Satire

Inchcock Today Wed 23 Dec 15: House… well Flat Bound again – Oh dear!

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Wednesday 23nd December 2015

Up at 0525 hrs, What a state I woke up in too! Unbelievable! (As Victor Meldrew would say!)

This morning My Medical Synopsis (Fancy word for me eh?)

P1020724There were not many of my ailments that were not giving me some bother this morning.

The legs had swollen like never before; the stomach had bloated even more. Might not be abe to get me trousers on later?

The skin cancer wound on me back was itching like crazy. The duodenal ulcer was giving me a bit of jip. Arthur Itis was not liking it at all when I moved me knees or wrists. Anne Gina was causing breathing difficulties. The haemorrhoids were bleeding away merrily. The boils P1020722on my bum had increased to three now. Little Inchy had become a painfully matted chunk of dried blood that needed attention.

I’ll have to put the new disposable underpants thing on today, as I am not going out anywhere due to two reasons like: Had a super dizzy spell when I first got up, and the gurgling runs had returned, I took a capsule in the hope it UP92might help.

On my second trip to the porcelain, Little Inchy had been flowing again. A brighter red this time?.

Good job I’d got some swabs and cotton wool in stock.

If it hasn’t eased when I get me bath later, I suppose I’d better ring 111 for advice?

Now Anne Gina is getting worse as I write, well type.

So, as I said, no going out for me today. I’m too nervous of the dizzies and getting caught wearing those flaming lady-like disposable undies! Hehehe!

Made a cuppa, didn’t eat owt cause of the state of me stomach.

Not feeling too bad under the circumstances. Might get some sorting done today and graphicalisationing perhaps?.

Got the laptop on and finished Tuesdays diary. Shame I forgot to take me camera out with me, though.

Hello, a touch of the shivers then. I’ve just checked the thermometer in the kitchen, down to 55° now. Looks a bit windy out, but it’s in the right direction for me, not blowing at the front and coming in the holes in the kitchen wall at least.

Going to get in my bath now and see if I can do owt with Little Inchy and the haemorrhoids.

Back in a bit folks.

Lovely good soak that was, sorting Litte Inchy was less hassle than I thought it might be. Crossed fingers now.

Updated this diary then got me rubbish bags to the chute and called at the Community Hut to see if Deana was there.

She wasn’t, but Obergruppenfurheress Julie was. Gave her some nibbles and the letters for Margaret.

Met the lady from 84 on the way back and gave her a box of Terry’s Chocolates for Christmas and got a peck on me cheek (Nice!).

A hand-out letter had been delivered while I was out. It was from the Nottingham City Homes. They hope to do the improvements/modernisations to Winchester and Woodthorpe Court in 2016 – 17.

Had a cuppa and took me medications.

A sudden and abrupt attack of fatigue came over me after eating me nosh. I felt incapable of physically doing much at all?

All I could do was to sit down; I did watch some TV, but it was piecemeal viewing in between nodding off and visits to the porcelain to ease me rumbling innards.

The rest of the day was a lot better for the Angina and ulcer. Even the hernia eased a bit later. However, arthritis and stomach played up all the way through. Tsk!

I found a sort of inner peace, a feeling of my being composed and an acceptance of the situation? Not unhappy at all?.

I think that I turned off the TV about 2200hrs and felt like I’d been asleep for a few minutes, and it was 0530hrs as I sprang awake and made my way to the porcelain again.

Inchcock Today Tue 22 Dec 15: Launderette and nodding off!

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

What’s the ideal weight for a Lawyer?

5lb including the Urn!

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Tuesday 22nd December 2015

Up at 0505 hrs, My first thought was to get to the bathroom and check out the tender, tingling and sore ‘Little Inchy’ – what a mess the poor thing was – bruised bloodied and damned tender! Washed him and applied the Betamethasone cream – talk about make myself jump!

Feeling well drained from yesterday’s activities still.

IMG_0134BJ should be lifting me to the launderette later, must make sure I don’t keep him waiting.

It’s good for him to help me out, even at this time of year with his family holidays to sort out he offers – good mate is BJ.

The haemorrhoids were flowing again. Huh!

The toilet still not flushing properly again. Trouble is with it being in the flats with so many on the go so to speak; it takes ages for the cistern to refill each time. I did try pouring water from the bath down, but the bending down has started me back off aching! Tsk!

Made a cuppa and took me morning medications, I think I missed last nights cause I can’t find an empty blue lidded pill-pot anywhere?

Got the laptop going and started the graphics and this diary off.

Then did some Facebooking and started some graphics on Coreldraw.

Amazingly and for the first time ever; BJ rang early to tell me he was on his way to pick me up.

There was a bit of a panic to get ready in time to go down to meet him outside.

Struggled down with me two big bags of laundry and he was already there sat waiting in his car.

Had a chin-wag on the way to the laundry, and I realised I’d forgotten to take me coins with me for the machines.

Mandy was on duty and we managed a few laughs. She had very few coins other than twenty pences and we had to use those instead of £1 coins. Gave her some nibbles.

I actually finished a crossword off competely, without peeping. First one ever for me.

It took us about 2.75 hours to get all the laundry done and finished.

P01b

BJ giving me a ‘Behave Yourself’ look earlier in the year at Papplewick Station

BJ ran us to Asda.

I looked for some trousers that were a little wider around the grith – due to me water retention and over-eating… perhaps more to the over eating, maybe, perhaps? (Guilty).

I found a pair of trews that suited and also besides that – saw they had some loose fitting underpants on sale as well, so I got a pack of those.

I pondered around and got a Bath Sheet at £3.50 – although I’ve never heard of a bath sheet before. It looked like a towel to me? Potato cakes, Sharon fruits and some cream french horns fell in bag as I passed. Being of a strong will power – I told myself I’m not going to get any more of these owing to me bloated stomach and tendency to gain weight recently. But did I put it back in the fridge where I got it from? Did I ‘eck as! Tsk”

At the check-out after going through the lady threw me trousers as they were along the counter and I asked her if I could have a bag to put them in to keep them clean. I was was told “No, not unless you pay 5p for one!” I suggested that the 5p charge was for carrier bags not individual bags and got a scowl of immense intensity back for my cheek!.

Found BJ and as we were going out a lady in a disabled scooter, who obviously was struggling to get through the crowds as she manipulated the machine using her only working hand – the crowd would not give way for her and didn’t even notice her suffering. I placed my trolley to make a way through for her and held up the shoppers – boy did I get it in the neck verbally from the shopping mad swines who were held up for all of a minute while the lady got through..

This left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Out and to the car and BJ called to get some petrol. 99.7p a litre it had come down to, BJ was pleased with this.

BJ dropped me outside the flats with me two laundry bags and bag of things from Asda. He had a lot to do preparatorily for his family for Christmas, so I thanked him and tackled getting me and me bags into the complex..

It was a bit of a struggle getting me things up to the flat but I proudly managed it without any Whoopsiedangleplops..

They were some letters on the floor when I got in and I checked them first, fearing one might be from the Solicitors again. Nothing from the bank again! Two for Margaret the previous tenant and one from Age UK. I realised then why out of the blue Steve of Age UK called me the other day to see if I was alright? It is a survey of satisfaction (Nine pages) for me to fill in when I get the chance, about the service quality.

Into the bathroom and checked out Little Inchies condition. It wasn’t good, another pair of undies for the wash and discomfort in cleaning him up again. Thought it best if I had a bath before putting on the new/old Betamethasone cream – but there was no hot water for a bath?

I soon saw why this was as I went into the kitchen to put the kettle on and saw that I’d left the hot water tap running in me rush this morning to get out to meet BJ. A few well chosen self-deprecating words were uttered!

I hung up my new trousers and put away the fodder I’d bought and took me midday medications, a little late but still.

Got some nosh in the oven, waffles, beetroot, chestnuts and polish ham on the plate ready and potato cakes to add to the waffles half way through their cooking time, and some green beans in the saucepan.

Meanwhile, I checked the TV paper and was pleased to see there were lots of things I could watch, a film, two Top Gear programmes on different channels and Open all Hours.

P1020721I enjoyed this meal, only the Polish ham let it down, due to its lack of flavour of any type!

The onset of fatigue gain returned to me and I fell asleep after eating the dinner.

Not easy cleaning the dishes etc. with using the kettle for hot water, but there you are.

Who would have thought that a man of my calibre could leave the tap running? (Coy Mode Adopted)

Woke up and it was dark. Took me evening medications and noticed the hot water was warming up, so thought I’d give it a while and get the bath running again..

I fell asleep watching the Open all Hours on the TV and think I dreamt of my Cyber-mate Lynton Cox. Oh boy, was he having a go at me, I was in front of a giant blackboard and Lynton was drawing food on it and telling me off about something, much finger wagging took place and I managed to escape down into a sewer somehow and he locked the trapdoor I’d climbed down? Moments later he opened it and threw down my hearing aids and walking stick to me? The Doctor who treated Little Inchy so cruelly on Monday appeared and chased me down a passageway… I’m sure much more took place in this dream, but cannot remember details.

I made a cuppa and lay there thinking to myself “Well I’ll never get to sleep again now…” But I was wrong, I nodded off again! Huh!

Inchcock Today Mon 21 Dec 15: A Tiring Painful Hospitalisation day – Hey-ho!

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Monday 21st December 2015

Up at 0515 hrs, laid a while pondering on what me schedule was for the day: Make sure all the things for the possible stay in the City hospital were in my bag to take with me. (Although I’m sure they will not be keeping me in this time now the bleeding from Little Inchy has abated so much – typical, after eight weeks it stops just before I manage to get an appointment  – huh!).

Then I’ll get the diaries done as far as I can. Must call BJ and keep him informed later.

To the Queens Medical Centre Haematology for me warfarin Blood INR test – then hopefully, catch the inter-hospital bus to the City Hospital. Timing this to arrive near the right time might be dodgy.

Then into the GUM clinic and go through the embarrassment of having Little Inchy examined again – then see what decision they take about me. They just might decide to do surgery, and I’ll be kept in overnight for it in the morning, but I don’t think this will happen now it’s bleeding so much less. I anticipate being given some more creams again and given a new follow-up appointment. If this is the case, getting home will take some effort unless the 40 bus us still running that late at night, it means having to catch two buses and a good walk when I get to Sherwood up to the flats. I know from experience how uncomfortable things will feel after having him prodded, poked, twisted and being laughed at. Hehe!

UP10eI stirred myself and got to the bathroom to check on Little Inchy – who for the first time in months didn’t feel tender when I woke.

This blood did not come from Little Inchy this morning, there were only a few specks from him – this was from another area of my anatomy! Tsk!

P1020711Nice looking view from outside the kitchen window – then the rain started again. Tsk!

Took my medications with a cuppa and set out to do a graphic in Coreldraw – oh dear, what a picklement I gotten into!

Everything froze when I tried to download a fill-pattern from the Corel Store. Had to force close windows and restart. It got to the green screen loading and stayed there for two hours. I was fretting now, force closed again and left it a while then restarted again. Much flashing and shuddering but eventually I got into windows and nervously tried out Coreldraw – everything was so much slower, but it worked in the end. Tsk!

Facebook, WordPress and Coreldraw a while.

Had a bath and got my things for the medicationalistical activities to follow later.

Took bags to the rubbish chute and called at the Community Shed but no one there left some mail I’d had for Margaret the previous tenant, the a chin-wag with some others waiting and caught the bus to town.

P1020712 P1020714

The wet pavements and road tempted me to take these shots of the Nottingham folk as they unsmilingly mope about in search of bargains and pressies.

Still a little early for me go to the QMC for me INT blood level tests, so I had a wander about for a bit searching for something of interest to photograph and taking in the lack of smiles from the crowds.

P1020715 P1020716.

As they rushed around looking morbid and depressed.

Caught a bus out to the Queens Medical Centre. The atmosphere in the bus was one of darkness and despair I’m afraid to say.

Into the haematology department and took me ticket filled in my form and waited for my number to be called out, which it was in a couple of minutes!

The staff in the treatment room all seemed pretty melancholy this morning – I supposed because they had to work when they didn’t want to in the holidays? The nurse who did me was almost obnoxious in her attitude and curt replies to me efforts to cheer her up. Oh dear, poor thing!

Got done and left and caught a bus into town, arrived with plenty of time to spare.

P1020713Dropped off early and had a potter around again waiting for the time to catch the 40 bus to the City Hospital and the GUM clinic there.

I managed a semi-moody shot, helped by the laying rainwater and dark lighting on Talbot Street in the City Centre.

Then I walked around trying to capture the nature of people’s moods as they rushed and hurried round the shops in search of a bargain to buy or shoplift.

P1020717 P1020718

P1020719Getting busier now in town.

Caught the bus out to the City Hospital, and was glad to find it dropped me very close to the clinic I was after.

The visit was one of frustration, pain and left me with a most nervous disposition and feeling grumpy, very grumpy with things. Normally I would just write what happens, usually with, I’m told, far too much detail.

Afterwards, they gave me some Betamethasone 0.2% w/w cream. The same cream they tried to cure the problem with back in Aug 2014?

So the procedure that I went through will not be mentioned in any detail this time – suffice to say, three hours later I left in the dank darkness and had to walk all the way back to the flat – in pain and feeling sorry for missen!

They made an appointment for me to return on 18 January 2016 and gave me a number to ring in the event of the blood flowing too freely in the time in between.

Having missed the bus, I started to walk home in the dank dark night.

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P1020720

Weary I began the long walk home in the dark – Dang dang dang dang!

Feeling somewhat sore in certain areas, the walk was not a pleasant one in the least.

It took about an hour and a quarter or so I think, maybe a tad more.

Going through the park in the dark with no lights at all was an eerie feeling.

BJ rang en-route and told me he would call to collect me twixt 0800>0830 hrs in the morning to take me to the launderette bless him.Once in the flat, for the first time in months, there was no demand for the use of the porcelain?

Once in the flat, for the first time in months, there was no demand for the use of the porcelain?

Once in the apartment, for the first time in months, there was no requirement for the utilisation of the porcelain?

Put my things away and stored the cream in the bathroom. Got the kettle on for a very welcome cuppa and somehow I think I forgot about me evening medications. Tsk!

When I did need the porcelain, the haemorrhoids were bleeding a lot, and the system did not clear the pan, despite several attempts. More hassle!.

Fell asleep in the chair, but with mind racing?

Inchcock Today Sun 20 Dec 15:

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A Solicitor’s phone rings: “I want to speak to my lawyer.”

The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but he died last week.”

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist answers, “I told you yesterday, he died last week.”

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer.

By this time the receptionist, getting a little annoyed says “I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”

The bloke says, “Because I just love hearing you say that!”

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Sunday 20th December 2015

0101aeUp at 0615 hrs, late again for me.

Cleaned up the mess from me Whoopsidangleplop last night.

Nothing was found broken. Well, I don’t think so, I’ve not tried my headphones yet.Cuppa and took me medications.

Cuppa and took me medications.

0101aTo the bathroom to get the silly frilly knickers off and check out ‘Little Inchy’.

Only a few spots of blood this morning on me adult nappy! Hehe!

Laptop on and finished yesterday’s diary and started this one off.

Facebook and WordPress for a few hours.

Got myself cleaned up, (Put me usual undies on) got the bags for the rubbish chute and went out of the flat one my walk into Sherwood. The lady in the opposite apartment was coming out of her door and asked me if a mat that was in the entrance to the three flats

was mine. I said no, and she quizzed me as to she thought she’d seen in inside my door earlier? I showed her the mat that was inside the front door. I almost felt guilty such was her contempt. I think she felt guilty cause she helped me take me bags to the chute and rang for the lift for me bless her cotton socks.

P1020702Out and up the hill into Woodthorpe Grange Park.

I like watching the people with their dogs in the park.

The antics of some of the dogs always brings a smile to my face.

On down to Mansfield Road and left up P1020703the hill and down into Sherwood.

Called in the Co-op and had a good walk around, but they had nothing that I fancied or decent on offer.

Walked down to Wilko to see if they had those magical duster things on offer and they had, so I got one and some refills.

P1020704Out and back up to the hill.

The high winds were bothersome, although they were not cold with it.

To the left was the sunshine to the right threatening dark clouds?. 

Over the brow of the hill and down and into the gate to the park and up the P1020705footpath.

As I entered, there were not people dogs or cyclist on the path. 

Seconds later they all seemed to come from nowhere like. 

The people and their dogs were not a problem of course, but the Pedestrian Path Cyclist nearly had me when he belted by from behind was. 

P1020706The Swine!

To the top of the path and right down to the magnificent home of mine.

On the way, I saw a woman in the distance with one of those throw sticks and when she threw the ball for her black Labrador – he’d lumber after it, pick it up then drop it there and lay down waiting for her to catch up with him. Not that it mattered, they both seemed happy. Hehe!

Back in the flat and I put away my new duster and refill and nipped to the bathroom to check on ‘Little Inchy’s’ condition. No blood at all as I could see.

Got me spuds in the oven to roast, two frikadellen ready to add to them later. Then got this diary updated.

Did a bit and checked on my spuds. All okay, not ready yet to add me beef-cakes.

P1020709The rain started belting down.

Glad I missed it when I was out and about. 

Thoughts about tomorrow and going into the hospital for ‘Little Inchy’ to be examined mused through my mind for a good while. Made sure I’d got my bag of things ready to take with me.

P1020707The nosh was ready, and I served it up. Possibly my best tasting one yet.

Enjoyed it, Frikadellen, roast potato cubes, caramelised sausage roll, and beetroot, with BBQ sauce, followed by a pot of mandarins in orange juice.

Rated this one 9.6/10.

Took me evening medications and got me Haematology record card in the coat pocket ready for tomorrow. Must remember to go to Queens Medical Centre for me INR Warfarin level Test first, then hopefully, I can catch the inter-hospital bus to the City Hospital then the GUM clinic in the grounds to have Little Inchy examined and find out if I am to stay in overnight or not.

Stayed awake to watch three episodes of Columbo on the box – well, 2.8 episodes, I fell asleep and missed the end of the third one. Tsk!

Washed the pots, WC’d and got back in the chair… Zzzz!

Inchcock Today Sat 19 Dec 15: My specialist undies arrive – without any holes in the front! Tsk

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Saturday 19th December 2015

0101ad

Up at; wait for it: 0830 hrs! 

I did wake much earlier but somehow managed to nod off again repeatedly.

Not like me at all. But a type of satisfaction was accrued within me limited stunted addled brain over this?

P1020692Blimey it was light when I eventually ventured into the kitchen to put the kettle on!

To the WC to find ‘Little Inchy’ had only bled a little bit.

Typical, now I’ve got me appointment coming up on Monday after waiting for three weeks to have him looked at again – and now he stops bleeding! Huh!

Monday will be interesting, though. With the appointment being so late in the day, it’ll be hard for me get in touch with BJ to tell him if I’ve been kept in or not and if I’ll be going to the launderette Tuesday or not. Even if I get released that night, I’ll have a hell of a job to get back to the flat at that time of night; it’ll either be a marathon walk or catching two buses then walking up the hill back to the apartment. Unless I can get out before the number 40 stops running, then I can get it to Winchester Street and only have a little walk back to the flats?

Then again, they might keep me in overnight, so all I have to do is ring BJ and Jane to tell them I’ll not be free. I’ve confused myself now…

I got a few phone calls in succession where whoever rang didn’t say anything at all?

The laptop on and finished yesterday’s diary off, and then started this one.

IMG_0241I then realised I’d not took me morning medications. I was wondering why me ulcer reflux valve and the angina were playing up.

I took em straight away – must remember to take em late tomorrow as well then to balance things out?

Did some Facebooking and checked me emails.

My new undies from the clinic via the mail arrived – without any holes splits or gaps in the front! Still, they are supposed to stop any blood from getting out I assume?

Got ready for me evening soak. Antisceptic disinfectant and bath liquid added as I ran it.

Did me teggies and I had a shave.

Just struggled into the bath and settled and the phone rang – I wondered how I could hear it? Painfully got out of the tub, very painfully with the knees and opened the door to go to the living room and realised it was the Intercom phone on the wall in the hallway that was ringing. Picked it up to find someone was ringing the wrong number. Tut!

Back into the bath and had a good scrub up and soak.

P1020695‘Little Inchy’ was not bleeding too bad again.

Once more struggled painfully to get out of the bath, but managed it without any Whoopsiedangleplop.

Then after drying off, and cleaning the bathroom up, I opened the disposable underpants to wear one and see how I went with it.

Well, They looked like ladies to me without any slit in the front, and they had some ornate decoration at the top? I took a photo of them but decided not to publish it in case someone thought I was weird like.

But they are too tight even for ‘Little Inchy’. Still, I’ll see how it goes tonight.

P1020700

Tasty, very Tasty!

Got me nosh on, Baked potatoes and Frikadellens, with some butter and bit of salt on the potatoes.

Smashing tasting that was!Then got on with updating this tosh while they cooked.

Then got on with updating this tosh while they cooked.

Spent hours on the web – even did another order for Morrisons to be delivered Sunday evening. Facebook, WordPress and Coreldraw.

Tooke e evening medications.Phone Sister Jane and had a chin-wag. She was not feeling well, I hope to get up to see her this coming week, providing they don’t keep me in on Monday of course, but I don’t think they will.

Phoned Sister Jane and had a chin-wag. She was not feeling well, I hope to get up to see her this coming week, providing they don’t keep me in on Monday at the City Hospital of course, but I don’t think they will.

I managed skillfully once again to watch a film, “Con Air” all the way through to the very last commercial break again before nodding off and missing the end! I’m annoying myself with doing this lately – I might get rid of the TV and give it someone who can stay awake to watch it. Hehe!

WC’d and checked the new disposables with the frilly edges. I don’t think I could wear these if going out with them on, though… what if I had an accident, dizzy spell, angina attack or something like that: Whatever would the medical people think seeing me in frilly disposable knickers without any ‘Little Inchy’ opening? Regardless, believe it or not, there was no blood at all? Had the design of the pads helped, or is the lesion healing on its own? Just when I get to go in to have it looked at it stops on its own? Confused now.

Made a cuppa and some biscuits to nibble and attempted to listen to the radio. Asleep withing minutes, waking up an hour or so later to go to the WC, and got up without realising I’d got the headphones on. Made a bit of a mess as the wires caught the bottles of orange juice and tipped them over. The headphones shot off me head and knocked some photo’s off me corner display stand, and I stubbed me toe on the base corner of me easy chair knocking me charging mobile onto the floor and I hit me head on the door bending down gently to pick them up and I had a dizzy spell!

I abluted then I got my head down and drifted off quickly…

Inchcock Today Fri 18 Dec 15: Busy bee today

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Lawyers are experts in the circumvention of the law! – Ambrose Bierce

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Friday 18th December 2015

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Up at 0400 hrs, ‘Little Inchy’ in a mess again. WC’d..

As the day went on the other ailments have started to reappear – Angina, Arthritis, reflux valve and even the stomach ulcer began to give me some gip. Tsk! And Humph! Not good this!

P1020684No mist this morning.

Must remember I’ve got to take me Postal Redirection forms, payment and Proof of ID to the Post Office today – I’ll try to catch the 0930 L9 bus into town.

Made a cuppa and took me medications, and got the laptop on. I downloaded the Grammarly add-on yesterday – it is really a good thing, and picks up more errors than other checkers and is easy to use too. It works on Google, WordPress and Word once installed. Obergruppenfurher is recognised!

Finished yesterday’s diary and started this one.

01W01a

One of many actually – poor old sausage Inchy

A lot of tasks coming up at the same time. Monday IR blood tests at the QMC, then to the City hospital, but not until late – might be, might not be staying in overnight. Might be having surgery might not, might be put back on the cream or not. I’m going to be well shattered on Tuesday morning if I do go home after my visit so late at night for me.

Tuesday BJ had arranged to lift me to the launderette; I was going to go to the Audio clinic then collect my prescriptions from the chemist… I’m all worn out and confused just thinking about it all. Poor old devil – hehe!

I hope the Post Office redirecting thing works out today.

P1020688Made another cuppa and checked to make sure I’d got me forms for the post Office, bus-pass, card and things ready to take with me.

Had a bath and swiftly got missen down to wait for the bus.

Had a great chin-wag and laugh with the other tenants in the lobby.

Got to town and straight into the Post Office. Got me queue ticket 78 and waited for my turn at the counter. Not long today, about half an hour to wait.

Then it got interesting – the young girl on the counter had not done one of these before, she was Asian, and I was having difficulty in hearing/understanding what she was saying. She had to keep consulting with a bloke who gave off the aura that he’d been working there for thirty years and had been the shop steward for forty of them!

P1020686I departed the post office so many pounds lighter and walked down King Street.

I noticed some pigeons having a go at some dropped fodder.

Then the sun came out momentarily, and I took my chance of trying out my fifth attempt at a ‘Moody’ photo of P1020685Nottingham as I walked up Upper Parliament Street.

Back to the bus stop and caught the L9 back to the flats.

I stayed awake for the entire trip.

Not bragging like…

P1020687Got a decent photograph through the bus’s front window of one of the flats in the distance as we turned down Sherwood Vale.

Got in and WC’d then put away the paperwork ID back in their folders.

I perused a leaflet that came with the Re-direct stuff from the Post Office, titled “Terma and Conditions for the Royal Mail Redirection Service and Special Circumstances Redirection Service” – what a mouthful!

P1020690The lettering was too small to read, and there were 12 pages of this waffle in the booklet. Apparently aimed at covering themselves from liability when they failed to redirect properly?

I got a bite to eat, and the fatigue came over me again, earlier than usual as well.

Gave up any thoughts of doing anything constructive and collapsed into the chair to watch the TV.

A call to the porcelain resulted in the actual adverse actions to what I had been getting, and it was a painful struggle to relieve myself. Tsk!

I managed somehow to stay awake to try and watch the film at 2100hrs, and sod me I fell asleep during the last commercial break and missed the ending! Grrr!

I hope I don’t end up going in the opposite direction and end up not being able to go instead. Bother!

Nightie night all…

Inchcock Today Thu 17 Dec 15: Housework – sorting Day

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

How do you say to get a group of Solicitors to smile for a photo?

Just say ‘FEES’!

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Guess where he fell asleep this morning?

Thursday 17th December 2015

Up and to the porcelain room at 0405 hrs, ‘Little Inchy’ in a right state again, but the innards were much improved… thankfully.

Managed to nod off on the throne – Tsk!

Woke a tad confused… made my way to make a cuppa to take me  medications with.

Remembered that Steve from Age UK is calling today, this afternoon, made sure I’d got me an application to divert mail documents safe for when he arrives.

Started this diary and did some Facebooking.

Took me bags to the rubbish chute.

P1020680Getting myself ready to go I went out of the door and realised I had not got me hearing-aids in – back to search for them. An hour later I gave up searching in despair.

Looking gloomy now.

Down to the Community shed to see if Deana was available. Met Frank outside the door having a fag, that was Frank having a fag, not the doors.

Told him about me losing me hearing aids and he pointed to the top of a radiator in the foyer where they were lying where I must have taken them out for some reason? Humph, Tsk and huh!

Deana not in so I returned to the flat.

Sorted my medication pots for the month. Updated this tosh and then set about cleaning the kitchen.

Marinated the baked beans in Bovril, brown sugar, mustard, Worcester sauce, Rosemary and vinegar.Updated this tosh and then set about cleaning the kitchen.

Updated this tosh and then set about cleaning the kitchen.

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Prettified kitchen – although it cost me a bruised knee, back and neck ache and a lot of hassle! Hehe!

How hard could that be then…?

Cleaned the window inside only, cupboards and surfaces.

WhoopsieHoovered around, then got me mop and bucket out, just finishing the moping when the mop collapsed, down banging me knee on the bucket and tipped it all over the kitchen floor! Swore at this point a bit!

The mop apparently breaks into three pieces and doesn’t go back together with any rigidity. Cleaned up again and while it dried I nipped out to the Community shed again. Tsk!

Gave Obergruppenfhureress Julie her and Deana pressies.

Back to the flat. While I’d still got the fresh water in the bucket to clear the kitchen I did a quick mop over of the bathroom floor.

Hoovered the hallway and front room.

Updated this diary again.

Waiting now for the arrival of Steve from Age UK.

Steve arrived and got the paperwork done for me – I have to take it into the Post Office tomorrow with the ID’s needed and pay them £59 for the honour of getting me mail diverted to the new flat for three months.

Got my caramelised sausage rolls in the oven, beans on the hob.

Tasty, very tasty!.

Stomach a lot better now, but the knees ain’t.

No dizzies today.

Watched some TV in between nodding off.

Inchcock Today Wed 16 Dec 15: Risked going out today… Tummy improving

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Give a Solicitor a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Skin cancer mark showing up well on me mush this morning

Wednesday 16th December 2015

Forced missen to get up at 0335 hrs, to the bathroom and used up a full kitchen towel roll and some toilet tissue cleaning up me various leakages. Huh!

The haemorrhoids had joined in with Little Inchy bleeding, then I went and mad me gums bleed cleaning me teggies! Tsk!

Had a bath and shave, without cutting myself. (Smug mode adopted)

Made a cuppa and took me medications.

Laptop on finished yesterdays diary.

Checked the emails then did some Facebooking.

Got me things ready to take with me to the bank, Post Office and Audio clinic.

Met other residents in the lobby waiting to go out to catch the bus and had a jolly good natter. Frank asked me about if I still had the spare hearing-aid tube as he had broken his. He said he would be back at 1400hrs and I said I’d call at his flat, he told me it was flat 74.

P1020672Caught the bus into town and walked down into the slab square where the Christmas Fayre was in full swing.

Walked down to the bank and checked that they had my correct new address on file and asked the why I had not yet received my bank statements.

Mr Snotty pointed out it was Christmas, and I pointed out that surely three weeks should have been enough time for it to arrive even so? He told me that four statements were on their way now?

I got a £10 bag of 20p coins to use for the laundry room at the flats. Then I left the bank and the young superior yuppie advisor, still confused.

Walked up to Broad Marsh and called in the 99p shop and got some disinfectant, a pack of gluten-free biscuits, a pack of Diarrhoea Relief tablets, fresh air spray and some shortbread biscuits.

Interesting ding-dong as I left, the police were attempting to remove three shoplifters out to the van and were having the greatest of trouble as they did not speak English. (The shoplifters I mean, not the Police officers)

Went to the Post Office and got the required forms to have me mail from the house delivered to the flat.

P1020673Walked into and through the City Centre and out to the Victoria Centre Mall.

The police personages were busy today, they were trying to get a beggar to move along on Clinton Street – but he was not having it and got a bit threatening. So he ended up in a police van as well as those from Broad Marsh shopping mall.

P1020674I walked up and over the walkway into the centre, taking this photo on the left.

Plenty of buses available today.

Walked through the mall to the other end and into Tesco – where amazingly a pack of two fresh cream French horns jumped into me basket.

Got some potato pancakes and some very expensive chicken breasts that had a date enough to cover Christmas for me.

P1020675I left the centre and as I walked towards Trinity Square a snake of ankle- snappers containing about 50 of the little monkeys was going in the opposite direction to me – one of them kindly spat at me as she passed – why I don’t know?

I heard a crush as I turned into the back P1020677 P1020678of Trinity Square – A lorry had driven in and hit one of the council’s new raising bollards.

Poor chap got out checked the damage to his vehicle.

I got a photo of some Bling from the jewellers window for the TFZ gals.

As I walked down Trinity Walk towards me bus stop – I noticed in the Chinese ladies nail shop that one of the staff looked like he was sniffing up a line of white stuff on the treatment desk!

They must pay well!

The innards seemed more settled now, but Arthur Itis was back to his worst! Tsk!

P1020679Took another Bling photo at the bottom of the walk-way.

Made me way along Upper Parliament Street and called in the Spar shop and got a hot bacon cob for a quid. Just hope it don’t start me innards gurgling again?

Caught the bus and just managed not to fall asleep and miss me stop at the flats.

Noticed the washing machines were free when I got in the flats – so went up and got me laundry and things ready and went down and got it in the washer. I also took me hearing-aid tool bag with me, and when the machine was going and 1400hrs arrived, I went up to Franks flat, but there was no answer.

Got the drier going and kept an eye out for Frank returning while I did the crosswords.

No Frank, so back up and I missed a call from Steve age UK – so rang him back. Told him how things were going. He said he would call tomorrow PM to give me a hand with the minuscule lettering on the Post Office form for the mail transfer.

Got the washing done and put away, then I started updating this twollop.

I nipped up to Franks flat to see if he had returned yet, took me hearing-aid tools with me.

Found him in this time – also that his name is not Frank, it’s Roy.

Got the tube trimmed to fit and gave him another one as a spare.

Returned to the flat, made a cuppa, WC’d, put me tool bag away.

Must remember Morrison’s are delivering tonight twixt 1900>2000hrs.

Put me potato scones in the oven and had them with a bit of the chicken breast and some beetroot.

Morrison’s arrived and I put away the fodder.

Stomach ache but not the rumbling kind this time – the gurgling had eased off a quite a bit.

Sleep didn’t come easily though, took me ages to get off. Tsk!

Inchcock Today Tue 15th Dec: Housebound today… well Toilet-bound really!

/ Inchie / Leave a comment

Is it just me – or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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Brekkers – with the extra anti-diarrhoea capsule this morning – oh dear…

Tuesday 15th December 2015

Eventually I managed to get some kip around 0300 hrs, and woke feeling partially confused and shivering yet sweating at 0600 hrs?

Bits of some dreams lingered as I sat there feeling a bit sorry fer missen as the stomach rumbled uncomfortably away. All I could recall was I was in school class and the other kids had all grown up into adults and policemen and dogs were chasing them around the room? While I sat at a desk painting a picture of Dad in water-paint? 

To the bathroom and a long session on the thrown without much release, apart from much almost tuneful winds. Tended to bleeding ‘Little Inchy’. Oh dear I thought!

Into the kitchen, put the kettle on, took me medications with an extra capsule for me ‘Runs’, and back to the bathroom again! More wind and no release.

Foggy this morning, but it cleared so quickly I was surprised.

The rumbling seems to have eased off a bit as I got the laptop on to finish Monday’s diary and start this one.

P1020671Still too risky to go out though – and anyway the fog and mist was getting thicker and lingered all day!

I got busily away doing nothing – heh!

I went to take the black bags to the rubbish chute and had to run back (Just in time) to the bathroom porcelain!

I did an order for food delivery, got a bit of nosh and fell asleep.

Woke up and it was dark – shot back into the bathroom.

Then things eased a bit in the rumbling innards department, still there but nowhere near so bad.

Took me medications.

I must get missen out tomorrow, weather permitting like. Might go into town and wonder around and get some photographicalisationing done perhaps.

Nodded of for what seemed a few seconds and when I woke with a start I thought I’d had a dream that lasted for hour? I was in the First World War trenches and was wearing my Boys Brigade uniform? Nobody seemed surprised at this and I tried to explain that I was in the wrong dream???

Next I was in Stalingrad and was a sniper up high in the bombed buildings but only had a potato gun?

Then I was in a church and writing out Parking Tickets and drinking Tizer?

Odd day…

Thoughts in Ode of Solicitors

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

Thoughts of Solicitors

BettySing

The poor downtrodden lawyers and solicitors so poor,

Why do they lie, cheat, overcharge and then lie some more?

They charge you with more venom, than a matador,

£100 an unnecessary letter, often even more!

No wonder house sellers are becoming so poor,

So I write this in the style of a Troubadour,

Convinced my blood & money they will extract some more,

 They’re covetous philargyrists with a love of money for sure,

They concentrate on profit, giving little thought to the law,

They waffle on in search of gain, a little like Lord Haw Haw,

They lie so well, and are without morals or principals any more,

They are more unpopular than politicians, hustlers to the core,

Greedy, obnoxious, they’re like a financial Omnivore,

When you have to deal with them, you feel bitter and sore,

Thy defend the guilty scum, not as a benefactor,

But in their desire for profit are worse than any chancellor,

But these crude lying animals need affection, care and esprit de corps,

They remind me of Stalin, Hitler and the local whore,

Their desire for cash is not their fault I’m sure,

Just as I positively feel there is no cure,

We ought to assassinate some… and then some more!

No Solicitors or Lawyers were harmed in the creation of this Ode… Pity!