Diary – Page 88 – Inchie Today

Inchcock Today: Wed 10th/Thur 11th September 2014

Wednesday 10^th September 2014

Up at 0400hrs. (Making it four last night Tsk!)

Started laptop, made cuppa, then WC.

Got me bag ready with the Nottingham Hospice things in, then I did some work on posts for the blog.

Shave: dropped me razor and broke it, so I used a throw-away one, wash, teeth done, cleaned tootsies and glasses, changed bandage (Must remember to get some more soon), applied me creams and pain gel.

Set off on me walk to Sherwood Nottingham Hospice Shop, nice day, hope it doesn’t bring out the yobboes… crossed fingers.

Gave em me bits at the Hospice shop, and caught the bus to town.

Got some bread to feed the ducks with, and caught bus to Derby.

Fell asleep on the bus, bus only for a moment or so.

The Derwent riverside had loads of folks, dogs, mobility scooters, and yobs around, and hundreds of ducks. I observed the mallard ducks were getting a bit nasty with the immigrant giant Canada geese in their fight to get to the food being thrown to them. I hope Campbell doesn’t hear about this? There seemed like thousands of pigeons in the melee. I forgot to take any photographs though. (Huh!)

Had a walk into the Eagle shopping centre market: Dead as a dodo in there, and even more stalls closed down. Mind you, there was still the Mad Mobility Scooter driver danger ever present.

Had a walk about for a bit, then I caught the bus back to Nottingham. I got on the one that takes the round-about route so I could enjoy the scenery for a change. But fell asleep before it got to Draycott, a very kind lady woke me up at Beeston… I felt such a fool!

Dropped off in the city centre, and called onto the Chinese Food Shop and got another pack of the vegetable nibbles, as i like the last one muchly. The girl in the shop is I think, falling in love with me; she ignored me far less viciously than she did yesterday!

Dropped off the bus thinking I’ll call at the GP while I think of it. A chap stopped me and asked for directions to the City hospital, no problem for me, so I gave em to him. Then I walked home forgetting about the GP again.

Made a cuppa then updated this tosh. So tired now.

Thursday 11th September 2014

Kept waking up all night. Woke up at 0505hrs.

WC.

It felt like I’d had a different bad dream each time, but I could only recall bits of the last one;

I was leader of the country; I stopped production of all nuclear, atomic, nerve, gas and germ weapons, and ordered that they be buried as deep as possible underground, but with a failsafe detonation system attached. I held a meeting at 0930hrs and told the world that if they do attack us, we would detonate all of our weapons underground, and this would destroy the entire planet! At 0938hrs the first missile landed in Stalybridge. At 0942hrs, I detonated our stockpile, and found myself along with everyone else, in the queue at St Peter’s gate… not sure hat happened then.

How I can remember the times is amazing, yet I forget so much other stuff that I’m sure was in the nightmare? I’ve vague memories of George Osborne being in the nightmare somewhere?

WC.

Got down, started laptop and made a cuppa, took medications.

WC.

Blogged for a bit and did some graphics ready for later use.

Got me things ready for the launderette, and set off.

Got the machine going after the big gal on duty today made a fuss of me… well she said “Good morning”.

I got the togs in the drier when the washing machine had done its bit. And walked over to the GP to fetch me prescription. I got a rollicking for not replying to their Email giving me my new medications dosage.

I humbly apologised and told them I would not let this happen again. Then gave them some nibbles to eat.

Went over to the chemists, handily located next door to the launderette, and got me prescribed extra pain killers, gel and dermatological cream.

Back to the launderette, and got me Spike Milligan book out to read.

Folded the togs into the bags when they were dry enough, said farewell to the big gal in the launderette, but she was on the phone and didn’t hear me like.

Got home (Using the term in its loosest sense), put me togs away, got me Nottingham Hospice bag that I prepared earlier, and set off on a walk to the Sherwood.

Noticed some nice old cars parked up on the way, looked like they’d been parked up for years.

Arthur Itis was causing extra bother in me left knee this morning.

I called in Wilko on the way, to see if I could get any microwave plates and dishes – couldn’t find any though, but I did get a cheapo can-opener to replace the one that collapses while I was using it last night. (Curried beans all over me and the floor… Tsk!)

Got to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, and the girls there thanked me for the donations and nibbles wot I took ‘em. Bless ‘em.

Crossed over the road, and called into Holland’s to get some pistachio bars, but didn’t have any in, so I didn’t.

Noted a mobility scooter parked outside the bookies, gave it a wide berth!

I was limping a fair bit now, as I passed the Police contact point on the other side of the road, where the burglar alarm was going off. No chance of catching anyone there as the police only occupy it for two half days a week.

Further along I passed the new pub, there were three mobility scooters outside of it; glad I didn’t pass it later when the drivers were staggering out and putting lives at risk by driving em in an intoxicated state!

Got near the top of the hill, and suffered a few dizzy spells. Realised I’d not had me hat on for about half a mile, so put it on, despite looking a twit in the warm sunshine. The spells stopped after a few minutes, and I continued the walk back to the dump.

As I turned the corner into my street, a bloke with two bull terriers walked past me, neither had a lead or muzzles on. I could see a fight taking place between two women at the far end of the street… so nice to get home innit?

I got in, WC. Laptop started, made a cuppa, and couldn’t find me cheapo tin-opener?

Updated this tosh.

WC.

Inchcock Today: Mon/Tue 8/9thSept 2014

Monday 8^th September 2014

Up at 0500hrs. WC.

I’ve arranged for me deliveries to arrive today. Morrison’s and Asda nosh, and me toaster via Yodel.

ETAs given:

Asda nosh 0600>0800hrs

Morrison’s 0900> 1000hrs

Yodel 1100>1300hrs

If they all come at the agreed times I can still get then to me Warfarin level tests this afternoon, otherwise if any one of them is late, I’ll end up with two tests tomorrow at the hospital and the laundry to do. (We’ll see how me luck runs)

Made a cuppa, took med’s…

WC.

Started laptop, did graphics and finished posts.

I got loads done and posted, and had to wait at the window for me deliveries.

Asda nosh 0600>0800hrs – Arrived 0705hrs

Morrison’s 0900> 1000hrs – Arrived 1000hrs

Yodel 1100>1300hrs – Arrived 1919hrs

WC.

I was late with me evening medications. ‘cause I was waiting to the Yodel delivery that came – and I was late with taking me evening medications.

Ah well, I’ll go and get me tests done tomorrow then…

Tuesday 8^th September 2014

Up at 0500hrs.

WC.

Blood cleaned up.

Came down and found I’d left the front door unlocked overnight, Tsk!

Started laptop, did a bit of WordPress viewing – Totally forgot about my laundry, made a cuppa and took me medications.

WC.

Got the nurses treats and forms filled in ready for the INR tests, got missen prettied up (Mammoth daily task that) shaved and washed.

Set off to the bus stop, and caught bus into town. Called in Tesco and got some cream cakes for the gals in haematology, then caught bus out to the QMC hospital.

Finished off me Eric Morecombe book en route, I’ll take that with me other bits to the Nottingham Hospice shop tomorrow (Said him fully confident that he’ll remember).

I took photo of the bus when I got off of it. A Mercedes bus, private company but I’m allowed to use me bus-pass on em.

When I got to the Queens Medical Centre entrance, I was greeted with about a hundred people waiting outside, ‘cause the fire alarm had been activated. Yet through the window I could see dozens of people noshing away in the cafeteria… well they don’t call them that nowadays do they now it’s a Coffee shop, where you can take out a mortgage and buy a cup of fancy coffee.

We were soon admitted, and I picked up the free Metro en route to the Haematology dept for me tests, took a ticket and sat awaiting me number to be called.

I got in, and the nurses were tickled pink with their cream cakes and nibbles.

Being as I’d caught the buses to get there, I decided to take a walk back into town to keep the knees oiled like.

As I passed the old entrance gate to Wollaton Park, I noticed it was now occupied by the Mercedes, sad that.

Further down Derby Road on me hike, I saw the Rose & Crown public house had been done-up. Thought it looked so nice, I took a photo of it.

I limped on, and when I passed Canning Circus, I took a different route through the (Privately owned and ran ‘Park’ area), that I thought would bring me out near the Audio centre I use.

It didn’t.

I eventually came out on Maid Marion Way, which suited me better, because I was going to the Chinese shop to get some veg-meat snacks. Which I did.

Walked down through the town centre, not many folk about today.

As I passed a pub on me way to catch a bus to Fulton’s in Arnold to get some more microwave sausage, I saw through the open doorway, two deadly Mobility Scooters, with the drivers downing the plonk on the seats next to them. Scares me you know, these scooters, well the drivers if em. No law saying they need to take a test, or have insurance. This made me wonder about drink driving on a Mobility Scooter? I shuddered”

Caught the bus to Arnold, and popped into Fulton’s, where I managed to get some sausages and lollies.

I crossed the road, and waited at the bus stop. I’d put me bags on the floor to sort out me bus-pass, and a Mobility scooter driving lunatic drove over one of me bags! She just carried on as if nothing had happened. I whipped out me camera and took a snap.

Caught the bus home, by which time I was shattered and weary.

Got me head down to try and sleep, but…

Inchcock Today: Sun 7th September 2014

Up at 0530hrs. More nightmares but I can’t remember them.

WC.

No blood from anywhere, that’s a positive.

Made cuppa and took medications.

Laptop on (Very slow this morning… me and the laptop Hehe)

Checked emails etc.

My sister Jane mentioned on the phone last night, that they, who live in the County do not get in free to visit Nottingham Castle, here as I, who lives (Using the term in its loosest meaning) in the City, get in free using my bus pass. She seemed rather irked with this. But her mentioning it, decided me to pay a visit to the Castle, especially as it is free for me.

I got missen prettied up and set off on the good walk to visit Nottingham Castle.

I managed to avoid the skateboarders and cyclist Although there was a couple of close shaves), and got into town, and bought a sandwich and bottle of orange to consume on me hobble around the castle grounds.

I got there, went in – and they charged me £4 entrance. (Flipping sisters eh?)

The feet were stinging and the knees aching by then.

I took many photo’s, until the camera batteries died a death. Went into the Nottingham military museum.

I intend to create a post about the visit, perhaps calling in Inchcock’s Visit to Nottingham Castle, or some other creatively thought up title.

I hobbled into town and caught the bus back to the hoppit.

WC.

Put me things away and made a cuppa. Then udated this tosh.

TTFN all the best.

Inchcock Today: Saturday 6th Sept 2014

Saturday 6^th September 2014

Up at 0500hrs, and blimey I can remember a dream! (Well some of it anyway)

WC.

Me Dream: I was young fit and working at the Co-op store on Parliament Street in Nottingham, and I think I was clearing all the stuff off the shelves into customer trolleys… there was someone there with me who I recognised but have forgotten who now, then I was on Carlton Hill, pushing the loaded trolley to wherever it was to go, and a girl I used to work with in 1962, Rita appeared on the pavement and started talking to me. I became engrossed in conversation with her, and the trolley ran away down the hill.

Suddenly the hill became somewhere else, but I knew it, and chased after the trolley. As I ran on, doors kept opening in both sides of the road and people were calling to me…

A doctor with a beard, turban and a scalpel in his hands: “Come back, we need to operate again…”

My old boss at Scan security Kevin, with ‘Ross’ one of guard dogs we used: “Ross’s here mate, come in and see him, did you bring any pigs ears for him? He still loves em yer know…”

Brian, the accountant who ripped me off and put me into bankruptcy when I had the shop: “Sorry, it was nothing personal, come in and I’ll make you a cup of tea…”

The Grim Reaper appeared on a rooftop: “Oi… I’m waiting, get yer arse up ‘ere youth…”

Henry Cooper: “Splash it all over…”

Acker Bilk came out of a door, singing “Buona Sera Seniorita”?

There were many others, but I can’t recall them.

I lost site of the trolley as it disappeared into an unrecognised building. I caught up and started searching for it, to find Susan Maughan (Off the song Bobby’s Girl fame, and she married theatre director Nick Leigh, and not me!) emptying the goods from it onto some shelves, she sneered at me “Who the devil are you? Sod off!”

I was amazed that I could remember so much of the dream, very rare that. But, what did it mean? Nowt I suppose, apart form the I’m cracking up?

Started laptop, made cuppa. Took medications.

Started work on some graphics for me later posts, just hoping that BT internet does not start playing up again.

All I did today really was blogging work.

Inchcock Today: Wed 3rd – Thur 4th Aug

Wednesday 3^rd September 2014

What my dream was about, I haven’t a clue. But I awoke feeling so low and depressed, and scared?

WC.

I peeped out of the window while the kettle was boiling for me tea, a car outside had had its window smashed and presumably something stolen from it. Still, this fits in with the burglaries and arson attacks for the locality dunnit?

WC.

It was dark and dank outside, and that is how I am feeling this morning too. Oh Woe is me.

Not up to going anywhere or doing anything.

Not feeling too good.

Toyed on internet, but no concentration.

Had a call from the MRBHA Mansfield Road Baptist Housing Association, conforming my interest in any flats that come up.

Going to bed really early to try and get some sleep, maybe trying to read me book might let me get off eh?

TTFN all.

Thursday 4^th September 2014

Seemed to be awake for than asleep last night.

WC.

Up around 0415hrs, feeling well drained.

Had me brekkie and a cuppa.

Worked on me graphics for a few hours, then decided I must get out and about.

So thought I’d get a bath… proper one like, yer know, radox, un antiseptic disinfectant, then antiperspirant un that like, then applied me creams and emolument dermatological Cetraben creams to the required areas of me decrepit body, oil in me ear-holes and pain gel on me hands and knees.

WC.

Then go make an appointment with the GP. Then go on a good long walk (Hobble) into Arnold and get a another pack of the microwave sausages if they have any left, then get the bus to town, but why to town I’ve forgotten already. Oh yes, go see the housing people at CityHomes.

I set off, with me two bags, one for the Nottingham Hospice shop, on me walk to Sherwood. (Yes, alright, I forgot about going to the GP… Tsk!)

However, I did remember to call at the Post Office on the way and return me DVLA forms.

I called in the haberdashery shop in Sherwood, but they could not help me with me search for a cushion/pillow of the shape or size I required. Never mind thought I, I’m bound to have better luck in Arnold. (Hahaha!)

I dropped in the Nottingham Hospice shop and gave em me stuff. The lady said if I signed as a member, they would get more for the goods I’m taking – so I did. Then said goodbye and started off on me marathon walk to Arnold. Realising that she had not given me the number she said I needed. (Tsk!)

A mile or so up the road, I passed entrance to the old ‘Headway’ premises, and that brought back many happy memories of when I was a volunteer there, but a sadness that it had to close down.

I pressed on into Daybrook, and nipped in the park to feed the ducks and pigeons.

Then on again into Arnold.

Where I came across many shops that could not supply me with the pillow/cushion size I was after.

On me last try at getting one, I called into Asda. None to suit in stock, but I was tempted into buying a reduced in price ‘Andy Capp’: and some cheese curls.

On this visit to Arnold, I was weary enough to miss being clobbered by the two Mobility scooters that nearly clobbered me.

The old feet and knees were now letting me know it was time to stop hobbling about, so I caught the bus back to Carrington.

Yet again, I forgot to call at the GP, and wobbled back to the dump.

Noticed a police car and forensic van at the far end of the street – not another break in?

Did some prep for me blogs and posted this one, then decided to try for another early night in search of sleep…

Inchcock Today: Tuesday 2nd September 2014

Tuesday 2^ndSeptember 2014

Up at 0650hrs, WC and got the launderette togs ready, remembering in the drying balls, soap tablets and nibbles for the laundry girl.

Then a cuppa, and on the laptop… eventually thanks BT Internet.

Then up the apples to have a wash and WC.

Rubbish to the bin, and then out to walk to launderette. As I started walking, BJ arrived in his car to give me a lift. Kind of him that.

Got the things in the machine, then walked to chemist for me prescriptions, that were ready on time. Then realised I would not be able to carry the big bag of medications as well as me two bags of washing back home again.

So when I’d got the washing into the drier, I walked back to the pit with the medications, picked up two lollies from the freezer, and took ‘em back to the launderette with me. Mandy was tickled pink that I’d taken them for her, and gave me her excellent ‘Poor old sod’ look.

Got the togs, waved cheerio to Mandy, and legged it back to the flea-pit – where I found a police car, forensic van and reporters outside the house opposite just down the road from mine. An officer was looking for prints on the window frame, so I assume it was another break-in. Why the reporters though? A simple break-in around here is not worth their reporting; else they’d get sued for repetition!

WC.

I updated this Diary, did a bit of blog viewing.

WC.

Then I decided to have a walk into town, and have a look see if any cheapo pyjamas could be obtained. Then changed me mind, and decided to have a walk to Sherwood Nottingham Hospice Shop, take em me ticket maker and few bits and then bus to town for a wander about like.

Had a nice gentle walk into Sherwood, donated me bits and pieces, and glad to be free of the weight I was carrying too. Then I caught a bus to town.

When I got off and walked to cross over towards Clumber Street, I noticed there seemed a lot of people on it for a Monday.

I found out why as I walked down to near McDonalds – two women were going at it something awful, did everything but clobber each other, and that’s what attracted the crowd yer see.

I took a photo of the Nottingham Beach in the slab square, everyone seemed quiet happy.

I moved on and hobbled to the bank, where I waited for twenty five minutes to get served. The teller apologised, but I couldn’t help pointing out the sign behind him that advertised their excellent customer service!

The feet were aching a bit now, and the angina was kicking in. (Tsk)

I hobbled up to the NHS drop-in centre. As recommended to by my GP receptionist who I asked last week where I could get another Medical Card from, as the one the hospital gave me was almost unreadable now. She replied, try thr NHS drop-in centre, so I did.

I explained all this to the lady, who said: “Try your GP!”

Ah well…

I limped back up to the second had record/tape/DVD shop, and he’s saved me a rare Acker Bilk CD, £5, so I treated missen to it.

As I walked down to catch the bus back to Carrington, I took photo’s of a Chinese Medical Shop and the NHS drop-in Centre, don’t know why I did, but I did.

The queue at the bus-stop was enormous, so I went to catch another bus that took another longer route, and got on it and got a seat.

Unfortunately I was unsure which stop to get off at, and overdid it a bit, and found myself with another marathon walk. Never mind eh.

At the end of my street, I saw the Fire Brigade had put up a notice warning us about arsonist working in the area. The police put one up about burglars burgling in the area last month, but someone nicked it.

I called in Lidl to get some cobs – and was in the queue at the check-out for yonks and yonks, eventually giving up and leaving. There were only two tills open, and the poor gal on the one I was at, was having some sort of trouble with the till.

So I hobbled up to the Co-op store and got some Bread Thins on offer at £1, and a pack of 6 iced lollies for the same offer price. Why I did this, having purchased some from Fulton’s yesterday, I haven’t worked out yet.

Got in and made me sandwiches for later.

Feeling weary.

Inchcock Today: Monday 1st September 2014

Monday 1^st September 2014

I arose wearily at 0600hrs.

Laptop started, made a cuppa, took medications and began doing posts fer me blogging. BT Internet permitting this occasionally this morning.

I decided I would go to Bulwell this morning to Fulton’s Freezer Shop, and see if I could acquire some more stocks of the cheapo but wonderful tasting microwave sausages.

Up to the bathroom to make myself beautiful… well a wash, shave and clean togs, and apply me necessary creams to the required components of me decrepit body anyway.

Made sure I’d got me camera, bus-pass, glasses, hearing-aids in, attack alarm, medications, Medical Awareness card, some money and mobile phone with me. (I’m getting better…. ain’t I?).

Shame I decided not to take me walking stick with me – ‘cause as I set off down the road to the bus stop, I had a some difficulty in detaching a little dog that seemed attracted to me right leg. Luckily it didn’t draw blood, despite its obvious intent to. Have to keep me eye out for this on future walks that way down the street. Tsk!

Caught the bus into Bulwell, and called in the Fulton’s there, but no microwave sausages, bother! I remembered there was a Fulton’s in Arnold, so I limped back to the bus station and caught a bus to Arnold.

I found the Fulton store on the Main Street, and hobbled in to search for the microwave sausages – there were only two left in the freezer, so I bought em, with a little sadness that there might be no more on the future, ‘cause I love the taste of em. I asked the manageress and she said they have some more in the back. So I made it three packs wot I bought. Then got carried away and bought some smoked haddock and ice lollies as well, now the bag was getting heavy.

On the way back to the bus stop to get home to me hovel, I called in the Iceland shop to see if they had and Warburtons wholemeal thins. They had, so I bought a pack… and some more iced lollies and cooked ham on offer… the money I spent… I daren’t take missen anywhere!

Then it really was a struggle to carry it all back to the bus-stop.

Dropped off in Carrington, just avoiding a passing Mobility Scooter in which the driver was supping from a can of lager!

Managed to get back to the flea-pit, and put the nosh away, definitely no room left in the freezer now!

Realised I’d left the water heater on, so a bit more money lost there.

Has some microwave sausage sandwiches with BBQ sauce, Marmite crisps followed by three ice lollies and a doughnut.

Bet I suffer later for that!

Inchcock Diary 01

Friday 29th August 2014

Late night for me last night – didn’t wake up until 0630hrs, feeling groggy and shaky.

Had a good rinse, dried off and sprayed my manlyless flabby body with Fly-spray by mistake for Antiperspirant.

This is not the first time that I have done something like this… proof I suppose, that an Inchock never learns!

More worry followed: The laptop took a good 12 minutes to load from booting… oh dear; soon I may disappear from the ether I fear.

Angina bad today, bad as it’s ever been really.

This totally knocks me concentration off course, and I decided it was best not to go out today. Then I changed me mind.

I had a walk/limp into Sherwood and took some stuff to the Nottingham Hospice charity shop.

Called in Wilko and got a 4litre weedkiller. How I was stupid enough to buy it then, knowing I’d have to carry it around with me on me walk I don’t know – but I regretted it later.

Caught the bus into town. Then caught but out to Lidl on Ilkeston Road, to see if they had any of the onions in that me Sister Jane wanted, and Lidl in Carrington had ran out of. But no.

Foolishly, I decided to walk all the way home. (Brave Fool!)

Got to where the Aldi shop was, and called in to see if they had the onions in. No.

I noticed how many folk walk along the centre of the roads nowadays, and cyclist ride on the pavements?

Hobbled on (Feet and knees bad now – Tut!) and called in Asian supermarket for a look around. Got some bits, just to add to the weight I was already struggling to carry in me bags like. (Twit!)

Last stretch into Carrington was agony – everything seemed to start then. Angina off again, knees and feet painful, piles performing, stomach ulcer even joined in giving me gip then. (Tsk!)

Got in and collapsed metaphorically speaking.

Saturday 30^th August 2014

Up at 0500hrs – knackered and in pain again.

Had to sort out me Inch that had been bleeding in the night.

Not happy at all, depression crept in a bit. (Tut)

Did nowt but feel sorry fer missen, getting me blogs ready, reading me book, watching DVD, and visiting the WC.

Sunday 31^st August 2014

Hell of a job to get up this morning, the back wasn’t too interested in letting me. Had to sort bleeding out agen. (Tsk!)

Feeling so low once more.

Managed to get up, and realised then that I’d missed me evening medications when I found the full pot… what a clot! (The poetry comes free folks – hehehe)

By the time I’d got the laptop going, a cuppa and me porridge ready, the angina returned and was giving me some gip too. I even had a dizzy spell, but that might be due to me missing last night’s meds?

Struggling to get me posts formulated, making silly errors, hope I can spot em before posting.

Tired today.

* Sorry this ain’t as funny as usual folks, when I feel a bit better, I’ll be back to form. TTFN

My mate big John rang, to see if I wanted to go to the Steaming display at Wollaton today. “Yes please” I responded. “Be ready for one o’clock he says.

BJ and his better half picked me up at 1400hrs, and off we drove to the Steaming Fair.

It were grand there, I really enjoyed it speaking to real people with a similar interest in steam and old transport.

Bought a book of old trolleybus’s while I was there, I love em.

They ran me back to the hovel, I thanked them and reminded BJ to bring his memory stick to the launderette Tuesday, so I could put piccies onto it. Off they went.

Gloom returned.

Inchcock Today: Birthday Boy 28th August 2014

**Hanging onto the chair this time to stop himself tumbling over**

Thursday 29th August 2014

Last evening, sister Jane rang me up to see if I was going to take a couple of buses and visit her today.

Odd thought I. It was then she asked me if I’d forgotten it was me birthday. I told her “Of course not Jane… cough cough…”

It seemed that I kept springing awake every half hour throughout the night, remembering I’d had a horrible dream each time I’d nodded off.

I had wanted to awake in time to listen on Radio4 extra’s programme ‘Hat’s Off’ Series 2 Episode 1 of 4 Maureen Lipman compiles and reinterprets monologues, letters and songs originally written and performed by Joyce Grenfell.

But no. Around 0350hrs I drifted off and slept until 0620hrs and missed it. Tsk and bother!

I peeped out of the bedroom window, raining/drizzle, and a mob of about 11 yob’s walking down the centre of the street. Luckily they kept walking. Early morning muggers, or late drinkers perhaps?

By 0650hrs, I was on the laptop and drinkin’ a cup of me newly purchased English Tea. (Not as good as I thought though, not very strong but they’ll do.)

Had a go on wordpress and facebook for a bit, then went up to do me ablutions and readying missen for me trip to see Jane and Pete.

I noticed that Google had put some cakes on their browser, with the words ‘Happy Birthday Gerald’ on em. This stirred my foggy mind, and I had a peep which other famous (Cough cough) folk had been born in August like wot I was: Hermann Göring (same day), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rudolph Hess, David Bowie, Napoleon Bonaparte, Obersturmbannführer August Becker, Robert De Niro, Davy Crockett, Friedrich Schumann (Killed six people and executed), Deng Xiaoping, Evander Law (Confederate General) and Nikolai Dzhumagaliev Kazakh (Who killed and ate 8 women. Judged insane). Oh, and Shaun Connery.

It’s a shame for em that they couldn’t have been a little more successful like wot I am really.

Must remember to phone Jane before I set out, to see if me timing for the visit is okay with her.

Went on Facebook and got many birthday wishes that I appreciated, and Andy from the USA emailed me greetings. Course I’m still sat here on me own on the laptop. Depressed me, no not so bad really?

Got missen ready then I called Jane, it was arranged I’d get there (at their mansion) for about 1200hrs.

But, the best laid plans and all that…

**A cracker of a card from Jane and Pete**

Last job before leaving was to put me hearing aids in, but the tubes were missing. It was then I remembered I’d taken em out to soak em like, but could I find them? No!

**He’s alright now, took his midday tablets. Still hanging on this time to the worktop to stop himself going over, bless him!**

The postman called while I was searching, no cards in the mail, but then again there hasn’t been any for donkeys years now, no bother, no sweat. Mind you, the one I collected from JAne and Pete was a cracker!

Aha… found the tubes… where you ask (or should have). In the washing up bowl under the pots of course. No idea why. Took em out and gave em a good rinse, fitted em and I was off out.

Caught bus to town, then second bus out to West Bridgford.

The rain trickled down as I walked to their house.

We had a natter about nothing, but it was interesting. Pete showed me how his mobile phone can take wide shots. So I asked him to take a couple with me at the end, which he did.

**Onion’s Jane wanted – Lidl fail again**

The Feature Pic at the top of this page was taken by Pete, and doctored by Inchy… oh, that’s me!

Jane asked me if I would try to get her some onions in oil like wot I got her last month – this meant a visit to Lidl on the way home for me.

I managed to smile through the depression and pain for Pete to take a photo. Might be worth something in a few years when I’m dead and become famous yer know… or not.

A cuppa another natter, and I hobbled off on me walk to town to catch the bus back to the flea bitten hovel. (Thank heavens for the pensioners free bus pass!)

The walk to town took about 40 minutes, and me feet ached something chronic – then the rain started. Then the angina played up. Then me knees played up.

I had a walk (limp really) around town a bit, managing to avoid the multitudinous disability scooters, big issue sellers, cyclists on the pavement and Jehovah witnesses.

The rain really started pouring for a few minutes as I was crossing the road to catch the bus back.

I dropped off early, and nipped into Lidl, but they had not got any in what Jane wanted. Phoned Jane to inform her. I’ll have a walk to another Lidl tomorrow to see if they have any in for her.

**Inchcock managed a smile through his pain**

Yobs lurking as I got home, but no hassle as yet.

I’m going to have a veg and meat pastie, instant mash with cheese, garden peas followed by yogurt and an orange sucker… and they say I’m not refined eh? I bet the Queen isn’t gonna eat any better than me tonight… maybe. Mind you, she’ll be cooking it or washing up afterwards will she? God bless her cotton socks.

Health-wise it has not been a good day, otherwise okay. Can’t have it all ways can we.

Tut!

Inchcock’s True Tales of Woe: Part25 Twenty feet below Prince Charles in hospital

Twenty feet below Prince Charles, in the QMC Hospital, Nottingham

I was, lying in a bed in the busy Ward E19 in the Queens Medical Centre, just after having had surgery, to repair a hernia, and treat prostate cancer. I was listening to the radio.

Tubes were extruding from various regions of body.

Particularly cumbersome was the drainage tube from my ‘Inch’, which at that time the bruising had swelled to such a degree I would have been happy to put up with if only it would have stayed that size.

For the life of me I can’t understand how they managed to get a camera and lazer down their!

Prince Charles, who had the Ward above to himself, with two nurses and a Sister in attendance 24 hours a day – with me 20 feet below in Ward E19, who couldn’t get a bed pan! Bothered, jealous… me?

On the floor directly above the ward, was the ward where that Prince Charles had to himself, and two nurses, and a Sister in attendance 24 hours a day, to have his tennis elbow looked at.

I was lying in extreme physical stress below, pressing the button for twenty minutes to get a bedpan! Then stuggle down the ward with me attachments hanging, to find that that WC was occupied! More later on that one.

The talk of the ward was the imminent arrival of Princess Diana to visit Prince Charles.

As I lay painfully awaiting another bedpan, the staff and patients were more interested in seeing ‘Lady Di’.

A student nurse arrived at my bedside and nervously informed me she had come to remove one of the drainage tubes, the tube from my little used, lesser endowed lonely lower regions.

She set about trying to release the valve to drain the air from it, she was so nervous (not her fault) the more she shook the pain increased – I was about to say something about this, when a great whoops and shouts of “Look it’s LadyPrincess Die” came from those who were looking out of the window down to the ground level outside, and there was a massive surge of staff and mobile patients to the East windows – indeed I feared the building might topple!

**Inchcock – Worried, embarrassed or what?**

Unfortunately, and unforgettably my student nurse was amongst those Royalists so keen to see her, and as she ran to the window to join the others, she took the tube with her, leaving me in great pain, and covered in blood and urine!

Afterwards, when she realised what she’d done, the poor thing burst into tears, and begged to be forgiven. Some ‘fully trained’ nurses appeared, and sent for a doctor, who arranged for me to have some X-rays, and I was transported to the radiology department, where I spent a good two hours in a draughty corridor waiting to be seen to.

When I was eventually returned to the ward, I’d missed the meal, and still wanted to use the bedpan!

I climbed into the bed, the nurse reminding me drink plenty of water all the time to get my bladder working.

I got my book out to read, by the time I’d read a chapter, I felt a warm wet sensation appeared between my legs. A quick peep, and the blood all over me and the bed, I pressed me red button, and eventually someone arrived – and boy did I get a rollicking off of ‘em for making a mess.

They grumpily cleaned up the bed and me, and almost threw me back into the newly cleaned bed.

After a few beakers of water were imbibed, I felt the need for the WC – I hobbled painfully trying to stop any leaks, to the WC, it took ages. Unfortunately it was occupied.

I limped walking painfully cross legged to the one at the other end of the ward… it was torture really. As I got in front of the bowl, boy did me bladder release its contents. It was like a fire hose, painfully belting out and hitting the wall behind the WC, and rebounding back at me, covering me in blood, and leaving an outline of my body on the wall behind me!

Embarrassed, oh so embarrassed, I tried to clean some of it up with toilet paper, both rolls were used up in minutes.

By then, they had missed me cause it was time for me medications, and a nurse opened the door and said: “Are you in there Mr … oh good heavens!

I was again cleaned up, and lodged beck into the bed.

I thought the rollicking I got last time was fierce, but this one made me cringe.

I remember thinking at the time:

“I do so hope that Prince Charles’s tennis elbow was getting better, and he enjoyed his wife’s visit!”