Inchcock: Inchie vs Alto Conflict

Last night, while shaving, Alto-Ego returned!

Alto: Aye up, Inchie!.

Inchie: What are you doing back?.

Alto: I never left, yer burke…

Inchie: No need to embarrass like this, is there?.
While I’m shaving and cleaning up the lesion?

Alto: Exactly, I like a laugh occasionally!

Inchie: Laugh at what?.

Alto: Yer tiddly pinkie, Hahaha!.

Inchie: At least I’ve got one, yo ain’t!

Alto: I’m you, ain’t I? Your mentor, guide and mental crippler! And I’ve not got a physical body to be ashamed of like you have!

Inchie: A?

Alto: Gawd, your thick!

Inchie: Well, yer…

Alto: This is why I’ve not been getting at you lately, Turd-face…, yer just a short-arsed overweight whimp, with no residence to my poking fun at you! It’s hardly worth my while trying to make you miserable & depressed; you’ve been this way for months now of your own volition! Is it any wonder I’m losing interest in yer? I’m only here now cause I’d done such a good job in pissing Putin off! This could mean a promotion for me, you know?

Inchie: Promotion? I like the sound of that. Does this mean you’ll get another human to hassle and leave me alone?

Alto: Nae, Dumbo, your memory is gerrin’ worserer! I’ve told yer before, the Alto-Ego Management, insist we stay with any human allotted to us until we get victory…

Inchie: Victory?

Alto: If you stop interrupting me, Brain-dead, I was going to tell yer, yet again; The only way I free myself of you is the Humans death, Confirmed by an appropriate medical institution of utter insanity, or nine attempts at suicide all fail. That, Knob-Rot, is the only escape from you.

Inchie: Erm… I’ve been trying to part company with you, and now you say you’d like to part company with me… am I right?

Alto: Oh, Inchy, my stupidest ever human; You’re just too thick and ignorant to understand the simplest things, and you make a mess off, mistakes and blunders of everything you try to do, don’t you? But that really is not always your fault…

Inchie: Oh, there’s a change in tone Alto?…

Alto: Your willful pig-ignorance, despondency, dispiritedness, defeatism, and docility, sometimes bring out a rare quality in me. Seeing you struggle medically is a laugh for me. The more I mock and depress you, the nearer your suicide gets. I’ve arranged for all the ailments, including Cataract Katey and Dementia Doreen, to have free reign of your body and mind. Soon it will be freedom for me! Your dubiety and incertitude are making you, more than ever, reliant upon me, your Alto-Ego. Thus you are becoming more and more subservient and servile to me… The first Alto-Ego to dent Putin’s determination! The Alto of Altos…

Inchie: Oh! So why did you call at all?

Alto: In a desperate bid to cause you misery. depression, and encourage you to commit suicide, Bozo!

Inchie: Well, you’ve always tried doing that in the past?

Alto: Well, today, I’m gifting you with an accident that will involve a plaster-cast and Hospitalisation…

Inchie: That’s nice…

Alto: What?

Inchie: Well, my depression does not come from physical pain but from the mental stress of living. I admit you did a good job with installing Dementia Doreen, but she’s not taken over completely yet. So don’t fret… I’ll not top myself yet… I’ve never felt better for months than I do at this very minute. What do you think of that?

Alto: Shit!

4 thoughts on “Inchcock: Inchie vs Alto Conflict

  1. I want to kick Alter Ego’s Ass! You have been a champion in struggles against these assaults on your mind and body. Remember what Freddie Mercury says: He’s had his share of sand kicked in his face, AND he considers it a challenge before the whole human race and he ain’t gonna lose! That’s us too Inchie. When it gets as low as you think you can bear, seriously now, have it out with God. Tell him how an guy you are about all of this and ask what gives??? I guarantee he is there to step in when you ask. I know we can’t remove our aging and the indignities that often brings. Also we have both suffered some serious body damage from outside sources. We have been champions battling every day! The worst enemy of Inchie and anyone who is isolated for whatever reason is loneliness for natural human contact. The carers aren’t much on that since they are on a job and have more to go. I’m always here Inchie and I take up the search for you when I’m in my altered state of sleep! Do you ever notice me there? NOT DOREEN! You picture lying in a bad of Petals that feels soft as fresh velvety rose and soft furry friends are rushing to receive your love and pets! Why not picture this instead of letting thought storms which will always be there, so why make them a priority? haha! I can give it a shot! You know we love our tv watching moments too! DANCING WITH THE STARS IS ON DISNEY PLUS NOW!!! See how happy little things make me? Can you get streaming TV on your set? Is it a smart TV? If so, it is so very cheap to get a few streaming programs like Prime, Netflix and a specialty like Disney Plus! Under 30 a month. I know you put way more than that out on Plonk! haha! Tomorrow is Billums 75th! And, I slept through the time I had to order his special cake from Servatis! He will be tolerant – I will call in the AM and get one made up for him. I also got him a garage!!!! It may take months for it to show up and be put together (a steel building) but he is happy! Love you Inchie and don’t forget it! You are loved, and you are smart, funny and engaging. You may consider letting yourself off the hook for being “fat.” I am quite fluffy myself and I am told I look lovely, so I will take that instead of my alter ego with body dismorphia. Love you Dear!

    • No contact with God, HRH. As a lad I had contact with a Vicar of his, though. Bad that was.
      No streaming on this set, Lisa-Petal. A basic old thing, but I can get Freeview.
      Thanks for telling about Virgo Billums, can mention it in the blog in Saturday.
      I love you all as well, Lisa-Petal. And you do look great! ♥
      It’d ehrn thing don’t go ell that I get depressed, and they rarely do. But when they click and run snoothly, that day, I’m singing and yodelling, even light-hearted. Appointemtns for doctors appointments, Diabetes courses have all been changed in the last week, TWICE! Which gives me the problem of remembering to inform Warden Deana, so she can rearrange the transport people. But getting hold of her can take ages to get through… then the master problem comes into play. I forgrt IO’ve not done it yet, or even think I have and the mind goes into turmoil.
      Relying on others for what used to be simple tasks is so embarrassing.
      Thank heavens for the family on the writing desk, all asllep at this moment, and will soon get their morning chinwag from me.
      Thanks sweetheart ♥

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