Inchcock Today: Monday 22nd September 2014

Monday 22nd September 2014

Got up about 0445hrs.

WC.

Been dreaming about something that must have been good, ‘cause me stiffy Inch was sore and bleeding again. Tsk! Still, there were plenty of bandages and pure dermatological creams at hand and were put to use. I must tell the doctor about this when I go later.

Now what have i got to tell her I thought, so wrote the things down there and then so as not to forget later.

* About me new chest pains that are very sharp when i sneeze or cough vigorously.

* Arthritis in me left knee very much worse, so much so I mo longer look forward to me walks.

*My Inch bleeding overnight.

* My right ear-hole bleeding.

Gingerly I tackled the going down the stairs bit, and started the laptop and made a cuppa.

WC.

The poor old laptop played up this morning. I had when it was supposed to have loaded fully, a blank white screen. I cried a bit. Then ran the mouse over the screen, and as I did, the stuff came back on as i ran it over where they should be?

Help?

When I started the BT web and WordPress, it was mighty twitchy and slow. So I closed it and re started it, and it seemed okay…

Then I posted me Monday’s LOMM stuff in case it conked out later.

Did some graphics on Coreldraw9, but it was hard work, it kept freezing.

WC.

Went back up and beautified missen as best I could, the right ear-hole was bleeding again, I stubbed me flaming toe on the sink pedestal, and me gums started bleeding when I did me taggies.

Had a feeling this was not going to be one of my better days like.

I made the treat/nibbles bags up for the GP staff, girls at the Nottingham hospice shop and the nurses at the Warfarin check at the QMC. Remembering to put the stuff to donate in one of me two bags. Then made sure I’d got me hearing aids in, bus-pass in pocket, attack alarm in jacket pocket, and mobile phone with me.

Then I struggled with the bags, as I set off from the flea-pit to the GP surgery.

As I arrived at the doctors, I realised I’d forgotten me camera to record me adventures. Double Tsk!

I reported to the receptionist, Frau Goebbels I think her name is. Sat down and got comfortable to wait, and three seconds later Dr Vindla appeared calling out my name to go in to see her! (Perhaps I’d got the time of the appointment wrong? Not like me… cough cough!)

She greeted me cheerfully, and told me how well I was looking? Then asked what she could do for me.

After an embarrassing few minutes searching me pockets and bags for the list I’d made and left in the bathroom back at the dump, I managed to remember some of them.

She had a peep in me right lug-hole, and informed me the skin on the outer bit had ruptured. If I left me right hearing aid out for a few days, it should heal on its own. (How long before I get ran over due to not hearing traffic or the deadly motorbility scooters coming I thought?)

The different pains in the chest she said was not due to my angina, but the wounds from the heart operation? (After all this time… I said nothing to her in response… me being a born coward like)

She had a good look at me left knee, and seemed to enjoy manipulating it. She would make an appointment for an E-ray to be done on it, but there is a long waiting list.

I forgot to tell her about me Inch problems… Tsk!

She asked about the yobs and housing situation bless her.

Then she took me BP, and as concerned at how high it was. I explained about me getting agitated over the BT Internet treatment I had to go through.

She then told me to make an appointment for my Flu jab, as I am high priority/risk for them.

So I offered me thanks to her, and approached the receptionists to make the urgent appointment.  Wednesday 8th October booked.

I left the surgery, and hobbled, and I mean hobbled painfully into Sherwood, to leave me stuff at the Hospice Shop. I forgot to give em me number though… huh!

I caught the bus into town.

Typical, just when I forget me camera, there was a fight going on between three alcho’s that I could have recorded. Never mind, better to forget me camera than medications I thought.

Then I realised me midday one’s were due, so with the help of a little bottle of orange juice, I took em.

While on the bus to the hospital, a kind lady banged into left knee with her shopping trolley, hey-ho she didn’t mean to.

No fire-alarms at the hospital today. As I approached the entrance it dawned on me, I had forgotten me Anticoagulation Therapy Record log, do had to walk up two flights of stairs to the Anticoagulation Unit and get another copy – they were very nice about it.

Worrying me a bit you know; the Doctor was very nice to me, the ladies in the Charity shop were very nice to me and now the staff at the Anticoagulation Unit were very nice to me. When I asked her about where I could get a new Emergency card to carry, as the one I had was wearing out – she just said, “I’ll do that for you!” And did too. Mmm?

I wobbled gently down the stairs to the Haematology Dept, and there was a big queue, but no bother for me, I took a ticket and had a go at me crossword book.

When I got into the room, there were many new faces to me, but they all knew who I was; “The man who brought nibbles for them every week” Fame at last. The girl who tended to me was very nice to me…

Afterwards I caught the bus to town, the limped to the bus to Arnold, where I tried to obtain some more microwave sausages, but they had none, and did not expect any-more to come in stock.

I almost cried.

Despondently I caught the bus back to Carrington. Taking the long route back to the hovel, to avoid some ‘Right ‘Erbert’ looking youths lurking near the Church.

I got in, WC. And the laptop started first time, the new BT Infinity wasn’t too keen on starting and took a good while.

Feeling very tired again now, so I’ll microwave me box of chips in gravy along with me tin of cocktail sausages and get misssen summat to eat.

Might watch me Das Boot DVD tonight.

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Sat 20th Sept 14

Saturday 20th September 2014

What a state I was in this morning when I woke up at 0430hrs – double suffering!

WC.

The legs were in agony – perhaps I’d been having cramps in the night? Applied some pain gel.

And as for me Inch – it was so painful, sore and swollen. I washed the little mite and put some cream on it. Mind you, with the swelling it had grown considerably, unfortunately so had the pain. It reminded me of a very tender mini Olympic torch.

0529hrs: Came down without ablutionising and started laptop, made a cuppa and took medications.

Found a message on me mobile from EE informing me I was near the end of my allowance – I can thank the money grabbing BT for that with all the time I spent waiting on the line for their so called advisor’s. Huh!

Noticed some cones and a wheelie bin in the road opposite the flea-pit. Vandals or work to take place today?

Windows downloads arrived; I hope they do not stop me saving graphics in colour in Coreldraw9 later?

I’ll make a start on drafting this and doing graphics for it, then get missen ready for a walk (hobble) into town to have a look at the War Life display in the slab square. Oh… and have a look for a hearing aid suitable phone.

Pain Report Update:

My Inch is easing a bit now, not so tender or bleeding. But of course I’m bound to catch it, knock it, squash it or bang it when I dress or bend…

Angina starting to get a bit bothersome, knees (Especially the  left one) giving me gip still. Had a shave, strip wash, applied me gels, creams and deodorants then changed into me walking togs.

As I was carefully coming down the stairs safely, I could not remember if I’d turned off the taps properly, so hobbled back up and checked. I had. But on me second trip down the stairs I had a little dizzy, and closed my legs sharpishly as I held onto the banister rail – I felt the blood running down me legs. And I said; “Well fancy that!” Or something similar.

Waited a while into the spell had cleared and went back up to change the bandage.

I very gently made my way back the stairs afterwards, and got me things ready for me hobble into town.

Remembering for once, just what I had to do on my ‘outing’.

Call at the BBC War display in town – Go to the Chinese shop to see if they had any plain seaweed – Call into the hearing shop to see if they had an assisted hearing telephone then go to Broad Marsh Centre to see if they had any cheapo DVDs I might like, cause then I could give em to the Nottingham Hospice shop on Monday.

Rather pleased with myself for remembering all this, I wrote a list to remind meself later. Good stuff this yer know.

I set off, fed a few pigeons on the green belt of Carrington (A patch of weeds near Mugger’s walk through to Mansfield Road).

As I turned right, I noticed the plastic box with the flowers in, and Carrington moulded on the side, had been cleaned up. Gone were the condoms, crushed empty beer cans and babies rattle from yesterday.

I was going to call in the launderette to see the gal there, but it was really busy, so I didn’t call in the launderette to see the gal there.

Near the Forest ground i noted they had painted the wooden goose that advertises Nottingham’s upcoming Goose fair.

Photo of last years Goose Fair

They reckon that last year was the lowest for donkey’s years for arresting pick-pockets according to Radio Nottingham.

They didn’t mention the three stabbings, three muggings or the firearm incident on the Boulevard though.

I considered for a fleeting moment if I should attend it this year, as it might be me last chance like. But at my age I couldn’t get a mortgage to afford it.

I pressed painfully on, stopping a while to watch two alcoholics having an argument outside the shop that sells the high alcohol content ales of some sort… at ten in the morning like?

Onward and into the City Centre to see the BBC display, but it had not opened yet.

So, avoiding an erratically driven disability scooter rather niftily for me I thought, I made my way to the Chinese food shop. But unfortunately they didn’t have the seaweed I wanted in stock. Shame.

Up Friar Lane and to the Hearing Centre shop – it was closed. Tsk!

I poddled through the narrow back streets and came out at the doors of Broad Marsh shopping centre.

I had a good wander through the cheapo DVD shop, ending up getting six DVDs for £10. (3 for a fiver like) Then I went to the 99p shop, where I got a neck cushion and some plates suitable for the microwave.

Out of the centre, down Bridlesmith Gate and down to the BBC War display thingy.

I was very disappointed with that, very much so.

Everything was being run from monitors and the sound so echo like, I couldn’t hear much at all.

Took a few photos, and got away quickly.

As I walked up King Street, two blokes dressed as chefs on blooming great stilts passed me going down the street.

By the time I got me camera out, they were way down the hill.

Got to bus stop, and caught one back to the flea-pit.

Dropped off at the Co-op to get some bread-thins, ‘cause I knew they had them on offer price.

Noticed a skip had been placed opposite the dump where the cones and bin were earlier. Took a photo (Higher up on page). Much to the displeasure of the bloke working there

I did some blogging, then opened the draw in the freezer, and it collapsed in me hand.

Hell of a job collecting the sausages, out of date microwave chips and dozens of ice lollies that dispersed themselves all over the floor and in every nook and cranny!

Gave up trying to mend front cover assembly from the drawer, and just crammed them all back into the freezer.

Well tired out now… kip beckoning…

Inchcock Today: Fri 19th Sept 14

Friday 19th September 2014

Up at 0130hrs Confused with why I’d got up at 0130hrs!

BT fibre connection coming on line today. I’ve got me new modem ready with instructions on how to set it up when they have connected it. Just hope it works.

Started the laptop, made a cuppa.

0145hrs: When I tried to get into Google everything froze.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted.

Got into to Google, selected email – and everything froze again.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted.

Got into to Google, selected email – and everything froze again.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted in safe mode with web.

Selected ‘System Restore option.

0245hrs: Got laptop going, didn’t go into Google first, but updated this diary in case I lost everything again when I try the web.

Then I tried Google… it was very very slow (everything on the laptop).

When I tried to open Coreldraw9, a message came up telling me that certain filed for Coreldraw8 were not on the system? I could not gain access at all.

&@~?@*!

So, I had to remove Coreldraw9 from the laptop, and reinstall it again!

By now it is 0505hrs, and still nowt done, and I’ve got the problem of the new modem to contend with later today – cor blimey am I uptight.

I’m now going to try and open Coreldraw9 again…

It took three minutes, but it’s opened.

I fear I may lose the laptop soon, she’s lasted well…

Now to try Google…

Slow, but it opened and let me get into Inchcock to finalise and post this load of tosh.

And it only took me around four hours of hassle! (Good job I did get up early innit?).

Took me medications in celebration!

 Oh, by the way, some good news – Coreldraw9 working (slowly) again, and letting me post in colour! For now anyway…

I hope to get to town today to take some photo’s of the war memorial displays – on the other hand, I might leave it until tomorrow, give me more time to try and sort out the BT modem and get it working, else I’d be lost without it.

Coreldraw9 kindly locked up whilst I was in the middle of making a graphic, I’ll try again later, perhaps.

I got the new BT Home Hub 5 ready, and gingerly hoped I’d got all the plugs and connections in the right place, and plugged it in cross fingeredly. (If that a word? It should be)

Sure enough, it didn’t work despite my turning it off and on a few times, and reading through the minuscule manual provided.

I tried the inbuilt help for the old Hub, but it didn’t work despite it coming on, on its own.

Frustration rampant now, and as usual I began to panic a tad.

So I thought I’d try to phone em for help, this I did on me mobile because the landline has too much background noise for me hearing aids to be of use. 081114567 I rang… whilst I was waiting for an answer I made a cup of tea, went to the WC and tried the online old hub help again.

I got an answer eventually (After only twenty-five m inutes) an automatic answer where I had to pick options, and each time I made one (not certain if I heard then correctly), a different voice, often so low I could not hear it came on with another set of options. When I eventually got a real voice, her foreign accent and low voice made it very hard to converse both ways. Then she told me if I called 03301324567 it would be cheaper for me as I was using a mobile.

So I called it, and got an answer in ten minutes, but this gal was a whisperer with a Eastern accent. Eventually she told me I had called the wrong number! She said (I think) she would put me through the correct number 081114567!!!

While waiting for an answer again, the inbuilt helpline came to life and told me I was successfully connected to BT Infinity?

So I told the gal, and she said did I hear my landline ringing as she had just called me – I said no. I picked up the phone, and there was no dialling tone! (Cry, sob spit…) I said no. And gave up with her.

WC.

When I got back to the computer, I had several pages open about my internet connection. Too confusing for words. I closed em, and signed into me BT home page in search of assistance on the web.

I still can’t get the Wifi to work on the hub, but was more concerned with me landline, had it packed up, or was it BT’s fault?

I eventually found a page where I could test me landline, so I did, it opened a blank page?

Further searching found another page where I could test it from – and ti informed me everything was alright their end.

I gave up, at least with the lead in i can use the internet.

Very tired now, and the angina is playing up again!

I hope tomorrow, to get into ton to see the war memorabilia display – and get a new phone. I’ll try the Hearing shop on Friar Lane, they might sell some which have a bass and sound button on them… more expense!

Inchcock Today: Thur 18th Sept 14

Thursday 18th September 2014

Up at 0530hrs, attention needed to the bleeding ‘Inch’ again, on me last bandage as well. Still I remembered I’d got me Asda delivery coming, ‘cause I’d set me alarm on mobile to remind me – mind you, I can’t remember setting the alarm on me mobile to remind me? And there was some ordered on it. Both types I have to use.

Started to finish me Tuesdays Diary post for Inchcock, and I was not allowed to change me font colour. When I clicked on the font colour selection button, nothing happened? I closed and opened wordpress twice to try again. Then closed Google Chrome and tried again, and the option came back to life. Anyone else had the same thing happen to them please?

Inch started bleeding again. Tsk!

Asda order arrived… and guess what I ordered in mistake for the foam bandage? – Ladies towels! I took a photo on top of me medications for yer to see.

After spending two and a half hours constructing a graphic to use ont web – Coreldraw9 crashed, and I lost it all! Bother!

Decided to get me things ready for Hospice shop, polish missen up a bit, and talk a walk into Sherwood with the togs for em.

Made sure I applied pain gel in larger quantity than usual. Daren’t take any extra painkillers, ‘cause I’m on me limit already. Tsk!

I walked/limped into Sherwood: Keeping a weary out for mobility scooters and skateboarders.

Donated me stuff at the Nottingham Hospice shop, then caught a bus into Mansfield.

< Photo of the retail premises closed down as I left the B&M store. Had a walk around, got some bits of nosh for the nurses from B&M stores.

Caught the bus back to Nottingham. Feeling drained yet again, I got me head down, and for once soon nodded off – even if I kept waking-up in need of the WC.

Friday 19th September 2014

Up at 0130hrs Confused with why I’d got up at 0130hrs!

BT fibre connection coming on line today. I’ve got me new modem ready with instructions on how to set it up when they have connected it. Just hope it works.

Started the laptop, made a cuppa.

0145hrs: When I tried to get into Google everything froze.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted.

Got into to Google, selected email – and everything froze again.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted.

Got into to Google, selected email – and everything froze again.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted in safe mode with web.

Selected ‘System Restore option.

0245hrs: Got laptop going, didn’t go into Google first, but updated this diary in case I lost everything again when I try the web.

Then I tried Google… it was very very slow (everything on the laptop).

When I tried to open Coreldraw9, a message came up telling me that certain filed for Coreldraw8 were not on the system? I could not gain access at all.

&@~?@*!

So, I had to remove Coreldraw9 from the laptop, and reinstall it again!

By now it is 0505hrs, and still nowt done, and I’ve got the problem of the new modem to contend with later today – cor blimey am I uptight.

I’m now going to try and open Coreldraw9 again…

It took three minutes, but it’s opened.

I fear I may lose the laptop soon, she’s lasted well…

Now to try Google…

Slow, but it opened and let me get into Inchcock to finalise and post this load of tosh.

And it only took me around four hours of hassle! (Good job I did get up early innit?).

Took me medications in celebration!

Oh, by the way, some good news – Coreldraw9 now working (slowly) again, and letting me post in colour! For now anyway…

Laptop, BT internet and death permitting, I’ll be back!

Inchcock Today: Wed 17th Sept 14

Wednesday 17th September 2014

I was up and treating me Inch bleeding by 0245hrs. Got some more cheapo bandages coming with me Asda order tomorrow, just in time.

Down and laptop on and cuppa made by 0314hrs.

WC

Yobs walking down the middle of the street at this hour. Slightly inebriated methinks?

I tried the site that Duncan advised me to again, but I couldn’t work out how to get me graphics onto it, let alone save em. Again! Thick? Me?…

Finished and posted me Inchcock Today for Tuesday, and did work on “Nottingham’s new Arboretum Pond-side Cafe/Take Away Opens” post.

Being as I hit the Publish button by mistake for the Preview button, I had to make sure I finished it then by updating. Tsk! Never mind, it took me yonks but I really enjoyed doing the graphic for it.

WC.

Morrison’s delivery came at 0819hrs – all there, no substitutions, and a very nice lady delivering it too!

WC.

I managed to drop me things I was taking upstairs, and twisted me knee trying to stop em falling – now Arthur Itis is toying with me again. Hello, a police car just went passed. A rare sight that.

Came down and sat on me reading glasses.

Laptop a little slow this morning… oh dear.

I put in an Asda order, cause I needed bandages, Cheesey curls and cheapo bleach.

WC.

Got the things ready for the Nottingham Hospice shop and hobbled off out of the house without forgetting anything (I hope).

Called in the GP surgery and booked appointment for 1040hrs next Monday. I could have taken one for Friday, but that’s the day me new modem is to be delivered from BT.

Knees bad again as I struggled into Sherwood and dropped me stuff off at the Hospice.

Mobility Scooters were rampant!

Caught bus into town, had a limp around and called in the library, to work out how to use their computers cause me bus-pass allows me a free hour each week, and with me laptop on its last legs, I could let everyone know by using their email. But no, they were closed down for servicing.

Took me midday medications in the slab-square, thought about giving one to the pigeons… not really like.

They’re erecting the buildings on the square ready for the World War show and display – telling fold how the Nottingham people coped and hat they had to put up with.

I heard on the radio (Headphones yer know), that in 1916 the council made it illegal for anyone to buy a round of drinks in a pub! You were not allowed to even buy your spouse a drink apparently? They interviewed a landlady of the pub who’s landlady was prosecuted for allowing a man to buy a drink for him and his wife.

I hope to get down and have a gander when it starts. I think it’s part of the BBC series: a link here if you’re interested:

http://www.experiencenottinghamshire.com/whats-on/bbc-world-war-one-at-home-tour-p612681

Frid Sat and Sun it’s on. I’ll try to get some photos if I can get there okay.

Caught the bus back, dropped off at Lidl and got some bits – I nearly fell asleep in the queue at the checkout. Good job those behind kept pushing me.

Walked back to the flea-pit and collapsed in pain with me knee and weariness. Put some extra pain gel on em.

WC.

Poor old devil.

Made some microwave sausage sarnies, and took me medications with em.

Nottingham’s new Arboretum Pond-side Cafe/Take Away Opens

 Nottingham’s new Arboretum Pond-side Cafe/Take Away Opens with 99% local menu dishes!

The inventiveness of a Nottingham pensioner, with the help of the Job Centre Plus staff, and a grant from the Alcoholics Association Support Group, has opened a new take-away in the local City Centre situated in the picturesque crime ridden Arboretum.

It’s been built in the renovated old Public Conveniences’ building. And fitted out with equipment from closed down Old People’s Homes, Fire bombed Police stations, and the recently closed Ukrainian Soup Kitchen, it is now, after 3 years hard work, ready for business.

Situated in the centre of Nottingham’s Arboretum, it’s just up the hill behind the aviary, where the mugging took place last week; it has been painted in City Council colours of green and yellow, has a special kitchen chimney to avoid polluting the Arboretum’s ambience.

Mr Zoltan Peppa, the chef and co-proprietor, claims 99% of his menu is sourced locally.

He said: “My dishes willa be different, and mosta importantly, reasonabably priced, (Hic!), un ahaving local a connections”

On the opening menu are:

African Grey Parrot and suet dumplings (Do get confused ith the cheaper dish of Nottingham Pigeons and suet dumplings as the they both have grey feathers)

Served with baked acorns on a bed of Pondweed and crushed periwinkles. Marinated in a thick ketchup and rice-vinegar sauce. Served with wild mushrooms, acorn juice, fried conker skins, and if requested can be coated in Marijuana pepper.

£2.99 without pepper – £17.50 with pepper.

Beheaded Stickleback Stew

The delicately boned flesh of (The Gasterosteidae family) choice Arboretum Pond stickleback fish, plopped in a pan of seasoned Pondwater flavoured imitation bream-brine, white pepper, salt, gungo beans, plain Lithuanian flour, mango-sugar, and local tap water. Stewed for over two hours.

£3.95

Pigeon Curry

Locally procured plump pigeons, de-feathered, beheaded, gutted and marinated in a rich popular local marinade of curry powder, Chilli powder, BBQ ketchup, none brewed condiment, raspberry jam, salt, and crushed beaks of Nottingham Arboretum Mallard pond ducks.

£2.99

Jobcentre Soup

Local tap water, with Mulligatawny soup (Asda own label), pretend balsamic vinegar, and freshly dug potatoes from the nearby allotments of nearby residents at night to assure freshness are added. With a four inch thick slice of locally shop-lifted Continental bread.

£1.45

Police Station Fire Bombed Tikka Surprise

Vindaloo curry, garlic, raw red capsicums, flamed Patna rice and rare Nottingham canal seaweed, hot chilli, burnt toast, and locally bred roasted frog legs, with Szechuan sauce.

£3.87

Unemployed Pasty

Due to excessive demand in advanced bookings, we’ve run out of ingredients for this pasty. It is no longer unavailable, sorry.

(Locally collected) Birds (Swifts) Nest Soup

Swiftlets make their nest from strands of gummy saliva, which hardens when exposed to air. Once the nests are harvested, they are cleaned and collected by ourselves from the many trees in the Arboretum, where they are prepared and served simmered in our own recipe of squirrel’s broth, with rock sugar, pond water, green onions, lamb stock, Sparrow’s egg whites, ginseng roots, cornstarch, and used McDonalds cooking fat. Served on its own, and very enjoyable with a stick of root liquorice.

£9.99

Sparrow legs & Imitation Belly Pork slices steamed in local sunflower leaves.

A cheap meal for one. The skilfully dissected toasted legs, are marinated in black bean sauce with suet overnight, and served with a side dish of (Tesco) out of date fried in beef stock imitation belly pork slices, decorated with the delicately prepared blanched spread Sparrows wings.

£1.59

Boiled Locally gathered Eggs Cocktail

A nice mix of Budgerigar, Mallard duck, Pigeon, Sparrow, Blackbird, and Canary eggs, mixed in a favourite local mixture of pizza, hamburger, and chip patties. With, ketchup, mayonnaise, curry powder, and beef dripping.

£2.99

Drinks Available:

Cheap Tea (Asda, Morrisons, or Tesco own label) 19p

Best Tea (Yorkshire, Co-op 99, or English Breakfast) 70p

Cheat Tea made with Purified Pond water & lemon 40p

Coffee – Not available

Shoplifted Coke or Cola 50p

Brewed tap water & Red Bull 90p

Health Warning:

When entering the Arboretum, we thought you would like to know that the majority of the muggings take place at the Mansfield Road end entrance, or near the trees. And the last two murders took place at the top end near the fire-bombed destroyed Arboretum Hotel.

Inchcock Today: Tue 16th Sept 14

Tuesday 16th September 2014

Up at 0430hrs. No kip much last night, I’m getting irritable now. And that’s not a good idea when you live alone, cause it’s only yourself you can take it out on.

Gawd I hate missen!

Between WC visits I got the laptop going, made a cuppa and took me medications.

Still no luck with getting colour graphics to me posts.

I tried the site that Ratty advised me to, but couldn’t work out how to get me graphic onto it, let alone save em. Thick? Me?…

Got me laundry ready and set off. As I was hobbling along, Arthur Itis stabbed me up me left knee – the worst single pain ever shot through me limbs, and I said: “Well fancy that!” Not exactly but…

Got me laundry done, but I wasn’t in good spirits.

Came back to the flea-pit, and tried again at sorting out what was wrong with me laptop or Coreldraw9 package, waste of me time that was.

Updated me Lochmaben post for the Inchcock site. Mononchrome graphics of cause. But I did a decent one of me at the van with me tackle. (Fishing tackle I might add!)

Decided around 1315hrs, I’d get some more stuff ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, and take a hobble to Sherwood with it. I just hope the left knee ain’t too painful, if it is still, I’ll have to go see the GP in the morning… well, go get an appointment.

That is if I remember.

Yobs lurking about outside as I left the hovel.

Hobbled with Arthur Itis in my left knee rampant, up to Sherwood’s Nottingham Hospice shop with the bits for them.

Crossed the road and caught bus into Arnold.

I managed to get the last pack of cheapo microwave sausages in Fulton’s foods, then waddled into Iceland and got some lollies.

Managed to avoid yet another mobility scooter seemingly, driven by a drugged or drunk driver as it forced its way through the fleeing pedestrians.

Limped to the bus stop and caught bus back to Carrington. I intended when I got off the bus, to call at the GP surgery to book an appointment, but I stopped to empty me bag of some rubbish into a roadside bin, as I was doing so a car ran into the back of a parked van. The van driver sitting behind his wheel banged his head on it, no air-bag? Anyway, I called the emergency services and went to see if he was alright.

He was fine, but I think he would have liked to have beheaded the driver of the Mistubishi that hit him. Gave details to the police when they arrived, then hobbled home, well tired again.

Not up to doing owt when I got in, so got me head down to try and get some sleep.

Inchcock’s Angling Holidays – No. 1 – To Lockerbie (Updated)

I hope the Ale tastes better than it did

Robin Hood (Lousy ale) Angling Club

The mates I used to go on holiday with were: Bill Bates, and Jock Kirkpatrick, and Mad Ken.

We’d rented a cottage in Lockerbie for the week, feeling assured that Jock would be able to show us the places to find the best fishing.

We filled up the Austin J4 van with the fishing tackle, baits, and fodder we thought we’d need and set off in the van, the box that Ken dropped on me foot didn’t cause too much bruising.

Ken was driving first, then I did for a bit, then Ken took over again. We got just over the English/Scotland border before we got lost.

We used to have a little bet between each other each day we fished, £1 for the biggest fish caught, £1 for the most fish caught, and £1 for the biggest weight of fish caught. In the event of a draw or no fish caught, we used to donate the bet money to the NSPCC.

We arrived (2 hours after the ETA), found the owner, and ensconced ourselves in the cottage.

We agreed I’d do the breakfasts and snap, Jock would do the evening meals, Bill would do the cleaning, and Mad Ken would do the driving. Nothing if not democratic we were.

Next morning, after breakfast, we went on a recce to find Lochmaben to suss out the fishing.

We asked a local resident, sat on the verge with a bottle of Iron Brew, which direction the Loch was in, and we think he said, “Right straight up the hill, carry on, it’ll be on your left!”

After about five miles, with no sight of Lochmaben we thought we must have passed it somewhere, and spotted a chap ambling along the lane, we stopped and asked him.

His reply was double-dutch to Bill, Ken and I.

As we drove off none the wiser, and asked Jock for a translation, and he said he’s no idea what he was talking about either, he was born in the Outer Hebrides and couldn’t understand what the man was saying any more than we three Sassenachs could!

Something that none of us caught all week! Huh!

We got the map out, and decided to carry on to Motherwell instead. A further ten or so miles on, we saw the sign for the Loch!

After five days fishing the four of us had yet to get a bite, let alone a fish, and was out of pocket on the bets.

We found a pub called the Midland Hotel out in the wilds, and visited for a pint and a game of dominoes. The landlord came from Derby. At ten o’clock, he told us to go into the bar side and drinking will continue in the cellar!

And he was serious.

Sure enough, at ten o’clock we went into the absolutely packed out bar, and within a few minutes, everyone was filing through behind the bar, and down the steps into the cellar, which proved to be a fully equipped bar, with tables chairs, and piped music!

Around about midnight a pair of legs appeared walking down the steps from above, they were wearing black boots, and a black pair of trousers… as it came down, it revealed the bottom of his tunic, his torch, and the shiny buttons on his uniform – yes it was a police officer.

I thought “Bloomin’ ‘eck, we’re for it now.

But no, he spoke to no one, just walked to the bar and grasped the pint that had been poured in silence for him, belched, turned and disappeared up the steps. Amazing!

The electrics played up on the van, and with Mad Ken the only one with any knowledge of the engine and mechanics of vehicles, he toyed with it for ages, and sure enough, he got the lights back on. No indicators, but at least we could see where we were going.

My turn to drive us back to the cottage, and I tried to followed the three sets of verbal directions being given me, while attempting to read the map and drive the van.

We set off, and in the middle of the wilds… splutter, jump, jerk.. stop! We had ran out of petrol, but the fuel gauge read half full, the electrics playing up again?

The lads kindly elected me to walk to the village or whatever it was we could see in the distance. It took me about an hour to get there, there was three cottages, a big house, and thank heavens a garage! I enquired if he could assist us, and judging by his body language (I could not tell clearly what he was actually saying with his accent), he wanted me to join him on his Land Rover, and we went to the lads waiting in the van.

We wus fed well at any-rate!

We were towed to the village, and the chap had a look at the van, and decided spare parts were needed and told us he could get them in a few hours, and then it would take about 2 hours to sort the panel out.

He kindly said we could pay his missus, and she’d provide a meal for us while we waited, and led us to one of the cottages. As we walked down the path to the house, the door opened, and the man’s wife ducked to get through the door, and came out to greet us.

She was about 6’5″ tall, muscular, wide, and scared the shit out of us. But needs must and we went in and settled in the front room, while she conjured up a meal for us.

She came back in with a massive plate for each of us, fully filled with fodder. The only thing I could recognise in the offerings, were the tatty-scones, as for the other nourishment on the plate, well I’ve no idea, but it tasted okay to me.

That cost us nearly all of the money we had left, still we were going home now.

We were away in our now working van by about 1900hrs, and by 1925hrs on our way home… we were lost again.

When we eventually arrived back in Nottingham, I dropped Bill and Mad Ken off, then took Jock and myself back home. (Jock and I lived in the same terrace of two-up two-down hovels)

The house had been burgled in my absence, and there was three bills lying at the foot of the letter box than needed paying!

A disappointing holiday to say the least.

Inchcock Today: 14-15th Sept 2014

Sunday 14th September 2014

A few springing awakes, in response to bodily calls for the WC overnight. I forced missen up at 0445hrs. Blood all over me lower regions again, I wus a bit concerned for a while, but it stopped after a little attention.

WC.

Made cuppa, took medications.

WC.

I spent so long trying to sort out me Coreldraw problem, again without the slightest hint of any success. It’s all beyond me yer know.

Monday 15th September 2014

Not so good this morning, angina very bad and dizzy spells rampant, may have to go see the GP methinks.

I was up at 0505hrs after another night of nightmares and WC visits. Juan is getting fed up with this now.

Hard to concentrate this morning.

Now the guts have started rumbling again. Tsk!

WC.

Cuppa, WC and laptop started. Had another go at trying to find out what was the matter with Coreldraw9, but not knowing what I was doing didn’t help at all.

Beautified myself as best I could, washed, teggies, shaved, clean togs etc, and got things ready for my hospital visit for Warfarin level tests.

I set off to take some things to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop, (DVDs togs and cutlery).

Got as far as the end of the street, then returned to put me hearing aids in.

Set off again… then returned to the hovel to retrieve the bag of stuff for the Hospice that I’d left when I returned to put me hearing aids in… Tsk again!

Hobbled into Sherwood to the Hospice shop, (Bit of traffic about this morning) then caught bus into town and went into the pound shop for a gander.

Got some desserts to add to the things for the nurses treats at the Queens Medical Centre Haematology dep’t. I like to treat em and make em smile yer know.

When I came out of the Pound Shop, I came across a Greek chap selling fish and chips from his van, and a Mobility Scooter driver, who had left his scooter in the middle of the avenue, and was busy stood there digesting his nosh, while others had to walk around his deadly scooter, and cars had to wait until he’d finished his nosh. Amazing really innit?

I caught bus out to the QMC, and saw a sports car that had left the road and ran into a wall. Emergency services were there.

Dropped off the bus, and wandered up to the entrance – to find that yet again the fire alarm had activated, and a mass of bodies: ambulance team members, patients who had nipped out for a fag in the No Smoking Area, out-patients, visitors and, judging by how many shoulder-charged me as they belted passed me when we were allowed to enter, Olympic sprinters and rugby players!

I hid in a corner and let em get through, then hobbled in and got me ticket. All done in five minute of entering the dept, I limped to the bus stop and caught a bus to Bulwell – in the hope of getting some more Microwave sausages and any other cheapo offers. But, there were neither available.

A mobility scooter personage drove passed a stall and knocked some stuff off the display – he never paused at all, just drove on to scare someone else…

But at least none of the deadly mobility scooter drivers got me today.

I might regret saying that later…

Back to the bus station, and caught bus back to the hovel.

When I got in and settled, the yobs appeared on the street… so I went upstairs and got me head down early.

Inchcock Today: Sat 13th Sept 2014

In the event of Inchcock disappearing from the web, this will be due to his demise or laptop problems – in either eventuality he hopes he will return ASAP.

Saturday 13th September 2014

I was throughout the night making use of the WC. Rumbling runny stomach ache, and each time I woke up, I felt sorry for myself about the Coreldraw/laptop situation.

Arose at 0500hrs WC, cold this morning, stomach churning, down and made a cuppa, laptop on, tried saving in colour on Coreldraw but failed again, a black and white world for me now. Tsk! I can import any graphics wot I dun earlier straight into WordPress in colour or straight from me camera, but any I create or doctor will only save to disc in mono.

WC. (Cor blimey, wot an aroma!)

I hope I do not have any accidents with the runs when I go to see Sister Jane later at jumble sale where she is a volunteer at the Friary United Reform Church Charity Jumble Sale in West Bridgford.

Where I hope to move into to live

Having utterly failed to get Coreldraw9 to export or save anything I’ve created or doctored in colour, and feeling a tad depressed, I closed everything down and did me ablutions.

On me walk/limp into town, I took a photo of the building where I hope, God willing, to move into. Sheltered housing flats, they are to the right of the Baptist Church in the photo on the right.

Best avoided if you want any help with laptops

Carried on with me limp hobble into city centre, and caught the bus out to the Friary Church. As I was walking own Musters Road, I espied a Computer shop and called in to see if they could help me with getting Coreldraw onto a new laptop and how much would it cost please. With a puzzled look on his face, he didn’t know what Coreldraw was, so he could not help me. Feeling low, and with a grumbling tummy, I carried on to the church.

Then had a dizzy spell, luckily it passed quickly this time.

At the church, I searched around the jumble sale that was in many different rooms, and found her busy behind her stall, serving and watching for jumble sale-lifters, and there were many of those.

Managed a few little natters with Jane, and then she told me that they had some books on sale in another part of the building in the front block, (Jane’s stall was bric-a-brac) so I took a look. Bought a book about Farcical Football Matches, it looks very interesting.

My Sister Jane, still looking good after working at the Church Jumble sale!

Help em clear up after the jumble sale, then waited outside with Jane for Pete to arrive to give her a lift home.

Took her photo while she waited, come out nice I think. (David Bailey – phrr!)

Pete arrived and I took me leave and got bus back to City. Avoiding the mad mobility scooters, skateboarders and cyclists on the pavements, I made me way to the bus stop, and caught bus back to the depressingly named home.

I started laptop to try and find out what had gone wrong with it or Coreldraw, but by the time it had loaded, I was feeling so depressed and tired, I turned it off, and retired.

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