League of Mental Men Party Manifesto May 2015

League of Mental Men Party Manifesto

May 2015

Immigration:

Spokesperson: Clivey Dee

Yer… what about it like mate? We know what we’re doing! Now push off… turd!

Taxes and the economy:

Spokesperson: Marissa Bergen:

I will remove the VAT on guitars and drums, this is essential for musicians and budding musicians and of great concern to me that the high costs may well stunt the musical aspirations of the delinquents in the UK, thus forcing them to take-up unworthwhile careers in banking, the global economy or study history at Nottingham University rather than try to win but failing to of the European Song Contest for the country.

The NHS:

Spokesperson: Inchcock

We will ensure that all peoples of 69 years of age and over, with a replacement heart, and suffering from angina, arthritis, sticking reflux valve, deafness, haemorrhoids, duodenal ulcer, baldness, deafness, bad eyesight, dizzy spells, hernia and loss of short term memory will be treated 24/24 by jaguaresque nubile nurse day and night nurses and receive free beer tokens, a daily lavender massage and will get free membership of the ‘Support for Ex-Gas Lamp Wick Trimmers Association’. The finances for these new services will be raised by the NHS refusing to treat teetotallers, pavement cyclists, Olly Murs fans and Demented Liberal Democrat supporters.

Security Defence & Foreign Affairs:

Spokesperson: Mike Steeden

We will save this Nation an absolute fortune with our innovative ideas for the transformation on the UK’s land forces. And, the Boy Scouts, Boys Brigade and Liverpool ball-boys we replace the soldiers with can rest assured that they will not be on a Zero hour contract! We will legalise weed and Outer Peruvian Gin for them as well.

Jobs:

Spokesperson: Rachel Carrera

It is essential that we have no person unemployed whatsoever when we apply our manifesto for Jobs. There will be a new chain of education centres built throughout the land to be known as the Carrera Colleges and anyone not in employment will be forced to attend one of the many various courses in job-related study that ill be made available. The cost of these training coursed will b paid by the government – anyone not getting a job after successfully completing their course will repay the costs themselves. Anyone failing their course will be detained at Her Majesties pleasure awaiting deportation when we can find someone to take them.

Education:

Spokesperson: Alienora

New disciplines will be introduced to help the students into work so they can buy books to read themselves. Erotic tales, Rampant Bedroom Antics and Naughty Nights In will be the first courses.

Housing:

Spokesperson: Shirley Blamey

Builders, repairmen, electricians, plumbers etc will be bound in honour to provide an acceptable service to house holders in the future. Nissan huts will be provided locally for any poor sod moving house. Failure on the half of the said service providers will lead them open for punishment including a fine, their wrist slapped an having their testicles removed with barbed-wire covered pliers and then stripped naked and nailed to the floor for victims of their shoddy work to pee over them and pour bleach and petrol all over their prostrate bodies before being set alight.

Law and Order:

Spokesperson: Gaz Hoadley

The new LOMM police force will replace the current Police Service. This body of officers will require constant contributions of money, sex and encouragement. Their body armour machine guns, pistols and and state of the art lazer weapons will be paid for by the imprisoned ex-MP’s and their families.

Benefits/Poverty:

Spokesperson: Buffalo Tom Peabody

Both of these will stop immediately we get into power. Anyone wanting to know how – please visit https://buffalotompeabodyblog.wordpress.com/ Thank you.

Alcoholic Testing Facilities:

Spokespersons: The League of Mental Men

All current and new brands of alcoholic beverages on the market must be tested my members of the League of Mental Men before going on the market. Testing of each brand will be done over a period of six weeks in support of a fair deliberation being made by each member.

Inchy Today: Fri 3rd Mar 15 – Armed Robbery

Friday 3rd April 2015

Struggled to get to sleep again.

Dream recollections:

I was working as an industrial cleaner at Carter’s Drinks (Which I actually did 19 70 > 1980): I seemed to forget where things were located and was frantic as I searched for floor scrubber, cleaning rags, breathing masks, pulleys etc everything I needed – the factory seemed larger and newer the layout changed the people different – had to climb railings high up on the walls?…

Out in the wild countryside next: Flat field country lanes yet hills all surrounding me, driving around searching for something or someone, again frantic in my determination to find whatever it was – My attire seemed to be a camouflaged army denim outfit but with me pyjama bottoms on, no gaiters but with issue boots without socks – a nagging unrecognised voice chaffing away in the background chastising my failed efforts and telling me how pathetic I was… Just what I didn’t need that!

Then I found missen failing to climb out of a quagmire of mud up though coffins, graves, headstones, trees overgrowth and could only get my head and shoulders above ground and each time I did I fell back into the mire…

Checked on the weather when I went down to make me cuppa – Damp!

I reckon this was an early morning dream because I could remember many bits of it.

Made notes of it and went to make a cuppa – WC’d, no blood! Laptop on Coreldraw9 froze and I was back to feeling frustrated. Tsk and Tut!

Took the morning medications.

Set alarm to remind myself of the Iceland arrival twixt 0900 > 1100hrs.

Managed to get the graphics done for this post, despite Serif and Coreldraw9!

Spit and polished myself and went down to await the delivery.

Armed robbery at me local Iceland

The Iceland driver told told me there was no paperwork so if anything short damaged or overcharged to ring the Arnold branch, but not for 24 hours as the police will be on site for that length of time. Last night the shop had had an armed robbery and everything was upside down. They had to make the order up from the Hucknall store. I could tell something was different by the mouldy satsumas, crushed beef slices squashed kitchen towels and out of date bananas I received.

Read about it on the news site, thankfully no one was physically hurt during the raid by the three cowardly gits who scared the staff. Makes my blood boil this – and even if they catch the vermin – what will happen? A slap on the wrist? Grrr!

Set off to the bus-stop – still wet… the weather and me!

Set off to the bus stop – no pigeons, too wet for em perhaps?

Down to Hucknall Road and caught a Three bus into Mansfield. Goes through the villages this one so settled and sat down with me camera in hand hoping to get some interesting photographicalisations en-route.

When we went through Hucknall Front Street I just missed getting a photo of two chaps having a set-too outside the bank, but they both ran off?

Hucknall Pavement Cyclist

I did catch one of those naughty pavement cyclists though as he weaved at a good pace between the pedestrians, who by the time I’d focussed and aimed had magically disappeared?

The rain persisted and when we got to the Hucknall Market stop the weather prevented me from taking a photo of it.

We left Hucknall and at the next stop I saw some horses in a field, in their coats and near the hedge – I thought the rains not so bad now, I’ll see if I can get a shot of them for the TFZ gals… But a chap got on the bus and sat next to me – big chap… very big chap – squashed me up so I couldn’t move and even started to impede me blood flow.

Thankfully he got off a few stops later – what a relief!

Had to fight against nodding off as the bus got warm and the seat comfy despite me piles stinging.

Arriving at the un-crowded Mansfield Bus Station today

Arrived at Mansfield Bus Station, not many folks about, no fights, no screaming kids, no families arguing, no threatening yobboes… it was a bit unnerving in itself that.

How I appreciate the free pensioners bus-pass!

As I left the end of the station to take the under-pass towards the B&M store, a bus driver was checking on the damage he’s caused when his but had hit a BMW – the front bumper I reckon would need replacing. The BMW driver was very cool and calm when the bus-driver started taking photographs of the damage – presumably as evidence in the event of an over-claim?

Mansfield’s B&M store – At this stage the rain had almost stopped… for a bit!

I plodded down through the flooded under-pass and into the B&M store – where I got some Burton’s Fish and Chips snacks at £1 a pack (3 packets of 5… Hehehe!). Tesco and Asda £1.59!

Then I popped into the Poundstretcher store next door and had a poddle around.

I risked getting two small jars of Beetroot at 49p each – and when I tried some later found them to be nice and soft and sweet – wish I’d bought more now Tsk!

Took me midday medications.

Heavy rain on the way back to Nottingham today

Back to the bus-station and caught a Pronto bus back into Nottingham. This one takes the direct route.

The weather became rather fearsome as we left Mansfield, vicious rain – not that it stopped the driver Stirling Moss like.

I ate me mini-pork and pickle pork pie and packet of seaweed, took a photo of the rain hitting the front of the bus and fell asleep… Tsk!

Brands Hatch bus route into Nottingham

shower

When I woke up, we were about ten miles further on driving on the dual carriageway neat Hucknall – I took a photo of the traffic in the driving rain – glad to be inside and not outside of the bus at that time.

Again I drifted off into slumber.

I only just woke in time to drop off at me bus-stop in Carrington.

Th rain had now abated somewhat and was only a light  and the winds had dropped as alighted the bus and crossed over Mansfield Road pelican lights back to the flea-pit.

Made use of the porcelain (No blood – hurrah!) and put me bits away.

Me nosh tonight Tasty!

Made some ham sandwiches on bread thins, with some of the pickled beetroot and tomatoes I’d purchased and microwaved a box of French Fries. Overdid em a bit, but I like me chips crispy, browned and solid as a rock. 

Took me medications.

Watched a BBC episode of Hustle then promptly fell asleep. (Again? Getting worried about this now.)

Woke up a couple of hours later disorientated and nearly took me evening medications again. Huh!

Don’t expect to get much sleep in tonight with all me little old man doses wot I’ve had today.

Did some Facebooking and blogging.

… Still here at 0130hrs trying to get to sleep… Humph!