Nottingham

Inchcock Today Monday 24th January 2022

/ Inchie / 26 Comments

Inchcock Today Monday 24th January 2022

Scam

Horrible Night!

Waking up all through the night, 4 times an hour on averagely!
Each time, Thought-Storms rampant, both knees hurting arthritically,
Wee-wees galore, getting up and down, good exercise, physically…
Getting out and in the chair went painfully, almost backbreakingly,
On one visit to the nocturnal wee-wee bucket, suddenly…
I realised the time, t’was time to get up, sadly!

However, the Thought-Storms continued, affecting me badly,
Howling around the mind, numbers, calculations, mathematically…
Ghosts, fears, hopes and confusions, mixed maniacally…
Went to fill the kettle, but put water in the saucepan; pathetically!
Left the hot tap running, dropped the milk… I spoke cursingly!
Oh, I wish the Thoughts would leave me, but no, sadly!

Carer Richard arrived, which seemed to ease my mental disarray,
We chatted, both of us relating many a memory,
We have a lot in common, medically…
Although I must say, not academically,
Our natterings went most ambiguously,
I can still access my long-term memory!

My views and thoughts on life today go anachronistically?
If I’ve got the wrong word there, please forgive me…
Richard departed, the brain stopped acting ballistically…
The wee-weeing steadied down… but not entirely,
Cheered up a smidge, I went to get my Strawberry sundae,
But found it had a use-by date on it, for last Friday!

Made a start to this blog, checked the day…Monday,
Thought I’d make a sarnie, last of the beef, oh, Ya!
But the beef had gone off, more stuff to throw away!
Back to the computerisationing, went on an Odeing foray!
Taking time to find a rhyming word, I forgot what I was going to say!
Porcelain Throne time… what will it be like today…,

Oh, that was fine, not messy, good texture… and no delay!
Easiest and pain-free than for many a day!
Coming out, all chuffed, I stubbed my toe on the way…
Shaking Shaun, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, have gone away…
Only just typed this, and Shirley began to jump and flay…
Contentment and hope, I should not really display!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Photographicalisationings

Got the camera out, and found some snaps I’d taken earlier. I don’t think I’ve blogged them yet, but I could be wrong. It has been known!

Josies Sunday Lunch

My Sunday Lunch

My Second Sunday Lunch!

Yes, a little embarrassing that was. I forgot I’d had an earlier nosh, and made another. I gobbled it all up mind. Glutton!

Strayed off of my plans again,
My memory is such a pain…
Got a shave, cleaned the teeth,
Hit my knee on the bucket beneath…
But I mustn’t and won’t complain…
My higher spirits I want to maintain!
Back to photographing again…

The red van parked in the car park? No, surely…
Good heavens, Gore Blimey, and lackaday,
The red van had to park proper… Mayday!
It’s the black car in his way…
Parked in his illegal spot today!
All I can say is Hahaha!

A misty morning dawning,
Stayed this way all day…
Door chime ringing, it’s Josie!
Returning her Sunday dish and tray,
Said she enjoyed it immensely…
That perked me up, egotistically!.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Thoughts

I’ve lived my life, caringly, blindly and anacreontically,
But mostly I suppose it’s been okay, absobloodylutely,
I must have been old minded at birth, characteristically,
There have been moments of my living abstemiously…
I never fitted in, why I didn’t even like Old Mother Riley!
I’d turn from shyly to bravely, and back again, abruptly…
Rarely aggressively, agitatedly, or abrasively,
Often agonisingly, agreeably, and absentmindedly!
Now I live with depression and insanity…
But try to hang on to my natural humanity…
Vascular dementia, stroke, means mental abnormality,
But it’s all part of life, along with dying eyesight, apparently?
Forgetting new things brings forth my acting apologetically,
I admit to acting more and more confusedly…
But this only happens when I remember, I live pathetically,
Abstractedly, physically arduously, but I love laughter abundantly!

By gum, that was deep in parts. Did I write it?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Hello, Esther came in, (Just finished taking an urgent wee-wee in the bucket, too!) She’d picked up a parcel in the lobby, and brought it up for me, bless her. It was the TV remote control that amazon said would be arriving on the 28-29th January? Great! She is going to do my washing that the Meridian Care shower failed to do last Friday!

Wallah! Got the batteries into the remote and tried it out. Tales of the unexpected were one too!

Time to get this blog sent off, and get summat to eat.

Keep safe all!

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh In-Ode Series

Inchcock Today: The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

Gotten Himmel – Seven Hours Straight-Through sleep!

What a marathon, a pleasurable hypersleep!
When I woke, my joy did reep…
But I’m not going to threap…
But I did spend nearly an hour on the toilet seat!

The carer gals ganged up on me… but I was alreet,
I dropped two tablets, but they only spotted one!
Still, I gave them a nibble and drink as a treat,
If I left it to them, I’d be dead and gone!
Thanked them and carried on…
Getting the beans, seasonings and chunks of meat,
Carefully prepping the chilli for Josie’s luncheon!

I was already feeling somewhat smugger,
Until I went to the Throne, a right bugger!
Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, the flow rate larger…
Then I realised, the fungal lesion was bleeding too!
But I began to get a little cheerier,
One thing that went well though, was the poo!
The Brute worked, and I cleaned up getting things drier,
Again, I as soon felt frumpier,
Had another toe stumper!

Got Josie’s nosh sorted, but it was a scramble…
Too long doing this blog as a preamble…
So I rushed the prepping; took a gamble,
But didn’t land in the proverbial…
The tray prepped, I dropped some bit… that’s immaterial…
It was delivered on time, keeping my record was essential,
Josie was in spirits, a chinwag was attainable,
Wished her good eating, and Josie was delightable!

Back to the kitchen, tap left running again, I’m blameable!
Got the pots washed and put away, then, being so capable…
I’ve the habit of doing this, I dropped the kettle…
Burnt my leg, took ages to clean the mess, I’d had a bellyful!
I’d broken the handle against the table!
Took a photo of the end car park, just because I was able!

My frustrations with myself, are indescribable,
Self-loathing, grudgeful, and yet, also grateful?
I suddenly realised I was really lucky!
Or do I mean highly gullible?
I’m still going, not strong, but plucky…
I’m not sinful, and definitely not skilful…
Why thinking like this, confusion was plentiful,
I’d better get on with the blog before I get forgetful…
Yet, for some reason or other, I don’t feel stressful?.

Local News Snippets

This is a sport?
Violence to report…
A game, tempers short?
Well, not my sort!

Well said Police Officer Sarge…
Amazing, can you enlarge?
Will anyone be charged?
I don’t mean to be a targe!

So sad, I used it so many times!

An anti-social behaviour injunction?
He’s a scumbag, give him a vaccination!
One that might improve his sensitisation…
Pentobarbital should help is putrefaction!

Nottinghamianese to the core!

Worrying!

Fingers crossed!

How many years will the animal be given?
Will he be yet another freed prisoner to kill again?
Judges, parole pillocks show stupefaction…
Or should the question be when?

Another potential killer.

Inchcocks Postcode crime figures…
Can’t say that they assure us…
Police redundancies and station closures!
Stabbings, murders, bleachings, fractures…
The courts give them stiff lectures…
The odd lengthy sentence in the mixtures,
But the worst of devious plicatures…
Are they are better of inside… time for reflectures?

I know, I know… but it rhymes! Hehehe!

Particularly nasty, bearing in mind who she was working for!

Argh!

LATE NEWS FLASH!

♥ I put the photo of Lisa on the header, cause she’s lovely! ♥

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets Series

Inchcock Today Diary – In part Ode

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

Concept Mobile Graphic Wot I Dun

I got carried away making it. Hehe!

Thursday 20th January 2022

Inchcock Today Diary

Later, I found this photo of last evenings meal,
Chilli beans, Cornish pastie, potatoes, no big deal…
I recall eating it with a particular zeal…
And dropping the cutlery… painful when I had to kneel!
Then, sleeping began to appeal!

The nocturnal wee-wees had come back…
I woke up in a flap,
Dentists and all that,
Had to clean the flat,
Lost me bobble hat…
My mind was all over, what a prat!
I walked into the doorframe hurt my back!

Suffered on the Porcelain Throne – diarrhoeal!
Cut me a few times shaving; things were not ideal!
Clouted the back of the right heel…
That didn’t make me feel very genteel!
Carer Richard called, made time for a bit of spiel,
After he’d gone, an Accifauxpa made me squeal!
Rushing in my panic to get readied in time, rhinorrhoeal!
By hitting my nose opening the cupboard door – Schlemiel!

07:30hrs, I set out on my hobble down to Sherwood,

On my mission to the Dentist, I pursued…
Time for some shopping, into the Co-op I perused…
No fresh peas, fish sauce or smoked ham, I perceived…
So I put the bananas back, and swiftly I did leave!

I called into Wilko, which is on Mansfield Road,
Did I buy much? Nope, out of stock on things a load!
No bleach, mixing bowls, much stuff I don’t need or use,
This caused some silently muttered verbalistics!

I arrived in time for the Dentist’s appointment. Struggled up the two 12″ steps into the hallway with the trolley and hobbled into the hallway and the reception area. Bruised from the effort to gain entry! I can’t cope with doing this part of my journey in Ode.

Reported to the ObergruppenfĂĽrheress ladies behind the smash-proof, bank-like counter. I was instructed to take a seat, so I took a seat. Got the crossword book out after 15 minutes of trying to read the labels on disinfectants I’d bought from Wilko. At least I could just make out the clues. I got stuck into the crossword and realised I’d been there for almost an hour beyond the appointment time?

While I was building up the courage to ask one of the ladies… one came over to me. Bless her, she was very patient with me:

“Your Dentist is two floors up the stairs, and we don’t think you are going to make it…” I rudely interrupted and explained: “I’ve not been up to there for the last five visits? I’ve been in the ground floor front surgery, I assumed that my disablement was the reason, so how do I find myself back up in Gods?” (Smilingly)

She said, “It depends on which Dentist is in on the day and the procedure needing to be done.” If you don’t mind, waiting for another half hour, we can get you in the front then?” My reply was, “Fair enough, thank you very kindly.” And back to the crossword-puzzling, I went.

Sure enough, true to her word, a nurse came to collect me, and into the front surgery, I was led. I was being careful not to hit anyone with the walker trolley. We got in, and down in the seat come chair thingy, I was met with this face of the Doctor…

No messing about with this Dentist. As she was filling the tooth in, she gently moved the loose one at the front that I was concerned about and declared it should last another six months, so make an appointment on your way out. She’d filled the Teggy in, in less than five minutes! What? Can I have her next time? Hahaha!

Paid my dues, and the kind receptionist who spoke with me earlier escorted me to the front door and held it open for me. Then helped me down the external steps with the trolley. Thank you, kind lady, ♥

At the bus stop, I met Esther. Who caught the same bus up to the flats with me. Caroline, from the end care home, also joined us. Hahaha! And I found myself trying to talk with two women at the same time… that was oddly lovely for me. Esther said she would call to see me later. Back to the flat…

I sorted out the bits I’d bought and prepped the meal for tonight; the Meridian manager, Natalie, called on me. About six weeks ago, Jillie asked if they could do my washing once a week on a Friday. They can, but it will cost. Naturally! And in the meantime, I’ve had Esther doing the laundry for me? Tsk! We’ve heard nothing back until today.

When Esther arrived, she got in touch with a chap about my missing TV remote control, and when she called on me later, noticed the state of the desks and counter, and set too, cleaning the TV and desk up for me. Then… She called the gentleman after she got the numbers off the TV set, and the man gave her a number of the remote I would need to get. And I went on Amazon and found one. I ordered it straight away. I know I only usually watch an hour a day (Heartbeat), but I often leave it on when I cannot get to sleep, which does sometimes help. Now how kind was that! I know she is a cleaning lady, but above and beyond was her kindness today.

Hahaha! The remote looks just like the throne I lost, so finding the button and which to use should be easy now that I can’t read them. In fact, the print had been rubbed off with so much use over the many years in the old one. Haha!.

First Sundown Photo

Around about 14:00hrs, I began to do this blog. It is now gone 19:00hrs, and I’m only up to here… Sad, innit?

Carer Elena Called

The gal was in a hurry tonight. But Elena checked the medications taking well and caught me dropping two tablets after taking them. Thank You, petal Elena. ♥ She was soon off again after doing an excellent job on me… Medications, I mean, of course!

Sundown Photo Over an hour

Beautiful – Despite the freezing weather!

State of Mind Report

A changeable day, I’ve tried to go with the flow,
A few times today, I’ve stubbed a toe…
Met folks by chance; that was nice, though…
But the teeth and eyes are about to go…
Operations in line, it’s no good moaning, you know…
I’ll stay a thick, demented, happy old so and so…
By the way… the bus driver called me gringo!.

Hey-Ho, Hey-Ho,
To the Porcelain Throne, I’ll go,
Try to control the evacuations flow…
And, without even stubbing any toe!
I’ll insist on being calm and mellow,
I’ll finish this blog after business in the bog…
Although my mind is in a hazy fog…
I’ll make a meal, eat it, and lay in the chair – doggo!

Cheerio!

Medieval Two-Sleeps – With Ode to it

/ Inchie / 18 Comments

I am not a historian, intellectual, or even satisfactorily educated Nottinghamian. But for some reason, I clicked on this when I opened the computer. I was fascinated with this medieval habit of taking two sleeps. And finding out why they did so. I just had to share the link below. I put in the first few paragraphs.

BBC Two Sleeps

By Zaria Gorvett – 10th January 2020

The forgotten medieval habit of ‘two periods of sleep‘

I hope you can time to have a nip through this. It has kicked off a desire for me to find out more.

ODE TO TWO-SLEEPS

I came across this fascinating article, by chance,
Despite twixt me and education, there’s no relevance,
It got my brain going with interest and considerance,
To learn more of how mankind lived, in its nascence
Detailed facts of what they had to experience…

No drains, running water, out of the window with the effluence!
Of course, there were murders, muggings and fraudulence…
Someone tipping pee on you would cause some incongruence?
They’d not recognise it, but there must have been dissonance?
They’d send you to the madhouse without any evidence…
The local barber would pull your teeth without competence!
Then charge you as much as threepence!

I imagine the pubs would have a smell of abhorrence?
But they’d all stink, so it made little difference…
The brewers cleaned the vats with bleach: Commonsense?
Many citizens died, as a consequence,
Death Certificated: ‘Death by flatulence!’
In a highly abbreviated form of Latin, hence… poignance,
Not that many could read English, no chance!

Back to the Two-Sleep Theme

I wish I could have had two last night…
I nodded of quick enough and woke at midnight…
From then on, sleeping for more than five minutes was a fight!
I lost count of the wakening, expecting to see the dawnlight,
Each waking, I felt pretty sprite,
Not a single wee-wee, something wasn’t right!
The minutes crawled, tried to get back to sleep… well, I might!
My silently-mouthed cursing was pretty unerudite,
Waking up every ten-minute, made me annoyed and contrite,
Still, Little Inchie unused, the fungal lesion, caused disquiet,
I was awake more than asleep in hindsight – it made me uptight!
Not had such a lousy night for at least a fortnight…
Nattering to myself, nonsense mostly, proper blatherskite!
I wish I could have had just a two-minutes-sleep last night…

A Few Recent Photos

Last Nights Sunset.

Last Nights Sunset.

The J, Sainsbury’s Order Arrived. What came was nice enough, reasonable dates on those I could manage to read the date of.

But just look at the unavailable items!

A rainbow, around midday.

Then…

Another toothed came out of its own accord.

Got to phone the Cardiac DVT Unit. I might be back, as Arni Said! Oh, no, that was I will be back! Tsk!

Local News Snippets: Part 74â…›th

/ Inchie / 13 Comments

Local News Snippets: Part 74â…›th

However…

Things looked decidedly cheerier here!

To keep the upbeat tone: Here are some scumbags that have been taken to court. To collect the amusing, non-deterrent, laughable sentences from Magistrates and Judges

Hassan Ali, 25, Criminal Damage. ÂŁ120 fine, ÂŁ200 compensation and a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge.
Nicolette Attenborough, 33, was fined ÂŁ120 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ85 costs and a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge for assault.
Dylan Jackson, 26, was ordered to pay ÂŁ85 costs, a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge and was disqualified from driving for 16 months for drink-driving and for driving without insurance or a valid licence in
Darren Snowdon, 37, was jailed for 12 weeks and was ordered to pay a ÂŁ125 victim surcharge for assault and criminal damage.
Dennis Nolan, 61, was jailed for eight weeks, suspended for a year and was ordered to pay ÂŁ150 compensation for criminal damage of a glass windowpane and door.
Herroll Smith, 46, was jailed for 26 weeks and was ordered to pay ÂŁ150 compensation for entering M Cuts & Shave Barbers, in Uttoxeter Old Road, Derby, with intent to steal a Stanley knife.
Tommy Maughan, 37, was fined ÂŁ40 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ20.60 compensation, ÂŁ85 costs and a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge for stealing ÂŁ20.60 of items from Tesco.
Lee Goddard, 31, was jailed for 4 months and was ordered to pay a ÂŁ128 victim surcharge for two counts of breaching a restraining order in Nottingham on November 8 and 23, 2021. The offences saw him breach a suspended sentence imposed on October 21, 2021, for five counts of breaching a restraining order.
Antony Bilson, 32, was fined ÂŁ40 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ85 costs and a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge for breaching a criminal behaviour order.
Blaze White, 30, was fined ÂŁ120 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ85 costs, a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge and was disqualified from driving for two years for driving without insurance or a valid licence.
Jordan Fearn, 22, was jailed for 12 weeks and was disqualified from driving for three years and was ordered to pay a ÂŁ128 victim surcharge for driving while disqualified and without insurance.
Andrew Selwood, 55, was fined ÂŁ40 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ110 costs, a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge and was disqualified from driving for six months and had his licence endorsed with nine penalty points for eleven counts of speeding.
Chloe Smallwood, 29, was fined ÂŁ40 and was ordered to pay a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge and had her licence endorsed with three penalty points for speeding at 36mph in a 30mph limit.
Tayyab Hussain, 24: Fined ÂŁ91 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ110 costs, a ÂŁ34 victim surcharge and was disqualified from driving for six months, due to repeat offending, for speeding at 43mph in a 30mph.
James Rawson, 48, was fined ÂŁ440 and was ordered to pay ÂŁ110 costs, a ÂŁ44 victim surcharge, a driving ban for six months,
James Bannister, 37, was jailed for 12 weeks, suspended for a year and was ordered to pay ÂŁ85 costs and a ÂŁ128 victim surcharge for stealing trainers and a swatch.
Michael Karim, 36, of Standard Hill, in Nottingham city centre, received the sentence as part of a group jailed for a combined total of 167 years for the role they played in a cocaine gang. Which equals an average of 6 years!
Orvil Brown was locked up for five years after he was linked to an international drugs ring that posted large and valuable amounts of cannabis and cocaine to flood the streets of Nottingham.
Reuben Woolley was jailed for three-and-a-half years after setting fire to his flat and hitting an emergency worker with a metal bar.
Kelly Williamson, 57, was jailed for five years and three months after being found guilty of conspiracy to supply cocaine.
Orvil Brown was linked to an international drugs ring that posted large and valuable amounts of cannabis and cocaine to flood the streets of Nottingham. He was jailed for five years.
Joanne Duke coaxed her way into an 81-year-old’s home before threatening him with a knife. She was jailed for seven years.
Robert Davies, 32, was sentenced to 26 months in prison and must sign the sex offenders’ register, be subject to a 10-year restraining order and a sexual harm prevention order.

We, I can assure Sam, that he couldn’t have been looking,
When I worked in Aspley, the criminals had me weakening!
I had difficulty finding anyone honest… folks were wrangling…
Mind you, the locals were all on an excellent nattering…
But they might pick yer pocket, then give yer a battering!

My shop was broken into, the Police didn’t seem to be bothering,
Gave me a crime number and didn’t bother returning…
The chap in the flat above got a bottling…
But cheap sex was always offering,
You’d get it free if you’d got any Methamphetamine!

Fights every night outside chip shop – bloodcurdling!
The Police would always attend… but not until the morning!
Ten-year-olds raided the chemist for Dextromethorphan…
That’s Night Nurse® or cough syrup, Triaminic™, or Coricidin™,
We had shopkeepers some get-together, meeting…
That usually ended up with us all pissed-off and drinking!

Two eighty-nine year-olds!

Sickening! I pray they can catch the culprits. This has got to me, I’ll not bother doing any more odes, not in the mood. Cheers.

Cheers.

Inchcock: Local News Snippets in Ode

/ Inchie / 14 Comments

This week the News Snippets are reported, recorded and commented on, by The Nottingham Pensioner Lad, Inchcock (89).

Alto-Ego Inchy: I apologise for the Odeing included in the comments. But the lad has had minimal education. Now, with him contracting Vascular Dementia, as well as various other ailments; Hearing aids, mechanical ticker fitted, Glaucoma, Saccades, Cataracts, Stroke, Peripheral Neuropathy. His tendency to either waffle on, lose the plot or regularly forgets what he was doing, where he is, or where he was going; does not make for readable poetry. But there’s no stopping him. He only sulks when I point out these and other failings to him. Sorry.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Well, this looks good,
Be happy surely we should?
Read the next one and chew the cud!
Your interpretation will go down with a thud!

I’m aware of how they feel, every patient,
I’m waiting on may a medical appointment,
Dentist, Chiropodist, Doctors yearly check…
That’s been a wait of three years, by, heck!
Audio, DVT and Cardiac…
Then the operation on the cataracts,
Glaucoma and Saccades and the Diabetes in fact…
Will I live long enough to get my treatments?

Sozzled, drugged up, and a man with a violent bent,
But will there be a return to prison requirement?
Easier for him to get drugs in there for his sustainment?
Maybe they’ll offer him some mental treatment?
Tell him sorry if this is inconvenient…
Give him some cocaine and pay his rent?

Run of the mill stuff, for the Nottingham creed,
I understand that he was a gynaecologist,
Nothing suspicious, the chap wasn’t a druggist…
Police won’t look too far into this…
With nine officers attacked and on the sick list!

The Police and I…
Have no idea why,
So sorry the lad had to die…
RIP son… It makes you cry!

No matter why – Animals!

All this violence, drugs, gangs, I comprehend?
Slave importers, youths will re-offend…
No deterrent do the courts send…
Viciousness threatens, it’s today trend…
And I think it will only worsen!
A judge was I thought the only person…
Who could, these crimes amend…
But no, so I’m scared and disheartened!.

Self-Centred Scum!

Well, this is interesting news for Sherwood…
A 48% increase in crime figures, should…
make my blood boil, make me angry and rude!
I’m not surprised, I’ve not seen a policeman since May!
Didn’t even see one on Tuesday…
Plenty of yobboes lurking…
Don’t suppose they are working?
I just pray they don’t mug me today!.


Raliegh, John Players, Debenhams, Topshop, Oasis, WH Smith, Burton & Dorothy Perkins, River Island, Banks closing down, Virgin Media sold to Liberty Global and has been ruined by them, Macintoshes, Rowntrees, Frys, Cadburys all sold to Nestles…

But fret not, we have 14 new takeaway shops opened… even though 12 went bankrupt in the last year?

Well, looking at my arm that’s encouraging.

So, basically, she’s got 25 days, what an hour a session? Going to some Community Centre; probably gets a free meal, and she can do some drug trading at the same time. I assume that courts will be providing her with a taxi both ways?

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets in Ode

Inchcock Today: Escape To Sherwood!

/ Inchie / 25 Comments

My EQ had already warned me, today would be different, special,
But I’ll have to be prepared for aggravation, be on my metal!
But explained things won’t be wrong, not an early burial…
But plans, like life, can be so decoctible…
Plans, well mine, are easily cock-uppable!
However, EQ’s warnings were mostly corrigible.

I thought that my will-power and contentment was indestructible,
Which, to say the least, was a rarity and unexplainable!
I got the blog created and sent off… although it was minimal,
The Carer was a smidge depressed, not very cheerful,
Gave him a can of Gin in thanks, told him to be safe, be careful,
Departing, the Carer definitely seemed a bit more gleeful,
Which made me feel better; did you know he was bilingual?

I only did a small blog, the eyes are getting worse, seeing less,
Still can’t get the photos on the computer – I’m at my pottiest!
Sorting out the paperwork needed for ophthalmologist,
The Bank Manager, whose visit I’d have gladly missed…
And added herb-slices to my little shopping list,
Readied things for the escape, shopping, bank and optometrist…

Here we go…

I got to the door, seeing I’d enacted my habit of being a noctambulist,
Boxes had been moved, stuff out on the trolley, can a hypnotist,…
Be consulted, for I do not recall getting from bed; was I pissed?
I think not; I stopped drinking years ago… mind you, it’s still missed!
Some bits of paper on the carpet as well, to be honest…
I don’t think my mind is at its mentally healthiest…
Hit my head picking stuff up… but this was not to be the painfullest,
Half an hour later, I felt at my poorliest…

I hobble out along to Winchester Street, limping down the hill,
A car parked on the pavement again, cruel and evil…
Not sliding in the wet leaves was taking all my skill…
I was soon swearing like the devil!
I tripped on the crack underneath the leaves, twisted my knee…
Bagged my leg falling on the soggy gravel,
It hurt, but so did me wanting to have a pee!
But more important was my desire to see Jillie!

My tumble meant nothing now; I hobbled like the devil,
My mission is to see Jillie, whatever the peril…
My fears and pain had disappeared – they were nihil!
We met, and in her arms I did cradle…
Nothing mattered then, even my wanting a piddle!.

The time shot by while I was Jillie, my lover… in my mind
She’s regal, beautiful, and so very kind…
I found her 60 years too late; it drives me out of my mind!
But she had partly adopted me, that was so very kind,
She is a gift, a pleasure, a desire, of all mankind ♥

Jillie walked with me to the opticians, beautifully coiffured,
She is even aware before I say so when something I’ve misheard!
A treasure-find for me, patient and so good-natured!
My confidence was boosted, hopes temporarily recaptured…
Into see the ophthalmologist room, to have the eyes inspected!
Prodding and eyes, the drops all done; 20 minutes, I waited…

The Oculist came out with the problem after I was examined,
The result was not unexpected… I’m overly cataracted!
She set the ball rolling for me to have two lenses fitted…
Paperwork to the Doctors’ was remitted…
She explained further to me of the operation…

Risky at my age, but without it, I’ll be blind within a year
As was expected and natural to me, worry, but no fear.

Gave me some leaflets to read. There is no point in prescribing the new glasses until after the operation. Because having two plastic lenses replacing the genuine lenses would alter the sight a lot, they will sort the spectacles out with another examination after the procedure.

Also, she can look into the Glaucoma and Saccades issues after my getting and trying the new spectacles. Which can’t be done until so many weeks after the operation has been completed. Ah, well! Only what I expected, really.

I had the pleasure of thanking them, and going with Jillie to the bank. Which took a lot of her time, but she was very patient. We went into a room with an advisor. I could not hear what he was saying, and the rapidly declining eyesight meant I could no longer see well enough to try lip-reading. But, Jillie did all the talking for me. ♥ She asked about the Carers Direct Debit situation, and the chap told her, as she explained afterwards, I had no idea what was going on, Hehe! that the transactions were set up, but nothing had gone out yet? Crumplemost Confusing!

After a long time, we left the bank, and Jillie had to help me with the cash machine to get some money out. Bless Her! I don’t know what I’m going to do when the gal is unavailable!

Got some bits from the local continental store, not a lot; I’ve got a food delivery coming in the morning.

We walked back to Jillie’s house, and I got a hug (Boy, that felt good!) as we parted. Despite the morning’s happenings, I felt up to walking up the hill back to the flats!

I got in and made a meal. Gobbled it up, and sat down; and fell right asleep! For about four hours! Got up, and I started to mop the kitchen floor as Carer Richard arrived. We had a little natter, but he was in a rush. So I gave him one of his favourites, a pink gin and tonic, thanked him as he departed. Then got on with the moping again.

I sat down with a mug of Glengettie tea to watch Heartbeat on the box… But only managed about ten minutes, and I drifted off again.

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP!

After an hour, I sprang awake in absolute agony! The hobble (I imagine) had set off Colin Cramps, and boy was he giving me some pain! Worse, he went on all night until about 04:30 in the morning!

MedPhorpainI used up an entire tube of Phorpain overnight! But it did me no good. Even taking two co-codamol didn’t ease things at all! All in the left foot and leg. Knob-Gobs! I’ve never had cramps so bad in my life before?

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme

Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Part 1245⅓

/ Inchie / 14 Comments

Sherwood & postcode Local News

This morning, I’d like to start with the worst of YourArea news items. To get it out of my system; So maddening!

Double child killer Colin Pitchfork could be cleared for a move to open prison within months after being returned to jail because he was approaching young women.

  • Murderer Colin Pitchfork, 61, was arrested and recalled to prison.
  • The convicted killer had allegedly been ‘approaching young women’ while on walks.
  • But Parole Board is now considering moving him to an open prison setting 
  • Pitchfork was jailed for life in 1988 for the rape and murder of 15-year-old girls
  • He was released from Leyhill prison, near Tortworth, Gloucester., two months ago

What sort of demented, do-gooder idiots sit on Parole Boards? How often have we heard of released scum killing and committing the same crimes again? How can the panels be fooled so often into releasing people to kill again?

What is the solution? Is there one? Well, yes! But it would probably not be considered practical. The Civil Rightists would think my idea too reactive for the libertarians, namby-pambies, egalitarians and guilty themselves of the crimes that people they have freed, committed, members of the Parole Boards!

Above all, they would consider the costs of keeping criminal sleazebags long term in prison. No doubt encouraged to be lenient, or even bribed; threatened or maybe, instructed, by the Government of days Justice Minister and Home Secretary?

Justice Department Wasted Money

Dominic Raab’s department wasted a ‘staggering’ ÂŁ238m on an array of botched projects last year; Electronic tagging systems that were never used and software so bad it is causing industrial disputes are among sources of waste at the Ministry of Justice! The biggest-ticket item driving up the level of waste was ÂŁ98.2m on a new case management system for electronic tagging of criminals – which was then scrapped before it could be used.

The department also had to pay an extra ÂŁ72.1m HMRC because it had incorrectly reported the employment status of some of its workers, being hit with a further ÂŁ15m penalty for breaching the rules. Then, ÂŁ14m was paid to private contractors running probation services for the department breaking their contracts early, even though those companies had failed to hit their targets to reduce re-offending! This part of the cash was returned to the Treasury.

So, a Governmental decision was made to free prisoners early on parole. Boy, have they got guilt on their hands now! Fungleturds! The accountableness for their complicity with the powers that be, to me, means they should be punished themselves.

Are these living-in-another-world enfants-terribles even aware of their blame, but the effects that their moronic namby-pamby, spineless, effete decisions have had on the innocents involved? The parents and relations of these two daughters, the other family members, schoolmates, friends. It’s ruined their lives too! Two wrongs don’t make a right, but it would have levelled the field if the animal Pitchfork had been executed.

So, how can we save money in and on prisons? We stop supplying Gym equipment, computers, telephones etc. then, stop giving them free medications. Mental and physical. Cut back to the type of food that I manage on, no luxuries. Baths or shower only once every six months. When they escape, it should be easier for the dogs to trace them. I am not proposing this for all prisoners, of course. Only the violent ones. And if possible, which it won’t be, bring back executions. But offer them a choice first, of which way they would prefer to go. Hanging will be out, though; that is cruel. Beheading, poisoning or being tied up securely and left in a cellar for three days with relatives and family of the murdered victims. I feel this would be more of a deterrent than the current system. Oh, and no visitors!

I got a bit carried away there! Ah, well, I’ll press on!

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Another murder in Nottingham. Stabbings, druggies, shoplifting, gangs galore. I don’t think I can take anymore!

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It sounds like another lost cause for the police.

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Firearms, drugs, organised slave trade, burglaries… I think we had a poisoning last week?.

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That’s the spirit, Your Honour; Nip this violence in the bud while they’re young. Scare them to death with your nerve-wracking punishments… Oh, tagging him? Fine!

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A little too close for comfort?.

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Blimey, ÂŁ9.35 per prescription. Hand on, I’ll utilise the calculator to find out how much it might cost me… Strewth! Blimey and heckithump; ÂŁ149.60 a month!

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Oh!

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LATE SNIPPETS

READ ALL ABARGHT IT!

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Naughty, nasty lady!

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 Inchcock’s Local News Snippets

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Haveth a great Day!

Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Part 12â…ťth

/ Inchie / 17 Comments

Don’t forget, when it’s wet, Aspro keeps you dry,
A saying from my youth, putting this in, you may think why?
Sorry, I’ve not got the foggiest, I’m losing it, I cannot lie!
So, the police take it seriously if it’s been reported?
A passing policeman saw it; would he be uninterested?
Oh, my sarcasm is at its peskiest!

By the time I’d read this, I’d a headache from my arithmophobia!
The NHS workers are well above being mediocre…
The pressure they’ve been under must have been a live-changer,
Can’t we do something, so they can have a recharger?
To give them a decent pay rise – reading this, Boris, you minger!

I don’t mean to be a rumourmonger or scandalmonger, scaremonger, But I’ll hold my hands up to being a gossipmonger!
But why does a Tory like what Boris used to be… Nae, not really!
Pay big raises to some, and others are not so feely-feely?
Boris is not a low-lifer… more like a copy of Lucifer?
Whatever your view; I think it’s the type of politics you prefer
Are politicians, each one a philanderer, or pilferer,
Are they better than a postman or scaffolder?
A lot of them get caught, exposing their doojigger…
Expense fiddlers, tax-dodger, or some a doppelganger!
They all seem to quickly point their forefinger…
They’ll make one if there isn’t a political cliffhanger,
Some MPs are better than others at propaganda…
I think of them when I’m using my guzunder!
Cause they take the piss, lie, cheat and plunder…
Cunningly increasing prices, they invest with a Luxemburger…
Still, bless ’em, they have a lot of money to launder!.

The grey cells seem to have got a bit mixed up here, doing this little ode below. The plot sort of evaporated. I ended up having a go at the politicians. Nothing new, I know, but usually, I can control these urges. Getting it back online, in a fashion, took me ages. Sorry!

Figures and numbers again, what an ache,
They can be manipulated, for the politicians’ sake!
For the politicians and wealthy, caviar at Le Gavroche,
Where a dinner cost around $590 per person, Ouch!
Still, I’m content with my cheesy potatoes and a fishcake,
Too much and rich food gives me the tummyache…
Anything rich, like roast quails, venison or cheesecake,
My finances are tight, my bank interest is opaque,
I’ll stick with the base food brought over by Francis Drake?
Potatoes, chips, mash, roast or raw… I always want more,
It’s the prol’ in me, I’m used to struggling, always been poor,
I’m at ease with plebs; they try to nick off of you, I assure…
But by my having nowt they haven’t got, I’m safe for sure
I need nowt else, no desire for haute couture!
Yep, in all things and areas, I am, at best, demure…
Just as well that I’m no epicure…
I’ve lost track of what I typing about – a mental rupture?
Intelligence, education, long ago I did disinure!

I’m not doing a lot for Nottingham’s tourist industry here!

When I see such figures, confident, I’m not!
Then again, who am I, intelligent, clever… You what!
I had faggots and potatoes for lunch… but it matters not!
How are these numbers arrived at and begot?
Are they accurate, true, to be trusted, or am I a clot?
I think they are part of a political plot…
Believing them leaves my brain in a knot,
Is truth doctorable, like a camera shot?
Have they been got at by a Judas Iscariot?
Are they genuine? Or fiddled, and tommyrot?
Or, am I a thicker than I thought fusspot?

Murderers, murderers who tell people they are going to kill someone an hour before they do, and the pathetic namby-pamby, out of touch with reality, criminal fancying, Arf-arf, judge tells him he believes you didn’t intend to kill him. Humph! No, you bewigged Pratt! The drugs made him do it, which are supposed to be illegal! No wonder crime is rising, with pillocks like this giving laughable sentences for murderers, and he can’t remember the evidence!

But it doesn’t bother me, oh, no!

Reminds me of a humorous happening that occurred when I was recovering from the heart op in the City Hospital. I was to be allowed visitors that day and had an appointment with the DVT Clinic in the morning. They collected me, and the chatting merrily nurses that took me to the clinic stopped in the main corridor and asked if they left me there for a couple of minutes, would I mind?

No problem, I replied. (I got the crossword book and pen snuck under the blanket on the trolley). I fell asleep, though… I was woken by a very concerned and harassed looking and sounding nurse.

I’d been there apparently, for over two hours, and no one had missed me. (It’s with me being so popular, Haha!) Sister Jane and Pete had come to visit me to find an empty bed – Poor Jane was genuinely concerned (I owed her a tenner – Haha, only joking!)

Up and onwards, near the end now…

So, if anyone fancies a lovely peaceful break over Easter, Covid restriction permitting; Why not visit Nottingham. They have a few cafe’s that have not gone bankrupt during the lockdown. If you fancy staying, there are many retail units available for sale or rent on the half-mile stretch of Mansfield Road available… You might even consider moving to Nottingham? No? I don’t blame yer!

Part of The Inchcock Make Em Laugh with Odes Series

Sunday Evening’s Photographicalisations

/ Inchie / 1 Comment

Sunday 2nd January 2022

Sunday Evening’s Photographicalisations

At first, I thought I’d have a hamburger or fishburger,
Noe in: So I had chips & sausages and a shandy lager…
As meals go, this was a fair pallet-pleasing humdinger!
After three on the trot, each a taste-bud slaughterer!

Good heavens, the end car park showing activity!
Vehicles moving, I think I can see three,
Of course, there’s the red van parked clumsily,

Well, goodness, gracious me!
Another car coming in, do you see?
Much more of this, they may make a fee,
But it’s nice to be able to park for free!

I took more snaps, first one up the hill to the park,
Going up there once, I saw a woodlark!
Can’t get up the hill now, I have to remark…
Facts like this you have to get used to – although stark!

Later I took the one above, of the skies so azure.
It’s nice to live in sight of such nature,
And images, still be able to capture…
Natural beauty almost sends me into rapture!.

The later sunsets, beautiful!

17:00hrs: Sunset from the kitchen window.

17:12hrs: Sunset from the balcony.

17:20hrs: Sunset from the balcony.

Inchcock – Beyond help now? Hehe!

Amazingly quick changes, that I did see,
Nature always seems to impress me…
From the skies, animals and how often I have to wee!
Sometimes from humanity…
I wish somehow I could flee…
Then someone’s so kind to me…
I’m very confused, I think you’ll agree?

Part of Inchcock’s Ode to Life Series