Thursday 29th August 2014

Last evening, sister Jane rang me up to see if I was going to take a couple of buses and visit her today.

Odd thought I. It was then she asked me if I’d forgotten it was me birthday. I told her “Of course not Jane… cough cough…”

It seemed that I kept springing awake every half hour throughout the night, remembering I’d had a horrible dream each time I’d nodded off.

I had wanted to awake in time to listen on Radio4 extra’s programme ‘Hat’s Off’ Series 2 Episode 1 of 4 Maureen Lipman compiles and reinterprets monologues, letters and songs originally written and performed by Joyce Grenfell.

But no. Around 0350hrs I drifted off and slept until 0620hrs and missed it. Tsk and bother!

I peeped out of the bedroom window, raining/drizzle, and a mob of about 11 yob’s walking down the centre of the street. Luckily they kept walking. Early morning muggers, or late drinkers perhaps?

By 0650hrs, I was on the laptop and drinkin’ a cup of me newly purchased English Tea. (Not as good as I thought though, not very strong but they’ll do.)

Had a go on wordpress and facebook for a bit, then went up to do me ablutions and readying missen for me trip to see Jane and Pete.

I noticed that Google had put some cakes on their browser, with the words ‘Happy Birthday Gerald’ on em. This stirred my foggy mind, and I had a peep which other famous (Cough cough) folk had been born in August like wot I was: Hermann Göring (same day), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rudolph Hess, David Bowie, Napoleon Bonaparte, Obersturmbannführer August Becker,  Robert De Niro, Davy Crockett, Friedrich Schumann (Killed six people and executed), Deng Xiaoping, Evander Law (Confederate General) and Nikolai Dzhumagaliev Kazakh (Who killed and ate 8 women. Judged insane). Oh, and Shaun Connery.

It’s a shame for em that they couldn’t have been a little more successful like wot I am really.

Must remember to phone Jane before I set out, to see if me timing for the visit is okay with her.

Went on Facebook and got many birthday wishes that I appreciated, and Andy from the USA emailed me greetings. Course I’m still sat here on me own on the laptop. Depressed me, no not so bad really?

Got missen ready then I called Jane, it was arranged I’d get there (at their mansion) for about 1200hrs.

But, the best laid plans and all that…

Last job before leaving was to put me hearing aids in, but the tubes were missing. It was then I remembered I’d taken em out to soak em like, but could I find them? No!

The postman called while I was searching, no cards in the mail, but then again there hasn’t been any for donkeys years now, no bother, no sweat. Mind you, the one I collected from JAne and Pete was a cracker!

Aha… found the tubes… where you ask (or should have). In the washing up bowl under the pots of course. No idea why. Took em out and gave em a good rinse, fitted em and I was off out.

Caught bus to town, then second bus out to West Bridgford.

The rain trickled down as I walked to their house.

We had a natter about nothing, but it was interesting. Pete showed me how his mobile phone can take wide shots. So I asked him to take a couple with me at the end, which he did.

The Feature Pic at the top of this page was taken by Pete, and doctored by Inchy… oh, that’s me!

Jane asked me if I would try to get her some onions in oil like wot I got her last month – this meant a visit to Lidl on the way home for me.

I managed to smile through the depression and pain for Pete to take a photo. Might be worth something in a few years when I’m dead and become famous yer know… or not.

A cuppa another natter, and I hobbled off on me walk to town to catch the bus back to the flea bitten hovel. (Thank heavens for the pensioners free bus pass!)

The walk to town took about 40 minutes, and me feet ached something chronic – then the rain started. Then the angina played up. Then me knees played up.

I had a walk (limp really) around town a bit, managing to avoid the multitudinous disability scooters, big issue sellers, cyclists on the pavement and Jehovah witnesses.

The rain really started pouring for a few minutes as I was crossing the road to catch the bus back.

 I dropped off early, and nipped into Lidl, but they had not got any in what Jane wanted. Phoned Jane to inform her. I’ll have a walk to another Lidl tomorrow to see if they have any in for her.

Yobs lurking as I got home, but no hassle as yet.

I’m going to have a veg and meat pastie, instant mash with cheese, garden peas followed by yogurt and an orange sucker… and they say I’m not refined eh? I bet the Queen isn’t gonna eat any better than me tonight… maybe. Mind you, she’ll be cooking it or washing up afterwards will she? God bless her cotton socks.

Health-wise it has not been a good day, otherwise okay. Can’t have it all ways can we.

Tut!