Inchcock Today: 28th February 2022 with Odes

I woke very late, Carer due, logicality was absent,
Slowly the brain cleared of the confusion and addlement,
I worked out I’d slept for six hours, to my astonishment,
I seemed to have a decent, calm, unruffled temperament,
Yet despite the wonderfully sleeping so well, erubescent,
I felt so tired, weary, it made me think belligerent…
First decent sleep for ages, I should have been verklempt?
The Thought Storms started, they were soon unblent…
As off to the Porcelain Throne, I hurriedly went!


I stirred, without any jumping awake, around 0640hrs, had the Carer been on time, they’d have found snoring away. Hahaha!

I worked out that I’d been in the arms of Sweet Morpheus for about six hours! Fought off the Thought-Storms, with the aid of needing to use the Porcelain Throne.

I rose up onto my aching for some reason feet and found that Cartilage Cathy had departed from the right knee – which of course should have given me some glee, but, you see… Arthur Itis had returned with a vengeance in both knees! So, hobbling about is going to be a smidge painful today. Methinks.

CW05I wobbled my way to the wet room, sat, and waited… waited some more. Got the crossword book out. Then, still awaiting the commencement of any evacuation movement, I counted the veins on my right thigh. Back to the crossword puzzle, solved about three or four more clues, actually. Not the time for any Smug-Moding. Still not a sign of any rear-end activity!

I knew this was going to hurt, but I had to apply maximum pushing level from within to move the product, which at first came out a smidge, then froze again. I kept giving it some effort, painfully, but it was still a while before things restarted? I began to fear what this was doing to Haemorrhoid Harold. How much blood is already beneath me in the porcelain? The last bit took the monumental endeavour, and I kid you not, had tears forming.

As I stood gingerly up and turned to investigate the contents of the WC… No blood whatsoever! The concrete-like turds had somehow all sank? Only the pain remained. But it was subsiding all the time. It eased more rapidly after I’d cleaned things up and applied the precious Germoloids ointment to the rear end. For some MedPhorpainreason, I felt I could so easily get back in the recliner and back to sleep. And wanted to! Then I liberally applied the Phorpain Gel to both Arthur Itis’s knees and gave it a good rubbing in! Put a dab of Germolene on the arm where I walked into the doorframe yesterday. I didn’t mean to! Hehe! It’s surprising how a nothing bruise like that can hurt? Not that I’m complaining, after the Porcelain Session agony. Even I’ve got to laugh!

Got the computer on, and ♫ Of Susana ♫ rang out. It was the Carer Richard arriving. A good lad, who’s been down a little lately, but I can report that he was his old self again this morning! I don’t mind him coming later cause if I am the last call, we usually have a natter after the medications and Alarm wristlet battery checks. I took an anti-Constipation-Konrad capsule and a Docusate sachet drink. I don’t fancy going through that again on the next visit to the Porcelain Throne! There must be people out there that when they need a crap, just go and do it! Painlessly! I have things swapping twixt the extremes every day or so. Constipation Konrad and Trotsky Terence are on a daily challenge to control the bowels! Passing things pain-free would be great for me… but I’m not jealous! Hehehe!

I pressed on with yesterday’s blog and got it posted off.

With getting up so late, the day has vanished before my eyes… it’s flashing by, and such a lot to do yet…

The shower, shaving and Teggie-cleaning, apart from hitting my head on the power-box once again, went very well.

Getting dressed went okay, but the medicationalisationing had its moments of farce. I ended up with

I checked on the end car park… No, the photograph has not been doctored! It really is the red van’s man’s car, parked between the lines, and in the car park, as opposed to his usual blocking the entry/exit on the chevron lines. I wanted to congratulate him, but of course, being whoever he is, he’s parked in the Contractors Only Parking Space. Hahaha! But at least he’s found his way into the car park and not blocking things, so. Well done, mush!

Hello, the intercom is flashing? It was the Wilko delivery. ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ was chiming out from the doorbell when the driveress arrived. A helpful gal, who took the boxes into the kitchen and checked the number of items, blessed her cotton socks. I am a little concerned about the size of the box containing the Air-Cooker. I thought I’d ordered the smallest one? I’m going to struggle to get that on the minimal space available in the kitchenette? Oh, dearie me! It may have to be given away or sold to someone with more room? Still, Carer Richard is calling another da this week, and he has one. In fact, he encouraged me to get one. So, I’ll ask him to open the box to set it up when he calls, or if he hasn’t the time, I’ll ask him to put it in the other room for me, it’s blinking heavy, so it must be a big one… Tsk! I must get something right one day!

I went on Facebooking next to catch up again. Then WP reading. Then comments.

Carer Irana… Iyrana, Irayna… can’t remember her name now… Tsk! I’ll ask the morning Carer. Pretty young thing. We chatted throughout, had a laugh and shared quips. Gave her the blog name. Nice gal, soon had me sorted with the medications. In the A.M., Richard found the new sweet Carer gals name was Isra!

Sorted a meal out. (The photos on the SD would not load again) Baked potatoes, sausages and BBQ sauce. Taste: 7.2/10.

Watched some TV and found myself nodding off, so I gave up and got my head down, about midnight.

Ode to an Odd Day…

At times it went rather abysmally…
With the rare usual periods, delusionally,
Moments of it going fantastically…
Mostly though, sort of confusionally!
More than usual, of the farcically!

The Porcelain Throne session, agonistically!
The brain mainly operated dysfunctionally,
But deliveries, Carers were a joy, actually…
The ablutions were unconditional agony,
Constipation Konrad in control, evilly!

Peripheral Pete was acting erratically,
Shakings, shuddering, running free!
The Thought-Storm attacks, aberrantly,
All of these, scary or ambiguously…
Oh, I did sleep well nocturnally!

Carers Richard & Isra were friendly and chatty,
I love a chinwag, someone to talk with me…
Others too natter, Julia, Elena and Charley,
I’ll press on now, somewhat melancholically…
I’ve had days that went more maniacally,
It was also a bad day, neurophysiologically!

It’s Tuesday now…

It’s Tuesday now, March… and I feel garrulous!
My judging the proximity of stuff circumforaneous,
Everything around me seems dimorphous…
Knowing which is which can be vexatious,
Now I’ve gone and got tinnitus!

Poor old sausage! Hehehe!

18 thoughts on “Inchcock Today: 28th February 2022 with Odes

  1. Nothing like working out a crossword on the commode. It seems like on extreme or the other on that end of things. Good to hear Richard is back to himself. Excellent odeificationing.

  2. I read through the list of celebrationals and realized that I’d not observed a single event, or know that a day had been set aside to reflect on those 13 events. We have to wait until 2024 to party with the observers of February 29. Must wait until 2024 for that.
    I have been working on the New York Times crosswords for many years, but I skip the Sunday puzzle because the font is so tiny.
    Hello to Carer Richard the Lighthearted!!
    The parkers can sometimes be confusing, perhaps because there were so many spaces to choose from.
    Maybe you could return that air fryer for a smaller model? Good Luck on that, kind Sir!
    March contains the first day of spring, so there is a positive 🙂 March 20 this year!

    • Ah, the NYT is a cut above my level of intelligence Sir. When I was about 36, I started trying to do the Daily Telegraph, the nost answers I ever got, was eight!!! Until, the cancer and hernia op, and I got all but one of them… not only was I amazed, on tries after that, I was back to my average of… no less I think, four after that. You’ve done it again, you memory prompter! Hahaha!
      I’m afraid wasn’t joking about me after-stroke arithmaphobia. Numbers muddle me. Still, if you can’t get a cuddle, make do with a muddle? Har-har!
      The air fryer has gone now, Sir. Carer Sir Richard tooketh it this morning, with my comliments for his help. In fact, this very day, I looked on Amazon, searched for 1.5L air fryers and found one! I ordered straight away. When their email came through, it was a two litre again… I canvelled it! Not having a lot of luck. Best I try not to want one, methinks.
      I hope you red spots are notgetting any worse… indeed they may getting less? I hope.
      Keep safe all. ♥

      • HRH and meself have different areas of expertise with crosswords. She is more informed on popular culture, I am betterer at the esoterical trivial knowledges, such as the German word for Mister. Have I mentioned bouncing German literature and Krautopedic stuffs? The test to finish the masters degree: becoming familiar with 200 literary figures and eras. I had to respond to 33 questions on that and had to complete it in 4 hours time. I would vex Lisa with names like Grillparzer and 199 other bits of useless information. It really helped to remember what info I tossed at HRH. Makes me a tosser, I believe 🙂

      • Dr Google says that Krautopedic does not match any documents. I did the German word, Kraautopädie. So asked what it meant in English. Kraautopädie – Truck head.
        Or a truck-head? Hehehe! Esthers talking to me in the background all the time, no ides what she’s saying. Does my herad in. Have to go and find opt…

  3. I thought of a Krautapedia as a kind pf encyclopedia for students to study when preparing for an exam. I don’t truck head snuck in there, but it is something I might have in one of the laBORatories. Mal sehen!

    • I didn’t do much learning, Billum. Did a lot of training once I was working, with a memorable one. I got a Warranty Certificate when I as working in a tin mine near Swansea, Sir. I have it here now, your mentioning promted memories again, I fank you! “A Certificate of Competency in Gyro – Platinum Based Explosive Devices and Effect Limiting was awarded to Gerald T Chambers on this day 11th April 1990; Whilst in the employ of Gary Thomas Mining Ltd, Bradford. I got some earlier, Grocery Retailing related, I was top in only one subject in one year (Night College), Bacon Preparation Boning & Presentation. How I can remember this, is cause its all O ever achieved. Hahaha! Oh, no, I got a City Guilds in Fresh Food Management years later. Hereby endeth my rather short list of qualifications. You must check out your laboratories, I bet theres something of infinitesimal interest to Putin down there, get rid if it! Hehehe!
      Horrendous day today mate, all will be revealed. (Well..) Har-har!
      Love to HRH, respect to you, and thanks to Alan! And a bit of fuss for the furries! Cheers, Sir!

      • As you know, I have found jobs in all sorts of odd kind. Back in the 1970s it was quite easy to get a teaching job after securing a PhD, then to travel the world, then to take an extra couple jobs at leisure for something called a sabbatical. Rather than do any such easy thing, I took on all manner of menial jobs that ended with a certificate of redundancy, then to find a short-lived interesting work that also paid poorly and ended with yet another certificate of walking papers. I’ve worked at short-term educational positions, government jobs, hand to mouth living, freelance translations, and any manner of work. However, I have acquired experiences in the most unexpected ways, even sold encyclopedias door to door.
        Most importantly, my meeting Lisa online in the early days of computing and being a single parent for 10 years has provided a flexibility that any SOS position could ever promise. Along the way, I have also met extraordinary people, including a grand mate of curiously similar slings, arrows, and gunshot wounds. So the paths have twined well and solid.
        Love and respect to you and all you’ve known, kind Sir!

      • There’s no coincidences twixt us career-wise (Apart from being made redundant a few times). You’ve had the get up and go, and you got up and wented! Good on yer, Billum!
        Makes me jealous of course. Hehehe!
        No carer arrived yet, 07:35hrs… it might be Richard who call on last so we can have a chinwag, but he’s so tired at the end of his shift… Hehehe! A grand lad.
        Of cousre I’ve done a fair bit of travelling myself lately, you know, Sir… Oh, yes! To the wet room, to the front door, out onto the balcony, I even ventured into the storage cupboard this morning! I remember that cause I hiy my head on the shelf. Har-har!

      • Being made redundant helps improve the stakes for our billionaire betters. Did you know that the difference between a million and a billion is the gap between 11 days and 33 years? I haven’t hit a million in 74 years.
        The employer I had in 1975 when the Crohn’s hit was not the highest salary giver, but when I was hospitalized for about 4 months at that time, they paid me full salary. On the other hand, my at-the-time wife once suggested that I look at becoming a coal miner to increase my wages. She was not a Lisa.
        Somehow, I never held a job that allowed any kind of travel greater than a daily commute. My German was never a plus that way.
        Doggone Carers not appearing, not even chinwagging Richard, who has actually travelled before, his travel now being to the Woodthorpes. Now, there is some honest and proper travel. And those head-bonkings to a cupboard are not the same as hitting a noggin upon a carry-on luggage container. Blessings to your har-hars, Sir!

      • Firgures again. Hahaha
        Gotten Himmel! She said that? Humph!
        Was that a travelogue, Billum? Hehe!
        I’d like to report that the finger-end thingies are still there, but rarley giving out any pains now? This may change of course; in that event, I’ll get myself over to your basement laboratory for a check-up. I can tend to your spotted areas as well. ♥

      • It was an actual quote and quite jawdroppingly true. He brother was a big union featherbeader at a large railroad, he might have arrived at the idea, but who knows. Lisa was quite startled at the very conception of my joining the United Mine Workers. A thought storm inducer, innit?
        You are welcome at any hour at our laboritorial medical services, my competent staff will fix yer proper.

      • United Mine Company was that, Billum? There’s no limit to your promptualisationings, mate!
        Very kind of you to invite me to the lab, Sir.

        I went on the Colliery visit once, Billum, a school trip if I recall. I applied fpr a jpb there when I was 13. Then decided I wanted to be a guard on British Railways. Left school at 14, and applied. Went to Derby for a medical – that’s where they found out I was colour blind, so no job for me!

  4. The UMW, United Mine Workers is a union that fought dearly to represent the endangered and exploited coal miners. I decided not to become a miner for some inexplicable reason while wondering why my wife did not decide to become a miner instead. Some of my choices have not been wisely chosen. 🙂
    In any and all events, the collieries were the opponents of the UMW.
    Surprisingly, I am not color blind. How did that happen? I once had a subordinate who was quite color blind, he would arrive at work in interesting colors. He couldn’t see the color-coded schemes I used to track inventory. That was a fun job, I got to convert a completely manually controlled business to a computerized one that tracked activity from order entry to costed bills of material. And using a computer manufactured in 1972.

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