Diary – Page 89 – Inchie Today

Inchcock Today: Tuesday 26th August 2014

I was up at 0400hrs – blood from me Inch and rear quarters again. Got missen sorted, cleaned and antiseptically creamed. (Sound awful dunnit? But it’s alright… honest.)

Did me ablutions of all types and down the stairs and put the laptop on.

Back upstairs to the WC.

Back downstairs, put kettle on, took rubbish out, then had a cuppa and went on internet… for a few minutes until BT connection started playing up again. Tsk!

I place an order with Morrison’s for delivery twixt 0630 > 0730 in the morning. I used my £15 off Voucher.

I was going to the launderette, Nottingham Hospice charity shop, then QMC Anticoagulation (Warfarin level) blood test unit today – but I had some dizzy spells whilst sat down this morning. So I decided to call at the NHS Call-in centre and get appointment for the doctor. When I go there first (before the GPs surgery), they usually call the surgery and get me a quicker appointment.

**Nottingham City – The Queen of the Midlands**

I’ll take me stuff to the Age Concern charity shop today instead, because it’s on the way to the NHS centre in town.

Got missen lookin’ pretty and smelling nice, and set off on the walk into town.

I called in on the way at the launderette, had a chat with Mandy and Big John.

On me walk, I noticed how appealing some of the properties were on Mansfield Road, and took a couple of photo’s of them. I think these properties are why Nottingham City Council call it ‘Nottingham City – The Queen of the Midlands’ (Hehehe!)

I realised as I got in town, that I had not got me mobile with me, and considered having it with me as most important and needed, in the event of my getting mugged again, or collapsing and it being there to call for help!

**A bargain here methinks. Mobile and £20 air-time for ££29.95. Old type phone mind, but owt newer would confuse me?**

So I called in the O₂shop on Clumber Street to see how much a Pay-as-you-go phone would cost me. But no one moved when I entered the shop, just gave me suspicious looks?

So I limped over to Victoria Shopping Centre and called in the first mobile shop I came to ‘Phones 4 U’, and was approached on entry by a chap who immediately reminded me of ‘Private Walker’ from ‘Dads Army’ Nudge nudge, wink wink type like!

Anyway, he soon got sorted with a phone for £9.95, set it up and got it going like for me. I bought £20 air-time I think they call it, so got it all for £29.95. Even if he was a little unenthusiastic about it. So now, I can keep it in me bag all the time, and know if I do forget me main one, I’ll have a life-line. (5p a minute) All I’ve got to do, he says, is make one call a month. What do you think? Did I do right?

So off the charity shop and donated me bits.

Then to the NHS centre. Bless ‘em, they got me an appointment for the morning with the GP.

Then I was off to catch the bus to the hospital.

Read a bit of me Eric Morecome book en route. The sunshine is out now, so in celebration I took a photo of the entrance.

They soon saw to me, and I was out (Raining now) and in the queue for Bulwell bus.

Arrived in Bulwell, limped off the bus (Me knees had stiffened during the ride)

The crap Market was on today. I went in the pound shop to get some weed-killer.

Then a walk to the cheapo shop, but they had nowt worth bothering about in again.

Then to Fultons Frozen Food shop, and got another pack of the microwave sausages. (Oh I do love em!) I hope I can get me frozen lollies in the freezer that I ordered for tomorrow. (Yer see, any normal person, would not have bothered to share that with you would they – Worrying innit?)

Mobility scooters were around in number today… oh dear.

I limped to the bus station to catch the 17 back to the flea-pit, big queue. Read more of Eric Morecombe book.

Dropped off at Carrington, walked to the hovel.

Put kettle on, started laptop.

WC.

**A constant danger to hobbling Inchcock these!**

Had a search for me mobile – no luck yet, but I’m sure I saw it earlier this morning.

WC.

Started to do this blog.

WC.

Found mobile in bathroom. Why I didn’t think earlier of looking between the shaving foam and fresh air sprays I’ll never know. I’m glad I did though, because I also found me spare glasses.

Huh!

Inchcock Today: Mon 25th Aug 14

Monday 25th August 2014

A nice trip out for the old git

Woke about 0400hrs, couldn’t nod off again. Lay there thinking of the horrible dreams I’d been having. Thought I might record em on this bog. By the time I’d gotten downstairs made a cuppa and me porridge, I couldn’t remember em, huh!

BT internet in and out again this morning.

Found missed call, voice-mail message (that I could not hear), and text message from Big John Wayne me mate. Said he’s going to Papplewick Pumping Station today, and he will ring me in the morning (today).

Got some blogging done despite BTs best attempts to foil and frustrate me completely.

Rang BJ, and agreed to go with him and his better half Julie.

I had to be at his dwelling a 1230hrs.

Did me ablutions (No blood, hurrah!). Dizzy spell whilst having a wash and shave.

Set off on me walk to Sherwood to BJs house.

**Inchcock looking happy** *(Worrying that!)*

We set of and got to Papplewick about 1300hrs.

Great walk about, and natter to many folk there. Despite the rain, we all enjoyed it, me very much so. Nice to get out with someone to talk to.

Fed the fish in the pond. Fussed a horse in the WW1 display, and it didn’t bite or kick me either!

**Inchcock pretends he is talking to someone**

I got back about 1605hrs, BJ dropped me off at the house.

Made cuppa, and got laptop going to update this blog.

BT internet in and out again.

Later, did some microwave sausage sandwiches for me nosh.

By gum, I live the good life yer know… or not?

I actually made a friend today at Papplewick Pumping Station yer know… her was big, hairy, had four legs, big teeth, and wafted her tail in my direction…

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Saturday 23rd August 2014

Friday 22nd August 2014

Awoke, well tired and nervous for an unknown reason.

Did some blogging, and spent the rest of the day at the laptop doing graphics for later.

Bad day.

Saturday 23rd August 2014

Up around 0400hrs.

WC – much blood I’m afraid again. Tsk!

Cold this morning. Warmed up searching around for me hearing aids, eventually finding them on top of a packet of tea-bags? (Where else? I shouldhave known!).

Laptop on (Eventually), made cuppa, didn’t feel hungry. Mind you, last night I think it was a matter of me wanting comfort food. I ate 6 microwave sausages with a tin of beans, and much bread. Followed by a yogurt and iced lollies! Oh, and some seaweed too.

Managed to get me Conservatives Support post done, but it was hard work with me Arthur Itis bothering me fingers somewhat.

I read some blogs, there is some great stuff to read on WordPress you know.

I intend to have a good walk to and around town today, get me joints going a bit, I’ll take the camera of course. (Well… if I remember that is),

Not feeling too bright at the moment.

I decided to take me annual bath. (Joking…joking, I had one a month ago!) I’m always a bit weary, because I had a dizzy when getting out last year, and I did missen a fair bit of damage yer know.

WC.

Had a shave, then I wallowed and scrubbed a bit in the bath, then extricated missen from the bath without harm.

Dried off, and a good spray of Brute. Creams on me bottom, buttocks, arms, hands and knees as instructed. Pain gel on me knees and hands. And I tended to me Inch wound.

As I was moving the heater, unfortunately I dropped it on me toe. (Fancy that I said!)

WC.

I got dressed and hobbled downstairs, deciding not to go for any long walks after all, but take a shorter one due to me digit being wounded like. Put kettle on for half a cuppa.

Decided to walk into Sherwood, and take some more bits for the Nottingham Hospice Shop. Bought a book while I was there: ‘The Essential Spike Milligan.

The sky looked a bit threatening on the way.

Then caught bus to town, and walked through city to Broad Marsh bus station. Where I caught the bus out to Derby. Read some of me Spike book en route.

Fed the ducks and pigeons, had a wander around. There was a nasty accident near the council offices.

Caught bus to Mansfield. Read some more of me Spike book.

The sky was still looking threatening, but no rain yet through the sunshine.

As I was walking towards the market to see if they had any fresh pod peas today, a rather unruly collection of youths fell out of a pub doorway, assisted by the bouncers I think, and started pasting away at each other – I changed me mind and hobbled back to the bus station, and caught a bus back to Carrington.

I read a bit of my Eric Morecombe book on the way back to the flea-pit.

Getting dark clouds now, but still no rain.

Dropped off the bus and walked, well limped to the hovel.

No yobs on the street when I got back, that was nice.

WC.

Made a cuppa, started laptop to update this tosh.

Trying to post this, and the bloody BT link went altogether, had to wait half an hour fer it to come back… Grrrr!

Ah… the rain cometh now.

Inchcock Today: Thursday 21st August 2014

♥ I was up at 0330hrs. (No choice in the matter, urgent WC attention required and I couldn’t get off afterwards Tsk!)

Usual brekkers, took medications and then thought I’d start the laptop and get on with some posts I’d nearly got ready for WordPress.

The laptop took an inordinately long time to start, I really am expecting the worst from the old gal soon. When she did get going, I lost the BT signal repeatedly.

Eventually I go both going after several reboots, restarts and complete reboot. Good old BT.

Spend far too long getting graphics ready for post later, but I did enjoy doing them though.

About 1230hrs, I did me ablutions and put me togs on, and set off I’d decided, to walk to Nottingham Hospice shop taking some bits for em again, and then to catch bus to town and go for a ride out to Derby, taking me books with me. See… I can plan ahead yer know sometimes.

As I was going up the little hill, I thought the skyline warranted a photo – hen I got the camera case out of me bag, I realised I’m left the batteries on change back in the hovel.

So, I hobbled backed to the hovel and got em um put in. Change of plan at this stage.

I had a walk into town (Took photo), and caught the round-about route bus to Bulwell. Then visited the Fultons cheapo Freezer shop in the hope of getting another pack of the cheapo but very good microwave pork sausages, and they had some in again, so gorra pack.

Then had a walk to the cheapo shop, but again, they had nowt in I wanted or fancied.

By now, me feet and knees were aching to say the least.

Dropped the things (DVDs books and a wall clock) off at the Headway Charity Shop, and bought a book, as I’d finished me Hitler the Commander book on the bus going there.

Believe this or not, but a Mobility Scooteress reversed and nearly clobbered me – I tooketh a photo, but she was well on her way by then.

On me hobble back to the bus station I called in Heron Frozen food shop to have a decker. They had some orange suckers at 10 for a quid, and Bread flats on offer at a quid, so I got one of each like.

As I was walking past the market place, a Mobility scooter came close to catchin’ me one as he went passed me and jumped off and went into the bookies… Tsk!

Caught the 17 bus back, cause it drops me off quiet close to the flea-pit.

No yobs about I’m very glad to say. Bet they’ll be out later…

As I turned into the street, the were a dead mouse at me feet! So I took a photo like.

Got in, started the laptop, put me nosh away, made a cuppa. I updated this crap, and posted it.

Did some microwave sausage sandwiches with bbq sauce, followed my an orange sucker. And ate it when I got off the WC.

Taketh care all.

Inchcock Today: Wed 20th Aug 2014

Evening Tuesday 19^th

Tried to get some sleep in, I knew I felt drained and weary. But no such luck. Tried reading my book, I had no concentration though. Put a DVD in my little player, ‘Westworld…’ (Another one for the Charity shop) that did it, off I went.

Wednesday 20^th August 2014

Woke up 0230hrs, full of dread and fear. Must have been dreaming again, but couldn’t recall anything about it. Drifted off again.

Sprung awake at 0430hrs. No chance of further sleep this morning I thought.

WC, okay.

I remembered I’d got me Morrison’s order coming between 0630 – 0730hrs this morning, so reluctantly got up.

Laptop started, made a cuppa, grape-nut flakes and medications taken.

WC, okayish.

Started doing graphics and writing posts while awaiting Mr Morrison.

There order came, (It was a Ms) and there was nothing substituted or missing.

Finished Inchy’s Beloved Grizelda Part 3 and posted it. Then did a new one from Patti Beckert’s site about the Mobility Scooters.

Got letter from DVLA telling me my Driving Licence that they took away from me after me heart operation was going out of date and I need to renew it?

Filled in form tellin’ em, and got a wash and change ready to take to post office and renew it then. See what happens.

Started on me walk into Sherwood about 1315hrs. Took camera, just in case owt should be suitable to photo like… yer know.

Called at the Haberdashery (there it is again, Haberdashery… I love that word) shop, and the lady sorted me a firmer cushion out, for £4.99, the last one in the shop bless her.

I then dropped into the post office and got the right stamp on me DVLA letter I sent back.

Took a photo of the sky over Sherwood, cause it had some black clouds with sunshine bursting through some.

Then to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop with some stuff.

I was walking back, and realised I’d not got me cushion with me!

I hobbled back to all the places I’d called in – but no signs of it – what a class one pillock I am!

I got back to the den about 1500hrs, a little miffed with myself about losing the cushion. Especially after the kind lady had looked so hard to get me one to suit.

Laptop on, made a cuppa and decided to have a potato and veg mix, with me last slice of cooked pork, and a small tin of garden peas for tea… supper whatever you call it later.

BT internet keeps fading out – well I never, who’d have believed that eh!

Inchcocks Beloved Grizelda: Part Three

Part 3 – Their first Trip to the Cinema

Grizelda and I were going to see the film ‘Das Boot’ at the Metropole Cinema in Sherwood, Nottingham. Not far from the flat where I had the erotic pleasure of sharing with my beloved Grizelda.

Earlier, I was on the step ladder, hanging the curtains, when she reminded me to get ready in time, as she lifted me down from the step ladder, and carried me in her magnificent rippling arms into the bathroom to get ready.

**Another lost Cinema – but not as painful of losing Grizelda**

All ready, we walked to the cinema, me as proud as punch as I walked alongside her looking into her square jawed Arian face.

We got settled into the seats, ready for the show to start.

As soon as the lights dimmed, I felt her left hand creep over my right leg, (I instantly sensed a grateful tingling sensation), and a smile crept over her face. (And an even bigger one over mine).

**A big desirable cinema – a bit like Grizelda!**

After a while she put her rippling arm around my neck and shoulders, I can still sense the perfume from the underarm hairs that encased my ear-hole, as she tweaked my left nipple. By gad she was wonderful.

I looked up and gave her a big thank you smile, and in reply she gave me a little cuddle with her left arm – I felt and heard me ribs crack, I’m sure I did.

At the first interval of the film, she explained to me how the U-boat’s snorkel was a device which allowed U-boats to run on diesel engines even when underwater, who invented them, and other technical details of the boats design failings.

She continued with telling me where and when the different Wolf-packs operated, and how her Uncle Otto, had been in the Kriegsmarine and had survived the war, and was now a Polizeihauptmeister, one of her bosses at home, in their Landespolizei force.

As the lights once more dimmed for the second half of the film, she turned her attention to a very pleasurably accepted activity.

I’d have liked to return the favour, but being under her muscular solid body, I could not move. Let alone reach any suitable target.

I hadn’t managed to concentrate on the film much, but I was deliriously happy by the end it, and reached up to hold her hand as we departed the cinema to go home.

Through the flats front door, and excited mutual passion broke out again!

Into the bedroom: I was thrown all over the place in the ensuing grappling.

God, how I miss Grizelda!

More Grizelda Tales to follow…

Inchcock Today: Mon 19th Aug 2014

Tuesday 19^th August 2014

Not very good this morning, had a job to stir myself into any activity, feeling so low.

Couldn’t remember me nightmares wot I’d had this time.

I managed a cuppa and some breakfast though.

Got to go to launderette today, might meet Big John Wayne and get cheered up a bit I hope.

I was a bit disappointed when I opened the bedroom door, and the handle came off in me hand like. Tsk!

Got missen ready, un set off to the launderette.

I had to cross over the road avoid some lurking louts en route.

Mandy was there to welcome me with open arms, compassion and… well she said ‘Good morning ‘ like.

Big John arrived and we had a natter. He took a photo of nibbling me seaweed and reading me book while I using the driers.

Said me cheerio’s and hobbled back to the flea-pit come home, remembering to keep me eye out for the local yobbery.

First thing I dun was start the laptop, then mend the handle on the bedroom door… well I tool it all off proper so I couldn’t lock myself in anyway.

Luckily I had some Elastoplasts handy.

Thought I’d do a bit of blogging, then have a hobble into Sherwood to see if I could get a new bed quilt.

Received my anticoagulant test results. They’re 1.0 below target. Not to worry though, I’ve been that and lower many times before. (And hope to be so many times again – I’m not ready to go yet, ‘cause I’ve cheered up a bit yer see)

Got ready and set off on a walk into Sherwood, in search of a bed quilt.

1235hrs Be back soon.

I was, at 1239hrs: to collect me hearing aids that I’d forgot to put in, and I’d forgotten to decoke ‘em earlier too. I also collected the DVDs for the Hoapice Charity shop that I had also forgotten. Huh!

So naturally I met a woman to talk to en route, but it was a bit of a farcical conversation. Tsk!

I walked up the little hill, and took a photo as I walked down the big hill – it should have shown three ambulances belting down the hill, but they turned off before I got me camera out.

I carried on limping down and found the drapery shop (Drapery, now there’s a word you don’t hear often nowadays innit?), where a very kind lady sold me a quilt and cover, and she put the cover on for me. Not on herself you understand, on the quilt I mean. Bless her.

Then on up the hill the Nottingham Hospice Shop, and gave them the DVD’s. I’m really glad I did that, cause the weight of ‘em wus gettin’ to me, and the arthritis in the knees and feet was gerrin worse!

I limped over the road to the Holland and Barrets shop to get some pistachio bars, but they’d sold out. Tsk again!

As I passed the bank, there in front of me, was a Mobility Scooter, but it didn’t bother me, no fear at all… there was no driver on it. Hehehe!

I struggled up the hill to nearly the top of it, and decided to take a photo of the road. (Nothing to do with my needing a rest from the walking, or the oain in me knees and feet of course).

I took a photo of the Sherwood Community Police Station as I passed. There was a woman sat on the walkway up to it – I considered going over and telling her that if she was waiting to find someone manning the station, she would have to wait until Thursday.

I went there once to tell them about the local yobboes, but of course it as closed, so I used the kindly provided yellow telephone on the wall outside, but it was not connected.

I made a note of the prices for cider and wine being advertised outside the shop, not for me of course, for me Sister Jane and Brother-in-law Pete. (Cough)

Got back to the bomb-site about 1400hrs, started the laptop and made a cuppa, then visited the WC.

Not a good visit I must say, needed the attention of the ointment and cream.

TTFN all…

Inchcock Today: Mon 18th August 2014

Dream filled night with a difference, when I woke at about 0200hrs, I remembered the dream I’d just had.

When I awoke properly at 0400hrs, I attended the WC and went down to put the kettle on, I could still recall some details of it. So I got me cuppa, took me medications and gorrrit recorded here, before I forgot what bits I could remember.

Here it is:

I was in a lodging house in Skegness, having breakfast. Sat next to me, was a young lady who I was talking to. (I knew it as a dream at the time, but… well I knew).

Memory Blank Period here.

The young lady asked me if I wanted a lift into Mablethorpe? She said I could drive her car for her. No idea why, but I knew it was Ford Zepher.

Memory Blank Period here.

I was at a bus stop. I realised I was getting cash ready to pay. No bus-pass, this led me to notice I was not in pain, no walking stick, no glasses, no hearing aids… Mmmm.

Memory Blank Period here.

For some reason, I found myself being ejected from the bus on the sea-front somewhere. I ran around asking people where Mablethorpe was and how to get to it.

Then I realised I was naked, so opened a laughing policeman box, and tool his uniform to wear.

Memory Blank Period here.

I was running along the beach, and reached Mablethorpe, but there were floods preventing me getting into the town.

Then I found myself at the gallows in a prison, not as the killer, but the executioner I think.

Memory Blank Period here.

I spoke to Tony Blair, telling him I can’t hang a man whose only crime was voting for the BNP? So he reversed the position and the criminal hanged me instead, as I fell through the trap door, I was back in Mablethorpe, this time with a bomb of some sort in a Lidl carrier bag, determined to blow up the Bingo stall?

Memory Blank Period here.

I was walking along the seafront road, totally lost, but this time no running, for I was as I am now – old, unsteady on my painful feet, all my ailments had returned and limping badly, away from Mablethorpe.

Memory Blank Period here.

A car pulled up, and it was the lady from earlier in my dream from the lodging house. She apologised for not giving me a lift, drew out a Luger and fired three shots into my chest. She laughed and sped off.

I croaked out me thanks to her?

Memory Blank Period here.

I was walking (young and fit once again) up Mablethorpe main road, over the promenade onto the beach. On the seas edge, I could see my old love Grizelda, she turned and beckoned me. I ran towards her arms outstretched and so filled with joy – but stood on what I knew somehow must have been a landmine.

No one came to the funeral, I knew this because I lifted lid of the urn to have a look?

Memory Blank Period here.

Well that’s all I can recall… perhaps all I want to recall.

0630hrs: Must start to get ready for me trip to the hospital haematology for me Warfarin level tests in a bit.

I set off on my walk into town. Got about 500 yards or so, and remembered I’d not got me Anticoagulation Therapy Record Card with me. Went back to the flea-pit and collected it, off again.

Nice weather, set off again on me walk into town.

Bit of a dizzy spell on the way, but it cleared up after a few minutes.

Went in Tesco and got some bread, and for the nursed, cream cakes to go with their nibbles.

Caught bus out to the hospital, and hobbled in – the first thing I saw in the waiting area was… dare I say it? – A mobility Scooter! Arghh!!

Soon got tended to, said me farewells to the gals, and out into the sunshine again.

Caught bus to Bulwell, and searched freezer shops for chips and gravy, got some. Then to the special out-of-date cheapo shop, but they had now I fancied in.

But I did get a bargain at the cheap frozen food shop – some Microwavable pork sausages – 20 for £1-99! Walls are 6 for £2.40. Just hope they taste alright when I eat em. Crossed fingers.

Then as I was leaving, a Mobility Scooter belted passed me oh so close, mad me jump. By the time I got me camera out he was well gone. The Git!

Bus back to the hovel – no yobs around thank heavens.

Put me things away, made a cuppa and started laptop to update this load of bol… Oh, I must remember in the morning, I’ve already been today to the haematology for me Warfrin level tests instead of tomorrow, cause I wanted to do me laundry tomorrow instead of Wednesday, so I could talk to me mate Big John… I think. Clear as mud that eh?)

Feeling a bit tired now, so might try to get me head down a bit… or not as will be the case.

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Sun 17th Aug 2014

Saturday 16^th August 2014

Got to bed late last night, still managed to get some kip, and only one getup for the WC (No blood)

I woke up with a searing pain at the left back hand side of my jaw. I gingerly moved my mouth and a sharp pain came for the first three times I tried to move it – on the forth it dissipated, and after a while, no pain at all?

Angina, back passage, Arthur Itis, Reflux valve, Ulcer and Kidneys seemed no problem at this time.

Gorrup and started laptop, kettle on and made a cuppa and pot of porridge, then off to the WC again (All okay).

The laptop had still not started when I got back – I fear the old girl might be on her last legs. (Oh dear!)

Stopped drinking tea from here on today: as I was planning to go and see my Sister Jane, and hubby Pete. I intend to take some photos when I get there, to use in creating a hopefully funny post about the visit.

Set off to the bus stop, caught bus to town.

Caught bus to West Bridgford. Poddled around the shops and bought some vegetable casserole and a rather tasty looking Mushroom Potato caramelised onion meals that appealed.

Walked to Jane’s, via a different route than normal: eventually found my way and arrived.

We had a good natter, and I remembered to take the photo’s Jane and Pete posed magnificently for them.

Took some of their new posh ceiling lamp wot they got, and the three portraits of rams on the wall. Yes, they are of a rather higher class than wot I am yer know.

Eventually I departed, for the long long walk into Nottingham, via a route passed some old haunts.

By the time I’d gone about two miles, me feet and knees were ahurtin’, and I had to find a toilet.

I took some interesting photos though.

In town, I struggled the last few hundred yards to the bus-stop, and alighted on me way back to the flea-pit.

No yobs about, thankfully.

WC.

Finished and Posted blogs, and then just had to get me head down, I wus well shattered.

Sunday 17^th August 2014

Up at 0600hrs, after actually getting some sleep in for once. Just a shame I had to knacker missen walking for miles to get it. Tsk!

Still aching a bit in places, but still, at least I got some kip in.

WC, no blood.

Hobbled down and put the kettle on and started laptop.

WC.

Made a cuppa, couldn’t face eating yet. Not like me at all?

Tiredness came over me.

Pete emailed me a photo wot he took of Fuey – their lovely 89 year old in human age cat.

Took me medications, and started to create this rubbish.

I intended to do blogging (or preparation for blogging) all day. Well, I enjoy it yer know, I’m harmless really.

Part 24: Inchcock’s True Tales of Woe

Inchcock’s Vehicular Venialities

Having owned many different types of motorbikes for many years, I thought it a good idea to buy a three-wheeler car that I could drive with legally, on my motorbike licence.

I eventually got a Reliant Robin (brown), W reg. Apart from still wanting to put on my gloves, boots and crash helmet before I drove it, I loved it, and named her Wilhelmina.

After a few years, I met an actual female called Wilhelmina, and decided that it was time to move up to a larger vehicle to facilitate easier snuggling snogging and groping between us.

The problem was a lack of funds to enable such a move – so I drove around looking for a cheap 4-door vehicle I could part exchange the Robin for.

There was nothing to be found, until I came across small car sales in Basford, Nottingham. The owner not only acted like Arthur Daley, he looked a bit like him too. Anyway, we decided after he’s looked at my three-wheeler, to do a straight swap for a Skoda Estelle!

Pleased as punch I was. He said he’d have a new battery fitted before I collected it.

A few days later, I was driving away in my ‘new’ car.

The first thing I noticed was that it appeared to be running on petrol fumes as the fuel indicator showed empty! I found a petrol station and filled her up.

Eventually I Christened her ‘Wilhelmina Maybe’, you know? “Maybe it’ll start this time!”

It was the start of Skoda experience, as any used Skoda Estelle owner will tell you, included the many trips to the scrap-yard to get spare parts to repair it. Alternator/starter motor, door window wires, speedometer, U-bends, locks, valves, and other little things. At least then, the parts were cheap, with so many Estelle’s being in the scrap yards.

The female Wilhelmina left me for a Ford Capri owning git.

I had to get many tows, over the time I had her, and joined the RAC. On one occasion, I’d parked in the multi-storey car park, and had to call the RAC as she would not start (again!). The RAC said for me to meet the patrolman at the entrance, as he was in a high van. So I did that.

When the chap arrived, he first confirmed with me that it was a Skoda Estelle I had, and the problem – then he opened his van, took out a great big hammer, closed the door, and we proceeded to the car on the third floor. With me feeling a little concerned.

He got me to sit in the driver’s seat, and turn the key as he belted the alternator/starter motor with the hammer. It worked a treat. He told me to get a new alternator ASAP. So I did.

About 6 months later, I was cruising (spluttering more like) down the ring-road in Nottingham, glancing in the rear-view mirror at the exhaust smoke, and wondering what the new rattle might be being caused by, and it suddenly dawned on me, I was driving the car illegally on my motorbike licence!

So I booked in for a DVLA driving test ASAP.

Part 3 – Their first Trip to the Cinema

Tuesday 19th August 2014

Saturday 16th August 2014

Sunday 17th August 2014

Inchcock’s Vehicular Venialities

Tuesday 19^th August 2014

Saturday 16^th August 2014

Sunday 17^th August 2014