, checked the day…Monday,
Thought I’d make a sarnie, last of the beef, oh, Ya!
But the beef had gone off, more stuff to throw away!
Back to the computerisationing, went on an Odeing foray!
Taking time to find a rhyming word, I forgot what I was going to say!
Porcelain Throne time… what will it be like today…,

Oh, that was fine, not messy, good texture… and no delay!
Easiest and pain-free than for many a day!
Coming out, all chuffed, I stubbed my toe on the way…
Shaking Shaun, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, have gone away…
Only just typed this, and Shirley began to jump and flay…
Contentment and hope, I should not really display!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Photographicalisationings

Got the camera out, and found some snaps I’d taken earlier. I don’t think I’ve blogged them yet, but I could be wrong. It has been known!

Josies Sunday Lunch

My Sunday Lunch

My Second Sunday Lunch!

Yes, a little embarrassing that was. I forgot I’d had an earlier nosh, and made another. I gobbled it all up mind. Glutton!

Strayed off of my plans again,
My memory is such a pain…
Got a shave, cleaned the teeth,
Hit my knee on the bucket beneath…
But I mustn’t and won’t complain…
My higher spirits I want to maintain!
Back to photographing again…

The red van parked in the car park? No, surely…
Good heavens, Gore Blimey, and lackaday,
The red van had to park proper… Mayday!
It’s the black car in his way…
Parked in his illegal spot today!
All I can say is Hahaha!

A misty morning dawning,
Stayed this way all day…
Door chime ringing, it’s Josie!
Returning her Sunday dish and tray,
Said she enjoyed it immensely…
That perked me up, egotistically!.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Thoughts

I’ve lived my life, caringly, blindly and anacreontically,
But mostly I suppose it’s been okay, absobloodylutely,
I must have been old minded at birth, characteristically,
There have been moments of my living abstemiously…
I never fitted in, why I didn’t even like Old Mother Riley!
I’d turn from shyly to bravely, and back again, abruptly…
Rarely aggressively, agitatedly, or abrasively,
Often agonisingly, agreeably, and absentmindedly!
Now I live with depression and insanity…
But try to hang on to my natural humanity…
Vascular dementia, stroke, means mental abnormality,
But it’s all part of life, along with dying eyesight, apparently?
Forgetting new things brings forth my acting apologetically,
I admit to acting more and more confusedly…
But this only happens when I remember, I live pathetically,
Abstractedly, physically arduously, but I love laughter abundantly!

By gum, that was deep in parts. Did I write it?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Hello, Esther came in, (Just finished taking an urgent wee-wee in the bucket, too!) She’d picked up a parcel in the lobby, and brought it up for me, bless her. It was the TV remote control that amazon said would be arriving on the 28-29th January? Great! She is going to do my washing that the Meridian Care shower failed to do last Friday!

Wallah! Got the batteries into the remote and tried it out. Tales of the unexpected were one too!

Time to get this blog sent off, and get summat to eat.

Keep safe all!

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh In-Ode Series

Inchcock Today: The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

23/01/2022 / Inchie / 6 Comments

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

Gotten Himmel – Seven Hours Straight-Through sleep!

What a marathon, a pleasurable hypersleep!
When I woke, my joy did reep…
But I’m not going to threap…
But I did spend nearly an hour on the toilet seat!

The carer gals ganged up on me… but I was alreet,
I dropped two tablets, but they only spotted one!
Still, I gave them a nibble and drink as a treat,
If I left it to them, I’d be dead and gone!
Thanked them and carried on…
Getting the beans, seasonings and chunks of meat,
Carefully prepping the chilli for Josie’s luncheon!

I was already feeling somewhat smugger,
Until I went to the Throne, a right bugger!
Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, the flow rate larger…
Then I realised, the fungal lesion was bleeding too!
But I began to get a little cheerier,
One thing that went well though, was the poo!
The Brute worked, and I cleaned up getting things drier,
Again, I as soon felt frumpier,
Had another toe stumper!

Got Josie’s nosh sorted, but it was a scramble…
Too long doing this blog as a preamble…
So I rushed the prepping; took a gamble,
But didn’t land in the proverbial…
The tray prepped, I dropped some bit… that’s immaterial…
It was delivered on time, keeping my record was essential,
Josie was in spirits, a chinwag was attainable,
Wished her good eating, and Josie was delightable!

Back to the kitchen, tap left running again, I’m blameable!
Got the pots washed and put away, then, being so capable…
I’ve the habit of doing this, I dropped the kettle…
Burnt my leg, took ages to clean the mess, I’d had a bellyful!
I’d broken the handle against the table!
Took a photo of the end car park, just because I was able!

My frustrations with myself, are indescribable,
Self-loathing, grudgeful, and yet, also grateful?
I suddenly realised I was really lucky!
Or do I mean highly gullible?
I’m still going, not strong, but plucky…
I’m not sinful, and definitely not skilful…
Why thinking like this, confusion was plentiful,
I’d better get on with the blog before I get forgetful…
Yet, for some reason or other, I don’t feel stressful?.

Local News Snippets

This is a sport?
Violence to report…
A game, tempers short?
Well, not my sort!

Well said Police Officer Sarge…
Amazing, can you enlarge?
Will anyone be charged?
I don’t mean to be a targe!

So sad, I used it so many times!

An anti-social behaviour injunction?
He’s a scumbag, give him a vaccination!
One that might improve his sensitisation…
Pentobarbital should help is putrefaction!

Nottinghamianese to the core!

Worrying!

Fingers crossed!

How many years will the animal be given?
Will he be yet another freed prisoner to kill again?
Judges, parole pillocks show stupefaction…
Or should the question be when?

Another potential killer.

Inchcocks Postcode crime figures…
Can’t say that they assure us…
Police redundancies and station closures!
Stabbings, murders, bleachings, fractures…
The courts give them stiff lectures…
The odd lengthy sentence in the mixtures,
But the worst of devious plicatures…
Are they are better of inside… time for reflectures?

I know, I know… but it rhymes! Hehehe!

Particularly nasty, bearing in mind who she was working for!

Argh!

LATE NEWS FLASH!

♥ I put the photo of Lisa on the header, cause she’s lovely! ♥

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets Series

Inchcock Today

22/01/2022 / Inchie / 9 Comments

Inchcock Today

Fings ain’t too good. But I’m absolutely fed up with hearing myself moan and waffle on about things. So, I won’t!

Photos from yesterday and today…

Carer… erm… Sorry, I’ve forgotten her name.

Intercom screen (Yes, it worked!)

Today

Got up late today. Then, remembered that the Iceland delivery came yesterday! Thought the Iceland delivery was due, so took this snap of the bitterly cold mornings view and shot (Hehe!), well hobbled into the wet room to ready the things for the ablutioning.

Back into the kitchen to make a brew of Glengettie. Took another snap of the moon I spotted. I sometimes notice these things!

Ten minutes or so later, I spotted that I had not turned on the kettle at the power socket. Various words of self-derision were spouted.

Waiting for the kettle again, I took this snap of the City Hospital in the morning mist. I made the brew and took it with me into the wet room to save time. As the Carer is due shortly. So I still had to rush the session a bit. But it didn’t help; in fact, it took me longer than it usually does. The task of stopping the bleeding from one particular shaving cut took yonks. Then, I needed the Porcelain Throne.

Harold’s Haemorrhoids had been bleeding so much I cracked the dried blood as I took off the Protection Pants! But they did a great job of holding things in. Good job. I hadn’t put the Morrison ones on; I think they would not have coped with this flood. Of course, another half-hour lost sorting, medicating and cleaning up! Hey-Ho

Waiting for the somewhat late Carer to arrive, I went on CorelDraw to make some graphics up. Gawd, I spent hours on it. Everything took even longer than usual, and I made a couple of cock-ups by shaking in my right hand. And they were sorted out with pure luck. I’d frozen CorelDraw altogether! Not the foggiest idea how I did so; just blessedly relieved that I managed to.

A landline call came in. I thought it might be Sister Jane. But no! It was Meridian Care’s top office. The Carer would be late coming. Nay bothers, I pressed on with the graphicationalisationing and Accifauxpas making. But did manage to do a couple of graphics done in advance. Before two, I say two carers arrived. Never been done so quickly. Treated the gals, and off they shot off, taking my waste bags to the chute with them. I thank you!

Already late in the day now, I pressed on with another graphic. I don’t want to show them directly, or it just might spoil the enjoyment of my multitudinous host of followers. Sometimes they both visit my site on the same day.

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP – ACCIFAUXPAS!

As I proceeded in a Westerly direction, to my dismay…
Towards the front room with the food on the tray…
Do I really need to say?
Shaking Shaun arrived, and my grip on the tray gave way…
I dropped the lot, ruining hopes for this horrible Saturday!
I don’t think I reacted ballistically…
But, my self-annoyance rose dramatically!
Fetched the cleaning stuff from the wet room quickly…
Where I saw my undrunk cold mug of Glengettie!
I got the cleaning up done, very carefully,
The job was painful, annoying, and most stressfully…
I didn’t get Humpty, only with myself, quite rightly…
But things changed to almost getting tearfully…

I stubbed my toe getting back up off of the floor!
Hit my elbow in doing so; now that was also sore!
The Dark Depression took over, to my discomfiture!
I was testing my own mental infrastructure…
Am I mad, I thought… everything I do, withers, for sure!
Silly thoughts reigned… about my constant failure…
The rest of the day, the depression was wearing and dour!
Huh! I suddenly realised I’d not taken a shower!

Moments ago, went in to make another brew, indeed…
So, now I’ve got to sort myself out with another feed…
My energy, concentration limits I exceed…
First, there is another job to do, a regular need…
Even if my logicality and thought power do recede…
Got to finish and post this Ode, I must heed,
I hope that shortly, sanity will intercede?
Whoops, it’s time that I wee’d!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Inchcock Today – Just a graphic wot I made

21/01/2022 / Inchie / 27 Comments

Billum treats Inchcocks Ailments!

Lobotomy Sorted Out The Problems

HRH Lisa, Problem Sorter Outer, Ether-Carer to Inchcock, Electrician & Nurse (and a cracking looker) was at hand throughout the operation. First Aid box at the ready. Backing up professor Billum all the way.
The electrics and life monitorings were handled by Alan.

Billum prepared for the removal of the brain. Amazingly, Inchcock felt not a single pain! He was put at rest, by HRH covering his head area in Phorpain, and giving him an iced lolly.
The kindness showed by Billum, was gobsmacking. (They actually had to smack his gob to bring him round later, when refitting the brain and reattaching his head; but that’s for part two to come later.) Billum had thought of everything beforehand, he’d been planning this procedure for over two days, in his glasshouse laboratory.
He explained that when the brain comes out, Inchcock may not notice any difference, but not to worry.

Because a false moustache, spectacles, hearing aids, a missing many teeth plastic mouth, and a BO spray would be adorned on the brain straight away; so that it would feel at home without Inchcocks mass of blubber and accoutrements surrounding it.
He even supplied mini-walking sticks, crutches, and had the foresight to keep giving the brain a clout now and then, so, as he named him, Brian the Brain would not miss Inchcocks pains from tumbles, walking into things ad the desperate pain from the overactive bladder, Brilliant!

I’m afraid this will have to be caught up with later, because Inchcock’s eyes are too bad to continue, sorry. He may have to skip a blog or two, or just put a few words on. The poor old git is not too good at the moment. The eyes and bladder are the two main reasons.

Professor Billum started with Inchcock’s worst affected area, naturally the brain, but Billum had to take it out first.

Cheers, each.

Inchcock Today Diary – In part Ode

20/01/2022 / Inchie / 8 Comments

Concept Mobile Graphic Wot I Dun

I got carried away making it. Hehe!

Thursday 20th January 2022

Inchcock Today Diary

Later, I found this photo of last evenings meal,
Chilli beans, Cornish pastie, potatoes, no big deal…
I recall eating it with a particular zeal…
And dropping the cutlery… painful when I had to kneel!
Then, sleeping began to appeal!

The nocturnal wee-wees had come back…
I woke up in a flap,
Dentists and all that,
Had to clean the flat,
Lost me bobble hat…
My mind was all over, what a prat!
I walked into the doorframe hurt my back!

Suffered on the Porcelain Throne – diarrhoeal!
Cut me a few times shaving; things were not ideal!
Clouted the back of the right heel…
That didn’t make me feel very genteel!
Carer Richard called, made time for a bit of spiel,
After he’d gone, an Accifauxpa made me squeal!
Rushing in my panic to get readied in time, rhinorrhoeal!
By hitting my nose opening the cupboard door – Schlemiel!

07:30hrs, I set out on my hobble down to Sherwood,

On my mission to the Dentist, I pursued…
Time for some shopping, into the Co-op I perused…
No fresh peas, fish sauce or smoked ham, I perceived…
So I put the bananas back, and swiftly I did leave!

I called into Wilko, which is on Mansfield Road,
Did I buy much? Nope, out of stock on things a load!
No bleach, mixing bowls, much stuff I don’t need or use,
This caused some silently muttered verbalistics!

I arrived in time for the Dentist’s appointment. Struggled up the two 12″ steps into the hallway with the trolley and hobbled into the hallway and the reception area. Bruised from the effort to gain entry! I can’t cope with doing this part of my journey in Ode.

Reported to the Obergruppenfürheress ladies behind the smash-proof, bank-like counter. I was instructed to take a seat, so I took a seat. Got the crossword book out after 15 minutes of trying to read the labels on disinfectants I’d bought from Wilko. At least I could just make out the clues. I got stuck into the crossword and realised I’d been there for almost an hour beyond the appointment time?

While I was building up the courage to ask one of the ladies… one came over to me. Bless her, she was very patient with me:

“Your Dentist is two floors up the stairs, and we don’t think you are going to make it…” I rudely interrupted and explained: “I’ve not been up to there for the last five visits? I’ve been in the ground floor front surgery, I assumed that my disablement was the reason, so how do I find myself back up in Gods?” (Smilingly)

She said, “It depends on which Dentist is in on the day and the procedure needing to be done.” If you don’t mind, waiting for another half hour, we can get you in the front then?” My reply was, “Fair enough, thank you very kindly.” And back to the crossword-puzzling, I went.

Sure enough, true to her word, a nurse came to collect me, and into the front surgery, I was led. I was being careful not to hit anyone with the walker trolley. We got in, and down in the seat come chair thingy, I was met with this face of the Doctor…

No messing about with this Dentist. As she was filling the tooth in, she gently moved the loose one at the front that I was concerned about and declared it should last another six months, so make an appointment on your way out. She’d filled the Teggy in, in less than five minutes! What? Can I have her next time? Hahaha!

Paid my dues, and the kind receptionist who spoke with me earlier escorted me to the front door and held it open for me. Then helped me down the external steps with the trolley. Thank you, kind lady, ♥

At the bus stop, I met Esther. Who caught the same bus up to the flats with me. Caroline, from the end care home, also joined us. Hahaha! And I found myself trying to talk with two women at the same time… that was oddly lovely for me. Esther said she would call to see me later. Back to the flat…

I sorted out the bits I’d bought and prepped the meal for tonight; the Meridian manager, Natalie, called on me. About six weeks ago, Jillie asked if they could do my washing once a week on a Friday. They can, but it will cost. Naturally! And in the meantime, I’ve had Esther doing the laundry for me? Tsk! We’ve heard nothing back until today.

When Esther arrived, she got in touch with a chap about my missing TV remote control, and when she called on me later, noticed the state of the desks and counter, and set too, cleaning the TV and desk up for me. Then… She called the gentleman after she got the numbers off the TV set, and the man gave her a number of the remote I would need to get. And I went on Amazon and found one. I ordered it straight away. I know I only usually watch an hour a day (Heartbeat), but I often leave it on when I cannot get to sleep, which does sometimes help. Now how kind was that! I know she is a cleaning lady, but above and beyond was her kindness today.

Hahaha! The remote looks just like the throne I lost, so finding the button and which to use should be easy now that I can’t read them. In fact, the print had been rubbed off with so much use over the many years in the old one. Haha!.

First Sundown Photo

Around about 14:00hrs, I began to do this blog. It is now gone 19:00hrs, and I’m only up to here… Sad, innit?

Carer Elena Called

The gal was in a hurry tonight. But Elena checked the medications taking well and caught me dropping two tablets after taking them. Thank You, petal Elena. ♥ She was soon off again after doing an excellent job on me… Medications, I mean, of course!

Sundown Photo Over an hour

Beautiful – Despite the freezing weather!

State of Mind Report

A changeable day, I’ve tried to go with the flow,
A few times today, I’ve stubbed a toe…
Met folks by chance; that was nice, though…
But the teeth and eyes are about to go…
Operations in line, it’s no good moaning, you know…
I’ll stay a thick, demented, happy old so and so…
By the way… the bus driver called me gringo!.

Hey-Ho, Hey-Ho,
To the Porcelain Throne, I’ll go,
Try to control the evacuations flow…
And, without even stubbing any toe!
I’ll insist on being calm and mellow,
I’ll finish this blog after business in the bog…
Although my mind is in a hazy fog…
I’ll make a meal, eat it, and lay in the chair – doggo!

Cheerio!

Medieval Two-Sleeps – With Ode to it

19/01/2022 / Inchie / 18 Comments

I am not a historian, intellectual, or even satisfactorily educated Nottinghamian. But for some reason, I clicked on this when I opened the computer. I was fascinated with this medieval habit of taking two sleeps. And finding out why they did so. I just had to share the link below. I put in the first few paragraphs.

BBC Two Sleeps

By Zaria Gorvett – 10th January 2020

The forgotten medieval habit of ‘two periods of sleep‘

I hope you can time to have a nip through this. It has kicked off a desire for me to find out more.

ODE TO TWO-SLEEPS

I came across this fascinating article, by chance,
Despite twixt me and education, there’s no relevance,
It got my brain going with interest and considerance,
To learn more of how mankind lived, in its nascence
Detailed facts of what they had to experience…

No drains, running water, out of the window with the effluence!
Of course, there were murders, muggings and fraudulence…
Someone tipping pee on you would cause some incongruence?
They’d not recognise it, but there must have been dissonance?
They’d send you to the madhouse without any evidence…
The local barber would pull your teeth without competence!
Then charge you as much as threepence!

I imagine the pubs would have a smell of abhorrence?
But they’d all stink, so it made little difference…
The brewers cleaned the vats with bleach: Commonsense?
Many citizens died, as a consequence,
Death Certificated: ‘Death by flatulence!’
In a highly abbreviated form of Latin, hence… poignance,
Not that many could read English, no chance!

Back to the Two-Sleep Theme

I wish I could have had two last night…
I nodded of quick enough and woke at midnight…
From then on, sleeping for more than five minutes was a fight!
I lost count of the wakening, expecting to see the dawnlight,
Each waking, I felt pretty sprite,
Not a single wee-wee, something wasn’t right!
The minutes crawled, tried to get back to sleep… well, I might!
My silently-mouthed cursing was pretty unerudite,
Waking up every ten-minute, made me annoyed and contrite,
Still, Little Inchie unused, the fungal lesion, caused disquiet,
I was awake more than asleep in hindsight – it made me uptight!
Not had such a lousy night for at least a fortnight…
Nattering to myself, nonsense mostly, proper blatherskite!
I wish I could have had just a two-minutes-sleep last night…