Inchcock Interviewed for position as Nuclear Physicist
Lynton: “What is e=mc2?”
Inchcock: “Everton losing to Man City 2-0?”
Lynton: “How are asteroids formed?”
Inchcock: “They get elected to Parliament?”
Lynton: “What is a nucleus?”
Inchcock: “Not an old Cleus?”
Lynton: “How is energy transformed in a windmill?”
Inchcock: “The sail thingies going round and round?”
Lynton: “In Radioactive Dating we use half life to determine the age of a sample but not the average life – Why?”
Inchcock: “To find out how old yer date is?”
Interviewer: “What is meant by the rest mass energy of an electron?”
Inchcock: “Is it?”
Lynton: “What is Fusion?”
Inchcock: “Summat to do with gerrin’ yer end away?”
Lynton: “The velocity of a body was noted to be constant during five minutes of its motion. What was the acceleration during this interval?
Inchcock: “Oh yes!”
Lynton: “Name any to elementary particles which have an almost infinite lifetime?
Inchcock: “Tony Blair and George Osborne?”
Lynton: “When is heavy water used as a moderator?”
Inchcock: “During the summer riots by the police?”
Lynton:: “How are Asteroids formed?”
Inchcock: “They occur when the the veins surrounding the anus become inflamed. Occurrence of piles can be caused by pregnancy, ageing, chronic diarrhoea, constipation, failing to remove a stool, sitting for long periods, anal intercourse, genetics and obesity.”
Lynton: “Do you think you have the necessary education, skills and commitment to succeed in you chosen physicist career?
Inchcock: “Oh yes… 2-1 at half-time but they came back to get a 3-3 draw!”
Lynton: “What kind of events cause you stress on the job?”
Inchcock: “None really… I haven’t had a job for years!”
Interviewer: “How do you communicate goals to subordinates?”
Inchcock: “Shout goal, jump up in the air and kiss the nearest Forest supporter?”
Lynton: “Can you write down the PDE for a diffusion equation. Using fourier transforms calculate the green function for that equation?
Lynton: “Which college did you get your degree from?”
Lynton: “Why is energy distribution of beta decay continuous?
Lynton: “What is the significance of the hrmite and polynomials in quantum physics?
Inchcock: “Have you got a toilet I can use please”
Lynton: “What is the energy relation as given by Einstein?”
Inchcock: “Alfred Einstein liked Mozart’s music too!”
Interviewer: “Have you done any jobs you think will stand you in good stead for training as a nuclear physicist?”
Inchcock: “I’ve been a street gas-lamp wick-trimmer and I’ve also studied politicians…”
Lynton: “Fair enough…”