Inchcock Interviewed by Lynton Cox for position as Nuclear Physist

Inchcock Interviewed for position as Nuclear Physicist

Lynton: “What is e=mc2?”

Inchcock: “Everton losing to Man City 2-0?”

Lynton: “How are asteroids formed?”

Inchcock: “They get elected to Parliament?”

Lynton: “What is a nucleus?”

Inchcock: “Not an old Cleus?”

Lynton: “How is energy transformed in a windmill?”

Inchcock: “The sail thingies going round and round?”

Lynton: “In Radioactive Dating we use half life to determine the age of a sample but not the average life – Why?”

Inchcock: “To find out how old yer date is?”

Interviewer: “What is meant by the rest mass energy of an electron?”

Inchcock: “Is it?”

Lynton: “What is Fusion?”

Inchcock: “Summat to do with gerrin’ yer end away?”

Lynton: “The velocity of a body was noted to be constant during five minutes of its motion. What was the acceleration during this interval?

Inchcock: “Oh yes!”

Lynton: “Name any to elementary particles which have an almost infinite lifetime?

Inchcock: “Tony Blair and George Osborne?”

Lynton: “When is heavy water used as a moderator?”

Inchcock: “During the summer riots by the police?”

Lynton:: “How are Asteroids formed?”

Inchcock: “They occur when the the veins surrounding the anus become inflamed. Occurrence of piles can be caused by pregnancy, ageing, chronic diarrhoea, constipation, failing to remove a stool, sitting for long periods, anal intercourse, genetics and obesity.”

Lynton: “Do you think you have the necessary education, skills and commitment to succeed in you chosen physicist career?

Inchcock: “Oh yes… 2-1 at half-time but they came back to get a 3-3 draw!”

Lynton: “What kind of events cause you stress on the job?”

Inchcock: “None really… I haven’t had a job for years!”

Interviewer: “How do you communicate goals to subordinates?”

Inchcock: “Shout goal, jump up in the air and kiss the nearest Forest supporter?”

Lynton: “Can you write down the PDE for a diffusion equation. Using fourier transforms calculate the green function for that equation?

Inchcock: “No!”

Lynton: “Which college did you get your degree from?”

Inchcock: “College…degree?”

Lynton: “Why is energy distribution of beta decay continuous?

Inchcock: “Yes…”

Lynton: “What is the significance of the hrmite and polynomials in quantum physics?

Inchcock: “Have you got a toilet I can use please”

Lynton: “What is the energy relation as given by Einstein?”

Inchcock: “Alfred Einstein liked Mozart’s music too!”

Interviewer: “Have you done any jobs you think will stand you in good stead for training as a nuclear physicist?”

Inchcock: “I’ve been a street gas-lamp wick-trimmer and I’ve also studied politicians…”

Lynton: “Fair enough…”

Thur 9/4/15: Inchcock Today – A Day of Rest…

Thursday 9th April 2015

I woke at 0625hrs – feeling freer than for ages – the good news about Sister Jane ringing about in my head and a sense of happiness in me heart.

I took me Blood pressure on me new machine – yesterday was Syst: 139 Dia: 67 Pulse: 78 – This morning Syst 156 Dia Pulse 83.

Perhaps a little high due to me being excited with the knowledge that Jane was okay and today should be an easier one for me – no medical appointments (until tomorrow) and a determination to get some blogging done now I can concentrate better. 

I rang Pete on me mobile and he sounded a different bloke – I’m so glad for em.

As I made a cuppa to take with me medications and some memories of the dreams I’d had lingered:

I was confined in some underground caves with two other peoples, no idea who they were but I liked them – searching (again) for something, maybe a treasure chest I think? Passages were narrow and we struggled to get through into an open area, a massive cave it held the chest and we were drinking in celebration when one of the women pointed out that we could not get the chest back through the opening we got in through – We decided we needed a lifeboat? I found myself in a supermarket asking if they had any lifeboats for sale and the staff all attacked me with giant frozen salamis and giant chicken legs?

That’s all I can recall?

WC’d, and had to tend to me haemorrhoids, so did me other medicationalising at4IT1 growths, cetraben to me tender areas and Neomycin Sulphate spray in me ear-holes and taking an extra omeprozole cause me duodenal ulcer was starting to play-up.

The little tiny boil on me bum was painful still.

Despite these problems I was still cheerful with the news of our Jane and Pete.

Despite Coreldraw9 freezing occasionally – usually at the wrong time and having to reboot and losing me graphics wot I was working on – 4IT6Tsk! – I managed to get some graphics done for the TFZ gang.

Spent a good few hours on graphicalisationing.

The haemorrhoids are bleeding and painful again… hey-ho.

Pleased with how the last graphic of Andy in the tunnel at the Nottingham Arboretum turned out.

aaaa3aI love doing these. When the graphic packages or laptop does not play up mind. I find I get a kick out of using photographs I’d taken on me walks to use as backgrounds.

I suppose I’d better get a bit of a walk in today – even if it’s the only day I do not have something on to do.

Got myself cleansed and made myself attractive just in case any of the many women that crave for me should meet me as I go on me little hobble to the shop to get some tomatoes. FibMode

I took bags out to the bins and pulled them out for collection in the morning.

IMG_0047Fatima and Fred came down for their brekkers in the morning sunshine.

I went back in and got me coat on etc and set-out for me mini-poddle to the shops on Mansfield Road.

The twtichel was clear of yobs so I took that root.

The sky was so clear and a sparcity of people cheered me up somewhat.

IMG_0048I noticed the sign on the Gladstone pub had been repaired now.

I wondered down and called in the chemists and got some toothpaste and ear spray. Had a little natter with the assistants – made them laugh a bit so that made me feel good too.

Then on and into the launderette where Mandy was on duty.

The place was not very busy, I must remember this in case I have to go later in mid-week like.

0404I managed to have another natter – and I even got Mandy to pose for a photograph for me.

I told her to expect to see this photograph in Bella, Grazia or the Minx magazine shortly. She smiled and called me an idiot.

Out and down to Lidl – I usually regret going there for some reason or other each time I visit.

I plodded around with no particular aim other than to get some tomatoes – but those on show were a mangy lot and all Spanish so I didn’t get any.

I got some Cheese Curls (they were not nice) some canned mushrooms and some apples.

IMG_0049The apples turned out to be dry, tastless and bland – nothing new ther then – I really should stop buying fruit from Lidl.

I noticed some posters they had hanging from the ceiling above the fresh (Using the term Fresh in the loosest possible definition) produce display stating: ‘We Love British!”

This from a German owned company with Ukrainian assistants an Asian security guard  and the poster had been printed in Italy on it.

I wonder if a British retail company had displayed this they would have been accused of being racist?

Better not let Nigel know?

Got back to the hoppit – must remember to sort out a lighter coat for me QMC hospital visit tomorrow with Pete.


IMG_0051Made me nosh of Braised beef in onion gravy, peas and carrots, seasoned little potatoes bit of bread and me medications.

By gum it wer lovely!

Started this diary after a little old man’s nap.


Did some Facebooking.

Drifted off waking up in a painful warped position with the laptop rather heated and me boil stinging.