Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder Tries to Interviews Inchcock!

It’s been in the news lately about the failure of a Nottingham Lad, Juan Inchcock (68) to get himself adopted.



Marissa Mandible Grinder

He claimed that this miscarriage of justice was the fault of the Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team. Saying they were wrong in divulging his insanitary habits and illnesses in the advertising when trying to get him re-homed, and that is why no-one came forward to offer him a home to live in, in safety.


Mike Steedenski

Having been unsuccessful in his attempts to convince the Nottingham Social Services of his urgent need for sheltered housing or to be adopted, Juan Inchcock employed retired Big Issue seller tunred spiv, Mike Steedenski to act on his behalf in suing the Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team.

This didn’t work out as planned however.

At the first meeting arranged by Mr Steedenski for Inchcock, it happened to be on one of Juan’s off days unfortunately.

Waiting for him were the Chief Constable for Metropolitan Police District of West Ham and the Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder at the reception desk.

He arrived at the Offices still wearing his pyjamas, and was soon puzzled as to he got there in them and why the Chief Constable for the Metropolitan Police District of West Ham was in attendance!


Juan’s First Visit


Shirley shift Juan off site

The Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder snapped her fingers and the Security Guard Shirley Meatmuncher attended and pointed to the door, accidentally knocking him off his walking stick then smiling as returned to her other duties.

Inchcock’s Mr Steedenski gathered him up and took him back to his flea-pit to get changed and return later in proper clothes.

He dropped Inchcock off in his £79,505 BMW M5 30 Years Edition, which has a ‘limited’ top speed of 199mph. On the road, that translates to a claimed 0-62mph time of 3.9sec, that limited 199mph top speed, while still managing a not-terrible 28.5mpg and CO2 emissions of 231g/km. As per protocol, it’s strictly rear-wheel drive. Power’s sent via a seven-speed dual clutch gearbox, which has had a few light software upgrades to cope with the extra muscle. Which, if our maths is correct, gives the 1870kg 30 Jahre a power to weight ratio of 317bhp per tonne. Underneath, you’ll find the same stuff as you would under the M5 Competition Package, so 10mm lowering springs, 20-inch wheels with 265/40 front tyres and huge 295/40s in the back. Elsewhere, the 30 Jahre has new steering and differential software, matt silver metallic bodyw… Sorry I got a bit carried off the storyline there…


Juan’s Second Visit

Mr Steedenski told Inchcock to get into some different attire and he’s meet him back at the Nottingham City Council’s Fostering and Adoption Service in Nottingham.

Unfortunately Inchcock had one of his funny turns when he was getting changed.

However he did change into some different attire and returned to the Nottingham City Council’s Fostering and Adoption Service offices… The Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder had waited for him to come back so long, he had grown and restyled her hair. 


Security Guards Gaz and Lennard

This time he was thrown into the street unceremoniously. With Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder enjoyed giving the security burly guards a helping hand, although she maintained her smile throughout the belting she gave Inchcock.

She pointed out as she was giving him another belt around the head that if he didn’t return wearing decent clothes he would never get adopted or get a meeting with her again!

As Inchy burst into tears, he got out his pensioners bus-pass and made his way to the bus stop, sobbing uncontrollably.

He returned yet again to the Nottingham City Council’s Fostering and Adoption Service offices in Nottingham, nervous and timid as he approached the excellent landed of right hooks Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder, the West Ham Chief Constable and the turn-coat spiv Mr Steedenski who had joined with the others now as they paid him more.


Juan’s Third Visit

Juan looked around shaking and twitching a tad to see if the Security Guards were approaching him. This time he had on his usual unwashed and unkempt attire and carried his usual bags with his spectacles cases, pigeon seed, mallard duck meal-worms, his medical information card, nibbles, pound shop umbrella, pens and pad, his medications, spare hearing aid batteries and his Ration-Card. We have yet to discover why he has always carried his Ration-Card with him since 1953?

The Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder had changed her hair style back by now, but still had that adorable smile on her face.

By then it near to closing time and they told Inchcock to come back again tomorrow.

Santa01Depressed, he made his way to the Okoku Bantu Social Centre and his friends.

But they had banned him due to his emissions of wind of late being slightly pungent and considered lethal.

 More down now, the sad figure of Inchcock limped back to his hovel, dejected and morose.


Rachel cheered Juan up!

He made a cuppa and started his laptop up.

As soon as he opened his blog and saw the comments from the other bloggers, he cheered up and started reading the others blogs and turned into a radiant happy lad again.

In his eye-holes he was.


Ali cheered Juan up!

Spent hours reading and doing blogs, on Facebook and the BT internet connection didn’t go down either.

Fair enough he did fall down the stairs once, but only three steps!

So he got the yellow pages out and arranged for another legal representative to represent like.

He missed his evening medications again!

He tells me he might not bother going back to see the Nottingham Foster and Adoption Team Manageress Marissa Mandible-grinder, cause he’s a bit nervous still like.

Inchcock Today: Sat 3rd Jan 2015

Up at 0145hrs WC’d.

Recalled one of the dreams, well a bit of it: On the upstairs of an old double decker bus, only a few seats – people sleeping some on seats some in sleeping backs – arguing between themselves. That’s all I can recall.

0601streetI remembered it was the bin collection day so went down put the kettle on and took out a bag and moved the bins to the collection spot.

Took a photo of the street but it was too dark really, the bins didn’t show up at all, but the lights gave an interesting David Bailey display I thought.

Back into the hovel and made me cuppa and returned to the laptop to start this dairy.

I set the reminder thingy on me mobile so as not to forget the Iceland delivery coming presumably between 1100 – 1300hrs today.

WC – found me haemorrhoids a-bleeding Tsk!.

The angina seemed a lot easier this morning, Arhtur Itis still not so good, but overall I think I might still just pass an M.O.T.? Oh, maybe not though. Heheh!

Did Facebooking and blogging for a while, taking me medication with yet another cuppa (Three this morning now, Note to self: Must resist this in future).

0602shoesGot myself spruced up and well Phorpain-gelled-up-on-the knees, new shoes on and ready to set off to go to town.

The new shoes I chose due to their high quality and classy looks.

(Alright then, they were the cheapest in the Shoe Zone shop – Tsk!)

Then I remembered the Iceland delivery – Tsk!

So made up me medication pot’s while I was waiting.

The delivery came around midday. And they delivered for free! All the stuff was in stock and delivered.

They kitchen towels were light not much on the roll, but very soft and at 4 rolls for a quid good value too.

I’m not walking to town this morning, the rain was too heavy for my liking.

0603bustopGoing to the bank first to sort out why I had received a letter telling me my house insurance had not been renewed when I paid it Monday before last at the bank.

As I approached the bus-stop I could see a youth coming towards me on his bike on the pavement and I got out me camera – as he passed me by I took a photo and shouted out me usual 0603abustopmessage to the scrote “If yer too scared to ride on the road you shouldn’t be on a bike – can I change yer nappy for yer?”

But he’d got his head down and belting along so fast I don’t think he heard me – perhaps just as well anyway eh?

The bus arrived and was well packed with Senior Citizens using their free bus-passes, as was I of course. Hehe!

The bus dropped us off and I poddled to the bank and recognised the chap who rang for me and paid me Insurance last time I was in.

I explained and he remembered doing it and checked in his computer to find out it had been forwarded to the Insurance company. He could tell I was concerned and rang them for me. But it got busy with people waiting and after going through the ‘Press button so-and-so for…’ routine, he could get no answer from them.

I mentioned at this point that I had similar problems with the BT helpline: He grimaced and said: “Don’t mention them please all the hassle I’ve had with them…” Fancy that I thought, a dissatisfied BT customer…

He hung on the line for a while, but other people waiting were getting a bit agitated so I suggested I call again on Monday and he can try again then? He seemed happy with that, so I gave him a bar of Galaxy, thanked him and left.

Then I walked up to the opticians to inquire about the cost of a pair of Bifocals. She explained that they do not do them any more, only Varifocals because Bifocals had a line across on the lense.

I told her that is why I liked them, but never mind, how much would a pair cost me please? Because I’d bought two pairs recently with the second being half-price, she could do me a pair for 40% off!

So I agreed and she only charged me £70 all in. She was amazed at how I took only 20 seconds to pick the frames out. No fashion statements needed with my mush and age!

I walked back to the City Centre and caught a tram to Bulwell (Sneaking a few seeds to the pigeons as I waited).

When we got to the Tram depot we all had to get off and catch the one behind. No idea why, but it didn’t half set a lot of passenger moaning. Whatever the reason, these things happen in life.

0604LeenWhen I dropped off at Bulwell the rain had lessened a bit and I made for the River Leen to feed the mallard ducks and pigeons from the bridge. The river level was twice its normal and the dirty water was flowing very rapidly passed the newly dumped Tesco shopping trolley in the river.

But there were no signs of the Mallards at all? (Sob)

I went to the freezer shop in the hopes of getting some blackcurrant/ice-cream lollies, but was out of luck, none to be found.

0605marketBit of excitement at this point.

As I crossed the road to the market, well I say market, a sad imitation really today. Not many traders or customers about in the rain.

Three youths appeared out of an alley pursued by two police constables and off towards the housing estate.

Excitement over I checked out the other freezer shop for me lollies without success.

0605stationI limped to the bus station and caught a number 17 back to Carrington.

The rain was now coming on and off but again not as heavily as earlier.

I took a photo from through the bus window of the station. Not a bird in site.

Was it the rain and wind keeping them away? Weird this I thought.

Read a bit more of me book en-route back to the dump.

Even on my street there were no birds at all. Wish I knew why?

0605gratinGot in the flea-pit and WC’d then made a cuppa.

Plan to have the potato-gratin later tonight with some sausages I think.

Started this Diary and did a bit of Facebooking.

I enjoyed the Asda Potato Gratin I must say, mind you I hope it doesn’t start the rumbling innards off again.

The pack claimed it serves 4? Well this one didn’t, it just served Inchcock along with a bit of chicken leg and much bread?